It's official that I am close to losing my mind. Two escrows going on at one time, both with various issues and fires that need to be put out. One sick toddler. One moody grade schooler. Details and coordinations coming out my wazoo. My wazoo is tired.
It's also official that in my next life if I enter the home buying process, I'm coming back as my husband who has not had to do one iota of the details to get this to happen. Not including of course the most important thing which is bringing home the bacon. I get it. But let me marinate in my bitterness.
He can't even make it for signing the loan docs I mean COME ON! It's not that he doesn't care or maybe he really doesn't care but not in a bad way. In the way of "I'm working 80 hours with my own problems that you don't have to solve so please take care of the home decisions that are WAY more important to you than they are to me." Still. And last night he really stepped in it and started laughing at my very first status report making me feel like I was a naïve, gullible idiot who just fell for the biggest trick in the book. I cut this man a lot of slack sometimes and we use a lot of humor to diffuse situations but he just made me mad, damn mad. And when I heard his voice this morning when I. was talking to him on the phone on her way to school, I was still mad. Come to think of it, I'm mad now and he hasn't even called for the night. I feel alone in this overwhelming process and as of last night, I feel like my partner thinks I'm falling for every scheme in the book. The sad thing was I was going to tell him all the deals I got thanks to much research and conniving.
We'll see what happens tonight.
Showing posts with label aggravation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aggravation. Show all posts
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Really Aggravated
We heard from the other agent that he sent our revised offer and letter but that the client would be in meetings until 3pm. The appraiser came at 9am for our place and let us know in no uncertain terms that the most recent 3 bedroom comp in our complex aka the fire sale was going to hurt our appraisal. These jerk offs listed it for $365K and sold it for the same in one day. No big surprise since the 2 bedrooms in our complex are going for $385K. What an asshole. So now we will have to wait until at least Friday to find out if we're going to be in trouble with selling this place.
Our agent called at 4:15 and said she needed me to resign our offer immediately because she had had us sign in the wrong place but that the other agent said they were signing tonight and that it was basically a done deal. Well, it's now 8:15 and we haven't heard anything and to be honest, I am really aggravated. It just seems like this whole process has been nothing if not difficult and I'm over it. Either sign or don't sign but the deadline was noon and this is just stupid. Plus about an hour ago, I realized that I didn't notice if this place had AC. Redfin website says it does but our agent thinks it didn't which aggravates me because that's $2,500 right off the bat.
On top of it, the DVR was acting up so I turned off the tv and turned it back on to see if that would fix it and now it just has white static showing up. I tried everything I knew to fix it to no avail and V. is not responding to my text message even though it's after 11pm in DC. By the time he calls me, he'll be of no use since he'll probably have had many drinks with his boss/co workers. Being that he's out of town for the next 2 weeks, I've got to get this working.
On the plus side, I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tomorrow evening but even that may be in jeopardy.
I'd just like one thing in my life to go simply and smoothly, is that really too much to ask?
Our agent called at 4:15 and said she needed me to resign our offer immediately because she had had us sign in the wrong place but that the other agent said they were signing tonight and that it was basically a done deal. Well, it's now 8:15 and we haven't heard anything and to be honest, I am really aggravated. It just seems like this whole process has been nothing if not difficult and I'm over it. Either sign or don't sign but the deadline was noon and this is just stupid. Plus about an hour ago, I realized that I didn't notice if this place had AC. Redfin website says it does but our agent thinks it didn't which aggravates me because that's $2,500 right off the bat.
On top of it, the DVR was acting up so I turned off the tv and turned it back on to see if that would fix it and now it just has white static showing up. I tried everything I knew to fix it to no avail and V. is not responding to my text message even though it's after 11pm in DC. By the time he calls me, he'll be of no use since he'll probably have had many drinks with his boss/co workers. Being that he's out of town for the next 2 weeks, I've got to get this working.
On the plus side, I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tomorrow evening but even that may be in jeopardy.
I'd just like one thing in my life to go simply and smoothly, is that really too much to ask?
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Days 67-71
Can't believe it's the last week of summer vacation for I. It really has been a great summer and when I think of her going back to school, my eyes tear up. But that's a good thing.
Last Friday, day 67, was a normal get things done kind of day. All week our realtor has been going back and forth with some people and we finally agreed to their counter to our counter and I signed the contract that night to open escrow on Monday. Pretty exciting.
Saturday I went for a vigorous hike at the lake while D. was sleeping and then instead of heading to the gym, I surprised my brother by showing up for a few hours at a karate tournament being held in San Diego. We'll leave the conniving girlfriend out of this story for sake of time and say that it turned out fine after some annoying moments and he and I finally have a lunch together on our calendars to look forward to. Big hugs and a kiss and good feelings between us when I left and that is what is important. At the nighttime event, the girlfriend pissed off my mom big time and my dad too so we've got to somehow get her out of here. That being said, this is the first girlfriend of his (and he's had many) that we do not like. All the others became part of the family.
Sunday, I surprised I. with going ice skating just the two of us. During the school year she had a field trip to the rink and really liked it so had been asking about it for awhile. I was kind of concerned for myself since I hadn't ice skated in 30 years or so. Gosh that makes me sound older than dirt and I certainly don't feel like that! It appears to be like riding a bike and I didn't fall and even was able to maintain my balance while keeping I. upright which was difficult most of the time. She had a good time and even though my foot felt like it had a bone bruise most of the time, I enjoyed her enjoying our time.
Saturday night our realtor said that the people who were buying our home wanting to come and see it again on Sunday so we of course said sure but I had a bad feeling about it. So bad that on Monday morning, I texted our agent to verify that we were going into escrow that morning. Come to find out, now the buyers weren't sure if the layout would work for their young children and ultimately they pulled out. I was so pissed off since my understanding is that you make up your mind BEFORE you sign a contract, not after. On Friday I had spent time on the phone with our lender working out details and getting him more info in preparation for going out and making offers. But no, back to the drawing board we go. On a good note, we all went to swim class together (the last one for all 3 of us) and I.'s orthodontic consultation went well with us being told she wouldn't need to worry about anything until she's 12 or so. Even then, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a huge thing so that is great.
Today we finally had Melissa's birthday brunch and it went fantastic. My parents came over and picked up I. for a few days by herself with them so that they can do things that they can't do when D. is over there, ie. LEGOLAND and a movie. So D. and I were on our own this afternoon. We went grocery shopping where he had a piece of cheddar cheese, was offered a banana from the fruit guy and then conned his way into a slice of avocado. Pretty awesome trip for him! Then we came home for a late rest and then since I didn't need to get him in bed until 5:45, when I got him up we went over to the lake for a bike ride - over 5 miles in about 35 minutes. Not bad. It's amazing how simple it is to get one kid in the bath and bed. Like a cake walk!
Trying to figure out some different activities we might do tomorrow since I don't know how his sleep schedule is going to go. When I. is here, once he wakes up in the morning, he stays up because she's up and turning on the light. However, without her, he may fall back to sleep. I plan on getting up 30 minutes earlier to see if I can catch him before he falls back asleep because then our day won't be broken in half by a long nap. I'm not sure it will work, thus the multiple activities that I can mix and match. Regardless, it should be a good day.
Last Friday, day 67, was a normal get things done kind of day. All week our realtor has been going back and forth with some people and we finally agreed to their counter to our counter and I signed the contract that night to open escrow on Monday. Pretty exciting.
Saturday I went for a vigorous hike at the lake while D. was sleeping and then instead of heading to the gym, I surprised my brother by showing up for a few hours at a karate tournament being held in San Diego. We'll leave the conniving girlfriend out of this story for sake of time and say that it turned out fine after some annoying moments and he and I finally have a lunch together on our calendars to look forward to. Big hugs and a kiss and good feelings between us when I left and that is what is important. At the nighttime event, the girlfriend pissed off my mom big time and my dad too so we've got to somehow get her out of here. That being said, this is the first girlfriend of his (and he's had many) that we do not like. All the others became part of the family.
Sunday, I surprised I. with going ice skating just the two of us. During the school year she had a field trip to the rink and really liked it so had been asking about it for awhile. I was kind of concerned for myself since I hadn't ice skated in 30 years or so. Gosh that makes me sound older than dirt and I certainly don't feel like that! It appears to be like riding a bike and I didn't fall and even was able to maintain my balance while keeping I. upright which was difficult most of the time. She had a good time and even though my foot felt like it had a bone bruise most of the time, I enjoyed her enjoying our time.
Saturday night our realtor said that the people who were buying our home wanting to come and see it again on Sunday so we of course said sure but I had a bad feeling about it. So bad that on Monday morning, I texted our agent to verify that we were going into escrow that morning. Come to find out, now the buyers weren't sure if the layout would work for their young children and ultimately they pulled out. I was so pissed off since my understanding is that you make up your mind BEFORE you sign a contract, not after. On Friday I had spent time on the phone with our lender working out details and getting him more info in preparation for going out and making offers. But no, back to the drawing board we go. On a good note, we all went to swim class together (the last one for all 3 of us) and I.'s orthodontic consultation went well with us being told she wouldn't need to worry about anything until she's 12 or so. Even then, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a huge thing so that is great.
Today we finally had Melissa's birthday brunch and it went fantastic. My parents came over and picked up I. for a few days by herself with them so that they can do things that they can't do when D. is over there, ie. LEGOLAND and a movie. So D. and I were on our own this afternoon. We went grocery shopping where he had a piece of cheddar cheese, was offered a banana from the fruit guy and then conned his way into a slice of avocado. Pretty awesome trip for him! Then we came home for a late rest and then since I didn't need to get him in bed until 5:45, when I got him up we went over to the lake for a bike ride - over 5 miles in about 35 minutes. Not bad. It's amazing how simple it is to get one kid in the bath and bed. Like a cake walk!
