This was supposed to be a post about how I took D. to LEGOLAND waterpark and then picked I. up from my parents after her couple of days with them. So let's address what the post was supposed to be about: D. and I had a good time together at the waterpark. Another day of no tantrums, no angst and just fun all the way around. I. was tired when I picked her up thanks to my parents getting her in bed late both nights but I'm hoping that she gets some restful sleep tonight so that we can enjoy our last summer weekday tomorrow. Still deciding what we are going to do but am leaning towards going to the beach all together one last time...
Now for the bizarre part of this post. On the way to LEGOLAND today, I remembered that I had had a dream about Mark last night and though I couldn't remember specifics, I remembered that I had had it. Fast forward to two hours into our waterpark visit and I'm standing watching D. play. A couple of other little boys start playing next to D. and as I'm looking at them, Mark pops into my mind front and center. It takes me by surprise because I'm not sure why but then think maybe it's because I'm watching little boys play which reminds me of Mark's little boy. A couple of minutes later, I glance about 4 feet from me and see Mark's wife/widow and I realize that the little boy playing next to D. is Mark's son! Since she cut me out of their lives once Mark was gone, I got my fill of looking at him before I said hello. She didn't realize it was me at first and it was awkward to say the least. She did eventually talk to me but that's not what's important. What sticks in my mind is how his eyes were Mark's (which is what made me think of him) and when she said, "Show Papa's friend your Papa smile," and he smiled and it was that little joyful smile of Mark. I know I should have felt happiness that this was his son and he was obviously a thriving, happy kid but instead I just felt a deep, bone-ache grief and the loss like a knife was just shoved through my heart. Tonight I just let go and felt the sadness as memories of us came flooding in and I really think that although I may be coping well overall, I would be coping better if Mark was still here. We just had a way of being there for one another without expectations that created a calming confidence within each other. I think that lack of expectations was due to being great friends and nothing further, it left all the rest of it out.
With the dream, my glance at his son without realizing it was him, and then his son smiling his smile of Mark's at me, it was like Mark caught my mind, my eye, and then my heart respectively. I'm praying that I will see him again and miss my friend terribly.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Day 72
Slept like crap last night thanks to the warm evening. When I woke up at 5:45, I turned on the monitor and could hear D. babbling happily and hoped he would stay awake until 6:30 when the alarm was going off. He did and it was so nice to open the door and see his happy little face as he was standing up in the crib facing the door.
I decided that our outing after his morning nap would be a trolley adventure since he was so excited about that before. We caught the trolley at Qualcomm and rode it for 30 minutes to Seaport Village. Lately he's been really good about holding my hand and walking so I decided to take a chance and not try to lug the stroller onto the trolley. It worked out perfectly. He happily sat on my lap on the way there and then held my hand as we walked the half mile to the pancake restaurant downtown. He enjoyed his blueberry pancakes and I enjoyed my pecan pancakes and while we were eating, he kept making the sign for train to verify that we were going to go on the train again. Then we walked back to the station and enjoyed the return trip.
It was so nice to have my little guy resting against me, feeling his baby fingers search for my fingers and hold tightly when the trolley noises were a little intense or as the number of people grew. It was soothing for both of us. I am so thankful that we have found/created physical moments/routines of closeness that has really forged a bridge from our nursing days. There were a few months where we were floundering and trying to find our way, mostly because I was trying to be sensitive and not remind him that we were no longer nursing. And maybe that was necessary for those first couple of months out from nursing. But now, I'm no longer concerned that he's missing it and now we are truly reconnecting in a way that can continue for a long time. Such a relief.
I decided that our outing after his morning nap would be a trolley adventure since he was so excited about that before. We caught the trolley at Qualcomm and rode it for 30 minutes to Seaport Village. Lately he's been really good about holding my hand and walking so I decided to take a chance and not try to lug the stroller onto the trolley. It worked out perfectly. He happily sat on my lap on the way there and then held my hand as we walked the half mile to the pancake restaurant downtown. He enjoyed his blueberry pancakes and I enjoyed my pecan pancakes and while we were eating, he kept making the sign for train to verify that we were going to go on the train again. Then we walked back to the station and enjoyed the return trip.
It was so nice to have my little guy resting against me, feeling his baby fingers search for my fingers and hold tightly when the trolley noises were a little intense or as the number of people grew. It was soothing for both of us. I am so thankful that we have found/created physical moments/routines of closeness that has really forged a bridge from our nursing days. There were a few months where we were floundering and trying to find our way, mostly because I was trying to be sensitive and not remind him that we were no longer nursing. And maybe that was necessary for those first couple of months out from nursing. But now, I'm no longer concerned that he's missing it and now we are truly reconnecting in a way that can continue for a long time. Such a relief.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Back in the Days
If D. wasn't going to wake up around 5:15 or possibly earlier, I'd go and sleep in I.'s bed. I miss going to sleep knowing he was in my room. Of course, some of the time he was in my room especially when he was getting up to nurse throughout the night, I daydreamed of closing the bedroom door and having the room to myself. At least with D. being my second one, I recognized I was going to miss him being in my room even while I simultaneously had my daydreams, leading me to appreciate those tiring but memorable days.
