One of Those Great Days

D. and I headed to the zoo today when he got up from nap.  Even though we were only able to stay for a short time (1.5 hours) before afternoon nap, we had the best time.  I would have never imagined having so much fun in so short a time.  It wasn't that we did SO much, it was what we did that made it special.  Today we saw bears, giraffes, elephants, zebras, monkeys and a few other animals that he had never seen before.  Then I fed him some lunch, put his socks on and let him walk around.  He still refuses to walk in shoes, thus the socks to provide some protection to his tootsies.

What made it special was sharing that moment of him seeing animals he's never seen before.  And then while we were looking at the elephants, he tipped his head over into mine (his version of a kiss) and then turned his face towards mine so that we were lip to lip.  I was kissing him and he was babbling quietly in this happy way and then he put his hands gently on my face and we just stayed like this for a little while.  Another instance of the more time he and I get to spend one on one, the more affectionate he is with me.  Such a wonderful benefit!

It's a moment I won't forget but just in case it begins to dim, I have it captured here to help me remember.  Such a moment in time!

Attracting Attention

First, I should follow up on my last post and say that I. did indeed have a fine day after all.  On the way home, I asked her what she learned from this morning that would help her avoid another morning like today's.  She took a long time to answer and as I was beginning to lose hope, she said, "To start cleaning up earlier and to not get so many things out in the morning."  I was thrilled but didn't want to erupt in verbal celebration so I gave her the thumbs up and said, "Sounds good!"  Fingers crossed on this front.

D. and I went to the grocery store to gear up for my in law's visit.  It was a lot of grocery shopping, preparing for lunches and dinners including a dinner with my parents.  Lots of cooking is going to be happening. Anyways, D. and I were there for over an hour and during that time, we were stopped and talked to no less than 10 times thanks to D.'s winning smile and big blue eyes (I saw this because this is what people would say).  He grinned and played shy, hiding against me and then peering around me at the person.  We just had the best of times weaving our way up and down the aisles, D. shrieking here and there and babbling with me babbling in reply.  Half the time, he enjoyed holding a bag with a special roll for I.; the other half occupied him trying to tear a plastic bag in half.  He is just such a pure joy.

I love making him laugh and seem to have the knack for it.  He may not say Mama yet, but he thinks I'm funny and to me, that's better.  When I change a poopie diaper, I sing, "Poopies poopies everywhere, poopies poopies in your hair!" with a lot of emphasis and faces included.  He laughs until he gets the hiccups.  In the bath, I hold the washcloth up and then pretend I "sneeze" the washcloth onto his head.  Another winning Momma move.  I could go on.  And I know I'm getting closer to hearing that super special word "momma" because when I say Momma, he'll pat me or lay his head against my chest and my heart just melts.

Post Boom

Friday night was a tough night for me.  The boom had been lowered in the afternoon and I expected little to no reaction from her.  Or if there was some reaction, I was hoping for her to be sad and perhaps a little bit of pleading that she wouldn't do it again or something along those lines.  Instead she walked over to the closet, opened up the doors to see empty bookshelves, told me I was rude (no big deal) and then said, "Oh here's a book that you forgot." in this snotty sing songy tone of voice.  Gotta love it.

That night I just had this sinking feeling that I'm losing her, already at age 6.  I talked to V. about it, my fears, frustrations, and had a good sob.  These constant problems are taking a toll on our relationship, at least on my side.  She's so Jekyll and Hyde that one minute she can be flipping out and fifteen minutes later, she's hugging on me.  For me, it's hard to let it go especially after 3 months of what feels like daily problems over the same stupid things.  By the end of the day, I just want her in bed NOW because I'm done, I've used all my patience for the day and if I don't get her in bed NOW, I'm risking losing my temper. Of course, when V. is here and I'm not juggling trying to keep D. out of trouble as I'm trying to get I.'s hair washed and books read to her, it's not a big deal and I don't feel that same sense of urgency, that I'm about to lose it.  This is why there is no way I could ever handle another child.