Trying to figure out some different activities we might do tomorrow since I don't know how his sleep schedule is going to go. When I. is here, once he wakes up in the morning, he stays up because she's up and turning on the light. However, without her, he may fall back to sleep. I plan on getting up 30 minutes earlier to see if I can catch him before he falls back asleep because then our day won't be broken in half by a long nap. I'm not sure it will work, thus the multiple activities that I can mix and match. Regardless, it should be a good day.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Drama Warm Up
Oh my gosh, I don't know that I am going to make it through this day. Seriously. I've got to hurry and get this crap out of my brain before we hit the road to my parents' or I am liable to explode.
Got a phone call from my mom which was expected since they always call and tell us to come later than they thought. What's aggravating off the bat though is that she leaves a voicemail telling me to call her instead of just telling me the new time or better yet, send me a text with the new time. The reason she wants me to call is that she wants to spend 10 minutes telling me why we have to come later, all the gory details that I don't care to know and then explain how much more and what it is she has left to do. It's stupid.
So I grit my teeth as she did indeed launch into "how many more bad things can happen to us". I had just enough patience to deal with that as I moved through the grocery aisles to pick a few things up. However, when I said something about putting the kiddos to bed by 6pm, she gets this whiny, wheedling tone and says, "Oh can't I. stay up and see the fireworks? Sienna (Aaron's girlfriend's daughter who is the same age) is going to get to stay up and watch them." I laughed and answered, "And she probably wasn't up at 4:30 this morning and probably will sleep in until 9:00 tomorrow." She wouldn't let up and said, "Oh that's just so sad and that's going to make I. feel bad. Why can't you make an exception this one time?" Okay, so now I'm mad because I've tried to be nice and now she's attempting to make me feel like I'm the mean mom and I should feel bad or guilty about this. So I told her that if I. was going to bed normally at 7:30 or something like that, I'd consider making the exception but that keeping her up for almost 5 hours past her bedtime was ridiculous and that she would be absolutely miserable the whole time plus the entire next day at the very least. Plus, I could just count on her getting sick with a cold and then D. would get it because that is how it has worked for the past 7 years.
I know both my parents will give me some sad hangdog look when I say it's time to go to bed and I fully expect my dad to make a comment as well. Because that's how it's always been - if they think they know best then they will keep making comments as a team and expect you to just take it silently or finally acquiesce and do what they want. That's what I usually did as a kid just to keep the peace and get them to let up on me. I'm not willing to do that and frankly, I'm tired of being poked between the bars and then getting called "nasty" when I actually react to the jabs.
And honestly, I really don't give a flying fuck what Aaron's girlfriend allows her daughter to do. She also has the kid spend the night on the couch and they go sleep together in the adjoining bedroom. Is that a good idea? Should I look to her for parenting advice and direction? So bite me.
We haven't even gotten there and already there's this.
Got a phone call from my mom which was expected since they always call and tell us to come later than they thought. What's aggravating off the bat though is that she leaves a voicemail telling me to call her instead of just telling me the new time or better yet, send me a text with the new time. The reason she wants me to call is that she wants to spend 10 minutes telling me why we have to come later, all the gory details that I don't care to know and then explain how much more and what it is she has left to do. It's stupid.
So I grit my teeth as she did indeed launch into "how many more bad things can happen to us". I had just enough patience to deal with that as I moved through the grocery aisles to pick a few things up. However, when I said something about putting the kiddos to bed by 6pm, she gets this whiny, wheedling tone and says, "Oh can't I. stay up and see the fireworks? Sienna (Aaron's girlfriend's daughter who is the same age) is going to get to stay up and watch them." I laughed and answered, "And she probably wasn't up at 4:30 this morning and probably will sleep in until 9:00 tomorrow." She wouldn't let up and said, "Oh that's just so sad and that's going to make I. feel bad. Why can't you make an exception this one time?" Okay, so now I'm mad because I've tried to be nice and now she's attempting to make me feel like I'm the mean mom and I should feel bad or guilty about this. So I told her that if I. was going to bed normally at 7:30 or something like that, I'd consider making the exception but that keeping her up for almost 5 hours past her bedtime was ridiculous and that she would be absolutely miserable the whole time plus the entire next day at the very least. Plus, I could just count on her getting sick with a cold and then D. would get it because that is how it has worked for the past 7 years.
I know both my parents will give me some sad hangdog look when I say it's time to go to bed and I fully expect my dad to make a comment as well. Because that's how it's always been - if they think they know best then they will keep making comments as a team and expect you to just take it silently or finally acquiesce and do what they want. That's what I usually did as a kid just to keep the peace and get them to let up on me. I'm not willing to do that and frankly, I'm tired of being poked between the bars and then getting called "nasty" when I actually react to the jabs.
And honestly, I really don't give a flying fuck what Aaron's girlfriend allows her daughter to do. She also has the kid spend the night on the couch and they go sleep together in the adjoining bedroom. Is that a good idea? Should I look to her for parenting advice and direction? So bite me.
We haven't even gotten there and already there's this.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Days 8-10 & 11
So much for posting every day. It's hard to believe that tomorrow will be Friday. The week passed by so quickly. I. was at summer camp at her school Monday - Wednesday and the flooring installers were here off and on throughout that time. Both things made the week go quickly. I was really conflicted about I. being at summer camp. With her being at my parents' last week, I just was really missing her and feeling like I wasn't getting to spend time with her during the summer so far.
Today she and I got some things done around the house while D. took his morning nap, played a little and did some math for fun. Once he got up it was off to the Fair to meet my parents. What a madhouse. The traffic, rude people, mishandled orders, and just the crowds chipped away at my patience. There were intermittent moments when I truly enjoyed myself and lost myself in the moment like when D. and I were on a ride together or when D. and I. enjoyed their first ride together EVER. We ran into my friend Melissa and some of her family (we knew each other was there but it was pretty wild that we ran literally right into each other) and that was nice for my parents to finally meet her. But then....her mom asked my mom if they lived near us or if they were visiting and when my mom said they lived in Carlsbad, Melissa's mom replied that that was pretty close by. That when my mom just couldn't help interjecting, "Well we wished she lived closer."
My teeth went on edge and I looked at Melissa whose eyes darted over to me and we both bugged them out at each other because we had already talked about this topic and it was like, "Oh here she goes!" So she jumped in with how her mom and her do lots of things together and my mom said, "Oh well you must live really close to each other." to which Melissa responded, "No not really, about 30 minutes away. She lives in Tierrasanta and I live in Escondido. And I used to live in Scripps Ranch until I moved to Escondido." That kind of took the wind out of my mom's sails and she dropped it but I was aggravated. Now the time I spend with them, I'm on guard waiting for the unavoidable poke to come. I have to talk to them before 4th of July because honestly, I can't go through another family gathering on guard. It's making me irritable and stressed on top of just the stress of moving etc. There just wasn't an opportunity this week to address it but I'll have to make sure there is one next week.
Tomorrow I'm planning on hitting the beach with the kiddos for a couple of hours to enjoy the cooler coastal temps and warm ocean. I do want to make sure that D. gets down for an afternoon rest because he didn't get one today and won't get one on Saturday due to Caroline's birthday party.
V. was able to get a decent flight home tomorrow, should be home around 5. He's been gone all week so I'm happy about that.
Today she and I got some things done around the house while D. took his morning nap, played a little and did some math for fun. Once he got up it was off to the Fair to meet my parents. What a madhouse. The traffic, rude people, mishandled orders, and just the crowds chipped away at my patience. There were intermittent moments when I truly enjoyed myself and lost myself in the moment like when D. and I were on a ride together or when D. and I. enjoyed their first ride together EVER. We ran into my friend Melissa and some of her family (we knew each other was there but it was pretty wild that we ran literally right into each other) and that was nice for my parents to finally meet her. But then....her mom asked my mom if they lived near us or if they were visiting and when my mom said they lived in Carlsbad, Melissa's mom replied that that was pretty close by. That when my mom just couldn't help interjecting, "Well we wished she lived closer."
My teeth went on edge and I looked at Melissa whose eyes darted over to me and we both bugged them out at each other because we had already talked about this topic and it was like, "Oh here she goes!" So she jumped in with how her mom and her do lots of things together and my mom said, "Oh well you must live really close to each other." to which Melissa responded, "No not really, about 30 minutes away. She lives in Tierrasanta and I live in Escondido. And I used to live in Scripps Ranch until I moved to Escondido." That kind of took the wind out of my mom's sails and she dropped it but I was aggravated. Now the time I spend with them, I'm on guard waiting for the unavoidable poke to come. I have to talk to them before 4th of July because honestly, I can't go through another family gathering on guard. It's making me irritable and stressed on top of just the stress of moving etc. There just wasn't an opportunity this week to address it but I'll have to make sure there is one next week.
Tomorrow I'm planning on hitting the beach with the kiddos for a couple of hours to enjoy the cooler coastal temps and warm ocean. I do want to make sure that D. gets down for an afternoon rest because he didn't get one today and won't get one on Saturday due to Caroline's birthday party.
V. was able to get a decent flight home tomorrow, should be home around 5. He's been gone all week so I'm happy about that.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Day 5
Sleep, aggravation, and productivity. These are the words to describe today.
Got 9 hours of sleep though I woke up many, many times with aches and pains. Still it was great to wake up without an alarm and without the feeling that I should be up and doing something for my family members. Being completely alone provides a freedom like nothing else can provide.