I am looking forward to opening the door and being the first person he sees in the morning...it's been about 14 months since I had that honor.
I am looking forward to opening the door and being the first person he sees in the morning...it's been about 14 months since I had that honor.
Days 67-71
Can't believe it's the last week of summer vacation for I. It really has been a great summer and when I think of her going back to school, my eyes tear up. But that's a good thing.
Last Friday, day 67, was a normal get things done kind of day. All week our realtor has been going back and forth with some people and we finally agreed to their counter to our counter and I signed the contract that night to open escrow on Monday. Pretty exciting.
Saturday I went for a vigorous hike at the lake while D. was sleeping and then instead of heading to the gym, I surprised my brother by showing up for a few hours at a karate tournament being held in San Diego. We'll leave the conniving girlfriend out of this story for sake of time and say that it turned out fine after some annoying moments and he and I finally have a lunch together on our calendars to look forward to. Big hugs and a kiss and good feelings between us when I left and that is what is important. At the nighttime event, the girlfriend pissed off my mom big time and my dad too so we've got to somehow get her out of here. That being said, this is the first girlfriend of his (and he's had many) that we do not like. All the others became part of the family.
Sunday, I surprised I. with going ice skating just the two of us. During the school year she had a field trip to the rink and really liked it so had been asking about it for awhile. I was kind of concerned for myself since I hadn't ice skated in 30 years or so. Gosh that makes me sound older than dirt and I certainly don't feel like that! It appears to be like riding a bike and I didn't fall and even was able to maintain my balance while keeping I. upright which was difficult most of the time. She had a good time and even though my foot felt like it had a bone bruise most of the time, I enjoyed her enjoying our time.
Saturday night our realtor said that the people who were buying our home wanting to come and see it again on Sunday so we of course said sure but I had a bad feeling about it. So bad that on Monday morning, I texted our agent to verify that we were going into escrow that morning. Come to find out, now the buyers weren't sure if the layout would work for their young children and ultimately they pulled out. I was so pissed off since my understanding is that you make up your mind BEFORE you sign a contract, not after. On Friday I had spent time on the phone with our lender working out details and getting him more info in preparation for going out and making offers. But no, back to the drawing board we go. On a good note, we all went to swim class together (the last one for all 3 of us) and I.'s orthodontic consultation went well with us being told she wouldn't need to worry about anything until she's 12 or so. Even then, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a huge thing so that is great.
Today we finally had Melissa's birthday brunch and it went fantastic. My parents came over and picked up I. for a few days by herself with them so that they can do things that they can't do when D. is over there, ie. LEGOLAND and a movie. So D. and I were on our own this afternoon. We went grocery shopping where he had a piece of cheddar cheese, was offered a banana from the fruit guy and then conned his way into a slice of avocado. Pretty awesome trip for him! Then we came home for a late rest and then since I didn't need to get him in bed until 5:45, when I got him up we went over to the lake for a bike ride - over 5 miles in about 35 minutes. Not bad. It's amazing how simple it is to get one kid in the bath and bed. Like a cake walk!
Trying to figure out some different activities we might do tomorrow since I don't know how his sleep schedule is going to go. When I. is here, once he wakes up in the morning, he stays up because she's up and turning on the light. However, without her, he may fall back to sleep. I plan on getting up 30 minutes earlier to see if I can catch him before he falls back asleep because then our day won't be broken in half by a long nap. I'm not sure it will work, thus the multiple activities that I can mix and match. Regardless, it should be a good day.
Last Friday, day 67, was a normal get things done kind of day. All week our realtor has been going back and forth with some people and we finally agreed to their counter to our counter and I signed the contract that night to open escrow on Monday. Pretty exciting.
Saturday I went for a vigorous hike at the lake while D. was sleeping and then instead of heading to the gym, I surprised my brother by showing up for a few hours at a karate tournament being held in San Diego. We'll leave the conniving girlfriend out of this story for sake of time and say that it turned out fine after some annoying moments and he and I finally have a lunch together on our calendars to look forward to. Big hugs and a kiss and good feelings between us when I left and that is what is important. At the nighttime event, the girlfriend pissed off my mom big time and my dad too so we've got to somehow get her out of here. That being said, this is the first girlfriend of his (and he's had many) that we do not like. All the others became part of the family.
Sunday, I surprised I. with going ice skating just the two of us. During the school year she had a field trip to the rink and really liked it so had been asking about it for awhile. I was kind of concerned for myself since I hadn't ice skated in 30 years or so. Gosh that makes me sound older than dirt and I certainly don't feel like that! It appears to be like riding a bike and I didn't fall and even was able to maintain my balance while keeping I. upright which was difficult most of the time. She had a good time and even though my foot felt like it had a bone bruise most of the time, I enjoyed her enjoying our time.
