Days 39-42 aka the New York Trip

So behind on posting thanks to our New York trip.  While the trip was exciting and fun, I was really missing my kiddos after having so much fun with them in Palm Desert.  I guess there are worse problems to be had!

The New York trip was good on many different levels.  Good adult time as we interacted with other couples and were by ourselves for the few "work" functions.  Great time at the Lion King after a wonderful reception.  Got picked up from JFK by a black, top of the line Lexus with a driver - I mean come on, really?!  The dinner on Saturday was exquisite and I don't usually use that word.  Phenomenal, one of a kind.  And both of the full days we were there we walked and walked and walked.  Exploring different areas of Manhattan, jumping on the subway to travel further and just having a good time relaxing and wandering.  Both days lunch was grabbing a Sabrett's hot dog on a corner and eating it as we continued walking.

The only bummer (and it's a real bummer) was that we made a stop on Sunday over at V.'s parents house.  Don't get me wrong, I wanted to see them.  I was the one telling V. we should come back on Monday so we could spend Sunday with them but after being gone for so long and a new job, he nixed that so all we ended up with was 3.5 hours or so.  While we were at their house, V. hooked up his computer as soon as we got there to try and check in for his flight the next morning to Phoenix which would be fine except there were problems.  He literally spent an hour over at the kitchen table on the computer while I sat in the living room with his parents carrying on a conversation.  I have no problem with that except for the fact that his dad is sick and he kept fidgeting around the chair like he was in pain. 

Bottom line, as we found out from my brother in law as he was driving us to the airport, is that my father in law has been less than forth coming.  He didn't have a brain tumor.  He has bone cancer as a result of having prostate cancer for the past 20 years.  He could have had better treatment for the prostate cancer over the last 20 years but chose to just take a pill a day.  The cancer has spread everywhere and at this point the radiation he is receiving ( a new 12 week regimen that began last week) is only for palliative.  If they were to do a CT scan, his entire body would light up...it's everywhere.  The radiation is to just keep the pain down and he has pain meds to help with that as well.  But basically he's dying.  Literally we heard all of this as we approached the airport and we were both stunned.  I'm worried for V. because he is his father's son.  For that very reason, I told him that I would never allow him to keep me in the dark like that because it is just a horrible thing to find out that you could have done something but it's now too late.  V. was so wiped out with all that info that he pretty much slept all the way home.

I'm concerned about a couple of things.  I'm concerned for V.  How do I support someone who refuses to acknowledge situations or feelings?  How do I cope with my own memories of Mark, the pain and anguish that accompanies all of this?  How do I support and connect with V.'s dad and how do I involve I. (who is already involved) and prepare her for what is coming?   It is bringing up all the thoughts and pain of Mark.  I really like V.'s dad (and mom for that matter) and understand him because V. is  so much like him.

Good times behind us, tough times ahead.