Aggravation came in the form of the flooring being uncompleted today and that it will continue on into next week. However the real aggravation arose from a baseboard issue where the installers were under the impression that it was completely fine for the left half of a room to have 4" baseboards and the other half of the room to have standard 1" baseboards. Why they ever thought that would be okay is beyond me. But it's turning into a disagreement of sorts. On top of that, I noticed that you can see the nail holes on the baseboards. I'm not normally a difficult person but if I'm paying $3500+ for a professional job, I'll be damned if I'm going to be on my hands and knees patching a million nail holes and painting them. I've got enough damn things on my own list - AND I DON'T GET PAID FOR DOING THEM. So bite me, that's all I've got to say.
Productivity - I got many small errands done that take about 10 minutes of time to handle but by the time I've gotten the stroller out, D. strapped in, and then try to simultaneously entertain him and give sufficient attention to getting the errand done, it not only takes longer than 10 minutes, it takes a lot of my physical and mental energy. It's a grand balancing act.
Picked up the kiddos this afternoon and while it was a bedtime filled with some crying and tantrums due to one overly tired kid and one kid on an alternative sleep schedule thanks to grandparents, when I went in to their room after they fell asleep it was heartwarming to see them sleeping. I miss being able to see them sleep - the sight hits my reset button, tugs on my heart strings, and makes me feel as though all is good and well and as it should be.
Got 9 hours of sleep though I woke up many, many times with aches and pains. Still it was great to wake up without an alarm and without the feeling that I should be up and doing something for my family members. Being completely alone provides a freedom like nothing else can provide.
Aggravation came in the form of the flooring being uncompleted today and that it will continue on into next week. However the real aggravation arose from a baseboard issue where the installers were under the impression that it was completely fine for the left half of a room to have 4" baseboards and the other half of the room to have standard 1" baseboards. Why they ever thought that would be okay is beyond me. But it's turning into a disagreement of sorts. On top of that, I noticed that you can see the nail holes on the baseboards. I'm not normally a difficult person but if I'm paying $3500+ for a professional job, I'll be damned if I'm going to be on my hands and knees patching a million nail holes and painting them. I've got enough damn things on my own list - AND I DON'T GET PAID FOR DOING THEM. So bite me, that's all I've got to say.
Productivity - I got many small errands done that take about 10 minutes of time to handle but by the time I've gotten the stroller out, D. strapped in, and then try to simultaneously entertain him and give sufficient attention to getting the errand done, it not only takes longer than 10 minutes, it takes a lot of my physical and mental energy. It's a grand balancing act.
Picked up the kiddos this afternoon and while it was a bedtime filled with some crying and tantrums due to one overly tired kid and one kid on an alternative sleep schedule thanks to grandparents, when I went in to their room after they fell asleep it was heartwarming to see them sleeping. I miss being able to see them sleep - the sight hits my reset button, tugs on my heart strings, and makes me feel as though all is good and well and as it should be.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Dichotomy + Anger
It's been a long week, a lot going on. V. left on Sunday morning in the wee hours and just got back tonight. It feels like it should be Friday.
The dichotomy part is that there are some really good parts, funny, memorable times in the day followed by some really frustrating, chaotic times. For some reason I find it hard to process a day where I feel "high" but some really simple, quiet peaceful time of day and then later encounter a tumultuous, exhausting, out of control time of day. It's almost as though the emotional swing of events is more tiring than the actual events themselves.
Take for instance today. Enjoyed a Costco trip solely on the fact that D. enjoyed all the samples even though they were spicy and then we ate lunch together at home. Quiet, relaxed, one on one time. Then bedtime came round with me and both the kids and it was like game on. Chaos, I. crying, D. biting - I think I need to read Dante's Inferno to gain perspective at this point. I think once D. gets older, it will get easier but for now, it's insanity.
This week was also hard because V. was at a conference instead of just working away from home. Conferences mean work during the day and play at night, I remember. The play part is not the problem, it's just that it meant that I didn't get to talk to V. pretty much until the third night he was gone. By that point, a lot had happened and because I didn't talk about it with him, I was wrapped around in my head. Even tonight when he got home, I just felt quiet and depressed. This is in direct contrast to how I felt this morning when I found out that the company trip to New York for V. beating his goals does NOT fall on our vacation. The day after we get back from our vacation but I can make that work.
I think the pivotal thing coloring my mental and emotional thinking is my conversation with my mother yesterday. Her update on my sister and what she (my sister) thinks she is going to do when she gets out of jail angered me. I don't want to get into details but she continues to try to manipulate my parents and dictate what she is going to do when she gets out. It makes me angry, really deep down angry. The kind of anger that seethes, that causes me to become mute and draw into myself. This is really when I could use martial arts to hit and kick and get it all out.
The dichotomy part is that there are some really good parts, funny, memorable times in the day followed by some really frustrating, chaotic times. For some reason I find it hard to process a day where I feel "high" but some really simple, quiet peaceful time of day and then later encounter a tumultuous, exhausting, out of control time of day. It's almost as though the emotional swing of events is more tiring than the actual events themselves.
Take for instance today. Enjoyed a Costco trip solely on the fact that D. enjoyed all the samples even though they were spicy and then we ate lunch together at home. Quiet, relaxed, one on one time. Then bedtime came round with me and both the kids and it was like game on. Chaos, I. crying, D. biting - I think I need to read Dante's Inferno to gain perspective at this point. I think once D. gets older, it will get easier but for now, it's insanity.
This week was also hard because V. was at a conference instead of just working away from home. Conferences mean work during the day and play at night, I remember. The play part is not the problem, it's just that it meant that I didn't get to talk to V. pretty much until the third night he was gone. By that point, a lot had happened and because I didn't talk about it with him, I was wrapped around in my head. Even tonight when he got home, I just felt quiet and depressed. This is in direct contrast to how I felt this morning when I found out that the company trip to New York for V. beating his goals does NOT fall on our vacation. The day after we get back from our vacation but I can make that work.
I think the pivotal thing coloring my mental and emotional thinking is my conversation with my mother yesterday. Her update on my sister and what she (my sister) thinks she is going to do when she gets out of jail angered me. I don't want to get into details but she continues to try to manipulate my parents and dictate what she is going to do when she gets out. It makes me angry, really deep down angry. The kind of anger that seethes, that causes me to become mute and draw into myself. This is really when I could use martial arts to hit and kick and get it all out.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Busy
Time is flying by and I know before I realize it, the baby will be here and I'll be thinking to myself, "Oh shit, how'd this happen?!" Things have just been so busy and I swear the most frustrating thing for the last couple of weeks has been that I will attempt to write a short post in the morning unsuccessfully. Unsuccessfully because I. still has not been able to get tv, video game or coloring privileges back for more than one day for the past 3 weeks due to peeing in her underwear. When I took her in for her 5.5 year old checkup, the doctor said that we need to ratchet up the consequence of this behavior since my 3 day deprivation was obviously not working. So it went up to 7 days - she needs to be dry for a week then she gets one thing back at a time. Well, that has resulted in one day of tv privileges (1 hr.) and then she peed and lost it all over again.
It sounds like a good thing that she isn't watching any tv and it is in a way. But in another way it is a huge pain in the ass for me because she then thinks that my purpose in the morning is to be here entertainer/playperson. She'll play with something for a little while but inevitably it turns into "Look at me." every 5 seconds or when I'm eating breakfast, she'll install herself with her toy of choice right on the corner of table next to me, crowding me and requesting my attention. It's just enough to drive me over the edge some mornings. I think some of my frustration is that I was an only child for a long time and I played by myself for long stretches of time because my mom had stuff she had to get done in the morning. I didn't hang on my mom driving her nuts every morning. I guess maybe the baby will help with that? I surely hope so.
We got our new couches yesterday which hopefully will help relieve some back pain and they do look nice so I can cross that off my nesting list. The taxes were completed on Sunday night at 10pm due to the idiocy of an accountant who would not do his job nor seemed to even understand that it was his job to get me a certain form. I had our taxes done in February and was just waiting for this one form which believe it or not, he still hasn't provided but I had to go ahead and file without it and hope for the best. What an ahole! This week I finally got the other contractor to come back and clear out his excess materials and the old toilet that he so nicely left in the garage and it only took 3 phone calls to get taken care of. And I'm running full speed ahead on the kindergarten decision for I. this fall. We did 2 observations at 2 schools and I'm going to call and see if I can get one more at the public school we are on the waiting list for. Plus still trying to get the last bedroom put back together from the demolition. There's still so much to do but at least I've been able to cross some things off the list.
Gotta get to the gym so I have an hour to make the call to my mom to hear the latest news via monologue. This weekend is Easter and my brother and I are trying to take care of some of the things that stress my mom out. It's hard though because she tends to refuse help and then falls apart at the time or right afterwards. I don't want to go eat an Easter meal at their house when my dad is out of work so I want to help bring it over. The worst part is that my sister will be there and I have a growing level of anger about her that has been magnified by the fact that my parents have no money yet they are still supporting her financially and worst of all, she doesn't appreciate it at all. I mean, not even a little. Her attitude is "What about me? I want this, I want that, give it to me now." In a 2 year old, it's annoying. In a 28 year old, it's almost unbearable. I've got to figure out some strategy of how to deal with her on Sunday because right now, I don't even want her to speak to me and I know that's an unrealistic expectation. Though not as unrealistic as you may think, because when she's around my mom, she tends to ignore everyone and monopolizes my mom - attaches herself to her hip and just talks nonstop about nothing just so noone else can get near my mom. Now I really need to get to the gym to work off some of this aggravation in a physical way.
It sounds like a good thing that she isn't watching any tv and it is in a way. But in another way it is a huge pain in the ass for me because she then thinks that my purpose in the morning is to be here entertainer/playperson. She'll play with something for a little while but inevitably it turns into "Look at me." every 5 seconds or when I'm eating breakfast, she'll install herself with her toy of choice right on the corner of table next to me, crowding me and requesting my attention. It's just enough to drive me over the edge some mornings. I think some of my frustration is that I was an only child for a long time and I played by myself for long stretches of time because my mom had stuff she had to get done in the morning. I didn't hang on my mom driving her nuts every morning. I guess maybe the baby will help with that? I surely hope so.