Saturday night our realtor said that the people who were buying our home wanting to come and see it again on Sunday so we of course said sure but I had a bad feeling about it. So bad that on Monday morning, I texted our agent to verify that we were going into escrow that morning. Come to find out, now the buyers weren't sure if the layout would work for their young children and ultimately they pulled out. I was so pissed off since my understanding is that you make up your mind BEFORE you sign a contract, not after. On Friday I had spent time on the phone with our lender working out details and getting him more info in preparation for going out and making offers. But no, back to the drawing board we go. On a good note, we all went to swim class together (the last one for all 3 of us) and I.'s orthodontic consultation went well with us being told she wouldn't need to worry about anything until she's 12 or so. Even then, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a huge thing so that is great.
Today we finally had Melissa's birthday brunch and it went fantastic. My parents came over and picked up I. for a few days by herself with them so that they can do things that they can't do when D. is over there, ie. LEGOLAND and a movie. So D. and I were on our own this afternoon. We went grocery shopping where he had a piece of cheddar cheese, was offered a banana from the fruit guy and then conned his way into a slice of avocado. Pretty awesome trip for him! Then we came home for a late rest and then since I didn't need to get him in bed until 5:45, when I got him up we went over to the lake for a bike ride - over 5 miles in about 35 minutes. Not bad. It's amazing how simple it is to get one kid in the bath and bed. Like a cake walk!
Trying to figure out some different activities we might do tomorrow since I don't know how his sleep schedule is going to go. When I. is here, once he wakes up in the morning, he stays up because she's up and turning on the light. However, without her, he may fall back to sleep. I plan on getting up 30 minutes earlier to see if I can catch him before he falls back asleep because then our day won't be broken in half by a long nap. I'm not sure it will work, thus the multiple activities that I can mix and match. Regardless, it should be a good day.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Day 66
How bad can a day be if you spend 3 hours of it in a bathing suit? Answer is not that bad. I took the kiddos to LEGOLAND Waterpark. D. and I snuck in a visit before I. was out of school to check it out and see if I would be able to do it successfully with both of them. We went down a small slide all together at least 30 times and overall had a good time. Towards the end, D. lost all reason and threw a full scale tantrum but it didn't last that long and since he's 2, I fully expected it. If it had been I., it would have been a different story. But we all enjoyed the slide time and had fun so that is a good day.
Today my dad was able to get to a doctor that I found online who was finally willing to take action and do something to solve his medical problem. They took a pint of blood out this morning and my dad said that his brain already felt better. They will take 3 more pints over the next 4 weeks so hopefully that issue will be resolved.
He and my mom are up in Laguna Beach at the Pageant of the Masters tonight and V. is in Park City, Utah enjoying a big dinner celebration for his new client. I have to admit that I had a moment of loneliness and self pity that I'm here as always on the couch with no one to talk to and all my friends and family are either out and about or home with loved ones. Speaking of that, I'm still trying to nail down actual lunch dates with my brother but it is SO difficult. Makes it hard to not just screw this and give up but then somehow I'll be the bad guy. Why does it seem that I always seem to be the one held most responsible for everything even if others don't uphold their 50% of the deal?
Pisses me off I tell you.
Today my dad was able to get to a doctor that I found online who was finally willing to take action and do something to solve his medical problem. They took a pint of blood out this morning and my dad said that his brain already felt better. They will take 3 more pints over the next 4 weeks so hopefully that issue will be resolved.
He and my mom are up in Laguna Beach at the Pageant of the Masters tonight and V. is in Park City, Utah enjoying a big dinner celebration for his new client. I have to admit that I had a moment of loneliness and self pity that I'm here as always on the couch with no one to talk to and all my friends and family are either out and about or home with loved ones. Speaking of that, I'm still trying to nail down actual lunch dates with my brother but it is SO difficult. Makes it hard to not just screw this and give up but then somehow I'll be the bad guy. Why does it seem that I always seem to be the one held most responsible for everything even if others don't uphold their 50% of the deal?
Pisses me off I tell you.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Days 53-65
I'm so behind on posting for the last couple of weeks. There's been a lot of good going on but unfortunately a lot of bad health ju-ju going on around us as well.
I think I'll just do a summary of the good stuff because there was a lot of it. We had D.'s birthday party and it was fun for him except for the fact that he didn't take his usual nap in the morning and so was pretty fried by the time I brought my homemade birthday cake out. His sisters came down so that made it special. V. did a big time disconnect in the middle of the party which really pissed me off and I had to hash it out with him at a later date. So that was kind of a bummer and also things were so hectic that I didn't even get a picture with my birthday boy which to me was the most upsetting thing. But he had fun and understood presents and toys and unwrapping and that was really fun to see.
We've had plenty of swim classes to enjoy, a beach day, a relaxing playdate with Melissa at her house and a few last days of summer camp at I.'s school. We've looked at plenty of houses in anticipation for our house someday reentering escrow.
