The first day of I.'s vacation was not a fluke because we followed it up with 2 more great days. Tuesday after the babysitter arrived, I. and I went to the gym by ourselves and then to the grocery store. This may not sound very exciting but it was for us since it was just the two of us. Funny how what was once the norm is now special. We got done with the store in good time so I decided to take us to lunch at Pick Up Stix to maximize our time before heading home. As we sat waiting for our food, I. kept looking at me and then hugging me, so happy to be together and when we walked to the car, she said thank you for taking her to lunch. It felt really good. After we got home and I unloaded the groceries and fed D., I surprised I. with a short visit to the zoo. Even though it was short it was fun and was D.'s first official visit to the zoo. After almost 6 years of walking around the zoo with just I., it felt weird to have 2 kids with me. I guess it's going to take a while to get used to that.
Wednesday was another good day mainly hanging out at home. I needed to make our Thanksgiving dish and realized that I. was not only old enough to really help me, she would probably really enjoy it. I was right on both counts and I enjoyed having a daughter old enough to work side by side and make a recipe together. I can easily see this becoming a tradition of ours.
Today was Thanksgiving and it turned out well. My sister was not there so there was no family drama or stress to deal with. I. didn't get in bed too late at my parents' house but she was exhausted enough to come over to me at the dinner table and tell me that she was really tired. And D., aka Little What's It, made it through the day without crying. Thankfully, he took a 2.5 hour nap this morning and then I napped him in the sling for about 45 minutes in the afternoon. Aside from that though, he just hung in there studying everyone's faces and breaking out the big smiles all afternoon long. I don't know that I've ever met a better natured baby and I don't mean that because he's mine. I am still shocked that he is the way he is because I honestly that that all V. and I. made were feisty, sometimes gnarly, kids. He fell asleep for 30 minutes on the way home and even though he went to bed 2 hours later than his normal bedtime, he nursed and went right down after we got home. I've got my fingers crossed for tonight though - I'm hoping that it doesn't affect the rest of the night's sleep. He's been in a good groove the last 3 nights and it would be nice if it could become the new "normal". But I guess I'll see soon enough...
I. is vacationing for the next 3 days at my parents' house and they have all sorts of fun lined up. I can honestly say that I am really going to miss her. Sometimes the first day is more relief than missing her but after the good times she and I had this week, playing, relaxing, snuggling, and hanging out, I'm just going to be plain missing her. It will be interesting to just have D. by himself for 3 days. I plan on concentrating on enjoying all the little things while it's just him by himself.
This was the best week I've had in over 3 months and for it to fall on the week of Thanksgiving is/was perfect. So thankful for everything in my life!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Ingredient for a Good Day (Monday)
The ingredients of a good day. Time to play and hang out one on one with I. Extra playtime with D. Time to continue making a dent in the never-ending laundry. A much needed Costco run. Very little crying From either child. Decent naps for D. Lots of love and smiles from both kids. Both kids asleep by 5:15. Hubby walks into a cozy house that smells of roast chicken complete with newly showered wife.
Sounds like a dream but I actually pulled it off today. First day of Thanksgiving vacation = success! Trust me, it was a fluke. But it sure did feel good.
We'll see how tomorrow goes.
Sounds like a dream but I actually pulled it off today. First day of Thanksgiving vacation = success! Trust me, it was a fluke. But it sure did feel good.
We'll see how tomorrow goes.
Friday, November 11, 2011
A Little Confused
I'm a little confused by how I'm feeling tonight and trying to sort it out. Hopefully this post will help me work it out. As a caveat, may I say that I know I love my kids, my husband, and my life. It's just sometimes I can't "feel" it, and I mean that literally.
So I was hoping for a little more sleep last night since I didn't have to get up by a certain time to get I. to school. It's always a crap shoot with a 3 month old but every so often, his timing works out for me. Last night I thought it was going to work out for me again because he slept 5 hours straight until 3am. As I sat there feeding him until 3:30, I was hopeful since he should have slept about 3-3.5 more hours which would put me at 6:30 or maybe even 7, scoring me a total of 8 hours of sleep which I haven't had since before he was born. Unfortunately, it didn't happen like that. I put him back down and he fussed, burped, and then cried for a bit until I got back up and shook that bed for all it was worth and then set the vibrating function on the bed. By 4:15 he was asleep and I still was hopeful that I could get at least 2 more hours of sleep. Nope - he was up at 5:45 and do I really need to describe how it feels to be woken up from a deep sleep after an hour or so of sleep?