We got our new couches yesterday which hopefully will help relieve some back pain and they do look nice so I can cross that off my nesting list. The taxes were completed on Sunday night at 10pm due to the idiocy of an accountant who would not do his job nor seemed to even understand that it was his job to get me a certain form. I had our taxes done in February and was just waiting for this one form which believe it or not, he still hasn't provided but I had to go ahead and file without it and hope for the best. What an ahole! This week I finally got the other contractor to come back and clear out his excess materials and the old toilet that he so nicely left in the garage and it only took 3 phone calls to get taken care of. And I'm running full speed ahead on the kindergarten decision for I. this fall. We did 2 observations at 2 schools and I'm going to call and see if I can get one more at the public school we are on the waiting list for. Plus still trying to get the last bedroom put back together from the demolition. There's still so much to do but at least I've been able to cross some things off the list.
Gotta get to the gym so I have an hour to make the call to my mom to hear the latest news via monologue. This weekend is Easter and my brother and I are trying to take care of some of the things that stress my mom out. It's hard though because she tends to refuse help and then falls apart at the time or right afterwards. I don't want to go eat an Easter meal at their house when my dad is out of work so I want to help bring it over. The worst part is that my sister will be there and I have a growing level of anger about her that has been magnified by the fact that my parents have no money yet they are still supporting her financially and worst of all, she doesn't appreciate it at all. I mean, not even a little. Her attitude is "What about me? I want this, I want that, give it to me now." In a 2 year old, it's annoying. In a 28 year old, it's almost unbearable. I've got to figure out some strategy of how to deal with her on Sunday because right now, I don't even want her to speak to me and I know that's an unrealistic expectation. Though not as unrealistic as you may think, because when she's around my mom, she tends to ignore everyone and monopolizes my mom - attaches herself to her hip and just talks nonstop about nothing just so noone else can get near my mom. Now I really need to get to the gym to work off some of this aggravation in a physical way.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Why So Quiet?
I realize I haven't posted for almost a week. It wasn't that there wasn't anything to post about. It was mainly because the things that were going on were highly aggravating and took up so much mental energy that I just could not bring myself to blog about them at night.
I think the key word for this week has been "overwhelmed". It was frustrating enough to be the middle man with the insurance people and contractor; trying to babysit necessary steps through the process in order to get the house put back together. And no, as of today, we still are missing ceilings and floors so that tells you just how successful my efforts have been on this endeavor.
Add to this insurance project the fact that the car insurance claim for when we were rearended is still not complete. The chiropractor has not submitted any bills to my insurance company. Meanwhile, the other person's insurance company is trying to get me to settle with them with a low maximum amount for doctor's costs. My fear is that if my insurance company cannot recover the medical costs from the other insurance company, they will come after us for the difference. With the medical event of having a baby this summer, I certainly don't want an unexpected bill arriving for something that wasn't my fault. So I need to nag the chiropractor to get their bills in for the last 2 months and call my insurance agent to see if this fear of mine is reality or make believe.
As though I didn't have enough insurance fun going on, my health insurance company decided that they were only going to pay $1.87 on the first trimester blood tests and leave the other $600+ for us to pay. Since we pay out the butt every month for this health insurance, receiving this bill from the lab made me say, WTF?! So I added that to my daily list of insurance phone calls that I so enjoy making.
On top of this mental aggravation, my back has decided that it's been way too nice to me since it last went completely haywire in San Francisco. My tailbone decided to not only twist in an unnatural direction but also tilt at an odd angle resulting in excruciating pain that lasts all night and all day. At night, it's like a horror show. The only position that feels halfway decent is lying on my back, which happens to be the only position that I'm not supposed to be in because it reduces oxygen flow to both baby and I. That leaves me rolling side to side with searing pain in my lower back and hips all night long. Not conducive for good sleep that's for sure. Daytime hours are even more of a struggle because life goes on - laundry still needs to be done, errands need to be run, I. needs to be bathed etc. When sitting, walking, and standing cause excruciating pain, it makes for a emotionally and physically exhausting day.
But I struggle through, knowing that the pain is caused by shifting pelvic ligaments and muscles making room for my little guy. I think I secretly hope that if I go through all this pain now, cosmically I'll be rewarded in some way. Immature and irrational I know but pain causes you to not think particularly clearly.
On a good note, I met with a doula yesterday and felt comfortable with her so that's in place and I can check that off my list. And next weekend is our weekend in Laguna Beach just V. and I and that is definitely something to look forward to. I'll try not to remember that this will be our last weekend for at least 18 months and just enjoy the break. God knows I could use a break from this house, from my projects and duties, and from being a momma.
I think the key word for this week has been "overwhelmed". It was frustrating enough to be the middle man with the insurance people and contractor; trying to babysit necessary steps through the process in order to get the house put back together. And no, as of today, we still are missing ceilings and floors so that tells you just how successful my efforts have been on this endeavor.
Add to this insurance project the fact that the car insurance claim for when we were rearended is still not complete. The chiropractor has not submitted any bills to my insurance company. Meanwhile, the other person's insurance company is trying to get me to settle with them with a low maximum amount for doctor's costs. My fear is that if my insurance company cannot recover the medical costs from the other insurance company, they will come after us for the difference. With the medical event of having a baby this summer, I certainly don't want an unexpected bill arriving for something that wasn't my fault. So I need to nag the chiropractor to get their bills in for the last 2 months and call my insurance agent to see if this fear of mine is reality or make believe.
As though I didn't have enough insurance fun going on, my health insurance company decided that they were only going to pay $1.87 on the first trimester blood tests and leave the other $600+ for us to pay. Since we pay out the butt every month for this health insurance, receiving this bill from the lab made me say, WTF?! So I added that to my daily list of insurance phone calls that I so enjoy making.
On top of this mental aggravation, my back has decided that it's been way too nice to me since it last went completely haywire in San Francisco. My tailbone decided to not only twist in an unnatural direction but also tilt at an odd angle resulting in excruciating pain that lasts all night and all day. At night, it's like a horror show. The only position that feels halfway decent is lying on my back, which happens to be the only position that I'm not supposed to be in because it reduces oxygen flow to both baby and I. That leaves me rolling side to side with searing pain in my lower back and hips all night long. Not conducive for good sleep that's for sure. Daytime hours are even more of a struggle because life goes on - laundry still needs to be done, errands need to be run, I. needs to be bathed etc. When sitting, walking, and standing cause excruciating pain, it makes for a emotionally and physically exhausting day.
But I struggle through, knowing that the pain is caused by shifting pelvic ligaments and muscles making room for my little guy. I think I secretly hope that if I go through all this pain now, cosmically I'll be rewarded in some way. Immature and irrational I know but pain causes you to not think particularly clearly.
On a good note, I met with a doula yesterday and felt comfortable with her so that's in place and I can check that off my list. And next weekend is our weekend in Laguna Beach just V. and I and that is definitely something to look forward to. I'll try not to remember that this will be our last weekend for at least 18 months and just enjoy the break. God knows I could use a break from this house, from my projects and duties, and from being a momma.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Misery Loves Company
Yesterday was spent in the house being "chased" around by no less than 5 different people. In a 1300 sq. foot house, that leaves you approximately 1 room that you can hide in. Unfortunately, I had to "hide" in that room with a unhappy, rambunctious 5 year old and 2 highly aggravated cats. It was almost enough to make me wish I was secluded in the small downstairs bathroom with the obnoxious parrot - that's where I hid him for the day.
There was nothing but bad news yesterday it seems and by the time 5pm rolled around, I was overwhelmed. Actually, by noon I was overwhelmed and by 5 pm, I'm not sure what state I was in. Probably closer to hysterics because when I did finally sit down and attempt to watch tv over the din of noise and the circuit breaker tripped, due to all the loud equipment that is on in the house, I just sat there in the dark and started laughing. And not really a good sort of laughing.
The bottom line is that in I.'s room, all the flooring in the bathroom and bedroom has been ripped out and today part of her walls will be removed. Here's what it looked like last night when she went to bed:
There was nothing but bad news yesterday it seems and by the time 5pm rolled around, I was overwhelmed. Actually, by noon I was overwhelmed and by 5 pm, I'm not sure what state I was in. Probably closer to hysterics because when I did finally sit down and attempt to watch tv over the din of noise and the circuit breaker tripped, due to all the loud equipment that is on in the house, I just sat there in the dark and started laughing. And not really a good sort of laughing.
The bottom line is that in I.'s room, all the flooring in the bathroom and bedroom has been ripped out and today part of her walls will be removed. Here's what it looked like last night when she went to bed:
Behind the plastic is a huge dehumidifier and 4 big fans trying to dry the place out. It's a mess.
The downstairs bedroom took a direct hit. Here's what it looked like after Day 1
Today they are going to tear down all the walls in this room. I can't even imagine the amount of noise that will be added to the already loud din of air purifiers, dehumidifiers, and industrial fans. It's sensory overload.
The reason for this post's title, "Misery Loves Company" is that V. couldn't comprehend the amount of chaos that was in this house yesterday. But this morning, he was wandering around the house muttering about "clutter" and "claustraphobia" and this is before the 4 guys get added to the mix and before the pounding, ripping, and yelling gets started. Oh yes, he will feel my pain of yesterday and I have to say I will get a sick pleasure of some sort from it. Last weekend I threw a mini tantrum about the level of clutter in this house and the couple of mini projects that he has put off for years that would help with the clutter. He had no idea where all this was coming from and reluctantly did one of the projects (it took all of 20 minutes). Yet after just one week of being home in the evenings (a very rare occurance), he is stressing out today about the clutter. It's not that I don't keep a clean house. It's just that the amount of pieces of paper, crafts, stickers, and Shrinky Dinks multiply daily and I. is like V. in that neither of them likes to throw things out. Better to just put them in a pile in the corner "just in case". This behavior drives me nuts and now it's driving him nuts.