The weekend brought better behavior from I. and I thought she seemed more relaxed, affectionate, and happy.  Go figure!  This morning was the worst school morning we've had in over a year.  As usual, in her room she had gotten out 5 different games with millions of pieces along with a bunch of other stuff and then waited to start putting it away.  She kept coming downstairs to get a plastic bag for this and that and while I can admire the effort, I would tell her how much time was left until we left.  I guess she didn't really listen (big surprise there) because it came to the time when we needed to leave and not only was she not done, she wasn't fully dressed and hadn't eaten breakfast.  I didn't get mad about it since she's the one who was going to receive consequences from it (tardy slip).  Of course, she came downstairs and started blaming me for her lateness (I should have told her to clean up, I shouldn't have made her clean up etc.).  I handed her breakfast to eat in the car and got in the car to wait for her because she had forgotten her socks.  By the time we got to school everyone was already in the classrooms so we had to get a tardy slip for the first time for her to take to her teacher.  She asked what it was and I explained what it was and that it counted against the behavior grade.  We get to the closed door of her classroom and she starts saying she doesn't want to go to school, she's not going into her class until I finally had to open the door up, get her teacher's attention, have her come out and get I.  As long as I was there, I. was not going to get better so I left.

Now it's time to go get here and I'm hoping that her day got progressively better and that perhaps she will have learned her lesson not to take out a bazillion toys at once in her room.  We'll see.

The Boom Will Be Lowered

More problems with I.  I'm so tired of them.  Clutter and mess in her room continues to be an issue even though she knows that she is to clean up her room before coming down to breakfast.  With feeding D. breakfast and trying to gulp down some myself, I haven't been going back upstairs to do "quality control" and as a result, many mornings there is still stuff strewn all over the ground in the bedroom and bathroom and then at bedtime, while I'm trying to keep D. from getting into trouble while I'm washing I.'s hair or getting her in bed, the mess just pisses me off because I'm stepping on it, tripping on things etc.  It makes me angry towards I. almost every bedtime which is not how I want to end the day with her.  Going to have to make some changes there.

But that's not even the bad part.  The bad part is that even though she lost the privilege of reading books for 30 minutes at bedtime for a month after 3 offenses of sneaking books til it was late (resulting in daily late afternoon tantrums because she's tired), I've caught her twice in the last week. I usually have everything I need to get D. ready for bed in my room but a couple of times I've walked back into their room to get something and there she is hiding a book under her pillow.  Today was the last straw because I know that if I'm 2 for 2 catching her, chances are she's doing it every night.  Both V. and I have talked with her about disobeying, why the rule is in place, and how she is becoming untrustworthy by her actions and she needs to start doing the right thing in order for us to be able to trust her again.  After tonight, I see that she's just not getting it and probably thinks she's getting away with it which to be honest pisses me off.

I've read this before in John Rosemond's book "The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children" and agree thoroughly with it.

"The old-fashioned parent was unconcerned with the issue of fairness, the perception that there should be equity between the misbehavior and its consequence when it came to discipline.  Rather, he or she was intent upon nipping misbehavior in the bud, which was generally accomplished through a lowering of the proverbial boom.  The old-fashioned parent realized that the size of a given misbehavior should not dictate the size of the punishment.  After all, any misbehavior, no matter how small, can become a major problem if allowed to flourish; ergo, the boom."

So tomorrow I'm lowering the boom.  I'm removing every single book in her room and that's no small task - she probably has over 300 books.  Instead of doing something fun with D. in the morning, I will have to go to Big Lots and buy some storage containers to hold the books and then pack them away.  The library books will go back and those privileges will be revoked.  For how long?  Until V. and I think she's proving to be trustworthy again.  It will be interesting to see her reaction to such a huge consequence.  Here's my prediction, she'll put a poker face on even though she'll be shocked.  I just pray that it ultimately works.

I wonder if the old-fashioned parent felt sad when they had to lower the boom or not.  Because I do, not because I don't want to be the bad guy but because it's had to come to this.  But like the above quote said, this is an issue that will become a much larger issue as she gets older and with much more serious implications.  That is what worries me greatly.

