This adverb "slowly" accurately describes my recovery this week from the stomach flu. Just when I would think that my stomach could adequately handle some sort of food, it let me know very quickly and in a very unpleasant and painful manner that no, it was not ready. I wish it could just let me know ahead of time instead of tricking me with a random hunger pain and then punishing me after the fact. This type of trick had me wandering the house in the middle of the night in pain in search of something, anything that would get my bowels to calm down and let me sleep. Last night a truce was called and I actually got some sleep which should help make for a more productive day. I really don't think I can stand the suitcases sitting unpacked on the ground much longer. I swear they are beginning to taunt me when I walk by them but when you're seriously low on energy, you have to budget wisely.
Yesterday was my normal OB appointment and I ended up being bummed out for the rest of the day. I don't think that's right considering that everything went well. We heard what's it's heartbeat (a first for V.), my blood pressure was nice and low, my weight right on the money, and besides, I had those awesome test results from before. I figured it would be a really positive appointment. But no, of course not. After looking at my chart, the first question was, "Are you going for genetic counseling?" I asked him if he had seen how good my test results were and I didn't see a need to sit down and talk with someone unless some test showed something worrisome. Yeah let's sit down and have a negative, the-sky-is-falling conversation about risks that are not coming up in my results - what is the friggin' point of that?!
The doctor said okay but again reiterated that at 40, they highly recommend an amnio. I just simply responded, "No thanks." He said that was my choice but began reiterating the whole "at 40..." converation to which I stopped him with, "we wouldn't do anything no matter what the amnio showed anyways." That stopped him in his tracks and he said, "Well that's good to know."
Here's the rub: I picked this guy over 10 years because he was positive, cheerful, calm, and always in a pleasant mood. And now this time around, I've wound up with Eeoyre. I mean he says all these things pleasantly enough but it's just the fact that this is a wonderous time, a miracle of life and when I go into that office, it's like everyone is just waiting for the other shoe to drop and God forbid, don't say anything positive about how smoothly the pregnancy and tests are going. Don't acknowledge that - that may be way too much positive energy. What's ironic is that when I go to the place to get the tests done, they are very positive - "Oh, the baby looks perfect", "You're only 40, we have tons of 47 year olds running around here and most everybody's tests are fine." Because that is the reality. The majority of babies born to healthy mothers are just fine so why does the medical community concentrate on that 1%?
I'm hoping that once we've reached the point of no return, when all the tests are done, that these pointless conversations are over and they can start approaching this pregnancy as a happy thing, a healthy thing. I swear this is why people have home births, to circumvent this level of bullshit. Okay, enough for now of me on this soapbox.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Trip Tribulations
Here's my theory - if I get the angst(s) of our trip out of the way in this post then the next post about our trip can be about the fun. I think it'll work. Plus, I really don't feel well enough to write about the fun we had and when I do write about it, I want to truly feel it. Okay?
As you can tell by now, I'm still waiting for that vacation/trip where at least 70% of the trip is positive and good and the other 30% is the stuff that happens when you have kids with you and you're not in your normal "routine" of things. See? I'm not greedy when it comes to my expectations. I'm not asking for a 90% perfect trip - just one where the good solidly outweighes the bad. Really, is it too much to ask? I guess lately it has been.
So here's what happened. The night before the trip, one day after I got my weekly chiropractor adjustment, my lower back went out badly. Add lugging heavy suitcases, plane rides, stress, and lots and lots of walking up the hills of San Francisco, and saggy couches and it became a perfect storm. Now I've had back pain since I was 14 and the worst of it is sciata pain that shoots down your leg and makes it almost impossible to walk. This pain didn't shoot down my leg (so that was good) but instead it had the same level, if not a little worse, shooting across my lower back directly out of my tailbone. It became so bad that I was mentally making contingency plans on the fly. For instance, as we were walking up the hills of Chinatown: "What would I do if my back went completely out right here?" and then I would figure out where I would stop, who I would call, etc. That lasted the entire duration of the trip though it simmered down a little the last 2 days of our trip. Just in time for.....
A horrible bout with the stomach flu. Oh My Gosh. I went to bed on Saturday night at 9pm because I was exhausted. We did alot of walking every day in the pouring rain and with a wind chill around 32 degrees so it was completely understandable that I was really tired. Oh, did I forget to mention (since I seemed to forget it myself last week) that I'm also pregnant. Hmm, maybe that made me a little tired too. Anyways, I went to bed at 9pm. and woke up at 11:30 with really bad stomach pains. I was up and down for the rest of the night alternating evacuations between orifices. I thought maybe it was food poisoning but I was sick all day Sunday and Monday too so it had to be the stomach flu. I was so weak and nauseous. The additional rub was that V. was too tired on Saturday to do anything so Sunday was our only day to do something in San Francisco as a family and it also was the only day that it wasn't pouring rain.