But I made the best of it and by 9am, I had him fed and down for his morning nap, the college girl had arrived and I. and I were ready to go. We spent the rest of the morning at Chuck E. Cheese playing together the whole time and it was really great. It just seemed so uncomplicated and easy with it just being the two of us again. I kept thinking how before D., I took these times for granted and that kind of bummed me out a little. On the flip side, and one that I need to concentrate on more, it made our present and future just-the-two-of-us times together so special and both of us appreciated today that much more. Of course, seeing how thankful I. was and how happy she was to be the only one with me made me feel sad too. Really, how complicated and confusing can being a mother possibly be. It truly is a double edged sword kind of job.
After we got home, I fed D. and the three of us went to get yogurt which was also part of I.'s dream day. After I fed D. yet again and got him down for his 30 minute nap, I. and I did a puzzle together and then it was time for the dinner/bedtime push with the 11 pound boy strapped sleeping to my chest. To say that I was physically pooped is stating the obvious. I made it through though and had both of them in bed by 5:30 (not freaking bad).
But then as I took my shower, the conflicting emotions began. Happy in mind but not feeling it emotionally that we got our one on one time today and that she really loved it. Sad because it was taken for granted before. I noticed today and also last weekend at I.'s birthday party that I'm having a hard time feeling connected emotionally sometimes. It's like I'm observing that the party/Chuck E. Cheese is going great and isn't it wonderful how happy I. is but emotionally I don't feel it like I normally would; I feel numb much of the time. It bothers me a lot this disconnect. I don't know what's causing it for certain and that worries me. Of course, it could be my interrupted sleep and the fact that I've been getting about 3 hours less sleep a day than I need for the past 3 months. I mean, that kind of accumulation is going to take its toll. Or perhaps it's just feeling emotionally tapped out sometimes. Or a combination of the two?
For instance, today is Friday and I've been having that numb, disconnected feeling throughout the day. Then I think of the week. I was the only parent on call and on hand all day and all night since Sunday except for my parents helping with the afternoon and bathtime on Wednesday. That's 4 full days of being solo 24/7. Maybe this plays a part in my feelings?
Lastly, V. and the girls are on the way down tonight for the weekend and while I am glad they are coming down especially for I.'s sake, for some reason I feel anxious about it. I remember the last time they came I felt anxious about it too. It's not them so much as I feel like the walls are closing in when there are so many people in this kind of small house. A claustraphobic type of thing.
What a whack job I sound like. I think if I was an algebra equation it would go like this: physical exhaustion + emotionally taxed = anxiety.
So I was hoping for a little more sleep last night since I didn't have to get up by a certain time to get I. to school. It's always a crap shoot with a 3 month old but every so often, his timing works out for me. Last night I thought it was going to work out for me again because he slept 5 hours straight until 3am. As I sat there feeding him until 3:30, I was hopeful since he should have slept about 3-3.5 more hours which would put me at 6:30 or maybe even 7, scoring me a total of 8 hours of sleep which I haven't had since before he was born. Unfortunately, it didn't happen like that. I put him back down and he fussed, burped, and then cried for a bit until I got back up and shook that bed for all it was worth and then set the vibrating function on the bed. By 4:15 he was asleep and I still was hopeful that I could get at least 2 more hours of sleep. Nope - he was up at 5:45 and do I really need to describe how it feels to be woken up from a deep sleep after an hour or so of sleep?
But I made the best of it and by 9am, I had him fed and down for his morning nap, the college girl had arrived and I. and I were ready to go. We spent the rest of the morning at Chuck E. Cheese playing together the whole time and it was really great. It just seemed so uncomplicated and easy with it just being the two of us again. I kept thinking how before D., I took these times for granted and that kind of bummed me out a little. On the flip side, and one that I need to concentrate on more, it made our present and future just-the-two-of-us times together so special and both of us appreciated today that much more. Of course, seeing how thankful I. was and how happy she was to be the only one with me made me feel sad too. Really, how complicated and confusing can being a mother possibly be. It truly is a double edged sword kind of job.
