Back Home

We've been back home since Monday, busy trying to get things taken care of while balancing this with fun.  Coming home was bittersweet.  I miss our pets so getting back to them is great.  Our weather is more pleasant so it's nice to have the windows open and get fresh air throughout the day and night.  Having our washer and dryer inside rather than the garage is definitely nice.  However, space-wise our place now feels smaller and more crowded with things.  Then there's the impending transition of D. from our/my room to I.'s room.  I have to admit that I'm not as stressed out as I was when I was pregnant and thinking about it but it's still a concern.  Especially considering V. banging the garage door open at 4am.  If both of them wake up for the day at that time, there will be many miserable days ahead.  I guess we'll just see and hope and pray...hard.

Today we went to the fair and we had a great time.  It was really just what I. and I needed after what seems like a week plus of afternoon tirades.  Each year I. gets older and I can add one more fair attraction to our visits.  When she was little, it was the animals, food, and the rides.  Then we added photography because we both enjoy that.  This year we added the hobby and craft building.  Really the only things left are the buildings where they sell things and I'm not that into that either.  Soon, the entire fair will be our oyster.  

It was one of those days when I had both kids but because D. was in the stroller or asleep in the sling on me, it still felt more like a day just with I.  Part of me is wistful about this because I know I took it for granted when it really was just I. and I.  But D. is such a joyful addition to all of our lives that I know our lives are better now even though they are still adjusting at times.

While we were in Palm Desert last week, D. was fussy here and there, grabbing at his mouth.  I told V. that I  thought I saw some swelling on his bottom gums and that I thought his teeth were about to come through.  Tonight when I fed him dinner, I thought I saw a white flash on his bottom gums.  I put my finger against his gums and yes, his two teeth had cut through sometime today because I didn't see them this morning at breakfast.  It appears, I'm hoping, that his teeth will come through as his sister's did, with just a little fussing and not much else.  I will be a very lucky momma if that happens!

Warm Nights

We've been out here in Palm Desert since Monday but just getting around to posting thanks to a really weak Wi-Fi signal. I love being outside at twilight and posting then but my Kindle couldn't get a good enough signal and I forgot that I could post on my phone. It's not ideal but it works.

Sitting out on our patio looking at the golf course, sun setting on my left behind the mountains and to my right is another range of mountains lit up by the sun's reflection.  It's perfectly warm like a bath with a nice cooler breeze that comes up every so often, just enough to rustle through the palm trees. Every night a man with a red Shiba Inu walks by reminding me of my first dog, a red Siberian Husky. I look forward to seeing it each evening.  Some nights V comes out with me to nap or play cards or dominos but the NBA finals were on some nights this week so he wanted to watch some of those.

Typical day has been playing with I in the pool in the morning while D is napping and then bringing him out with us. It's been awesome having a private pool - being able to go in and out frpm the pool is so great with a napping and nursing baby and an always hungry kid.  The house is perfect size unfortunately it will make it difficult to go back home.  V has been playing games with I and enjoying spending time with D.  We've been enjoying early dinners together and just being together. It's sad that it's such a novelty for our family.

The only exasperating part of the vacation is that no matter how much time we spend with I playing or interacting in a fun way, there's a mid afternoon meltdown when there's not time for one more game. Then I hear that I don't play with her when I've spent hours doing so in some fashion. It really hits a hot button with me probably because it sounds like the old "no matter what I do, it's not good enough" which normally can send me over the edge.  This and V's refusal to get in the pool and play with our kids.  Yes it aggravates me but he's been playing with both of them in the house so much,  I chalk it up to one of our division of labors.

All in all a really good vacation and still two more days here to go.

Tough Mothering Day

Today I didn't feel the perspective of my last post.  We're in day two of summer vacation.  Don't mistake me, I was really looking forward to having I. home for summer vacation.  And I still have hope but slogging through these early days has been difficult for a few reasons.

First, I. thinks that all my time should be spent playing with her.  I try explaining to her that Mommy still has to get everything done that she normally gets done while I. is at school.  Mommy doesn't get summer vacation .  That being said, I am having her help in the morning getting stuff done so that we do have time before D. gets up from morning nap to do something together.  In the afternoon after "rest time" which consists of about 45 minutes, I make a point of playing some sort of game with her.  However, it seems to be a case of "what have you done for me this past minute (not even lately)" and honestly, it kind of pisses me off.  

Secondly, I. is complaining a whole lot.  About everything and anything.  And it's driving me up the wall.  Seriously.  When I'm in hour 7 of her complaints, and granted it is interspersed with good moments when I'm playing with her (see above), I start seeing red.  Take for instance today.  Came down in the morning, I. says she's not hungry.  Well D. definitely is so I make him his breakfast.  Five minutes later as I'm sitting down to feed him, I. says she's hungry and proceeds to complain that I'm feeding him first.  Lunchtime it's the same complaint.  We play a fun game in the afternoon while D. is napping and then head out for the chiropractor.  They have now moved just down the street and we've been talking about walking/I. biking down to our appointments.  Everything is great on the way there but on the way home, all I hear is complaining and grumbling.  By the time we reach our complex she's in full tilt mode and as much as I have been ignoring her verbal negativity, I'm not able to ignore it any longer because it's in full tilt.  She refuses to go up the hill so I tell her to get off the bike and walk it up then which leads to more bad attitude and her hitting her leg into the pedal.  I know that hurts and maybe I should have hugged and consoled.  However, if she hadn't been throwing her little fit, it probably wouldn't have happened in the first place.  I shut my mouth since we're literally steps from our street and we cross over to our street.  Then she proceeds to throw a fit because she's going to have to go up an incline towards the garages.  As she reaches a loud, whining pitch, I pull her off the bike and order her up to the garage.  Was it my finest hour?  No, it wasn't and as I pushed D. in the stroller and I.'s bike up the incline and down the alley, I. started shrieking at the top of her lungs.  Maybe I should have been that ideal mom to lower my voice and bend down to her level and attempted to talk to her.  Get to the root of her feelings and frustration.  But my experience with that has been that she won't talk when she's at that point anyway.

To add to all this, V. has been gone so we're discussing this over the phone.  He said that the girls went through this complaining phase but it was always worse with their mother.  Since I've been around he's talked about how the girls argue and act up with their mother but not with him and I saw that too.  However, he would attribute that to how the mother would interact with the girls and while that may be true, some of the compliance with him was because he wasn't the primary parent.  I see that now.  I am careful to not be I.'s friend and be on her level, which was a problem with the older girls and their mother.  That being said, there is definitely something to be said about only being around less than 25 hours a week like V. is.  And that's on a good week.  Of course, I. is not going to argue and act out against the parent who is only there a little while each week.  This is the parent who she is craving and missing so she's not going to act up.  My annoyance with V. which I plan on telling him is that I think he's naive in thinking that his kids mind him better and don't act up with him because of how he parents.  It's not that.  It's that he's the one leaving all the time, the one whose presence they can't necessarily depend upon and they don't want to do anything to further limit that or jeopardize that.

I have to be honest, it makes me sad to acknowledge that.  I have to hope that even though V. works so much that having an intact marriage will help our children despite his absence.