I decided it was going to have to be that time as an adult and a mother when you just have to suck it up and that's what I did. We went to Fisherman's Wharf, got some lunch, went to the Aquarium, and took an hour long boat cruise. It truly was mind over matter with my strategy being that as long as I didn't put anything into my stomach and concentrated on the cold air in my face, I may have a fighting chance at staying upright and not throwing up. It worked but came with the price afterwards of collapsing in bed when we got home and the next day's travelling home via taxi, subway, airplane, and car almost pushed things over the edge. Even today (Wednesday), my stomach is not keen on food but it's able to tolerate liquids which helps lessen my worries for the baby. I've been so dehydrated the last 4 days that the Braxton-Hicks contractions started up and that is never a good sign at this point. So I'm on the road to recovery but it's a slow one and it's hard to run around doing what needs to be done (grocery shopping, taking I. to school, etc.) when my energy is so low.
So the next post when I get the energy will be full of the good details and some of the pictures, though I didn't take all that many on account if the buckets of rain that were falling on our heads 4 out of the 5 days.
As you can tell by now, I'm still waiting for that vacation/trip where at least 70% of the trip is positive and good and the other 30% is the stuff that happens when you have kids with you and you're not in your normal "routine" of things. See? I'm not greedy when it comes to my expectations. I'm not asking for a 90% perfect trip - just one where the good solidly outweighes the bad. Really, is it too much to ask? I guess lately it has been.
So here's what happened. The night before the trip, one day after I got my weekly chiropractor adjustment, my lower back went out badly. Add lugging heavy suitcases, plane rides, stress, and lots and lots of walking up the hills of San Francisco, and saggy couches and it became a perfect storm. Now I've had back pain since I was 14 and the worst of it is sciata pain that shoots down your leg and makes it almost impossible to walk. This pain didn't shoot down my leg (so that was good) but instead it had the same level, if not a little worse, shooting across my lower back directly out of my tailbone. It became so bad that I was mentally making contingency plans on the fly. For instance, as we were walking up the hills of Chinatown: "What would I do if my back went completely out right here?" and then I would figure out where I would stop, who I would call, etc. That lasted the entire duration of the trip though it simmered down a little the last 2 days of our trip. Just in time for.....
A horrible bout with the stomach flu. Oh My Gosh. I went to bed on Saturday night at 9pm because I was exhausted. We did alot of walking every day in the pouring rain and with a wind chill around 32 degrees so it was completely understandable that I was really tired. Oh, did I forget to mention (since I seemed to forget it myself last week) that I'm also pregnant. Hmm, maybe that made me a little tired too. Anyways, I went to bed at 9pm. and woke up at 11:30 with really bad stomach pains. I was up and down for the rest of the night alternating evacuations between orifices. I thought maybe it was food poisoning but I was sick all day Sunday and Monday too so it had to be the stomach flu. I was so weak and nauseous. The additional rub was that V. was too tired on Saturday to do anything so Sunday was our only day to do something in San Francisco as a family and it also was the only day that it wasn't pouring rain.
I decided it was going to have to be that time as an adult and a mother when you just have to suck it up and that's what I did. We went to Fisherman's Wharf, got some lunch, went to the Aquarium, and took an hour long boat cruise. It truly was mind over matter with my strategy being that as long as I didn't put anything into my stomach and concentrated on the cold air in my face, I may have a fighting chance at staying upright and not throwing up. It worked but came with the price afterwards of collapsing in bed when we got home and the next day's travelling home via taxi, subway, airplane, and car almost pushed things over the edge. Even today (Wednesday), my stomach is not keen on food but it's able to tolerate liquids which helps lessen my worries for the baby. I've been so dehydrated the last 4 days that the Braxton-Hicks contractions started up and that is never a good sign at this point. So I'm on the road to recovery but it's a slow one and it's hard to run around doing what needs to be done (grocery shopping, taking I. to school, etc.) when my energy is so low.
So the next post when I get the energy will be full of the good details and some of the pictures, though I didn't take all that many on account if the buckets of rain that were falling on our heads 4 out of the 5 days.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Valentine's Day Survival
The survival of Valentine's Day. It was a day of angst for so long that it's hard to not feel that way about it still to this day. I felt myself getting irritated when several people asked I. or I what we were doing for Valentine's Day. Uh, I don't know, waking up and living?! I wasn't sure what the right answer was so I just shrugged and said "Hanging out." as though that wasn't something out of the ordinary. Not that I don't appreciate hanging out with I., 'cause I do but it's not like a special Valentine's Day event or anything.