Unfortunately I have been feeling anxious this week because my dad's health situation still has not been resolved and I feel as though it's a ticking time bomb. My parents just don't want to deal with health situations until they absolutely have to and it really angers me. I don't know what they are waiting for. But they rely on longtime doctors who are not really reliable and they don't follow up to make sure they are doing their jobs. Is there anything more important than that? And my FIL of course being basically terminally ill with bone cancer. It just makes me so sad. On top of that, Melissa was supposed to come over on Tuesday for her birthday celebration but her mom ended up in the ER and I told Melissa to just bring Caroline over here since her hubby was unavailable until 1ish. That was stressful since they have never left Caroline with anyone other than her mom but I was happy to help so that she could get to her mom's side. But it was stressful and exhausting.
It just feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and uncertainty and it makes my anxiety rise substantially. Hopefully I'll find a way to cope better with all these things that are swirling around and out of my control.
I think I'll just do a summary of the good stuff because there was a lot of it. We had D.'s birthday party and it was fun for him except for the fact that he didn't take his usual nap in the morning and so was pretty fried by the time I brought my homemade birthday cake out. His sisters came down so that made it special. V. did a big time disconnect in the middle of the party which really pissed me off and I had to hash it out with him at a later date. So that was kind of a bummer and also things were so hectic that I didn't even get a picture with my birthday boy which to me was the most upsetting thing. But he had fun and understood presents and toys and unwrapping and that was really fun to see.
We've had plenty of swim classes to enjoy, a beach day, a relaxing playdate with Melissa at her house and a few last days of summer camp at I.'s school. We've looked at plenty of houses in anticipation for our house someday reentering escrow.
Unfortunately I have been feeling anxious this week because my dad's health situation still has not been resolved and I feel as though it's a ticking time bomb. My parents just don't want to deal with health situations until they absolutely have to and it really angers me. I don't know what they are waiting for. But they rely on longtime doctors who are not really reliable and they don't follow up to make sure they are doing their jobs. Is there anything more important than that? And my FIL of course being basically terminally ill with bone cancer. It just makes me so sad. On top of that, Melissa was supposed to come over on Tuesday for her birthday celebration but her mom ended up in the ER and I told Melissa to just bring Caroline over here since her hubby was unavailable until 1ish. That was stressful since they have never left Caroline with anyone other than her mom but I was happy to help so that she could get to her mom's side. But it was stressful and exhausting.
It just feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and uncertainty and it makes my anxiety rise substantially. Hopefully I'll find a way to cope better with all these things that are swirling around and out of my control.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Yucky Conversation
A brief intermission in my "Days of Summer" postings. I've been busy editing the over 200 pictures I had on my camera from the past month/month and a half. It's so time consuming but also is nice because it brings back all the good memories and great pictures of our fun times. But it has derailed me from my summer postings. Planning on doing a catch up shortly.
Today has been an anxiety inducing day and now I'm not looking forward to a conversation with V. when he calls tonight. The lesser of the stresses (kind of) is that my dad has been suffering from polycythemia which is too many red blood cells for about 5 weeks now. That may not sound like a problem but it is, can lead to strokes, blood clots, heart and lung damage etc. They've just been kind of burying their heads like always figuring it would get better so no real rush. Then this morning, he gets out of the shower and looks at his ankles and all his blood vessels had broken down there so there is blood all under the skin. So he goes for another blood test and it's even worse! They said he needs to have 4 pints of blood removed (not all at once) in order to get the numbers to where they should be. I got so mad and I think it finally made them take some action because hopefully he will be able to get in tomorrow and give some of that blood.
The more dire situation has to do with V.'s dad. On Tuesday night I sent him some pictures of V. from this summer because when we were at their house, I showed him some pictures on my camera and he specifically wanted one of V. Wednesday morning, I got an email from his mom thanking me and saying that today was the last day of the second round of radiation and that he would be starting chemo in a few days. This was different than what V.'s brother had told us so last night when I saw his brother on FB, I checked in with him and asked about it. Turns out that the cancer is back in his skull which is dismaying because that was really quick. They can't do radiation to his skull for another year so chemo is the last ditch resort to trying to remove it/slow it down. His brother was asking when V. was home because he needed to ask him a question either tonight or tomorrow. I told him that I needed to be able to tell V. what is going on first so I'm going to have to tell him tonight over the phone and his brother is going to call him tomorrow night. I really was hoping to wait until V. was home and tell him in person but I'm not going to interfere with his brother needing to call him either. I guess it can't be helped but still not looking forward to it at all.
I sent his dad an e-card, kind of a funny one but more like a tongue in cheek and told him that we were praying for his strength, healing and physical comfort and signed it as his favorite daughter in law which is our joke because I am his ONLY daughter in law and he calls himself my favorite father in law. I got an email back from him today that said,
Brought tears to my eyes and also pain to my heart. I asked I. to make him something today and she did so in such a big way that I had to use a manila envelope to fit it all in. I'm feeling that heightened sense of anxiety where I just get a feel like something bad is about to happen. I can be driving and it just comes out of nowhere and then I realize it's because of his dad and that it's bringing up what happened with Mark and it scares me because I know how fast it can happen. One afternoon you can be hanging out and a few hours later, the death spiral begins. On top of this, I just don't know how to help V.. This after 10 years of marriage. But honestly, V. has no clue how to help himself let alone know how I can help him. I'm just going to have to pray hard for insight, intuition, and patience and let God lead me in the right direction. Kind of like the same thing I need to do about this house sale, come to think of it.