So, we'll see how everyone fares today. Maybe more pics tomorrow.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Down the Toliet
I finally download the San Fran pictures off the camera and was all ready to post about it when everything went down the pot. Or rather, didn't go down the pot.
Minor issue in the scheme of things was that I. out of the blue decided to start peeing in her pants again. No, we haven't told her about the baby so it's not a reversion back. There is nothing that has changed in the last week. It's just her usual M.O. of just getting lazy about going to the bathroom. Yes, I understand there will be accidents here and there. That's not what I'm talking about. What I am talking about is her wetting through 3 different outfits while we are at home within striking distance of 3 toliets. There is no excuse for it. She's 5 years old and is physically able to be potty trained as evidenced by a month plus of being dry. I've tried all the rewards programs, the psychological strategies - God knows I've had time to go through all them, we've been potty training since June 2009. Nothing has really worked so this time I thought long and hard and decided with her 6th birthday approaching this year and full-time kindergarten looming in September, the mean Momma was going to have to dole out some serious consequences. We talked about them and lo and behold, she was dry for 3 days straight until she wasn't, yesterday. So the consequences came down this morning and she's not too happy about it. Well, don't pee in your pants when you're next to a toilet and the consequences won't come down.
The major issue with things going down the pot, or not going down the pot, is that on Wednesday night before she went to bed, I. flushed the toliet and without anyone realizing it, it stopped up and began slowly overflowing. It did that for 14 hours until the next morning when I went in there and needless to say, it was a flood. The bathroom was underwater and a good 6 feet of I.'s bedroom carpet was like a swamp. Then last night, we went into the downstairs bedroom and saw this:
So needless to say instead of heading to Sea World for the day, we will be welcoming a water damage company in our home to begin the process of drying us up, tearing things up, and preventing future mold. Sounds like a great project to me! I haven't even finished up the auto insurance claim that continues to drag on and now it appears I'll have a new insurance claim to enjoy. All the phone calls, messages, forms, etc. Wow, I'm so excited.
What a mess. I woke up at 2am to go the bathroom and ended up not falling back to sleep for an hour because I was worried the ceiling would start falling downstairs. Ugh. Maybe it'll go smoother than I anticipate, I really hope so.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Grumpy Morning
You would think after yesterday I would just be one big grateful ball of wonderfulness this morning. I should be, why aren't I? Shoulds just add to my aggravation so why do I go there? I don't know it's just like picking a wound that you know you should leave alone (there's that should again). I think I need to make a very concerted effort to remove that word from my dialogue today for everyone's sanity's sake.
Why am I grumpy I ask myself?
Why am I grumpy I ask myself?
- Because I still don't feel good from this virus thingy.
- Because little simple things this morning seems to be elusive - the coffeemaker just stopped working for no apparent reason. It worked and then a second later it didn't. No rhyme or reason.
- Because my oatmeal, that I make 5 out of 7 mornings the same way every day, exploded in the microwave for no reason. I didn't change the time or the amount so how does that happen? I didn't want to make it over again so I just scraped it off the inside of the microwave back into the bowl and ate it. I'm sure my unborn child really appreciated that.
- I have not one but three splits on my fingers, right on my fingertips and they were burning all night long and continue to hurt. No matter how much lotion I put on, they keep splitting. It's a direct result of sickness being in the house since the weekend causing me to wash my hands a lot. Then of course, this bitter cold, dry weather is not helping.
- On top of that, I'm just not a morning person, it takes me awhile to wake up and be sociable and until that time, I really don't like to converse a whole bunch and physically, I like my space. Today of all days, I. decides that she's going to color and play on the breakfast table leaning on me as I attempt to eat. She just keeps edging over until she's bumping up against me, completely on purpose, and I'm not joking it's almost pushing me over the edge not to yell "Get off of me!"
- Before this, I let I. play about 20 minutes of Nick Jr. games on the computer before breakfast and as always, she gives me problems about stopping which is what always happens and this is why she hasn't played the games for awhile. Because there is ALWAYS a problem when it's time to stop. I guess the predictability of the problem annoys me more than the actual problem itself.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Busy Days
A slow start this morning after an abrupt awakening. Oh, I like the double alliteration in that first sentence. Yes, I know I'm strange for even noticing it but I'm a visual person and these kinds of things just jump out at me. Anyways, the abrupt awakening at 5:58 a.m. was I. crying so I ran into her room only to find out that it was only because Baby Bear had fallen on the ground. Yes, I know she loves her Baby Bear. That's not the issue. The issue is that she was going to be climbing out of that blasted bed in 2 minutes and could have retrieved Baby Bear. I guess I should be happy that I. is such a literal kid in that it never crossed her mind to sneak out of that bed before 6:00, get Baby Bear and climb back in. I tried to keep that in mind as I stalked back to my bed to try to sneak in a few more minutes of sleep.
Now I'm up and moving, still struggling with fighting off this cold, and am facing a busy errand day. Actually Day One, Day Two comes tomorrow. But it's better that I get these things done while I. is in school for a couple of hours rather than wait until next week when she's out of school. I just wish I felt better. The pounding ears and head don't make things easier. I should be thankful though because V. has the full blown version of the cold.
My pet peeve of the last couple of weeks has been that I. doesn't play with the toys she has. I've parsed them down to make them less daunting and it isn't that she has SO many toys. She just doesn't play with them and it's aggravating to me. What is also aggravating to me is that since the time change she's getting up so friggin' early (this morning it was 4:33 or something like that) that by 8:30/9:00 a.m., she's already tired and has a low tolerance for frustration leading to my morning being filled with little whining, crying fits as things don't look/work exactly as she wants them to. Grrr...stupid stupid time change.
Now I'm up and moving, still struggling with fighting off this cold, and am facing a busy errand day. Actually Day One, Day Two comes tomorrow. But it's better that I get these things done while I. is in school for a couple of hours rather than wait until next week when she's out of school. I just wish I felt better. The pounding ears and head don't make things easier. I should be thankful though because V. has the full blown version of the cold.
My pet peeve of the last couple of weeks has been that I. doesn't play with the toys she has. I've parsed them down to make them less daunting and it isn't that she has SO many toys. She just doesn't play with them and it's aggravating to me. What is also aggravating to me is that since the time change she's getting up so friggin' early (this morning it was 4:33 or something like that) that by 8:30/9:00 a.m., she's already tired and has a low tolerance for frustration leading to my morning being filled with little whining, crying fits as things don't look/work exactly as she wants them to. Grrr...stupid stupid time change.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Strange Day
The day started off well as I watched I. in her first gymnastics class. She was the only one in her class so she was in constant motion. I felt sorry for her only because I knew she didn't feel 100% but she was running around the whole time without any rest. I was amazed by her balance - it really is something else - and the enthusiasm that she showed throughout the class was great. She really enjoyed herself though I suspect her little sinewy arms will be sore tomorrow.
This afternoon my mom came over to play with I. She got there at 12:30 which was good and I. had a great time playing with her Bubbi. I was feeling pretty lousy at this point with my cold symptoms coming on so I just did 2 quick errands and came home but then did some chores because my mom would get distracted by me and end up frustrating I. My mom had said that she wanted to tell me a few things but when I said we could talk while I. was eating dinner (at 3), she said she had to leave at 2:45. I guess when she said that she wanted to come play with I., she really meant it. I suspect that my sister had demanded my mother to cart her somewhere this afternoon and unless my mother wanted her cell phone ringing every 5 minutes, it behooved her to pick her up on time. Just a guess, but you know I'm usually right.
The only thing she did bring up was the suicide of the only son of a local famous restauranteur and how sad it was. He was in his early 30s, had just had dinner with his parents and then stopped on his drive home to kill himself, leaving a note for them in his car. To those around him, he was attractive, successful, well liked, and driven. To himself, he was losing a battle with depression. I know what he must have felt like and I know that at dinner that night he probably seemed very happy to his parents. But I also know that this "happiness" most likely was because he had made up his mind that tonight was the night. He was going to have a nice dinner with his parents, say his goodbyes, and then all his pain was going to be over. When you are that depressed, making up your mind that you're going to do it, that it's almost over gives you a sense of relief, almost a physical pain relief, that you just have a little more time and the pain will be gone. To a non-depressed person, it's unfathomable but to one who has been there a few times, I get it.
My mother knows I was there. Okay, maybe I didn't tell her about the other times but that was because they really didn't seem to get it the first time I told them after being nagged by the outpatient therapist for weeks. Why bother telling them if it happened again? But still, my parents were told. That being said, it bothered me greatly when my mother says about this suicidal man, "He reminds me of your brother" because of the guy holding in his feelings.
REALLY?! REALLY? Who has been the person leaned upon, depended upon to fix the emotional ills of this family? Who has to be the strong one, the one who won't falter under any conditions, the one who has to rise to every occasion? The one who found and still finds herself without the support of those who depend on her support.
I don't know why I still allow myself to get upset about this? Maybe it's just that I don't feel good anyways and so it feels more than it is. It didn't ruin my day or evening so I think I'll just let it go and move on. But I did want to get it out of my head and off of my chest before heading to bed in hopes that it will not materialize into some stressful dream tonight. Here's to hoping for a cold night, pleasant dreams, deep sleep, and a healthier tomorrow!