I. and I snuck our cards into V.'s suitcase on Sunday before he left so he'd have them for the actual day. There was a "miscommunication" of sorts. Actually it was less of a miscommunication than just a little bit of wishful thinking and a whole lot of not listening on V.'s part. No, it didn't turn into a huge, pouting deal like it would have been 15 years ago or even 5 years ago but still, ya know it was Valentine's Day. I specifically told V. he was off the hook for flowers this year since we are leaving tomorrow for San Fran but that he was still on the hook for a card at least. That's where the selective hearing came in and what he heard was "You're off the hook for Valentine's Day this year." So there was no card from him AND he didn't take I. to get a card or have her make me a card either. So this baby mama got nada. This all came to light at the end of last night's phone call when I asked, "Did you find our cards?" and he said, "Yes, I thought we weren't getting cards for each other." That's when I clarified exactly what I said since he didn't bother listening to the entire 8 word sentence. So he was sputtering that he figure out something and I felt like saying, "Dude, the day is OVER." but I just let him sputter because I felt like he at the very least deserved that. It also didn't help that I went to the grocery store to get myself something special for dinner (i.e. an artichoke) and as I stood there in the long lines (why did I go to the grocery store on Valentine's Day!), I was surrounded by men with floweres, balloons, cards, steaks and lobster tails trying to make sure they were sufficiently covered for the day.
Next topic is packing for San Fran which must take place today. I.'s shouldn't be bad at all. It's mine that is going to be filled with angst I think. Why? Because my midsection is changing daily, actually hourly. Pants that "fit" yesterday may fit this morning and they might not. Pants that fit on Wednesday may not fit by our last day, Monday. On top of that, I have a very limited selection, I mean, very limited. It's going to be raining up there and cold for at least the first three days so it would be nice to be able to choose among pants that will give me the most protection from the rain. At this point, it's looking like I'll be lucky to even have a pair of pants in the suitcase let alone on my body. It's just that awkward time of too big for normal pants (for the most part) and too small for maternity pants. So this will make for a fun time packing.
Packing aside, I'm excited for our adventure beginning tomorrow morning. The apartment in Nob Hill is lined up and tonight I'm going to finish researching public transportation to the places we want to see. Then it's just a matter of enjoying ourselves. I am confident that we can do that.
I. and I snuck our cards into V.'s suitcase on Sunday before he left so he'd have them for the actual day. There was a "miscommunication" of sorts. Actually it was less of a miscommunication than just a little bit of wishful thinking and a whole lot of not listening on V.'s part. No, it didn't turn into a huge, pouting deal like it would have been 15 years ago or even 5 years ago but still, ya know it was Valentine's Day. I specifically told V. he was off the hook for flowers this year since we are leaving tomorrow for San Fran but that he was still on the hook for a card at least. That's where the selective hearing came in and what he heard was "You're off the hook for Valentine's Day this year." So there was no card from him AND he didn't take I. to get a card or have her make me a card either. So this baby mama got nada. This all came to light at the end of last night's phone call when I asked, "Did you find our cards?" and he said, "Yes, I thought we weren't getting cards for each other." That's when I clarified exactly what I said since he didn't bother listening to the entire 8 word sentence. So he was sputtering that he figure out something and I felt like saying, "Dude, the day is OVER." but I just let him sputter because I felt like he at the very least deserved that. It also didn't help that I went to the grocery store to get myself something special for dinner (i.e. an artichoke) and as I stood there in the long lines (why did I go to the grocery store on Valentine's Day!), I was surrounded by men with floweres, balloons, cards, steaks and lobster tails trying to make sure they were sufficiently covered for the day.
Next topic is packing for San Fran which must take place today. I.'s shouldn't be bad at all. It's mine that is going to be filled with angst I think. Why? Because my midsection is changing daily, actually hourly. Pants that "fit" yesterday may fit this morning and they might not. Pants that fit on Wednesday may not fit by our last day, Monday. On top of that, I have a very limited selection, I mean, very limited. It's going to be raining up there and cold for at least the first three days so it would be nice to be able to choose among pants that will give me the most protection from the rain. At this point, it's looking like I'll be lucky to even have a pair of pants in the suitcase let alone on my body. It's just that awkward time of too big for normal pants (for the most part) and too small for maternity pants. So this will make for a fun time packing.
Packing aside, I'm excited for our adventure beginning tomorrow morning. The apartment in Nob Hill is lined up and tonight I'm going to finish researching public transportation to the places we want to see. Then it's just a matter of enjoying ourselves. I am confident that we can do that.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Hoping for the Best
Today has the makings of a tough day. Beginning yesterday, I. was fighting off some sickness and I was so happy when she immediately fell asleep last night. Then V. turned on the heat at 2:30am and forgot to turn it off, resulting in both I. and I roasting to death in our upstairs' bedrooms. The heat caused me to have stressful, scary dreams all morning. Couple that with the police helicopter flying low in circles right over our house at 2:45 am and to say that I slept poorly was an understatement. I woke up with this blasted headache - the 4th day of this stupid thing.
