Keeping perspective on life and maintaining a sense of humor are the two reoccurring ingredients in the recipe for me remaining sane and happy.
Keeping perspective has helped me with D.'s separation anxiety, V.'s absences, and the fact that my body is still not where it was pre-pregnancy. D.'s separation anxiety doesn't really bother me except for the fact that I cannot go to the gym. I go on weekends but when V. was gone for a month recently, then I found myself up shit creek without a paddle in sight. Perspective gives me a different view - he's my last baby, he's such a snuggly, happy, love-to-laugh baby so I really don't want to be apart from him anyways. Also, the "this too shall pass" perspective helps. V.'s recent month-long absence has caused me to venture into the land of bbqing and not only am I having success, I am getting downright adventurous. This is going to really be helpful during the warm months when I don't want to turn on the oven because it will heat up the kids' bedroom directly upstairs. Lastly, my body...hmm, perspective - I fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes but they just fit differently and I feel that. I notice it more now that I haven't been to the gym in over a month (thanks hubby!) but even before then I was only getting there on weekends when V. could be with D. It could be worse, much worse though considering that my little boy increased my waist size to 43" before he decided to come on out.
Humor - well, we'll just start with the body topic again since it's such a convenient bridge. D. and I are going to start swimming classes together plus we have our Palm Desert trip coming up so I realized I had better start trying on my bathing suits (I don't throw any of them away). On the upside, the bottoms fit fine on all three of them. The downside is that while I have gotten used to my milk producing boobs, they are larger than my past non-milk producing boobs. So much so that it was quite horrifying to put these bathing suit tops on. I would put them on and inevitably, my boobs would be lapping out of the outside edge. Easy enough fix, I thought as I pushed them towards the center, recontaining them within the cup. Then I looked in the mirror and was horrified to see a mass quantity of boobs congregating in the center of my chest like they were trying to close the gap or something. I kind of yelped when I saw them. All three suits were the same and granted, it's not like a nipple is hanging out or anything but still, it's not how I usually present myself. I don't think I'm going to fit into my maternity suits from last year (though I'm going to give them a try). I don't want to buy new suits either. To get ones that fit well, you have to spend a little extra. In Palm Desert we'll have our own pool so it shouldn't be that big of a deal (as long as I have had a good feeding with D. recently). And with the Mommy & Me classes, we'll make it through. I'll use D. as a shield or something and hope to God that there are no SAHD in the class.
Humor also got me through an afternoon fraught with tired angst with I. Honestly, that child is going to be a beast once the hormones kick in. I've got to make sure my parents stay in really good shape so that I can ship her to live with them starting at age 12. Just kidding. How we go from hugging and kissing at 12:30 pickup to whining, complaining, and drama within 10 minutes is beyond me. This is how I used humor. Every time she couldn't hear me or see me I would roll my eyes and mutter to myself in a sing-song voice, "Oh, this is going to be a GOOD afternoon, I can tell!" in a really positive tone. It made me feel a little crazy and somehow that made me chuckle a little inside and help let off some steam.
Perspective and humor, it seems to make the difference in my day.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
What Makes Me Happy
Recent pics of what makes my life happy:
Read a NY Times blog today about a Gallop poll that stated that SAHM are more depressed, sad, stressed etc. than working moms or working women without children. I can understand the stressed part because as a SAHM my job is to be there for my kids, not outside of my work hours but all day and all night if necessary. They are inescapable and that can be emotionally draining. Also, unlike a job where occasionally I may have had a "Fuck it" attitude towards because there are other jobs out there, these two kids are mine. I chose to bring them in this world and no matter how gnarly, defiant or downright offensive they may be, THEY ARE STILL MINE. I don't know about you, but at some moments here and there, that realization can feel overwhelming and depressing depending on what you're dealing with.
That being said, I think being an older mom and already doing the management corporate route makes me realize that I'm not missing anything except for a fat paycheck. I make a difference in somebody's life (and usually two somebodies) each and every day. And there is something to be said about dealing with a 6 year old's behavior when the actual age of the person IS 6 years old, not 36 years old. Sometimes it's still frustrating but a hell of a lot less frustrating.
