I know I'm not the only one to have ever felt this way but I'm just so tired! I really think it's due to daylight savings time which added an extra hour to my work day. You wouldn't think that would make a difference but honestly, it does. It's not like I'm out of shape (no, I'm not skinny) but I do work out on average 5 days a week. But this afternoon, when I. was in the bath and I was running around picking up clothes/toys/books, bundling up the dirty diapers, de-catastrophizing the crib, getting pjs ready, I realized, "Damn I'm tired!" Being a SAHM is difficult but you know what, it's physically tiring. Try picking up a 35 lb. child numerous times a day, carting them up and down 4 flights of stairs - add a gym backpack, diaper bag, recycling, groceries, other errand bags and voila, I'm tired! And that's just the physical side of things. Add to that, the emotional tidal waves of a 3 year old (PATIENCE!) and trying to remain a good, loving, productive wife. Okay, now I'm exhausted.
I'm not complaining. It's just been that I've been puzzled as to why I've been so tired the past month and I was starting to get down on myself. Instead for once, I started delving into the "why" instead of berating myself and got down to a rational explanation. Hopefully, I'll start acclimating to this new workday and have a little more energy for the end of the day. If not soon, I'll have to find new strategies to wind up less tired at 7 pm.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Beautifully Warm Thoughts
Finally the suffocating heat disappeared today and left us with a beautiful, temperate day. Clear blue sky, warm sun, and a cool breeze that seems to caress my skin. It just feels good...
All this brought to mind some nice events of this past week plus a random musing or two. But first the nice events. Sunday V. decided that it was finally time to clean off our two patios with a broom and hose. I call this his "Annual Homeowner Masquerade", much to his chagrin, because it's really the only thing he does around the house that makes it appear that he owns a home. I don't mean this condescendingly at all - it's just that the property management company does all the upkeep outside our home and I do all of it inside the home. Except for cleaning the patios off. It sounds simple but logistically it's a nightmare complete with 1 long, forever kinking hose, a big embankment that said hose must be lugged up and then two stories of patios. The "nice" part of this event is that V. had a little helper this year in the form of a 3 foot tall, curly haired girl determined to help her daddy with a broom twice the size of her and many ideas as to how this project should be completed. From inside the house, I watched I. inform V. where he was to be and where she was to be and who should be doing what and I just laughed with pure glee - at the look of disbelief and amusement on V.'s face at all these orders being issued to him and the certainty and scolding tone in I.'s voice as she issued the orders and rebuked V. when he didn't follow them correctly. Needless to say, V. said I. sounded just like me, which I of course took as a supreme compliment though I'm not so sure it was meant exactly that way.
The other nice event was this same day but after I. went to bed. We decided with a nice clean patio, we should have a BBQ and eat dinner outside. The day's heat had burned off nicely so it was just a wonderful, warm evening and we sat out there and enjoyed our steaks and adult beverages while we relaxed and chuckled over the "Annual Homeowner Masquerade" and what an amazing, funny little person we created. This led to us remembering the moment our two lives and future slammed into to each other and teasing each other about that sequence of events which ended our day and evening on a warm, reminiscent note not unlike the evening's weather.
Onto the random musing I had a couple of days ago and how it tied into yesterday evening. Last night I enjoyed a Moroccan dinner with some of my momma friends to celebrate a 30th birthday. A significant birthday and one that got me thinking a couple of days ago about my own 30th, though many years ago. It got me thinking about how my 20s were filled with a lot of excitement but a lot of mental anguish and emotional pain. So much pain in fact, that it spilled over into the first few years of my early 30s, leading me to almost lose what most people would believe is a primal human urge - the will to live. Really the most significant birthday I've had was my 33rd because it was a miracle of God and a testament to how love, friendship, and loyalty can rebuild the human spirit when it feels it no longer wants to go on. In light of that period of my life and what my friend Mark is fighting for, it makes me want to make this year, the last year of my 30s, something really special. That's the realization I had at the kitchen sink a couple of days ago yet I'm still not sure what that special thing is. I feel good that I recognized this desire now instead of later on in the year because hopefully that'll give me time to figure out what "it" is. I'm not sure it's something concrete that I'm going to do but it could just be a change in my daily mindset, my attitude, how I look at things, how I treat people etc. All I do know is that I want it to positively affect the people that I care about in my life and you know, that's not a bad jumping off point.
All this brought to mind some nice events of this past week plus a random musing or two. But first the nice events. Sunday V. decided that it was finally time to clean off our two patios with a broom and hose. I call this his "Annual Homeowner Masquerade", much to his chagrin, because it's really the only thing he does around the house that makes it appear that he owns a home. I don't mean this condescendingly at all - it's just that the property management company does all the upkeep outside our home and I do all of it inside the home. Except for cleaning the patios off. It sounds simple but logistically it's a nightmare complete with 1 long, forever kinking hose, a big embankment that said hose must be lugged up and then two stories of patios. The "nice" part of this event is that V. had a little helper this year in the form of a 3 foot tall, curly haired girl determined to help her daddy with a broom twice the size of her and many ideas as to how this project should be completed. From inside the house, I watched I. inform V. where he was to be and where she was to be and who should be doing what and I just laughed with pure glee - at the look of disbelief and amusement on V.'s face at all these orders being issued to him and the certainty and scolding tone in I.'s voice as she issued the orders and rebuked V. when he didn't follow them correctly. Needless to say, V. said I. sounded just like me, which I of course took as a supreme compliment though I'm not so sure it was meant exactly that way.