In I.'s room, the heat caused her to wake up at 4:17am as she informed me when I went in this morning. Even on a good day when she's not fighting off some random virus, this would not be a good omen. But on a day when she's already under the weather, this is a recipe for a perfect storm.
That being said, we're taking it easy today - no Sea World or the Zoo. Yesterday I was on my feet from 10:30-3:00 and it took a lot out of me. The last thing I need is to have another day like that today. Also, we've got our trip to SF to look forward to next week when we will be running around town all day (happily though). The only bad part is that it is supposed to be pouring rain the whole time except for the last day so that's going to add an unwanted component to being in a city without a car or the ability to get inside one (no car seat). I'm trying to make it just part of the adventure and hopefully can maintain that for all of our sakes next week.
So today, we're going to take care of a couple of errands this morning, much to I.'s chagrin (really they shouldn't take longer than 45 minutes total) including trying to find an umbrella in I.'s size for next week and a pillow to put in her sham tomorrow when her new bed is delivered. But in her mind, errands are errands and errands are all bad. In the afternoon we're heading to the library which on any other day would be cause for celebration. On a day like today, it was met with negativity and a "that's not fun" comment.
I.'s new bed is coming tomorrow like I mentioned and she is really excited. I am excited for her but so sad that the room is going to look so completely different than it does for the past 5+ years. There is something comforting to look in that room and remember when I was 8+ months pregnant with I. and putting her room together myself. I remember when I finished hanging everything up and constructing the closet organizer and I stood up, looked around, and thought, "Ah, perfect." But it's time and even if she wasn't finally ready for a new bed, she would need to be to get ready for the what's it so it is perfect timing. Yet perfect timing doesn't mean that it's easy or not bittersweet. In fact, in a way it makes it harder when you know it's time for something but still don't feel completely ready to embrace the change. I guess I just have to do it anyways and keep moving forward. There's no other choice.
In I.'s room, the heat caused her to wake up at 4:17am as she informed me when I went in this morning. Even on a good day when she's not fighting off some random virus, this would not be a good omen. But on a day when she's already under the weather, this is a recipe for a perfect storm.
That being said, we're taking it easy today - no Sea World or the Zoo. Yesterday I was on my feet from 10:30-3:00 and it took a lot out of me. The last thing I need is to have another day like that today. Also, we've got our trip to SF to look forward to next week when we will be running around town all day (happily though). The only bad part is that it is supposed to be pouring rain the whole time except for the last day so that's going to add an unwanted component to being in a city without a car or the ability to get inside one (no car seat). I'm trying to make it just part of the adventure and hopefully can maintain that for all of our sakes next week.
So today, we're going to take care of a couple of errands this morning, much to I.'s chagrin (really they shouldn't take longer than 45 minutes total) including trying to find an umbrella in I.'s size for next week and a pillow to put in her sham tomorrow when her new bed is delivered. But in her mind, errands are errands and errands are all bad. In the afternoon we're heading to the library which on any other day would be cause for celebration. On a day like today, it was met with negativity and a "that's not fun" comment.
I.'s new bed is coming tomorrow like I mentioned and she is really excited. I am excited for her but so sad that the room is going to look so completely different than it does for the past 5+ years. There is something comforting to look in that room and remember when I was 8+ months pregnant with I. and putting her room together myself. I remember when I finished hanging everything up and constructing the closet organizer and I stood up, looked around, and thought, "Ah, perfect." But it's time and even if she wasn't finally ready for a new bed, she would need to be to get ready for the what's it so it is perfect timing. Yet perfect timing doesn't mean that it's easy or not bittersweet. In fact, in a way it makes it harder when you know it's time for something but still don't feel completely ready to embrace the change. I guess I just have to do it anyways and keep moving forward. There's no other choice.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Moving and Grooving
So there you have it - the latest and greatest picture of our What's It. We passed all our tests with flying colors, all the body parts of him/her are in perfect working condition and my innards look great too and in pristine condition to nourish a baby properly. Felt like standing up on the table and yelling, "See, I told ya so!" but I thought it might be inappropriate considering that this ultrasound lady wasn't the one being doom and gloom with me.
I laid there for 20 minutes watching this baby do its thing. Sucking its thumb, swallowing the fluid and be-bopping around my uterus and the swell of love, tenderness, and amazement was almost overwhelming. Still is.
I'm relieved and happy. There is still at least one more look and see tests coming up in the next few weeks but I'm not worried. It's all going to be okay.