Read a NY Times blog today about a Gallop poll that stated that SAHM are more depressed, sad, stressed etc. than working moms or working women without children. I can understand the stressed part because as a SAHM my job is to be there for my kids, not outside of my work hours but all day and all night if necessary. They are inescapable and that can be emotionally draining. Also, unlike a job where occasionally I may have had a "Fuck it" attitude towards because there are other jobs out there, these two kids are mine. I chose to bring them in this world and no matter how gnarly, defiant or downright offensive they may be, THEY ARE STILL MINE. I don't know about you, but at some moments here and there, that realization can feel overwhelming and depressing depending on what you're dealing with.
That being said, I think being an older mom and already doing the management corporate route makes me realize that I'm not missing anything except for a fat paycheck. I make a difference in somebody's life (and usually two somebodies) each and every day. And there is something to be said about dealing with a 6 year old's behavior when the actual age of the person IS 6 years old, not 36 years old. Sometimes it's still frustrating but a hell of a lot less frustrating.
Day 24 - V. Is Still Gone
Going on Day 24 of V. being gone. Have you ever seen the movie "Groundhog Day"? Well every morning when that alarm goes off at 6:30 that's how I feel.
V. called on Friday, the day he was supposed to come home. The day we were all holding on for and told me that his best friend in NY was in the hospital. He had passed out the night before and fell down and split his head open. When they took him into ER, he couldn't feel his legs. I told V. he had to go up to be with him for the weekend. He drove up there this morning and spent the day and evening with his friend and his parents and will spend more time with his friend tomorrow. He can feel his legs now and can walk with help but he is going to have to have neck surgery and have rods placed in there - major surgery. But V. should be home tomorrow night just in time to leave by 4am on Monday morning to go to LA for 2 days, coming home late Tuesday night. By the time the kids see him on Wednesday before bed, it will have been one month. That is way too long.
In that time, D. has started commando crawling, then regular crawling one knee here and there. He can motor from one room to another room. He knows how to suck on his tongue to make a clucking noise. And he's become an even wilder man in the bathtub - flipping over on his stomach (this is still in a toddler bathtub) to reach the faucet behind him. He is just so determined.
While I. has not changed all that much, she is emotionally hanging in there, barely. I put together a BBQ for tomorrow because I know she enjoys that to lessen the disappointment of V. not being home as scheduled.
And me, well I try to not think of me because I need to think of these kids first. I have the ability to maintain perspective while these two are too little to do that. My job has been to hold down the fort but I will look forward to when V. is home and I am not solely responsible.
V. called on Friday, the day he was supposed to come home. The day we were all holding on for and told me that his best friend in NY was in the hospital. He had passed out the night before and fell down and split his head open. When they took him into ER, he couldn't feel his legs. I told V. he had to go up to be with him for the weekend. He drove up there this morning and spent the day and evening with his friend and his parents and will spend more time with his friend tomorrow. He can feel his legs now and can walk with help but he is going to have to have neck surgery and have rods placed in there - major surgery. But V. should be home tomorrow night just in time to leave by 4am on Monday morning to go to LA for 2 days, coming home late Tuesday night. By the time the kids see him on Wednesday before bed, it will have been one month. That is way too long.
In that time, D. has started commando crawling, then regular crawling one knee here and there. He can motor from one room to another room. He knows how to suck on his tongue to make a clucking noise. And he's become an even wilder man in the bathtub - flipping over on his stomach (this is still in a toddler bathtub) to reach the faucet behind him. He is just so determined.
While I. has not changed all that much, she is emotionally hanging in there, barely. I put together a BBQ for tomorrow because I know she enjoys that to lessen the disappointment of V. not being home as scheduled.
And me, well I try to not think of me because I need to think of these kids first. I have the ability to maintain perspective while these two are too little to do that. My job has been to hold down the fort but I will look forward to when V. is home and I am not solely responsible.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Mother's Day Report and Then Some
This morning was the first morning in I don't know how long, perhaps 9 months, that I was not awakened by D. before my alarm went off. Oh he was up but he was quietly dismantling everything he possibly could inside his pack and play. He pulled the cord out of the vibration thingy, pushed on the nightlight, and fiddled with other buttons until he had bird chirping noises going off. Of course this was in addition to the heartbeat white noise machine that is normally on, safely out of his reach. All this made for a busy, focused and less vocal morning thus my ability to sleep until the alarm.