On the flip side at school she is thriving, obeying, and going the extra mile to be the perfect student with exemplary character.  Part of it I think is her competitiveness that makes her want to be the best in the class. Regardless, many days it makes me wish I could switch places with her teacher and get to see her in that light for a little bit to tide me over through these rotten times.

Sweet Moment

This morning D. and I were driving to swim class and I had music on that I was bopping my head to the beat.  I looked up in the rear view mirror and there was D. nodding his head up and down just like me.  It's the sweet moments like these that make this time of my life so precious and help with those other moments when "precious" isn't quite the word I'd use.

First Day of First Grade

I'm happy and relieved to say that I. had a great first day.  This morning she was still lamenting not getting to play with D. but when I picked her up, she ran over with a big smile and kisses for both of us, D. first of course.  She loved her day and today was pretty much learning rules and figuring out where the kids' learning levels were at.  I think she's going to rock it this year.  Her teacher and I have already talked twice about her advanced levels in math and reading so I feel good that we are on the same page - she doesn't need extra homework or more homework, she just needs challenging homework.  This is one of the big reasons why we are sending I. to private school and making the investment.  If she was in public school, there would be around 33 kids in her first grade class, hers has 18.  She was in such a good mood and couldn't wait for tomorrow to head back to school.

D. and I went to music class and then out to lunch with our music class friends which was fun.  By the time we got home, it was time for nap time and then I had to wake D. up from nap to go get I. from school.  A surprisingly fast day though I did get a lot done, some laundry, making I.'s and D.'s breakfasts plus I.'s lunch, and fitting in 30 minutes of hard exercise.  My goal this fall is to fit in 3-30 minute home sessions of exercise during the week to supplement my weekend workouts.  This week will be one trying to find balance between  fun/leisure and getting things done both when I. is in school and when she is out of school.

The Next 12 School Years

Tomorrow morning begins the what school years will be like for the next 12 years.  I. will be starting first grade and with that, a full-day school day.  I have to admit, I'm really concerned for her because her energy levels flag so noticeably during the day when she's at home that I wonder how she's going to hold it together. Then I remember that the only time she doesn't hold it together is when she's at home and I feel a little more hopeful.

It's going to be so weird having I. gone for so much of the day.  I guess if she went to bed at a more "normal" time, let's say 7:30, it wouldn't be such a shock.  But getting out of school at 3:15 and being in bed by 5:15 is  a major time crunch.  I'm still waiting for when she can go to bed a little later and realize that I'm probably one of the few mothers waiting for this but to be honest, when she goes to bed at 6-something and gets up at 4-something, she's a different kid.  Last night, she was exhausted and was asleep by 5:40 and since she went to sleep early, she got up later (yes, I know that sounds opposite but that's how it works here) at 5:25 and today she was pleasant, funny, cheerful, and imaginative.  My baby girl was alive and well.  I'm going to miss her but I'd be lying if I didn't say that part of me is relieved after this summer.  Although I keep to a routine with some things, I think that I. kind of floundered after a week or two without the schedules of school days which contributed to some of the problems.  I guess we'll see if the structure of school helps in these coming days.

Today I decided we'd do something different as a family and go bowling in between D.'s naptimes and we had a good time.

After D.'s nap, which he didn't take due to the fact that he was being held at the bowling alley and therefore got no physical activity, we had chips, salsa, and guacamole for a treat while we bbq'd our early dinner and ate together.  It was nice and we had some laughs and just enjoyed each other's company for a change.  After we got the kids to bed and I got I.'s lunch and D.'s and I.'s breakfasts prepared, V. and I. enjoyed a couple of rounds of cards outside on the patio.  It made the 3 day weekend feel like a vacation.

But now, it's back to the grind.  The school grind that is.  An early alarm, a little more rush-rush than the summer mornings but then it'll be stretches of time - time to exercise and get projects done while D. naps and time for D. and I to have fun together one on one and give him that time that I. had with me.  This is one of the major benefits of having kids farther apart and I expect to enjoy it very much.