Today has been an anxiety inducing day and now I'm not looking forward to a conversation with V. when he calls tonight. The lesser of the stresses (kind of) is that my dad has been suffering from polycythemia which is too many red blood cells for about 5 weeks now. That may not sound like a problem but it is, can lead to strokes, blood clots, heart and lung damage etc. They've just been kind of burying their heads like always figuring it would get better so no real rush. Then this morning, he gets out of the shower and looks at his ankles and all his blood vessels had broken down there so there is blood all under the skin. So he goes for another blood test and it's even worse! They said he needs to have 4 pints of blood removed (not all at once) in order to get the numbers to where they should be. I got so mad and I think it finally made them take some action because hopefully he will be able to get in tomorrow and give some of that blood.
The more dire situation has to do with V.'s dad. On Tuesday night I sent him some pictures of V. from this summer because when we were at their house, I showed him some pictures on my camera and he specifically wanted one of V. Wednesday morning, I got an email from his mom thanking me and saying that today was the last day of the second round of radiation and that he would be starting chemo in a few days. This was different than what V.'s brother had told us so last night when I saw his brother on FB, I checked in with him and asked about it. Turns out that the cancer is back in his skull which is dismaying because that was really quick. They can't do radiation to his skull for another year so chemo is the last ditch resort to trying to remove it/slow it down. His brother was asking when V. was home because he needed to ask him a question either tonight or tomorrow. I told him that I needed to be able to tell V. what is going on first so I'm going to have to tell him tonight over the phone and his brother is going to call him tomorrow night. I really was hoping to wait until V. was home and tell him in person but I'm not going to interfere with his brother needing to call him either. I guess it can't be helped but still not looking forward to it at all.
I sent his dad an e-card, kind of a funny one but more like a tongue in cheek and told him that we were praying for his strength, healing and physical comfort and signed it as his favorite daughter in law which is our joke because I am his ONLY daughter in law and he calls himself my favorite father in law. I got an email back from him today that said,
This is let you know that your card did put a smile on my face and filled my heart with so much Love for your thoughtfulness and words. I also want to tell that the pictures you sent were great and I love them. Please give everyone there a big hug and a kiss for me. Remind my son how lucky he is to have such a great woman by his side, you are one of a kind as far as I'm concerned.All my LoveVic
Brought tears to my eyes and also pain to my heart. I asked I. to make him something today and she did so in such a big way that I had to use a manila envelope to fit it all in. I'm feeling that heightened sense of anxiety where I just get a feel like something bad is about to happen. I can be driving and it just comes out of nowhere and then I realize it's because of his dad and that it's bringing up what happened with Mark and it scares me because I know how fast it can happen. One afternoon you can be hanging out and a few hours later, the death spiral begins. On top of this, I just don't know how to help V.. This after 10 years of marriage. But honestly, V. has no clue how to help himself let alone know how I can help him. I'm just going to have to pray hard for insight, intuition, and patience and let God lead me in the right direction. Kind of like the same thing I need to do about this house sale, come to think of it.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Days 50-52
Day 50 of summer was my little guy's 2nd birthday. I just can't believe it. I. and I sang him Happy Birthday while he was still in the crib and though he didn't completely understand, he knew we were singing to him and that made him happy. Melissa and Caroline came over for a playdate and after I. came home from VBS, we had a little party with cupcakes that Melissa had brought over and D. opened the two presents they had gotten him. This year, he definitely understands how to open a present up and when he saw that it was an airplane with people and a door that opened and closed, he was in love and spent the rest of the time inspecting its wheels and opening and closing the door. Plus it plays music so it really can't get any better than that. He was so jazzed about it that I let him take it in the crib with him during afternoon rest time. Sunday will be our family party and the girls will be coming down by train Saturday night so that will be exciting for everyone. It will be a full house!
Yesterday was I.'s last day of VBS. I also had to run to Home Depot this morning to get some items we will need in order to pass house inspection which was supposed to have happened next Monday. I. and I played pretend restaurant and served up 21 of her stuffed animals with various menu items which was fun.
This morning my realtor let me know that our buyer backed out due to a family emergency. I don't know that I buy that. Last night I spent hours getting all these financial statements together for the lender so that he can provide our realtor with a preapproval document to make us more attractive buyers. Being contingent makes us unattractive. On top of that, in this market you have to include with your bid/offer a biography of your family introducing yourselves and telling why they should accept your bid. It also makes you "more attractive". This whole process could give you a complex I swear. Anyways, now we're back to square one with showings and a need to keep everything perfect while having 2 little ones underfoot. That part really sucks. The only good I can see of this is that the inventory has dropped significantly the last week so I was starting to feel stressed that now our house was in escrow and now there were no homes coming on the market. Guess we'll see what happens.