And boy did that make a difference in how I felt when I woke up. I was alert and felt relatively rested when the alarm went off and able to easily get out of bed instead of falling back asleep numerous times within the first minute. Now that I sit here at the end of my day, I feel pretty okay granted I did doze off for about 20 minutes this afternoon but that was after a busy morning around the house, followed by grocery shopping with D. strapped on me and then lugging him and the groceries up 2 flights of stairs. After a very quick lunch, we were off to get I. from school, take her to the dentist, and then get home in time to feed D. and get him down for an hour long nap. Plus a couple of loads of wash...and I feel much better than I have in the past few weeks.
I think I have been discounting what getting woken up 2-5 times in my last hour of sleep does to me. Obviously more than I realized. While this doesn't change anything really, it might make me feel better about my tiredness. I'm not moving D. into I.'s room until she's out of school because we don't need to go through this learning curve when she's so close to the end of the school year. I think we'll start it after the 4th of July. Most likely she'll be at my parents' house for a few days so that may be a good time to move D. in there by himself and get used to the new environment before she comes home.
Finally a good Mother's Day, no drama and no stress. It was a small group without my brother's girlfriend and V. but it was still good. And of course my sister wasn't there thankfully. Strangely enough she sent me a card "To My Lovely Sister" and wrote that she hoped I cherished I. and D. even more. Huh?? And a book that she said reminded me of the books I've gotten her in the past though the description of this book talked about a claustrophobic work and sex and death so I'm not quite sure about that. I did make note that it was better than the book she got my dad a couple of years back - the cover of the book was covered with pictures of cockroaches and was some futuristic, nightmarish story. So I guess I should count myself lucky. Not sure what to make of this odd development though. My mom really liked my gift of her father's poems and stories bound in a book and I'm sure once she gets over the shock, I'll hear more from her about it.
All in all, a good Mother's Day though a tiring one. While lunch was nice, between cutting up I.'s food, monitoring her water intake, taking her to the bathroom, shoving food in D.'s mouth before he got upset and trying to catch all the things he was throwing on the floor at a record pace, it was a little chaotic. Thank goodness for the free Bloody Mary for the moms or I may have gotten stressed with the level of chaos. That being said, I think I'm doing pretty well more times than not juggling two kids. Yes, it takes a lot of me but that's only because I'm trying to strike a balance not only between the two kids but also a balance for each one.
V.'s home on Friday night and I'm really looking forward to it. He will have been gone basically a month and that in our lives right now is a very long time.
And boy did that make a difference in how I felt when I woke up. I was alert and felt relatively rested when the alarm went off and able to easily get out of bed instead of falling back asleep numerous times within the first minute. Now that I sit here at the end of my day, I feel pretty okay granted I did doze off for about 20 minutes this afternoon but that was after a busy morning around the house, followed by grocery shopping with D. strapped on me and then lugging him and the groceries up 2 flights of stairs. After a very quick lunch, we were off to get I. from school, take her to the dentist, and then get home in time to feed D. and get him down for an hour long nap. Plus a couple of loads of wash...and I feel much better than I have in the past few weeks.
I think I have been discounting what getting woken up 2-5 times in my last hour of sleep does to me. Obviously more than I realized. While this doesn't change anything really, it might make me feel better about my tiredness. I'm not moving D. into I.'s room until she's out of school because we don't need to go through this learning curve when she's so close to the end of the school year. I think we'll start it after the 4th of July. Most likely she'll be at my parents' house for a few days so that may be a good time to move D. in there by himself and get used to the new environment before she comes home.
Finally a good Mother's Day, no drama and no stress. It was a small group without my brother's girlfriend and V. but it was still good. And of course my sister wasn't there thankfully. Strangely enough she sent me a card "To My Lovely Sister" and wrote that she hoped I cherished I. and D. even more. Huh?? And a book that she said reminded me of the books I've gotten her in the past though the description of this book talked about a claustrophobic work and sex and death so I'm not quite sure about that. I did make note that it was better than the book she got my dad a couple of years back - the cover of the book was covered with pictures of cockroaches and was some futuristic, nightmarish story. So I guess I should count myself lucky. Not sure what to make of this odd development though. My mom really liked my gift of her father's poems and stories bound in a book and I'm sure once she gets over the shock, I'll hear more from her about it.
All in all, a good Mother's Day though a tiring one. While lunch was nice, between cutting up I.'s food, monitoring her water intake, taking her to the bathroom, shoving food in D.'s mouth before he got upset and trying to catch all the things he was throwing on the floor at a record pace, it was a little chaotic. Thank goodness for the free Bloody Mary for the moms or I may have gotten stressed with the level of chaos. That being said, I think I'm doing pretty well more times than not juggling two kids. Yes, it takes a lot of me but that's only because I'm trying to strike a balance not only between the two kids but also a balance for each one.