Pieces of Good News
Yesterday I found out a piece of good news - the foster kitty that we had for 2 months was adopted this past weekend. That made our day and triggered the question from I. "When are we going to foster again?" I didn't tell her the real answer of "When I can finally sleep with your daddy in bed again." Two Fridays ago we tried the sleeping in the same bed thing and it was great until I turned off the light. Then V. started flipping and flopping and snoring in 20 minute intervals. Twenty minutes is pretty much the exact time it takes me to settle down and relax enough to have a chance at falling asleep so it was torture to say the least. Add to it the fact that I had to get up to go the bathroom almost every time (because in all honesty, how can one be expected to fall asleep when you feel like you might have to use the bathroom?) and you have a recipe for fright night. I fell asleep close to 1 am and even though I slept in a little, I still felt yucky. So until he can sleep in the same bed, I have to keep the spare bedroom open for him to sleep in, thus we have to wait on our next foster cat. I'm hoping that in the next couple of weeks, hormone levels will change again slightly and it will be easier to fall asleep. Gosh, I miss my herbal sleep aids and vodka tonics when it comes to trouble free sleeping.
On the topic of no herbal sleep aids etc., today is the scheduled appointment for the neuchal translucency test which uses an ultrasound to take a measurement of the back of the baby's neck to assess for Down's syndrome. They wanted to also have me go through a 30 minute genetic counseling session but when I asked if that was to discuss all the things that could possibly be wrong with the baby and they said yes, I said no thanks, let's save that for if the test results show any increased risk first.
It's really beginning to annoy me that the medical community is so completely concentrated on all the negative, bad, there's-a-slight-chance-of things in a 35+ pregnancy that they could squeeze any measure of positive joyfulness that carrying a child brings. It's enough to turn me into a granola crunching, natural birthing, water delivery pregnant woman. I'm being rude and sarcastic here - I know this is a gross exaggeration of women who deliver like this and trust me, I'm much closer to this camp than I am just letting the hospital dictate how my delivery is going to go. It's just that I don't want to come across as putting my fingers in my ears and humming loudly as I blissfully ignore the fact that the risks are higher for certain things than they were 6 years ago. I know that. I also know that risks are determined by women of all types. Not to inflate my view of myself, but my blood pressure is super low, I work out 3-5 times a week and have for years. I eat healthy, take vitamins, get enough sleep, and manage my stress well overall. What I'm trying to say is that my body is a healthy environment for a baby to be conceived in and grow in. So factor that into all those "risk factors" and get back, okay?
Now that I've climbed off my soapbox, I have to admit that I'm looking forward to seeing what the what's it is up to inside me this afternoon. If I have energy, I'll post tonight on how it goes.
On the topic of no herbal sleep aids etc., today is the scheduled appointment for the neuchal translucency test which uses an ultrasound to take a measurement of the back of the baby's neck to assess for Down's syndrome. They wanted to also have me go through a 30 minute genetic counseling session but when I asked if that was to discuss all the things that could possibly be wrong with the baby and they said yes, I said no thanks, let's save that for if the test results show any increased risk first.
It's really beginning to annoy me that the medical community is so completely concentrated on all the negative, bad, there's-a-slight-chance-of things in a 35+ pregnancy that they could squeeze any measure of positive joyfulness that carrying a child brings. It's enough to turn me into a granola crunching, natural birthing, water delivery pregnant woman. I'm being rude and sarcastic here - I know this is a gross exaggeration of women who deliver like this and trust me, I'm much closer to this camp than I am just letting the hospital dictate how my delivery is going to go. It's just that I don't want to come across as putting my fingers in my ears and humming loudly as I blissfully ignore the fact that the risks are higher for certain things than they were 6 years ago. I know that. I also know that risks are determined by women of all types. Not to inflate my view of myself, but my blood pressure is super low, I work out 3-5 times a week and have for years. I eat healthy, take vitamins, get enough sleep, and manage my stress well overall. What I'm trying to say is that my body is a healthy environment for a baby to be conceived in and grow in. So factor that into all those "risk factors" and get back, okay?
Now that I've climbed off my soapbox, I have to admit that I'm looking forward to seeing what the what's it is up to inside me this afternoon. If I have energy, I'll post tonight on how it goes.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Content
It's nice when I. is in a good mood in the morning. It makes waking up and getting on with the day a pleasure rather than hoppung up a hill backwards on one leg. Well, I need to amend this immediately because I just jinxed it and she's having a hissy fit about something. This is what I mean by high maintenance. Everything can be going well, she's happy and then whammo, nothing really happens and she's pissy. It's like Braxton Hicks for her preteen/teenage years I guess.
This weekend the girls finally came down to visit, the first time since Christmas and V. told them about the what's it. They were really excited and I was stoked about that. It's different now than before. This time they are grown woman (almost 19) so it's a new level of excitement and interest than when they were 13. It probably helped that one of the girl's boyfriend's mother just had a baby last month and there was excitement surrounding that. I'm just happy that they are happy and the three of us were talking last night about the changes that have already occurred much to V.'s chagrin. I thought it was interesting that there was no comment from the ex. Many Saturday nights when they are here, she will speak to V. briefly but last night, nope.