The rest of the day was good except of course bedtime when the kids were tired and bouncing off the walls and my patience was running out. The last 2 weeks since we got home V. has worked all 5 weekdays in Arizona so it's been a little rough on me. Today though I had planned a short adventure for the 3 of us and it turned out really well. We caught the trolley just east of Qualcomm and then rode it about 4 stops to Mission Valley where it dropped us off right in front of Sammy's Wood Fired Pizza. We had lunch there, walked around for 20 minutes or so and caught the trolley back to our car. Both kiddos were so excited and for the rest of the day, D. kept making the sign for train because he was so thrilled by the whole thing. I got the idea when V. and I took the trolley to the game on Sunday and I was looking out the window at the stops. So glad we did it and both kids were really well mannered. A good day with good memories made!
Yesterday was I.'s last day of VBS. I also had to run to Home Depot this morning to get some items we will need in order to pass house inspection which was supposed to have happened next Monday. I. and I played pretend restaurant and served up 21 of her stuffed animals with various menu items which was fun.
This morning my realtor let me know that our buyer backed out due to a family emergency. I don't know that I buy that. Last night I spent hours getting all these financial statements together for the lender so that he can provide our realtor with a preapproval document to make us more attractive buyers. Being contingent makes us unattractive. On top of that, in this market you have to include with your bid/offer a biography of your family introducing yourselves and telling why they should accept your bid. It also makes you "more attractive". This whole process could give you a complex I swear. Anyways, now we're back to square one with showings and a need to keep everything perfect while having 2 little ones underfoot. That part really sucks. The only good I can see of this is that the inventory has dropped significantly the last week so I was starting to feel stressed that now our house was in escrow and now there were no homes coming on the market. Guess we'll see what happens.
The rest of the day was good except of course bedtime when the kids were tired and bouncing off the walls and my patience was running out. The last 2 weeks since we got home V. has worked all 5 weekdays in Arizona so it's been a little rough on me. Today though I had planned a short adventure for the 3 of us and it turned out really well. We caught the trolley just east of Qualcomm and then rode it about 4 stops to Mission Valley where it dropped us off right in front of Sammy's Wood Fired Pizza. We had lunch there, walked around for 20 minutes or so and caught the trolley back to our car. Both kiddos were so excited and for the rest of the day, D. kept making the sign for train because he was so thrilled by the whole thing. I got the idea when V. and I took the trolley to the game on Sunday and I was looking out the window at the stops. So glad we did it and both kids were really well mannered. A good day with good memories made!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Day 47-49
This summer has been all about multi-tasking as though I was not doing that already. Maybe now it's multi-multi tasking. It makes my head spin throughout the day and I cannot tell you the last time I was able to doze off in the afternoon to get a head wind for the rest of the day.
Saturday V. and I. went to the gym early while D. was taking a nap and then they went to a gift shop because I. wanted to get everyone some presents with the money she got last week through the SDSU study. So sweet...she got me, V. and D. something special. When they got home we looked at 3 houses, 2 of which I had seen already and had pegged as favorites. We were going to put an offer in on one of them because it was perfect but found out later in the afternoon that they already had an offer and did not want any contingent offers. I'm going to have to toughen up and get used to disappointment or I'm not going to survive this process. Seeing the kids happily run around the house and the beautiful yard and the remodeled kitchen and the pantry and how the house was completely brand new and the location was great...we were all excited and then the crash of no, they don't want your stupid contingent offer. This market is tough, really tough. Lots of cash buyers and low inventory mean that houses go into escrow within 3 days of going on the market. Plus they don't need to accept any contingent offers when someone is good to go. Trying not to stress out about this, some days more successful than others.
Sunday was our baseball date and we had a good time. Saw batting practice, walked around, and enjoyed the game even though the Yankees lost. Had a fun time at dinner at one of our favorite places.
Today I. went to VBS but I picked her up early for swimming class since we've missed several already and before we know it, it will be time to go back to school.
Today also was D.'s last day of being 1-something. It kills me. When I was cradling him and singing the regular bedtime songs tonight, I cried because this would be the last time I was looking into a 1 year old's face of mine. I've been rereading the document my doula wrote of his birth story tonight. It's absolutely priceless and reading it takes me right back in time. I really am thankful for both the documentation of it and for the actual happening of it - I've never felt such pain before in my life but I got to experience bringing D. out of me into this world the way I hoped for, then seeing his little serene face and big dark eyes staring into my face , his enthusiastic nursing within 5 minutes of being born, and this feeling of euphoria coursing through me for the rest of the day. Granted, 3 days later and for about 10 weeks after that I was in agony in various locations but the day and a half after I birthed D., I felt like I could run a marathon, climb a mountain, and do anything I wanted. It was such a beautiful experience.