V.'s home on Friday night and I'm really looking forward to it. He will have been gone basically a month and that in our lives right now is a very long time.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Today, The Good And The Bad
This morning was the Mother's Day Tea for I.'s school. This past month, she has been singing the songs for the program at the top of her lungs, at bathtime, in the morning before school, you name it she's singing. Then of course as the day approaches, she starts getting nervous. On Valentine's Day when they celebrated Father's Day, I. stood up front and barely moved her lips. She looked like she was ready to cry and I knew she was just overcome with nervousness. Yesterday she really started feeling scared about it but with the recent knowledge that Jesus was in her heart, I told her this morning as I fixed her hair to pray to Jesus just before she went on stage to help her not be scared and to allow her to sing. And of course to look at me because I'd be the one looking at her and I'd be smiling at her.
And thank you God because she sang and smiled even and enjoyed herself. Instead of melting down emotionally afterwards as she did on Valentine's Day, she was cheerful, happy, and energetic. It may have been her first instance of specifically praying for something and having it happen. It made me so happy to hear her voice even though I was 15 rows back, singing her little heart out. We also got to take a picture together afterwards with a professional photographer which was one of my goals for this Mother's Day - to get a picture of me with both of my kids. I don't have any and D. is 9 months old. That's just not right. Hopefully the picture will turn out nicely.
The actual lunch was nice but I didn't enjoy it that much. For one, I don't really know anyone except one mom and she left right after the kindergarten class finished singing and didn't stay for the lunch. Secondly, it took me a couple of Mother's Days to grasp the fact that for me, Mother's Day was only Mother's Day because of my kid(s). It's a day that I cherish with my kids, because of my kids. That being said, they took the kids separately to eat pizza and play while the moms sat at tables and ate. I understand that they were trying to be nice and give us some "adult" time. And trust me, I'm all about "me time" and needing adult time. Just not on Mother's Day events. So I sadly watched I. marching off with her class and then trudged into the lunch area with D. to eat my lunch, mashed bananas and wheat bread for him as I tried to eat the lunch in between his bites. At her preschool, they provided childcare for siblings and the tea was for the preschool child and the mother. I preferred it that way. I'm looking forward to Sunday, being with my girl and little guy, the reasons why I get to celebrate this holiday.
One worry, probably ridiculous but a worry nonetheless, is my continued tiredness. By 10 am I was tired and after I got home from the Mother's Day Tea and got D. down for a nap, I laid down on the couch while I. worked on cards for Mother's Day and my dad's birthday this weekend. I was exhausted and fell asleep for a half an hour. That may not sound like anything big but I don't fall asleep easily especially during the day, with I. in the same room making noise, and a cat sitting on my lap. But I did and by 5pm, I was tired again. An hour later, both kids were in bed and I was taking a shower pondering how I fell asleep this afternoon. I was thinking about the last time I felt like this and realized it was a couple of days before I found out I was pregnant with D. Birth control-wise, it shouldn't even be a possibility or maybe just a 1% chance in addition to being an older mom already. The problem is my tiredness and the fact that because I'm nursing 7 times a day, I still haven't had a period so I don't even have that to go by. I'm feeling stressed and V. is still a week away from coming home. Deep breaths...
And thank you God because she sang and smiled even and enjoyed herself. Instead of melting down emotionally afterwards as she did on Valentine's Day, she was cheerful, happy, and energetic. It may have been her first instance of specifically praying for something and having it happen. It made me so happy to hear her voice even though I was 15 rows back, singing her little heart out. We also got to take a picture together afterwards with a professional photographer which was one of my goals for this Mother's Day - to get a picture of me with both of my kids. I don't have any and D. is 9 months old. That's just not right. Hopefully the picture will turn out nicely.
The actual lunch was nice but I didn't enjoy it that much. For one, I don't really know anyone except one mom and she left right after the kindergarten class finished singing and didn't stay for the lunch. Secondly, it took me a couple of Mother's Days to grasp the fact that for me, Mother's Day was only Mother's Day because of my kid(s). It's a day that I cherish with my kids, because of my kids. That being said, they took the kids separately to eat pizza and play while the moms sat at tables and ate. I understand that they were trying to be nice and give us some "adult" time. And trust me, I'm all about "me time" and needing adult time. Just not on Mother's Day events. So I sadly watched I. marching off with her class and then trudged into the lunch area with D. to eat my lunch, mashed bananas and wheat bread for him as I tried to eat the lunch in between his bites. At her preschool, they provided childcare for siblings and the tea was for the preschool child and the mother. I preferred it that way. I'm looking forward to Sunday, being with my girl and little guy, the reasons why I get to celebrate this holiday.