I'm hoping that my sinus torture will be better today. Yesterday was much better than the day before so hopefully it'll all be over soon. My real concern is that I am prone to sinus infections so if this hangs on for too long, it would turn into one and then we'd have to deal with antibiotics and the what's it.
I'm looking forward to this evening with V. Today is Super Bowl and we have chips and salsa plus meats for bbq'ing during half time. It's fun to cook a dinner together as a team and then eat it while watching the Super Bowl together. It's the little things that add up to make the difference in marriage, at least that's my thought.
This weekend the girls finally came down to visit, the first time since Christmas and V. told them about the what's it. They were really excited and I was stoked about that. It's different now than before. This time they are grown woman (almost 19) so it's a new level of excitement and interest than when they were 13. It probably helped that one of the girl's boyfriend's mother just had a baby last month and there was excitement surrounding that. I'm just happy that they are happy and the three of us were talking last night about the changes that have already occurred much to V.'s chagrin. I thought it was interesting that there was no comment from the ex. Many Saturday nights when they are here, she will speak to V. briefly but last night, nope.
I'm hoping that my sinus torture will be better today. Yesterday was much better than the day before so hopefully it'll all be over soon. My real concern is that I am prone to sinus infections so if this hangs on for too long, it would turn into one and then we'd have to deal with antibiotics and the what's it.
I'm looking forward to this evening with V. Today is Super Bowl and we have chips and salsa plus meats for bbq'ing during half time. It's fun to cook a dinner together as a team and then eat it while watching the Super Bowl together. It's the little things that add up to make the difference in marriage, at least that's my thought.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Grumpy Morning
You would think after yesterday I would just be one big grateful ball of wonderfulness this morning. I should be, why aren't I? Shoulds just add to my aggravation so why do I go there? I don't know it's just like picking a wound that you know you should leave alone (there's that should again). I think I need to make a very concerted effort to remove that word from my dialogue today for everyone's sanity's sake.
Why am I grumpy I ask myself?
Why am I grumpy I ask myself?
- Because I still don't feel good from this virus thingy.
- Because little simple things this morning seems to be elusive - the coffeemaker just stopped working for no apparent reason. It worked and then a second later it didn't. No rhyme or reason.
- Because my oatmeal, that I make 5 out of 7 mornings the same way every day, exploded in the microwave for no reason. I didn't change the time or the amount so how does that happen? I didn't want to make it over again so I just scraped it off the inside of the microwave back into the bowl and ate it. I'm sure my unborn child really appreciated that.
- I have not one but three splits on my fingers, right on my fingertips and they were burning all night long and continue to hurt. No matter how much lotion I put on, they keep splitting. It's a direct result of sickness being in the house since the weekend causing me to wash my hands a lot. Then of course, this bitter cold, dry weather is not helping.
- On top of that, I'm just not a morning person, it takes me awhile to wake up and be sociable and until that time, I really don't like to converse a whole bunch and physically, I like my space. Today of all days, I. decides that she's going to color and play on the breakfast table leaning on me as I attempt to eat. She just keeps edging over until she's bumping up against me, completely on purpose, and I'm not joking it's almost pushing me over the edge not to yell "Get off of me!"
- Before this, I let I. play about 20 minutes of Nick Jr. games on the computer before breakfast and as always, she gives me problems about stopping which is what always happens and this is why she hasn't played the games for awhile. Because there is ALWAYS a problem when it's time to stop. I guess the predictability of the problem annoys me more than the actual problem itself.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A Good Day
What a day. Lots of good that's for sure but still feeling sick from the neck up so I am one tired girl tonight.
V. and I went to the doctor for my 12 week checkup in hopes of hearing our what's-it's heartbeat. After the normal preliminaries, it was time. I laid back and he started rolling the microphone around. We all kept listening but we weren't hearing anything. He kept moving it around but still nothing. That is not a good feeling. He said we'd go and do a quick ultrasound right now to doublecheck everything so off to that room we went.
I wasn't panicky at this point but while I was waiting for him to type my name in the machine, I started getting nervous. He lubed my tummy up and started moving the instrument around. Immediately we could see the shape of a baby. The doctor chuckled and said, "Oh, it's a lot higher up than I thought it would be at this point. No wonder I couldn't find the heartbeat down there." He moved it around until it was centered on the screen and before we could even look for its heartbeat, out kicked a leg, punch went an arm, and the whole body leaped up in the air like "Look at me!" Unbelievable. I started pointing out the hands, head, legs, spine etc. before the doctor even started to and while he was trying to measure its length, it kept jumping around, kicking and punching. The doctor said "My gosh, this baby is really moving around!" I had a moment of maternal pride that this baby seems as strong and energetic as his/her big sister is which was followed by a feeling of exhaustion of what it will be like if I get two high energy children.