But my baby boy will turn 2 tomorrow. Our music class friends will be coming over tomorrow to celebrate and distract Mommy from this fact, try to get her to focus on the positive (hmm, what is it again?). At least D. is close to me emotionally. When he gets hurt and is upset, he runs to me for comfort. He loves to snuggle against my chest at naptime, and rest time and bedtime. He can be spazzing out and hyper but as soon as I put his cheek against my skin, he immediately relaxes and snuggles in towards me. It's like our substitute for nursing and it's been working to soothe both of us.
I want to have tomorrow be all about happy and that's why I am trying to get through all the not so happy part tonight. I'll see tomorrow if I was successful in my goal.
Saturday V. and I. went to the gym early while D. was taking a nap and then they went to a gift shop because I. wanted to get everyone some presents with the money she got last week through the SDSU study. So sweet...she got me, V. and D. something special. When they got home we looked at 3 houses, 2 of which I had seen already and had pegged as favorites. We were going to put an offer in on one of them because it was perfect but found out later in the afternoon that they already had an offer and did not want any contingent offers. I'm going to have to toughen up and get used to disappointment or I'm not going to survive this process. Seeing the kids happily run around the house and the beautiful yard and the remodeled kitchen and the pantry and how the house was completely brand new and the location was great...we were all excited and then the crash of no, they don't want your stupid contingent offer. This market is tough, really tough. Lots of cash buyers and low inventory mean that houses go into escrow within 3 days of going on the market. Plus they don't need to accept any contingent offers when someone is good to go. Trying not to stress out about this, some days more successful than others.
Sunday was our baseball date and we had a good time. Saw batting practice, walked around, and enjoyed the game even though the Yankees lost. Had a fun time at dinner at one of our favorite places.
Today I. went to VBS but I picked her up early for swimming class since we've missed several already and before we know it, it will be time to go back to school.
Today also was D.'s last day of being 1-something. It kills me. When I was cradling him and singing the regular bedtime songs tonight, I cried because this would be the last time I was looking into a 1 year old's face of mine. I've been rereading the document my doula wrote of his birth story tonight. It's absolutely priceless and reading it takes me right back in time. I really am thankful for both the documentation of it and for the actual happening of it - I've never felt such pain before in my life but I got to experience bringing D. out of me into this world the way I hoped for, then seeing his little serene face and big dark eyes staring into my face , his enthusiastic nursing within 5 minutes of being born, and this feeling of euphoria coursing through me for the rest of the day. Granted, 3 days later and for about 10 weeks after that I was in agony in various locations but the day and a half after I birthed D., I felt like I could run a marathon, climb a mountain, and do anything I wanted. It was such a beautiful experience.
But my baby boy will turn 2 tomorrow. Our music class friends will be coming over tomorrow to celebrate and distract Mommy from this fact, try to get her to focus on the positive (hmm, what is it again?). At least D. is close to me emotionally. When he gets hurt and is upset, he runs to me for comfort. He loves to snuggle against my chest at naptime, and rest time and bedtime. He can be spazzing out and hyper but as soon as I put his cheek against my skin, he immediately relaxes and snuggles in towards me. It's like our substitute for nursing and it's been working to soothe both of us.
I want to have tomorrow be all about happy and that's why I am trying to get through all the not so happy part tonight. I'll see tomorrow if I was successful in my goal.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Days 42-46
A whole 'nother week of summer gone. It's just flying by this year. I guess the key to the summer flying by is having a good summer and a guaranteed slow summer time is one where no one seems to be having fun. For us, the key to a good summer is balance and diversity. All I can say is that it is a good thing I am a good planner.
The only thing that is adding a little too much to our schedule is the fact that we got a couple of offers, one accepted our counter and today we signed the final contract with them so the heat is on to find a home, the right home for us in 17 days. I went looking by myself yesterday at 7 homes and today with the kids for another 6 homes. Today there were 2 that would be great for us so tomorrow much to V.'s chagrin we will all be looking at those 2 tomorrow plus an additional 2.
The week flew by with picking the kiddos up on Monday and then Vacation Bible School for the rest of the week. Sunday is V.'s birthday gift from January - Yankees/Padres game tickets behind the Yankee dugout. Should be a fun day hanging out in the Gaslamp area. Kind of like New York except I will be sure and have extremely comfortable shoes!
The only thing that is adding a little too much to our schedule is the fact that we got a couple of offers, one accepted our counter and today we signed the final contract with them so the heat is on to find a home, the right home for us in 17 days. I went looking by myself yesterday at 7 homes and today with the kids for another 6 homes. Today there were 2 that would be great for us so tomorrow much to V.'s chagrin we will all be looking at those 2 tomorrow plus an additional 2.
The week flew by with picking the kiddos up on Monday and then Vacation Bible School for the rest of the week. Sunday is V.'s birthday gift from January - Yankees/Padres game tickets behind the Yankee dugout. Should be a fun day hanging out in the Gaslamp area. Kind of like New York except I will be sure and have extremely comfortable shoes!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Days 39-42 aka the New York Trip
So behind on posting thanks to our New York trip. While the trip was exciting and fun, I was really missing my kiddos after having so much fun with them in Palm Desert. I guess there are worse problems to be had!