One worry, probably ridiculous but a worry nonetheless, is my continued tiredness. By 10 am I was tired and after I got home from the Mother's Day Tea and got D. down for a nap, I laid down on the couch while I. worked on cards for Mother's Day and my dad's birthday this weekend. I was exhausted and fell asleep for a half an hour. That may not sound like anything big but I don't fall asleep easily especially during the day, with I. in the same room making noise, and a cat sitting on my lap. But I did and by 5pm, I was tired again. An hour later, both kids were in bed and I was taking a shower pondering how I fell asleep this afternoon. I was thinking about the last time I felt like this and realized it was a couple of days before I found out I was pregnant with D. Birth control-wise, it shouldn't even be a possibility or maybe just a 1% chance in addition to being an older mom already. The problem is my tiredness and the fact that because I'm nursing 7 times a day, I still haven't had a period so I don't even have that to go by. I'm feeling stressed and V. is still a week away from coming home. Deep breaths...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Three Days Later
It's amazing how much can change in three days. It's not that SO much has changed probably but in how I'm perceiving it. I mean, D. is still a source of joy. How can a chuckling, beautiful boy not make your day happy? This boy giggles when I'm wiping his butt. He takes immense pleasure out of getting his vitamin D drops while he's taking a bath. And when I try to get him to take a drink of water out of a cup, it cracks him up. Honestly, how can life be a downer with this little guy around?
Somehow it still is sometimes. Part of it is me. I'm seriously tired most of the time. By the end of my mothering"workday", which is about 6pm, I am so wiped out that I have to put D. on the floor while I run his bath. Physically and emotionally exhausted. Thinking on it, I realize I don't feel this way as much when V. is here either to help or to just hang out with after the kids go to bed. Another week and a half before he's home (he's been gone for over a week and a half).
I'm frustrated with myself because D. isn't getting me up at 2am and 5 am to nurse so I shouldn't be this tired. Okay so he does wake me up at 5ish with his talking and then I may doze off until 5:45 when he lets out a primal "aaaaahhh", he's still content mind you, and then wake up again at 6:10 after a bad dream (however, he's quiet at this point) and then wake up again at 6:35 when the alarm goes off to begin the day. Not to mention the back pain the last week that had me waking up to turn over on the hour. I guess all that combined doesn't make for restful sleep...
I. lost it this afternoon and I could have sworn I was in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". She just emotionally wigged out and after her letting her cry for about 10 minutes, I resorted to threats if she didn't pull herself together right now because if she woke up D. from his needed afternoon nap, there was going to be hell to pay. She stopped crying but still wouldn't 'fess up to why she was feeling so lousy this afternoon. Things just don't bode well for me when she's 13.
I've been reading books on hormones and bio-identical hormones since my mom has been going through hell for the last 10 years and I'm determined not to suffer like her. This is kind of reading ahead material for me so I'm prepared, however, I was reading the symptoms of estrogen deficiency and several of the symptoms are what I have been struggling with (I won't go into specifics). That got me thinking so I googled what estrogen levels were for nursing mothers. Turns out they are very low to sustain nursing...hmmm. And get this, while pregnant which is when I've felt my best, most energetic and positive, is when your estrogen levels are the highest. Good to know. For now, I can't do anything about my levels but at least there may be a rational reason why I'm feeling like I do and struggling at times. I'll just continue to try to concentrate on what my body is successfully doing, namely holding the line while I still haven't been able to get to the gym (thanks to D.'s separation anxiety and V.'s absence) and nourishing D.'s growing body and immune system. I'm trying to really concentrate on the latter because I've learned from my experience with I., they can give up nursing at any time. It's hard to see that with D. because he really is into it but you just never know - better to appreciate it and bask in it now just in case.