This afternoon my mom came over to play with I. She got there at 12:30 which was good and I. had a great time playing with her Bubbi. I was feeling pretty lousy at this point with my cold symptoms coming on so I just did 2 quick errands and came home but then did some chores because my mom would get distracted by me and end up frustrating I. My mom had said that she wanted to tell me a few things but when I said we could talk while I. was eating dinner (at 3), she said she had to leave at 2:45. I guess when she said that she wanted to come play with I., she really meant it. I suspect that my sister had demanded my mother to cart her somewhere this afternoon and unless my mother wanted her cell phone ringing every 5 minutes, it behooved her to pick her up on time. Just a guess, but you know I'm usually right.
The only thing she did bring up was the suicide of the only son of a local famous restauranteur and how sad it was. He was in his early 30s, had just had dinner with his parents and then stopped on his drive home to kill himself, leaving a note for them in his car. To those around him, he was attractive, successful, well liked, and driven. To himself, he was losing a battle with depression. I know what he must have felt like and I know that at dinner that night he probably seemed very happy to his parents. But I also know that this "happiness" most likely was because he had made up his mind that tonight was the night. He was going to have a nice dinner with his parents, say his goodbyes, and then all his pain was going to be over. When you are that depressed, making up your mind that you're going to do it, that it's almost over gives you a sense of relief, almost a physical pain relief, that you just have a little more time and the pain will be gone. To a non-depressed person, it's unfathomable but to one who has been there a few times, I get it.
My mother knows I was there. Okay, maybe I didn't tell her about the other times but that was because they really didn't seem to get it the first time I told them after being nagged by the outpatient therapist for weeks. Why bother telling them if it happened again? But still, my parents were told. That being said, it bothered me greatly when my mother says about this suicidal man, "He reminds me of your brother" because of the guy holding in his feelings.
REALLY?! REALLY? Who has been the person leaned upon, depended upon to fix the emotional ills of this family? Who has to be the strong one, the one who won't falter under any conditions, the one who has to rise to every occasion? The one who found and still finds herself without the support of those who depend on her support.
I don't know why I still allow myself to get upset about this? Maybe it's just that I don't feel good anyways and so it feels more than it is. It didn't ruin my day or evening so I think I'll just let it go and move on. But I did want to get it out of my head and off of my chest before heading to bed in hopes that it will not materialize into some stressful dream tonight. Here's to hoping for a cold night, pleasant dreams, deep sleep, and a healthier tomorrow!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
How Fun in Life is Like Married Sex
I already know that I'm overly sensitive to criticism, I always have been. I don't know if it's because I've had a problem with perfectionism or because my parents always expected it from me, most likely a combination of both. I bring all of this up because of a comment/attitude my mom made/had at the very end of our conversation today. It wasn't such a big deal in and of itself but it really is just a small example of something that has always bothered me about my parents. I'll try to simply state the comment and attitude and then dissect it ad naseum (most likely) afterwards.
My mom said she wanted to come over Monday afternoon and see I. and that she knew she had better tell me now since she knows I book in advance. I laughingly made the comment that last night, I was just "booking" something in December already. She responded, "You sound like this lady Dr. Laura had on her show yesterday. She was getting all worried and hyper about her daughter and Dr. Laura said that she just needed to calm down." I said, "I'm not worried about I. There are things I want to experience with her and I want to make sure I do before she's in school full-time." She said, "September is a long way away." and I said, "I know, but time is flying by so fast that I just want to make sure I get things planned in advance so I don't miss any." Then my mom gave this little laugh that she only does when she doesn't understand why you're feeling/thinking a certain way or why you're saying something but it doesn't really matter because she thinks it's pretty ridiculous. Everything probably would have been fine up until the laugh. I really had to get off the phone so I couldn't try to address it but it festered inside for the rest of today.
I know it doesn't sound like a big deal and in the grand scheme of things, it's not. But here's the root of it. When I was living at home, I was not really allowed to have a life outside of the family. It was all about the Family. If we had had a big family, at least it would have been a big circle but as it was, it was basically my dad and mom and about 4 crazy relatives that we tried to have as little contact with as possible. So my life was contained in a very little circle.
On top of that, my parents capitalized on the fact that I avoided at all costs disappointing them. That led to a lot of self-containment on my part. If I knew that they wouldn't like what I was thinking or how I was feeling, I just kept it inside because if it differed from how they were, they would make you feel bad about it. Here's what I'm talking about. They talk nonstop and are gregarious, sometimes loud and laugh a lot. I think that's great but it's not me. I think before I speak and many times I think a whole lot but never speak about it. My parents consider this quiet and unfriendly. I laugh especially with I. but not often. It's not that I don't think things are funny, often times I do, but I don't laugh loudly at all the things I think are funny. I'm just more reserved that way. My parents go from the highest highs to the lowest of lows and then make sure you know every gory detail of them. Me, I like to stay pretty even keel with my peaks and valleys within limits. My mother considers this milquetoast and she can't stand people like this (a direct quote). As far as gory details, I usually don't provide many, definitely none that are too emotional to me, and if I do, it will be years later after the painful issue has been dealt with.
This is how they are and I know that. They haven't changed, I've changed. I stopped caring what they thought and did what I thought should be done. If they didn't like it, "oh well, I'm not them" became my attitude.
But I. and my parenting is still a newish topic. I'm still finding my way as most mothers do when they have young children. That makes my parenting a topic that I haven't quite gotten to the "if you don't like it, kiss off" end of the spectrum. With non-family members, I do have that attitude. Even with V., my attitude is "I spend 24/7 with I. and I know her". But this is my mother and I felt like she was casting judgment on something to do with my mothering.
No, this is not how she goes through her life but that doesn't make my way wrong. When I was growing up, our bills were always paid late, checks were bouncing and not because my dad wasn't making money. It was because she was never on time with doing bills. To this day, she is still running to the bank 5 minutes before it closes to make a deposit or a transfer to cover checks. Her days are free form, errands here and there not necessarily in a straight line, not getting to do the things she wants to do because she runs out of time etc.
That's about as far from me as you can get. Just hearing about her chaos and hecticness of remembering this, forgetting about that, makes me tense. It's not just that I like structure. It's that I want to make sure that I do get done what I have to but with plenty of healthy, fun time thrown throughout my week. Errands have a way of eating up hours and hours. I like to group them together by area so that I can kill 2 birds with 1 stone. I want to maximize my fun time with I. for the next 9 months. That is a priority for me. Also, by putting things on my computer calendar, I can visually look at a week (or month) and immediately see if the week is unbalanced. Am I cramming too many errands and necessary appointments into a week which will lead to I. acting out and me stressing out? If so, I can easily delay a few things and replace it with fun. Yes, it's structured but it's not set in stone, it's a constantly and easily changing document.
The bottom line is that my calendar is a visual barometer of how healthy and balanced my personal and home life is. After Mark died, I promised myself that I would make sure to include more fun things in my life instead of what I needed to do. Fun in life, at least as an adult, is kind of like sex when you're married - if you wait to have it on a spontaneous basis, it'll never happen. You've got to put it into whatever "schedule" you've got going. That doesn't mean you'll enjoy it less, in fact looking forward to it is half the fun!
My mom said she wanted to come over Monday afternoon and see I. and that she knew she had better tell me now since she knows I book in advance. I laughingly made the comment that last night, I was just "booking" something in December already. She responded, "You sound like this lady Dr. Laura had on her show yesterday. She was getting all worried and hyper about her daughter and Dr. Laura said that she just needed to calm down." I said, "I'm not worried about I. There are things I want to experience with her and I want to make sure I do before she's in school full-time." She said, "September is a long way away." and I said, "I know, but time is flying by so fast that I just want to make sure I get things planned in advance so I don't miss any." Then my mom gave this little laugh that she only does when she doesn't understand why you're feeling/thinking a certain way or why you're saying something but it doesn't really matter because she thinks it's pretty ridiculous. Everything probably would have been fine up until the laugh. I really had to get off the phone so I couldn't try to address it but it festered inside for the rest of today.
I know it doesn't sound like a big deal and in the grand scheme of things, it's not. But here's the root of it. When I was living at home, I was not really allowed to have a life outside of the family. It was all about the Family. If we had had a big family, at least it would have been a big circle but as it was, it was basically my dad and mom and about 4 crazy relatives that we tried to have as little contact with as possible. So my life was contained in a very little circle.
On top of that, my parents capitalized on the fact that I avoided at all costs disappointing them. That led to a lot of self-containment on my part. If I knew that they wouldn't like what I was thinking or how I was feeling, I just kept it inside because if it differed from how they were, they would make you feel bad about it. Here's what I'm talking about. They talk nonstop and are gregarious, sometimes loud and laugh a lot. I think that's great but it's not me. I think before I speak and many times I think a whole lot but never speak about it. My parents consider this quiet and unfriendly. I laugh especially with I. but not often. It's not that I don't think things are funny, often times I do, but I don't laugh loudly at all the things I think are funny. I'm just more reserved that way. My parents go from the highest highs to the lowest of lows and then make sure you know every gory detail of them. Me, I like to stay pretty even keel with my peaks and valleys within limits. My mother considers this milquetoast and she can't stand people like this (a direct quote). As far as gory details, I usually don't provide many, definitely none that are too emotional to me, and if I do, it will be years later after the painful issue has been dealt with.
This is how they are and I know that. They haven't changed, I've changed. I stopped caring what they thought and did what I thought should be done. If they didn't like it, "oh well, I'm not them" became my attitude.
But I. and my parenting is still a newish topic. I'm still finding my way as most mothers do when they have young children. That makes my parenting a topic that I haven't quite gotten to the "if you don't like it, kiss off" end of the spectrum. With non-family members, I do have that attitude. Even with V., my attitude is "I spend 24/7 with I. and I know her". But this is my mother and I felt like she was casting judgment on something to do with my mothering.