The New York trip was good on many different levels. Good adult time as we interacted with other couples and were by ourselves for the few "work" functions. Great time at the Lion King after a wonderful reception. Got picked up from JFK by a black, top of the line Lexus with a driver - I mean come on, really?! The dinner on Saturday was exquisite and I don't usually use that word. Phenomenal, one of a kind. And both of the full days we were there we walked and walked and walked. Exploring different areas of Manhattan, jumping on the subway to travel further and just having a good time relaxing and wandering. Both days lunch was grabbing a Sabrett's hot dog on a corner and eating it as we continued walking.
The only bummer (and it's a real bummer) was that we made a stop on Sunday over at V.'s parents house. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to see them. I was the one telling V. we should come back on Monday so we could spend Sunday with them but after being gone for so long and a new job, he nixed that so all we ended up with was 3.5 hours or so. While we were at their house, V. hooked up his computer as soon as we got there to try and check in for his flight the next morning to Phoenix which would be fine except there were problems. He literally spent an hour over at the kitchen table on the computer while I sat in the living room with his parents carrying on a conversation. I have no problem with that except for the fact that his dad is sick and he kept fidgeting around the chair like he was in pain.
Bottom line, as we found out from my brother in law as he was driving us to the airport, is that my father in law has been less than forth coming. He didn't have a brain tumor. He has bone cancer as a result of having prostate cancer for the past 20 years. He could have had better treatment for the prostate cancer over the last 20 years but chose to just take a pill a day. The cancer has spread everywhere and at this point the radiation he is receiving ( a new 12 week regimen that began last week) is only for palliative. If they were to do a CT scan, his entire body would light up...it's everywhere. The radiation is to just keep the pain down and he has pain meds to help with that as well. But basically he's dying. Literally we heard all of this as we approached the airport and we were both stunned. I'm worried for V. because he is his father's son. For that very reason, I told him that I would never allow him to keep me in the dark like that because it is just a horrible thing to find out that you could have done something but it's now too late. V. was so wiped out with all that info that he pretty much slept all the way home.
I'm concerned about a couple of things. I'm concerned for V. How do I support someone who refuses to acknowledge situations or feelings? How do I cope with my own memories of Mark, the pain and anguish that accompanies all of this? How do I support and connect with V.'s dad and how do I involve I. (who is already involved) and prepare her for what is coming? It is bringing up all the thoughts and pain of Mark. I really like V.'s dad (and mom for that matter) and understand him because V. is so much like him.
Good times behind us, tough times ahead.
The New York trip was good on many different levels. Good adult time as we interacted with other couples and were by ourselves for the few "work" functions. Great time at the Lion King after a wonderful reception. Got picked up from JFK by a black, top of the line Lexus with a driver - I mean come on, really?! The dinner on Saturday was exquisite and I don't usually use that word. Phenomenal, one of a kind. And both of the full days we were there we walked and walked and walked. Exploring different areas of Manhattan, jumping on the subway to travel further and just having a good time relaxing and wandering. Both days lunch was grabbing a Sabrett's hot dog on a corner and eating it as we continued walking.
The only bummer (and it's a real bummer) was that we made a stop on Sunday over at V.'s parents house. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to see them. I was the one telling V. we should come back on Monday so we could spend Sunday with them but after being gone for so long and a new job, he nixed that so all we ended up with was 3.5 hours or so. While we were at their house, V. hooked up his computer as soon as we got there to try and check in for his flight the next morning to Phoenix which would be fine except there were problems. He literally spent an hour over at the kitchen table on the computer while I sat in the living room with his parents carrying on a conversation. I have no problem with that except for the fact that his dad is sick and he kept fidgeting around the chair like he was in pain.
Bottom line, as we found out from my brother in law as he was driving us to the airport, is that my father in law has been less than forth coming. He didn't have a brain tumor. He has bone cancer as a result of having prostate cancer for the past 20 years. He could have had better treatment for the prostate cancer over the last 20 years but chose to just take a pill a day. The cancer has spread everywhere and at this point the radiation he is receiving ( a new 12 week regimen that began last week) is only for palliative. If they were to do a CT scan, his entire body would light up...it's everywhere. The radiation is to just keep the pain down and he has pain meds to help with that as well. But basically he's dying. Literally we heard all of this as we approached the airport and we were both stunned. I'm worried for V. because he is his father's son. For that very reason, I told him that I would never allow him to keep me in the dark like that because it is just a horrible thing to find out that you could have done something but it's now too late. V. was so wiped out with all that info that he pretty much slept all the way home.
I'm concerned about a couple of things. I'm concerned for V. How do I support someone who refuses to acknowledge situations or feelings? How do I cope with my own memories of Mark, the pain and anguish that accompanies all of this? How do I support and connect with V.'s dad and how do I involve I. (who is already involved) and prepare her for what is coming? It is bringing up all the thoughts and pain of Mark. I really like V.'s dad (and mom for that matter) and understand him because V. is so much like him.
Good times behind us, tough times ahead.
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