Somehow it still is sometimes. Part of it is me. I'm seriously tired most of the time. By the end of my mothering"workday", which is about 6pm, I am so wiped out that I have to put D. on the floor while I run his bath. Physically and emotionally exhausted. Thinking on it, I realize I don't feel this way as much when V. is here either to help or to just hang out with after the kids go to bed. Another week and a half before he's home (he's been gone for over a week and a half).
I'm frustrated with myself because D. isn't getting me up at 2am and 5 am to nurse so I shouldn't be this tired. Okay so he does wake me up at 5ish with his talking and then I may doze off until 5:45 when he lets out a primal "aaaaahhh", he's still content mind you, and then wake up again at 6:10 after a bad dream (however, he's quiet at this point) and then wake up again at 6:35 when the alarm goes off to begin the day. Not to mention the back pain the last week that had me waking up to turn over on the hour. I guess all that combined doesn't make for restful sleep...
I. lost it this afternoon and I could have sworn I was in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". She just emotionally wigged out and after her letting her cry for about 10 minutes, I resorted to threats if she didn't pull herself together right now because if she woke up D. from his needed afternoon nap, there was going to be hell to pay. She stopped crying but still wouldn't 'fess up to why she was feeling so lousy this afternoon. Things just don't bode well for me when she's 13.
I've been reading books on hormones and bio-identical hormones since my mom has been going through hell for the last 10 years and I'm determined not to suffer like her. This is kind of reading ahead material for me so I'm prepared, however, I was reading the symptoms of estrogen deficiency and several of the symptoms are what I have been struggling with (I won't go into specifics). That got me thinking so I googled what estrogen levels were for nursing mothers. Turns out they are very low to sustain nursing...hmmm. And get this, while pregnant which is when I've felt my best, most energetic and positive, is when your estrogen levels are the highest. Good to know. For now, I can't do anything about my levels but at least there may be a rational reason why I'm feeling like I do and struggling at times. I'll just continue to try to concentrate on what my body is successfully doing, namely holding the line while I still haven't been able to get to the gym (thanks to D.'s separation anxiety and V.'s absence) and nourishing D.'s growing body and immune system. I'm trying to really concentrate on the latter because I've learned from my experience with I., they can give up nursing at any time. It's hard to see that with D. because he really is into it but you just never know - better to appreciate it and bask in it now just in case.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
An Almost Perfect Weekend
This weekend had all the components of a great weekend which was unexpected since V. was not home. Yesterday I surprised I. with a morning date with me by ourselves to go see the movie, Chimpanzee. It was the kind of movie that she and I love and love it we did. It resulted in much snuggling during the movie and it was really good to just be out with my baby girl. In the afternoon, we kept with our normal routine and went to a restaurant, Mexican since it was Cinco de Mayo, and enjoyed our early dinner.
I. has been wanting a BBQ for awhile now but the weather has not been cooperating but I knew this weekend it would be. So this morning, after washing my hair which is still a big deal these days, we ran over to Trader Joe's in search of BBQ things. Since I. is not a big meat eater at all, this can be a challenge. We found some chicken sausage with apples and maple syrup (how perfect is that?), picked up some chicken breasts for kebobs, and to splurge grabbed some tortilla chips and guacamole. Once we got home, we had lunch and then had plenty of time to hang out on the ground playing with D. which was a real treat. After I got D. down for his nap, I still felt pretty energetic since the morning was pretty relaxed so I. and I went outside to play with a card making craft that my mom had gotten her a couple of weeks ago. We made cards for each other and she made one for my parents, as well as baby bear. You've gotta love that.
Once D. got up it was time for BBQ preparation. I was a little concerned because I am not the BBQer of the family and so my confidence in my skills is not high. But I had a good attitude and figured out the timing of things so at least I had some clue. I am very proud of myself - I had both sides of the grill going, chicken breast, chicken kebobs, and chicken sausage on one side and on the other side, I was grilling pineapple. Pretty impressive, huh? I got D.'s dinner ready and once everything was on the grill, we all went outside to the patio. As the food cooked, we snacked on the chips and guacamole and then once dinner was ready, I. proceeded to eat all the sausage and chicken with pineapple. She was a happy camper and so was I. D. was happy to be outside with us eating his food as well. Dinner nirvana.