The other nice event was this same day but after I. went to bed. We decided with a nice clean patio, we should have a BBQ and eat dinner outside. The day's heat had burned off nicely so it was just a wonderful, warm evening and we sat out there and enjoyed our steaks and adult beverages while we relaxed and chuckled over the "Annual Homeowner Masquerade" and what an amazing, funny little person we created. This led to us remembering the moment our two lives and future slammed into to each other and teasing each other about that sequence of events which ended our day and evening on a warm, reminiscent note not unlike the evening's weather.
Onto the random musing I had a couple of days ago and how it tied into yesterday evening. Last night I enjoyed a Moroccan dinner with some of my momma friends to celebrate a 30th birthday. A significant birthday and one that got me thinking a couple of days ago about my own 30th, though many years ago. It got me thinking about how my 20s were filled with a lot of excitement but a lot of mental anguish and emotional pain. So much pain in fact, that it spilled over into the first few years of my early 30s, leading me to almost lose what most people would believe is a primal human urge - the will to live. Really the most significant birthday I've had was my 33rd because it was a miracle of God and a testament to how love, friendship, and loyalty can rebuild the human spirit when it feels it no longer wants to go on. In light of that period of my life and what my friend Mark is fighting for, it makes me want to make this year, the last year of my 30s, something really special. That's the realization I had at the kitchen sink a couple of days ago yet I'm still not sure what that special thing is. I feel good that I recognized this desire now instead of later on in the year because hopefully that'll give me time to figure out what "it" is. I'm not sure it's something concrete that I'm going to do but it could just be a change in my daily mindset, my attitude, how I look at things, how I treat people etc. All I do know is that I want it to positively affect the people that I care about in my life and you know, that's not a bad jumping off point.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Once in a Blue Moon
When it happens to come out that V. and I rarely fight (as in once every 3 years or so), I have a feeling people think I'm fibbing but really I'm not. We just get along extremely well and have gotten to that point in our lives where we realize what is important and what we should just let go 'cause it's not a big deal in the whole scheme of things. Does that mean we NEVER get aggravated at one another? No, though even those times are few and far in between, but tonight's dinnertime was a prime example of those once in a blue moon moments.
We were both really tired by the end of the day by the time we made our way to the dinner table. I began talking about a conversation I had with someone who I feel stops all conversations because he/she announces their "expert" opinion after I've said one sentence. Really, is there anything worthwhile to add to a conversation after that? Anyways, V. pulls out one of my pet peeves - playing devil's advocate and says, "Those were valid points." Aargh, that's not the point! The point is that he/she does this with every stinkin' topic of conversation and it gets old. V. loves to play devil's advocate just to aggravate and for those people who like to argue about anything (ex-wife, other friends) that's great because they love it. Me? I hate it. I don't enjoy arguing and would like to feel as though the person I sleep with and live with is on my side not every other stinkin' person I may bring up in my story of the day. So I state this and he just acts like he doesn't get it which aggravates me further.
Then, pet peeve #2 came into play because I was already aggravated - not commenting on how good dinner is. I've talked to him A LOT about how telling me that dinner tastes good would go really far with me in the scheme of things. But he still doesn't do it. So when the other pet peeve raised its ugly head tonight I figured I'd throw on pet peeve #2 for good measure. So I say,"Gee this chicken is really good tonight! Thanks sweetie I really think so too." Nothing like a dose of sarcasm to reve up a dinner.
At that point, V. got this perturbed, exhausted look about him which means 2 things. One, he's irritated and two, he's feeling piled on by my criticism. Knowing that number two is scar tissue due to the exwife, I clear the table and announce that I won't say any more critical things about him for the rest of the night since he's getting pissed off and overwhelmed by them but to just keep in mind what I've said because it's valid. And I kept my promise though it was actually pretty easy since he fell asleep on the couch about 45 minutes later (hee hee).
So that was our really fun evening and I'm sure there will be more in the future but hopefully not for another few months or so. The bottom line is that we're on the same team and have each other's backs in any fight and we know it. That simple knowledge and confidence will carry us through much of what life throws at us.
We were both really tired by the end of the day by the time we made our way to the dinner table. I began talking about a conversation I had with someone who I feel stops all conversations because he/she announces their "expert" opinion after I've said one sentence. Really, is there anything worthwhile to add to a conversation after that? Anyways, V. pulls out one of my pet peeves - playing devil's advocate and says, "Those were valid points." Aargh, that's not the point! The point is that he/she does this with every stinkin' topic of conversation and it gets old. V. loves to play devil's advocate just to aggravate and for those people who like to argue about anything (ex-wife, other friends) that's great because they love it. Me? I hate it. I don't enjoy arguing and would like to feel as though the person I sleep with and live with is on my side not every other stinkin' person I may bring up in my story of the day. So I state this and he just acts like he doesn't get it which aggravates me further.
Then, pet peeve #2 came into play because I was already aggravated - not commenting on how good dinner is. I've talked to him A LOT about how telling me that dinner tastes good would go really far with me in the scheme of things. But he still doesn't do it. So when the other pet peeve raised its ugly head tonight I figured I'd throw on pet peeve #2 for good measure. So I say,"Gee this chicken is really good tonight! Thanks sweetie I really think so too." Nothing like a dose of sarcasm to reve up a dinner.
At that point, V. got this perturbed, exhausted look about him which means 2 things. One, he's irritated and two, he's feeling piled on by my criticism. Knowing that number two is scar tissue due to the exwife, I clear the table and announce that I won't say any more critical things about him for the rest of the night since he's getting pissed off and overwhelmed by them but to just keep in mind what I've said because it's valid. And I kept my promise though it was actually pretty easy since he fell asleep on the couch about 45 minutes later (hee hee).
So that was our really fun evening and I'm sure there will be more in the future but hopefully not for another few months or so. The bottom line is that we're on the same team and have each other's backs in any fight and we know it. That simple knowledge and confidence will carry us through much of what life throws at us.
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