No, this is not how she goes through her life but that doesn't make my way wrong. When I was growing up, our bills were always paid late, checks were bouncing and not because my dad wasn't making money. It was because she was never on time with doing bills. To this day, she is still running to the bank 5 minutes before it closes to make a deposit or a transfer to cover checks. Her days are free form, errands here and there not necessarily in a straight line, not getting to do the things she wants to do because she runs out of time etc.
That's about as far from me as you can get. Just hearing about her chaos and hecticness of remembering this, forgetting about that, makes me tense. It's not just that I like structure. It's that I want to make sure that I do get done what I have to but with plenty of healthy, fun time thrown throughout my week. Errands have a way of eating up hours and hours. I like to group them together by area so that I can kill 2 birds with 1 stone. I want to maximize my fun time with I. for the next 9 months. That is a priority for me. Also, by putting things on my computer calendar, I can visually look at a week (or month) and immediately see if the week is unbalanced. Am I cramming too many errands and necessary appointments into a week which will lead to I. acting out and me stressing out? If so, I can easily delay a few things and replace it with fun. Yes, it's structured but it's not set in stone, it's a constantly and easily changing document.
The bottom line is that my calendar is a visual barometer of how healthy and balanced my personal and home life is. After Mark died, I promised myself that I would make sure to include more fun things in my life instead of what I needed to do. Fun in life, at least as an adult, is kind of like sex when you're married - if you wait to have it on a spontaneous basis, it'll never happen. You've got to put it into whatever "schedule" you've got going. That doesn't mean you'll enjoy it less, in fact looking forward to it is half the fun!
Monday, November 1, 2010
So So Weekend
This weekend was not our best nor our worst weekend, it was just one of those "there" weekends. I'm still trying to figure out what made it different than the weekend before which was a good bonding weekend. What I've come up with so far is that it really didn't have anything to do with me.
The high points were taking I. daytime trick or treating at a shopping mall on Saturday afternoon and then going out to our weekly early dinner/late lunch. She had a really good time and it was fun to watch her enjoying the trick or treat experience since she doesn't get to participate in the nighttime one. A 5 pm bedtime just is not conducive for trick or treating. And before anyone says, "Ahh, why can't you let her stay up late one night?" let me just give this example. She fell asleep on Saturday night at 6:30 due to playing in bed and Sunday morning, she was an emotional wreck, sobbing and throwing fits at the slightest things. It was not fun to deal with for anyone involved, let me tell you.
As for the downside of the weekend, it wasn't anything glaring. It just felt like V. and I. were marching next to each other rather than together. Part of it was that he had a bunch of work (as always) he needed to take care of during the weekend however, he didn't communicate how much so I assumed that after spending both mornings (3-4 hours at a time) working plus a conference call, that would be it. But no, I was wrong, he had more as I found out last night at 5pm when he expressed his frustration in being interrupted while he was on his computer by saying (as he was going up to change I.'s poopy diaper), "It's really frustrating to be interrupted no less than 15 times when I'm trying to finish this reading."
It wasn't said meanly or even angrily, just in a frustrated tone of voice but it stung nonetheless. I thought about it as I showered then came down and finished the morning paper, which due to constant interruptions, I never got to even read and waited for another hour or so for him to finish his homework. Then I said, "You know, we only get to see you 2 days out of the week so that is family time. It's interesting to me that what you view as "interruptions" to our family time is us, your family. That's completely backwards - it should be the work that is the "interruption" to our family time. And I think you really need to think about that." I think he was taken a little aback initially but then he asked what was my solution to the fact that he had to get the work done regardless. I told him that we should have discussed (his favorite word) on Saturday morning our needs and expectations of the weekend so that we could work as a team and schedule accordingly. I reminded him him finishing up the reading tonight was not going to be remembered or make a difference in life 10 years from now but spending time carving a pumpkin with I. would. We'll see in the future if it makes a difference.
V.'s parents annoyed (his word) him on Sunday morning during a Skype phone call by turning down his request that they use his frequent flyer mileage to come out for a visit and they responded with all the reasons why they couldn't, namely because they have to take care of "their baby" (great granddaughter). Talk about enabling - they rival my parents. Although he said it annoyed him, I think the correct words would have been anger and hurt. Neither of these emotions are conducive for a bonding weekend though. Saturday evening, V. fell asleep at 5:30 and last night by 7pm which while I understood his exhaustion, it was still a bummer because it wasn't very unlike my weekday nights.
Oh well, I talked to V. this morning and told him that this weekend wasn't our best and he agreed so that counts for something; he wasn't clueless and I guess in a way we were on the same page, just not the page I wished we were on. Besides the exhaustion and the aggravation, I just felt like V. had half a leg in last week's work and a full leg into this coming week's which only left a half a leg for us. Next Saturday is I.'s birthday party and I hope he can hold it together long enough to be "present" for the party.
Today is Monday, our "last hurrah" day as I call it before I. starts full-time school. We're going to get our flu mist first (that will be challenging) and then head down to Balboa Park to see a surfing IMAX movie and look around the adjoining museum. It should be a fun day of hanging out with my girl.
The high points were taking I. daytime trick or treating at a shopping mall on Saturday afternoon and then going out to our weekly early dinner/late lunch. She had a really good time and it was fun to watch her enjoying the trick or treat experience since she doesn't get to participate in the nighttime one. A 5 pm bedtime just is not conducive for trick or treating. And before anyone says, "Ahh, why can't you let her stay up late one night?" let me just give this example. She fell asleep on Saturday night at 6:30 due to playing in bed and Sunday morning, she was an emotional wreck, sobbing and throwing fits at the slightest things. It was not fun to deal with for anyone involved, let me tell you.
As for the downside of the weekend, it wasn't anything glaring. It just felt like V. and I. were marching next to each other rather than together. Part of it was that he had a bunch of work (as always) he needed to take care of during the weekend however, he didn't communicate how much so I assumed that after spending both mornings (3-4 hours at a time) working plus a conference call, that would be it. But no, I was wrong, he had more as I found out last night at 5pm when he expressed his frustration in being interrupted while he was on his computer by saying (as he was going up to change I.'s poopy diaper), "It's really frustrating to be interrupted no less than 15 times when I'm trying to finish this reading."
It wasn't said meanly or even angrily, just in a frustrated tone of voice but it stung nonetheless. I thought about it as I showered then came down and finished the morning paper, which due to constant interruptions, I never got to even read and waited for another hour or so for him to finish his homework. Then I said, "You know, we only get to see you 2 days out of the week so that is family time. It's interesting to me that what you view as "interruptions" to our family time is us, your family. That's completely backwards - it should be the work that is the "interruption" to our family time. And I think you really need to think about that." I think he was taken a little aback initially but then he asked what was my solution to the fact that he had to get the work done regardless. I told him that we should have discussed (his favorite word) on Saturday morning our needs and expectations of the weekend so that we could work as a team and schedule accordingly. I reminded him him finishing up the reading tonight was not going to be remembered or make a difference in life 10 years from now but spending time carving a pumpkin with I. would. We'll see in the future if it makes a difference.
V.'s parents annoyed (his word) him on Sunday morning during a Skype phone call by turning down his request that they use his frequent flyer mileage to come out for a visit and they responded with all the reasons why they couldn't, namely because they have to take care of "their baby" (great granddaughter). Talk about enabling - they rival my parents. Although he said it annoyed him, I think the correct words would have been anger and hurt. Neither of these emotions are conducive for a bonding weekend though. Saturday evening, V. fell asleep at 5:30 and last night by 7pm which while I understood his exhaustion, it was still a bummer because it wasn't very unlike my weekday nights.
Oh well, I talked to V. this morning and told him that this weekend wasn't our best and he agreed so that counts for something; he wasn't clueless and I guess in a way we were on the same page, just not the page I wished we were on. Besides the exhaustion and the aggravation, I just felt like V. had half a leg in last week's work and a full leg into this coming week's which only left a half a leg for us. Next Saturday is I.'s birthday party and I hope he can hold it together long enough to be "present" for the party.
Today is Monday, our "last hurrah" day as I call it before I. starts full-time school. We're going to get our flu mist first (that will be challenging) and then head down to Balboa Park to see a surfing IMAX movie and look around the adjoining museum. It should be a fun day of hanging out with my girl.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Warning: You're About To Enter the 40 Zone
I am much, much, much too tired from our Vegas trip to go into great detail right now but I will and soon. I need to download the pictures from the camera so that I can include them on the post. So for now, a quick word from your sponsor...
"Do you want to ease back into your normal worklife after being on vacation? If so, do NOT accidently schedule your annual ob/gyn appointment on your first day back!"
Yeah, unwittingly that's what happened and boy did my vacation mode grind to a dead stop. First of all, there's nothing like having a "normal" conversation as the medieval instrument used to prop open your wahoo is being cranked open. Secondly, now because I'm 40, it appears I get added bonuses to my appointment now. If it wasn't bad enough to have my boobs pushed and prodded lying down, as an added attraction, I get to have the same done sitting up. BONUS! Plus, I get the extra ride coupon for my first mammogram. Honestly, I know it's me but I felt like I should have an advertisement for burial crypts attached to that lab referral form. I think it's just left over from when I was pregnant - I was 34 when I got pregnant and then when I turned 35 (still same pregnancy), all these questions about "special" genetic tests and risks from advanced maternal age. So in 24 hours I went from a great pregnancy to an at-risk pregnancy. Bullshit.