Bathtime, reading, and bedtime went without a hitch and I. was asleep within 15 minutes. D. was asleep 5 minutes after that. The other wonderful thing was that I found out something about I. For the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking about talking to her about accepting Jesus into her heart. She loves God and loves learning about him. I wanted her to be old enough to decide for herself, not to do it before she understood or because she thought I wanted her to do it (that would just make her not want to do it probably!). I had contemporary Christian music on all afternoon which was a change and while I was prepping for the BBQ, she came in the kitchen and made mention that all these songs had to do with God. I told her this was a Christian station and that all of the songs had to do with God and Jesus. I can't recall exactly how it came about but I said something about asking Jesus into your heart and she replied, "I know that Mommy." I said, "Oh?" remembering that this child was emotionally constipated just like her father so there was probably a lot more to this than met the human eye....the whole key was going to be asking the correct, direct question. I paused and then said, "Have you asked Jesus into your heart?" She said yes and then proceeded to dart behind me and that's how we completed the rest of the conversation, her face buried in my butt. It boiled down after many questions to the fact that she asked Jesus into her heart and to forgive her sins sometime in the month of April after I put her to bed. And that makes me so happy, and thankful, and tearful. My baby girl did it on her own, not swept up in emotion or because other people were doing it but because she in her heart, at a quiet time, had been thinking about it (knowing her) and prayed privately and quietly.
An almost perfect weekend - the only part that made it not 100% perfect is that V. wasn't here. But that is a short term issue completely overshadowed by an eternal decision.
I. has been wanting a BBQ for awhile now but the weather has not been cooperating but I knew this weekend it would be. So this morning, after washing my hair which is still a big deal these days, we ran over to Trader Joe's in search of BBQ things. Since I. is not a big meat eater at all, this can be a challenge. We found some chicken sausage with apples and maple syrup (how perfect is that?), picked up some chicken breasts for kebobs, and to splurge grabbed some tortilla chips and guacamole. Once we got home, we had lunch and then had plenty of time to hang out on the ground playing with D. which was a real treat. After I got D. down for his nap, I still felt pretty energetic since the morning was pretty relaxed so I. and I went outside to play with a card making craft that my mom had gotten her a couple of weeks ago. We made cards for each other and she made one for my parents, as well as baby bear. You've gotta love that.
Once D. got up it was time for BBQ preparation. I was a little concerned because I am not the BBQer of the family and so my confidence in my skills is not high. But I had a good attitude and figured out the timing of things so at least I had some clue. I am very proud of myself - I had both sides of the grill going, chicken breast, chicken kebobs, and chicken sausage on one side and on the other side, I was grilling pineapple. Pretty impressive, huh? I got D.'s dinner ready and once everything was on the grill, we all went outside to the patio. As the food cooked, we snacked on the chips and guacamole and then once dinner was ready, I. proceeded to eat all the sausage and chicken with pineapple. She was a happy camper and so was I. D. was happy to be outside with us eating his food as well. Dinner nirvana.
Bathtime, reading, and bedtime went without a hitch and I. was asleep within 15 minutes. D. was asleep 5 minutes after that. The other wonderful thing was that I found out something about I. For the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking about talking to her about accepting Jesus into her heart. She loves God and loves learning about him. I wanted her to be old enough to decide for herself, not to do it before she understood or because she thought I wanted her to do it (that would just make her not want to do it probably!). I had contemporary Christian music on all afternoon which was a change and while I was prepping for the BBQ, she came in the kitchen and made mention that all these songs had to do with God. I told her this was a Christian station and that all of the songs had to do with God and Jesus. I can't recall exactly how it came about but I said something about asking Jesus into your heart and she replied, "I know that Mommy." I said, "Oh?" remembering that this child was emotionally constipated just like her father so there was probably a lot more to this than met the human eye....the whole key was going to be asking the correct, direct question. I paused and then said, "Have you asked Jesus into your heart?" She said yes and then proceeded to dart behind me and that's how we completed the rest of the conversation, her face buried in my butt. It boiled down after many questions to the fact that she asked Jesus into her heart and to forgive her sins sometime in the month of April after I put her to bed. And that makes me so happy, and thankful, and tearful. My baby girl did it on her own, not swept up in emotion or because other people were doing it but because she in her heart, at a quiet time, had been thinking about it (knowing her) and prayed privately and quietly.
An almost perfect weekend - the only part that made it not 100% perfect is that V. wasn't here. But that is a short term issue completely overshadowed by an eternal decision.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Compelled to Comment
Today a homegrown national sports star committed suicide. He was just a year older than myself and as a high school star was in the sports page when I was in high school. He was an inspiration, a man with charisma and a knack for leadership and most importantly a real talent for football.