After we got home, I fed D. and the three of us went to get yogurt which was also part of I.'s dream day. After I fed D. yet again and got him down for his 30 minute nap, I. and I did a puzzle together and then it was time for the dinner/bedtime push with the 11 pound boy strapped sleeping to my chest. To say that I was physically pooped is stating the obvious. I made it through though and had both of them in bed by 5:30 (not freaking bad).
But then as I took my shower, the conflicting emotions began. Happy in mind but not feeling it emotionally that we got our one on one time today and that she really loved it. Sad because it was taken for granted before. I noticed today and also last weekend at I.'s birthday party that I'm having a hard time feeling connected emotionally sometimes. It's like I'm observing that the party/Chuck E. Cheese is going great and isn't it wonderful how happy I. is but emotionally I don't feel it like I normally would; I feel numb much of the time. It bothers me a lot this disconnect. I don't know what's causing it for certain and that worries me. Of course, it could be my interrupted sleep and the fact that I've been getting about 3 hours less sleep a day than I need for the past 3 months. I mean, that kind of accumulation is going to take its toll. Or perhaps it's just feeling emotionally tapped out sometimes. Or a combination of the two?
For instance, today is Friday and I've been having that numb, disconnected feeling throughout the day. Then I think of the week. I was the only parent on call and on hand all day and all night since Sunday except for my parents helping with the afternoon and bathtime on Wednesday. That's 4 full days of being solo 24/7. Maybe this plays a part in my feelings?
Lastly, V. and the girls are on the way down tonight for the weekend and while I am glad they are coming down especially for I.'s sake, for some reason I feel anxious about it. I remember the last time they came I felt anxious about it too. It's not them so much as I feel like the walls are closing in when there are so many people in this kind of small house. A claustraphobic type of thing.
What a whack job I sound like. I think if I was an algebra equation it would go like this: physical exhaustion + emotionally taxed = anxiety.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Good Stuff
Today I got D. to laugh....finally. For the last month, he has almost laughed. He opens his mouth up as wide as it can go and then almost laughs but no sound comes out. Then he gets the hiccups, as though he's laughed.
Tonight though I discovered a ticklish area between his upper chest and armpit. I wiggled around there and his mouth popped wide open. I wiggled around there some more and not only did his mouth pop wide open, this sound came out "Huh huh huh" It was a gut laugh. It got me laughing because there truly is nothing quite like a baby's gut laugh (see YouTube). I'm on a high from seeing his smile and hearing his laugh.
The other thing D. does that endears him to me is when he's in my arms and I'm talking to him and kissing him, he smiles at me, opens his mouth wide and then ducks his head to snuggle against my chest. It's like he's overcome with feelings towards me that he just has to turn against me and snuggle. Aaaahhhh...endorphins.
The other great thing is that tomorrow I. doesn't have school but the college girl is still coming in the morning. Two mornings a week, I've started having a trustworthy college girl come over to man the house while D. is taking his morning nap. It allows me to get errands done or go to the gym or take care of appointments while he is asleep. I agonized awhile over this because I do not want to miss ANY of D.'s awake time. It's so limited right now and these early days will never come again so I don't want to miss any of it. But if he's asleep for 2.5-3 hours, he'll never miss me and I can get a heck of alot of things done plus it's good to get out of the house for something other than dropping off and picking I. up from school.
Anyways, tomorrow I. and I are getting out by ourselves like the good ole days. I told her a week ago to start thinking about what she would want us to do and she immediately said, "Chuck E. Cheese and you can go on that ride with me that you couldn't when we took D. and then we could go get some frozen yogurt afterwards." So that's what we are going to do. And I am really looking forward to getting a few hours for just the two of us. The neat thing is that she is excited too. Funny how the stuff that we took for granted not that long ago is such a treat for us now.
Tonight though I discovered a ticklish area between his upper chest and armpit. I wiggled around there and his mouth popped wide open. I wiggled around there some more and not only did his mouth pop wide open, this sound came out "Huh huh huh" It was a gut laugh. It got me laughing because there truly is nothing quite like a baby's gut laugh (see YouTube). I'm on a high from seeing his smile and hearing his laugh.