V. and I were chuckling afterward when I turned to him in the elevator and said, "I don't think the combination of you and I make calm, easy children." We had time for lunch together afterwards just the two of us and that was a really nice treat too. The whole day was a nice bonding time for us. Below is a picture of the littlest one percolating inside of me:
V. and I went to the doctor for my 12 week checkup in hopes of hearing our what's-it's heartbeat. After the normal preliminaries, it was time. I laid back and he started rolling the microphone around. We all kept listening but we weren't hearing anything. He kept moving it around but still nothing. That is not a good feeling. He said we'd go and do a quick ultrasound right now to doublecheck everything so off to that room we went.
I wasn't panicky at this point but while I was waiting for him to type my name in the machine, I started getting nervous. He lubed my tummy up and started moving the instrument around. Immediately we could see the shape of a baby. The doctor chuckled and said, "Oh, it's a lot higher up than I thought it would be at this point. No wonder I couldn't find the heartbeat down there." He moved it around until it was centered on the screen and before we could even look for its heartbeat, out kicked a leg, punch went an arm, and the whole body leaped up in the air like "Look at me!" Unbelievable. I started pointing out the hands, head, legs, spine etc. before the doctor even started to and while he was trying to measure its length, it kept jumping around, kicking and punching. The doctor said "My gosh, this baby is really moving around!" I had a moment of maternal pride that this baby seems as strong and energetic as his/her big sister is which was followed by a feeling of exhaustion of what it will be like if I get two high energy children.
V. and I were chuckling afterward when I turned to him in the elevator and said, "I don't think the combination of you and I make calm, easy children." We had time for lunch together afterwards just the two of us and that was a really nice treat too. The whole day was a nice bonding time for us. Below is a picture of the littlest one percolating inside of me:
"Normal" Family Morning
This morning was an odd morning in that we almost appeared like a normal family. V. got home after midnight last night and actually was still asleep when we tottered downstairs at 7. As I. watched her show and I read the papers, he got ready for his workday and then he and I. ate breakfast together as she talked his ear off. As I cooked my breakfast nearby in the kitchen, I thought, "This is what many families do every morning." I bet they don't even realize how lucky they are but maybe after reading this, they will appreciate it more.
I brought up our upcoming San Francisco adventure because I've been waking up in the middle of the night worrying about the hotel arrangements. Because V. will be up there for work, his hotel arrangements are made by an executive assistant up there and I know she has not been told that we are going to need adjoining rooms ,and for when. Being that that weekend is Chinese New Year, I'm concerned. So I mention all of this to V. and he says that he saw the flight arrangements that I made and "you guys are coming up on a Wed. and leaving on a Mon? You didn't think that through very well." I asked him when he thought we were flying up and back but he wouldn't elaborate. I said that I, in fact, had been thinking this trip through every night for about a month so I definitely thought things through. He forgets (how after 5 years he doesn't remember) that I. goes to bed at 4pm which means we aren't going to be able to fit in a whole bunch of things every day, which is fine with me. I don't want a hectic pace to things. Wednesday and Monday are travel days and I figured a couple of days of her and I doing things V. wouldn't particularly want to do and two days to do things together. Sounds reasonable, right? If anyone didn't think things through very well, it was V., which I think he realized.
I think it came down for him to a money thing. Maybe I need to start spending more money or something because I think he's gotten too used to me not spending money so when I do, he reacts with fear and trepidation. He said, "I thought the point of the trip was to take advantage of frequent flyer miles and free hotel nights." Well, we are using the free hotel nights, that is if he actually communicates with the secretary and gets it taken care of. The frequent flyer miles? Well, we talked about it and the cost was so low that he said to go ahead and buy instead of using the miles. So I did.
I reminded him that the point of the trip which I stated well ahead of time, was to fit in one last adventure of just I. and I and then I. and V. and I. We have the free week in Palm Desert but that's not an "adventure". I reminded him that on a normal basis, we don't buy her clothes, shoes, toys, DVDs, etc. We save those purchases for her birthday and Christmas, knowing that my mom will fill in the clothing blanks in between. I would rather save that money and give I. experiences that she will enjoy and more importantly will remember. Like the Disney on Ice, a movie here and there, a trip to San Francisco - stuff like that. I'm aware of the ticking down of the time when it's just I. and I during the day. Even when the baby isn't here but is common knowledge, it'll change things. For now, I want to just savor and enjoy these last weeks.
This morning, after I drop off I. at school, I'm picking V. up at work so that we can head to the OB/GYN for my 3 month appointment. We'll find out results from the blood tests last week and hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I just pray everything is going well with our little whats-it, the littlest of all Valdezes and that the pitter patter sound of its heartbeat stirs the well of warmth and love in both of our hearts.