I just reread that last sentence and just before I began erasing it, I stopped. Maybe that was the problem. Perhaps he also viewed his real talent for football as most important and now that he couldn't play any more, life was empty.
I don't know. No one can ever know what happens within someone.
Today there is the comments of how selfish, how could he do this to his mother, his children? It's all true and understandable. I agree with all of it.
However, if you have ever been there, at that point, you get it and painfully relive that moment, those moments. Of complete hopelessness and desolation. That things will not get better, no matter what you do. And that everyone will be okay when you're gone because you're really not that important in the grand scheme of things, it turns out.
Until you've been there and felt those horrible emotions (there are few worse ones), just save your judgement, offer up a prayer for those left to deal with it, and pray for the soul that hopelessness overcame today.
I just reread that last sentence and just before I began erasing it, I stopped. Maybe that was the problem. Perhaps he also viewed his real talent for football as most important and now that he couldn't play any more, life was empty.
I don't know. No one can ever know what happens within someone.
Today there is the comments of how selfish, how could he do this to his mother, his children? It's all true and understandable. I agree with all of it.
However, if you have ever been there, at that point, you get it and painfully relive that moment, those moments. Of complete hopelessness and desolation. That things will not get better, no matter what you do. And that everyone will be okay when you're gone because you're really not that important in the grand scheme of things, it turns out.
Until you've been there and felt those horrible emotions (there are few worse ones), just save your judgement, offer up a prayer for those left to deal with it, and pray for the soul that hopelessness overcame today.
Such A Joy
Everything makes D. smile and often laugh. When we get home from taking I. to school, I'll look through the windows at him as I make my way around the car. He gets so excited anticipating me making it over to his door and getting him out. Such a big smile on his face, hands moving and his eyes wide open and twinkling. Each morning we do this and I never get tired of it.
Blowing on his hair makes him laugh. I'm trying to teach him how to drink out of a cup since he balks at the sippy portion of the cup. As soon as the cold water hits his mouth, he starts giggling, then choking and then giggling again until he gets the hiccups. I give him Gripe Water in a syringe to help with the giggles - only problem is when that liquid hits his mouth, it sets him off laughing all over again. Wiping his butt with a baby wipe sets him off often as well. Of course, all the normal things make him laugh too - funny voices, noises, peek a boo games, tickling and nibbling. The boy just loves to laugh and I love it too.
He has turned into a master roller. He sets his sights on what he wants and where it is and then rolls and rolls keeping his eye on it until he reaches it. At this rate, there isn't much of a point to crawling though he does propel himself with his toes if the roll leaves him at a wrong angle for reaching.
We've been enjoying our weekly music class greatly though D. does get very upset when it's time to give the instruments back. I can't believe we only have 4 classes left before the summer break. I'm hoping to replace it during the summer with swimming class - a Mommy and Me class like I did with I. and simultaneously lessons for I. It seems like it was just last month that I. and I were taking the class together. It just means that I need to do whatever I want to do with my kids now, not wait, because time flies by and they grow up so so fast. I really feel lucky to be a mother even though it leaves me exhausted by the end of the day.
Blowing on his hair makes him laugh. I'm trying to teach him how to drink out of a cup since he balks at the sippy portion of the cup. As soon as the cold water hits his mouth, he starts giggling, then choking and then giggling again until he gets the hiccups. I give him Gripe Water in a syringe to help with the giggles - only problem is when that liquid hits his mouth, it sets him off laughing all over again. Wiping his butt with a baby wipe sets him off often as well. Of course, all the normal things make him laugh too - funny voices, noises, peek a boo games, tickling and nibbling. The boy just loves to laugh and I love it too.
He has turned into a master roller. He sets his sights on what he wants and where it is and then rolls and rolls keeping his eye on it until he reaches it. At this rate, there isn't much of a point to crawling though he does propel himself with his toes if the roll leaves him at a wrong angle for reaching.
We've been enjoying our weekly music class greatly though D. does get very upset when it's time to give the instruments back. I can't believe we only have 4 classes left before the summer break. I'm hoping to replace it during the summer with swimming class - a Mommy and Me class like I did with I. and simultaneously lessons for I. It seems like it was just last month that I. and I were taking the class together. It just means that I need to do whatever I want to do with my kids now, not wait, because time flies by and they grow up so so fast. I really feel lucky to be a mother even though it leaves me exhausted by the end of the day.
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