Then to top it all off, as a reward for making it to 40, I got to have a rectal exam to check for...well let's just leave it as "things that do not belong up there". Oh joy, oh rapture. I thought I dreaded this exam before, but oh baby, I can promise you I REALLY will be dreading this exam next year. I can't wait to see what 50 brings. Maybe I'll just ask my mom now so I can have a decade to prepare for the next humiliation.
"Do you want to ease back into your normal worklife after being on vacation? If so, do NOT accidently schedule your annual ob/gyn appointment on your first day back!"
Yeah, unwittingly that's what happened and boy did my vacation mode grind to a dead stop. First of all, there's nothing like having a "normal" conversation as the medieval instrument used to prop open your wahoo is being cranked open. Secondly, now because I'm 40, it appears I get added bonuses to my appointment now. If it wasn't bad enough to have my boobs pushed and prodded lying down, as an added attraction, I get to have the same done sitting up. BONUS! Plus, I get the extra ride coupon for my first mammogram. Honestly, I know it's me but I felt like I should have an advertisement for burial crypts attached to that lab referral form. I think it's just left over from when I was pregnant - I was 34 when I got pregnant and then when I turned 35 (still same pregnancy), all these questions about "special" genetic tests and risks from advanced maternal age. So in 24 hours I went from a great pregnancy to an at-risk pregnancy. Bullshit.
Then to top it all off, as a reward for making it to 40, I got to have a rectal exam to check for...well let's just leave it as "things that do not belong up there". Oh joy, oh rapture. I thought I dreaded this exam before, but oh baby, I can promise you I REALLY will be dreading this exam next year. I can't wait to see what 50 brings. Maybe I'll just ask my mom now so I can have a decade to prepare for the next humiliation.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
It's All About Shoes Part Deux
Here's part deux of it's all about the shoes though the two have NO relation to one another except for the fact that there is humor involved.
An ex-employee of mine, 30-something, who is on Facebook, whose wedding I attended in 1998(?) down in Rosarito, posted a picture of these strappy, red, 5-inch heels with some caption to the effect of "check out these sexy heels!".
To which I responded (on her FB page, as a woman to a woman), "those are beautiful f* me shoes". No problem, no big deal, right?
Not right according to her husband. Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist. I was married to an Asian guy, dated a Mexican guy, now married to a Puerto Rican. That being said, I was still surprised to see HIS response on HER Facebook page under my comment that began with "Blah-blah (wife's name) is a happily married woman who doesn't need f* me shoes. I love her the way she is and we're very happy."
Okay, number fucking one: "I was at your wedding moron, I know she's fucking married."
Number two: "I was talking to HER, not you the shadowy psycho husband."
Number three: " If you're that insecure after 10+ years of marriage about a comment that a woman friend makes about a pic of sexy red heels, you obviously need therapy."
Number four: "You've just reinforced my view of Mexican men - hung like mosquitos with the egos of lions."
Been there, done that, and I'll stick with my Puerto Rican ANY DAY ANY TIME! But it's always good to piss someone off without even meaning to do so. That's a good day in my sick mind.
An ex-employee of mine, 30-something, who is on Facebook, whose wedding I attended in 1998(?) down in Rosarito, posted a picture of these strappy, red, 5-inch heels with some caption to the effect of "check out these sexy heels!".
To which I responded (on her FB page, as a woman to a woman), "those are beautiful f* me shoes". No problem, no big deal, right?
Not right according to her husband. Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist. I was married to an Asian guy, dated a Mexican guy, now married to a Puerto Rican. That being said, I was still surprised to see HIS response on HER Facebook page under my comment that began with "Blah-blah (wife's name) is a happily married woman who doesn't need f* me shoes. I love her the way she is and we're very happy."
Okay, number fucking one: "I was at your wedding moron, I know she's fucking married."
Number two: "I was talking to HER, not you the shadowy psycho husband."
Number three: " If you're that insecure after 10+ years of marriage about a comment that a woman friend makes about a pic of sexy red heels, you obviously need therapy."
Number four: "You've just reinforced my view of Mexican men - hung like mosquitos with the egos of lions."
Been there, done that, and I'll stick with my Puerto Rican ANY DAY ANY TIME! But it's always good to piss someone off without even meaning to do so. That's a good day in my sick mind.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Putting It Behind Me
I think I'm suffering from a little version of PTSD after yesterday. Yesterday was NOT a good day in a variety of ways. It was like a buffet gone bad. A little of this, a little of that added up to a big pile of yuck. The underlying detail in all of it was that I. was so excited about my parents coming over that she was practically vibrating emotionally, making her a very negative and highly fragile "whack job".
First, I got up from the breakfast table to find that a disk had moved onto my sciatic nerve and I couldn't get it to go back where it should have been. Agony! I hobbled upstairs to get ready so that I could go to the chiropractor before the gym and I. decides this was a good time to melt down into a whiny, crying tantrum. When I told her to go to her room, she wouldn't so I with my back and shoulder pain, had to lug her to her room.
I'm lying on my stomach at the chiropractor in agony as she is trying to coax the disk back where it's supposed to be and I. gets on a chair I've told her repeatedly not to and falls off of it. Very little pain but it scared her and added to that "whack job" quality of the day, she starts screaming her full head off. Off the table I crawl, pick her up, and begin trying to console her but she's off and running and things are escalating (can you say "whack job"?). A quick visit to the bathroom accompanied by the issued threat of strapping her in the car seat and locking her in the car is met with immediate compliance.
Finally the back gets fixed and we're off to the gym. That's when I. decides to turn up the aggravation factor and whine the entire ride that she's hungry. She's hungry because she was too excited to eat all her breakfast so now that has to be dealt with. At the gym, I somehow located all 4 of the 30 treadmills that aren't working before I finally find a working one. Not helping.
Afterwards, I. is too excited to finish her lunch, meaning that I'm going to have to deal with that yet AGAIN before the day is over. My parents get to the house and leave within 2 hours, leaving a whirlwind of mess in the living room and a hungry, exhausted 4 year old. She finally eats a good sized meal and is helping me make my dinner for later (something we both enjoy doing) and things are going well until I tell her she's not old enough to stir the ingredients in a hot skillet. This after she almost touched the side of it trying to stir after I told her not to. Normally, it wouldn't have been a big deal but on par for the day, she throws herself on the floor shrieking and screaming at the top of her lungs. Basically, she just came completely unhinged and it was all I could do to get her upstairs to the bath.
That's when I called my friend Terry to tell him "Good God Almighty! I am so capital-D-O-N-E, DONE!" and he distracted me enough with humor and perspective that I was good after 10 minutes. Thank God for friends.
I won't even comment on the cat crap issue that took place at 11pm. Nothing like cleaning that up right before going to sleep. On the humorous side, I came down from putting I. to bed, I checked in on the butterflies and there were 2 sets of copulating butterflies with the odd man out butterfly fluttering around like crazy. Poor thing!
Hoping for a better day today... need to let yesterday go and wipe the slate clean. Easier said than done.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Mood Hijacking
You wanna know how you can go from feeling content and happy to annoyed and really bummed out all in one short hour? You call my mom for the weekly check-in phone call and listen to her non-stop hour long monologue filled with meaningless, countless details of stories about my sister and brother. Stories that my mom labels as "funny" when in reality, they are perfect examples of how ill equipped both of them are to independently function in life. Stories that illustrate what happens when you constantly rescue your child from any and all consequences of their poor actions. And she wonders out loud why they don't learn the lessons and stop the behavior. I've only been a mother for 4+ years and even I have figured that one out.
You know, I'm sorry, I just don't find it funny anymore. It's like a broken record and not only am I tired of it, I'm tired of ME paying the consequences. Like not being able to see my parents during the week, during the daytime hours - the only hours I can see them because I HAVE A YOUNG CHILD IN MY HOUSE. They don't, but they act like they do and that is beyond annoying to me.
So I told my mom that the stories weren't funny to me because they were just going to be another thing that was going to be stressing her out down the road because she keeps bailing him out and solving all his problems for him. I could tell she blew me off because she just changed the topic to move on to when was V. going to not be home for the weekend so that we could see each other. Because, as stated before, they can only visit with me and I. on the weekends because of my 26 year old deadbeat loser of a sister. So just as soon as I finally have my hubby back a little, they want to know when he's going to be gone so they can visit. That's beyond stupid and pisses me off.
After an hour that seemed like two, I had to go get I. out of the gym's kid center so I was able to terminate the conversation. Did my mom ask anything about I. or my life? How was our weekend? What did we do as a family? How are things going? Nope, not one fucking thing.
And that's how a mood gets hijacked. Now the hard part is getting it back to where it was before. I'll let you know if I discover any helpful hints on that along the way.
You know, I'm sorry, I just don't find it funny anymore. It's like a broken record and not only am I tired of it, I'm tired of ME paying the consequences. Like not being able to see my parents during the week, during the daytime hours - the only hours I can see them because I HAVE A YOUNG CHILD IN MY HOUSE. They don't, but they act like they do and that is beyond annoying to me.
So I told my mom that the stories weren't funny to me because they were just going to be another thing that was going to be stressing her out down the road because she keeps bailing him out and solving all his problems for him. I could tell she blew me off because she just changed the topic to move on to when was V. going to not be home for the weekend so that we could see each other. Because, as stated before, they can only visit with me and I. on the weekends because of my 26 year old deadbeat loser of a sister. So just as soon as I finally have my hubby back a little, they want to know when he's going to be gone so they can visit. That's beyond stupid and pisses me off.
After an hour that seemed like two, I had to go get I. out of the gym's kid center so I was able to terminate the conversation. Did my mom ask anything about I. or my life? How was our weekend? What did we do as a family? How are things going? Nope, not one fucking thing.
And that's how a mood gets hijacked. Now the hard part is getting it back to where it was before. I'll let you know if I discover any helpful hints on that along the way.
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