I brought up our upcoming San Francisco adventure because I've been waking up in the middle of the night worrying about the hotel arrangements. Because V. will be up there for work, his hotel arrangements are made by an executive assistant up there and I know she has not been told that we are going to need adjoining rooms ,and for when. Being that that weekend is Chinese New Year, I'm concerned. So I mention all of this to V. and he says that he saw the flight arrangements that I made and "you guys are coming up on a Wed. and leaving on a Mon? You didn't think that through very well." I asked him when he thought we were flying up and back but he wouldn't elaborate. I said that I, in fact, had been thinking this trip through every night for about a month so I definitely thought things through. He forgets (how after 5 years he doesn't remember) that I. goes to bed at 4pm which means we aren't going to be able to fit in a whole bunch of things every day, which is fine with me. I don't want a hectic pace to things. Wednesday and Monday are travel days and I figured a couple of days of her and I doing things V. wouldn't particularly want to do and two days to do things together. Sounds reasonable, right? If anyone didn't think things through very well, it was V., which I think he realized.
I think it came down for him to a money thing. Maybe I need to start spending more money or something because I think he's gotten too used to me not spending money so when I do, he reacts with fear and trepidation. He said, "I thought the point of the trip was to take advantage of frequent flyer miles and free hotel nights." Well, we are using the free hotel nights, that is if he actually communicates with the secretary and gets it taken care of. The frequent flyer miles? Well, we talked about it and the cost was so low that he said to go ahead and buy instead of using the miles. So I did.
I reminded him that the point of the trip which I stated well ahead of time, was to fit in one last adventure of just I. and I and then I. and V. and I. We have the free week in Palm Desert but that's not an "adventure". I reminded him that on a normal basis, we don't buy her clothes, shoes, toys, DVDs, etc. We save those purchases for her birthday and Christmas, knowing that my mom will fill in the clothing blanks in between. I would rather save that money and give I. experiences that she will enjoy and more importantly will remember. Like the Disney on Ice, a movie here and there, a trip to San Francisco - stuff like that. I'm aware of the ticking down of the time when it's just I. and I during the day. Even when the baby isn't here but is common knowledge, it'll change things. For now, I want to just savor and enjoy these last weeks.
This morning, after I drop off I. at school, I'm picking V. up at work so that we can head to the OB/GYN for my 3 month appointment. We'll find out results from the blood tests last week and hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I just pray everything is going well with our little whats-it, the littlest of all Valdezes and that the pitter patter sound of its heartbeat stirs the well of warmth and love in both of our hearts.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Today
Today is Mark's birthday which brings back memories of past birthdays. He always would take the day off from work because he didn't want hoopla about his birthday. That night he would go over to his parents' house for a homemade German dinner and a cutthroat game of Risk, his favorite game. No one else liked that game but since it was his birthday, everyone acquiesced.
I remember one year, I took the day off as well which was unusual since we usually would make sure that one of us was at work to manage the department. But one year we both took the day off and went to Balboa Park for lunch and museum. I think that was the time we went and looked at a visiting exhibit on torture - the tools, history, and mechanics. It was just the sort of weird interest we both shared. I remember it was a beautiful, relaxing day and we enjoyed it, the day, the weather, and most of all, the company of a best friend.
Today, he's not here to enjoy his day but I am to think warmly about our unique friendship and the love and respect we had for one another. If it wasn't for him and his fight with cancer, I may not have found the courage and perspective to try for another child and would not be sitting here with a 2-inch baby nestled in my womb. I wish he knew and I wish he was still here. It's true you know what they say, the pain lessens over time but it never goes away. And at certain moments, on certain days, the pain is as sharp as ever. It may not last as long or completely overshadow a day like it used to, but it's just as raw, painful, and saddening as it ever was.
Happy Birthday my friend.
I remember one year, I took the day off as well which was unusual since we usually would make sure that one of us was at work to manage the department. But one year we both took the day off and went to Balboa Park for lunch and museum. I think that was the time we went and looked at a visiting exhibit on torture - the tools, history, and mechanics. It was just the sort of weird interest we both shared. I remember it was a beautiful, relaxing day and we enjoyed it, the day, the weather, and most of all, the company of a best friend.
Today, he's not here to enjoy his day but I am to think warmly about our unique friendship and the love and respect we had for one another. If it wasn't for him and his fight with cancer, I may not have found the courage and perspective to try for another child and would not be sitting here with a 2-inch baby nestled in my womb. I wish he knew and I wish he was still here. It's true you know what they say, the pain lessens over time but it never goes away. And at certain moments, on certain days, the pain is as sharp as ever. It may not last as long or completely overshadow a day like it used to, but it's just as raw, painful, and saddening as it ever was.
Happy Birthday my friend.
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