The other thing D. does that endears him to me is when he's in my arms and I'm talking to him and kissing him, he smiles at me, opens his mouth wide and then ducks his head to snuggle against my chest. It's like he's overcome with feelings towards me that he just has to turn against me and snuggle. Aaaahhhh...endorphins.
The other great thing is that tomorrow I. doesn't have school but the college girl is still coming in the morning. Two mornings a week, I've started having a trustworthy college girl come over to man the house while D. is taking his morning nap. It allows me to get errands done or go to the gym or take care of appointments while he is asleep. I agonized awhile over this because I do not want to miss ANY of D.'s awake time. It's so limited right now and these early days will never come again so I don't want to miss any of it. But if he's asleep for 2.5-3 hours, he'll never miss me and I can get a heck of alot of things done plus it's good to get out of the house for something other than dropping off and picking I. up from school.
Anyways, tomorrow I. and I are getting out by ourselves like the good ole days. I told her a week ago to start thinking about what she would want us to do and she immediately said, "Chuck E. Cheese and you can go on that ride with me that you couldn't when we took D. and then we could go get some frozen yogurt afterwards." So that's what we are going to do. And I am really looking forward to getting a few hours for just the two of us. The neat thing is that she is excited too. Funny how the stuff that we took for granted not that long ago is such a treat for us now.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Evening Observations
Quick thoughts before heading to bed...
My baby girl is turning 6 on Wednesday. Why I thought that having 2 kids would make it easier is beyond me. I'll be teary eyed as I write her birthday letter tomorrow night. Six years ago tonight is when I went into labor with her. I'm so proud of her. By her sheer determination, she has taught herself how to read. I love hanging out with her side by side, listening to what she says because it gives me a glimpse into her complicated, but always thinking brain. The way her brain works and her heart feels is more like me every year but the way she deals with negative and strong emotions is more like V. which causes a real internal conflict. God help me to know how to help her with that.
My baby boy just turned 3 months yesterday. In some ways it seems like yesterday he was here and in many ways it seems like forever thanks to the nighttime feedings and not enough sleep. He continues to amaze me with his good nature. That really is the phrase to describe him. He can doze off for 10 minutes, wake up, and smile at me. Of course, don't get me wrong, he is still a little guy. So after he woke up at 5:15am this morning for the day, by 7:15 he was miserably tired and crying off and on until I put him in the sling. Then he quietly communed with my chest though not falling asleep until it was time to take I. to school. On the way home, he cried intermittently for 5 minutes and then passed out. As the mother of an intense first child, I have to say I really, really appreciate that. I. would have just gone to the red zone and screamed without falling asleep until I took her out of that damn car seat. Like I said, good natured this boy is and I'll add calm, easy going, and happy to the mix. That being said, I still only got 5.5 hours of sleep last night...
My baby girl is turning 6 on Wednesday. Why I thought that having 2 kids would make it easier is beyond me. I'll be teary eyed as I write her birthday letter tomorrow night. Six years ago tonight is when I went into labor with her. I'm so proud of her. By her sheer determination, she has taught herself how to read. I love hanging out with her side by side, listening to what she says because it gives me a glimpse into her complicated, but always thinking brain. The way her brain works and her heart feels is more like me every year but the way she deals with negative and strong emotions is more like V. which causes a real internal conflict. God help me to know how to help her with that.
My baby boy just turned 3 months yesterday. In some ways it seems like yesterday he was here and in many ways it seems like forever thanks to the nighttime feedings and not enough sleep. He continues to amaze me with his good nature. That really is the phrase to describe him. He can doze off for 10 minutes, wake up, and smile at me. Of course, don't get me wrong, he is still a little guy. So after he woke up at 5:15am this morning for the day, by 7:15 he was miserably tired and crying off and on until I put him in the sling. Then he quietly communed with my chest though not falling asleep until it was time to take I. to school. On the way home, he cried intermittently for 5 minutes and then passed out. As the mother of an intense first child, I have to say I really, really appreciate that. I. would have just gone to the red zone and screamed without falling asleep until I took her out of that damn car seat. Like I said, good natured this boy is and I'll add calm, easy going, and happy to the mix. That being said, I still only got 5.5 hours of sleep last night...
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