This morning was the Mother's Day Tea for I.'s school. This past month, she has been singing the songs for the program at the top of her lungs, at bathtime, in the morning before school, you name it she's singing. Then of course as the day approaches, she starts getting nervous. On Valentine's Day when they celebrated Father's Day, I. stood up front and barely moved her lips. She looked like she was ready to cry and I knew she was just overcome with nervousness. Yesterday she really started feeling scared about it but with the recent knowledge that Jesus was in her heart, I told her this morning as I fixed her hair to pray to Jesus just before she went on stage to help her not be scared and to allow her to sing. And of course to look at me because I'd be the one looking at her and I'd be smiling at her.
And thank you God because she sang and smiled even and enjoyed herself. Instead of melting down emotionally afterwards as she did on Valentine's Day, she was cheerful, happy, and energetic. It may have been her first instance of specifically praying for something and having it happen. It made me so happy to hear her voice even though I was 15 rows back, singing her little heart out. We also got to take a picture together afterwards with a professional photographer which was one of my goals for this Mother's Day - to get a picture of me with both of my kids. I don't have any and D. is 9 months old. That's just not right. Hopefully the picture will turn out nicely.
The actual lunch was nice but I didn't enjoy it that much. For one, I don't really know anyone except one mom and she left right after the kindergarten class finished singing and didn't stay for the lunch. Secondly, it took me a couple of Mother's Days to grasp the fact that for me, Mother's Day was only Mother's Day because of my kid(s). It's a day that I cherish with my kids, because of my kids. That being said, they took the kids separately to eat pizza and play while the moms sat at tables and ate. I understand that they were trying to be nice and give us some "adult" time. And trust me, I'm all about "me time" and needing adult time. Just not on Mother's Day events. So I sadly watched I. marching off with her class and then trudged into the lunch area with D. to eat my lunch, mashed bananas and wheat bread for him as I tried to eat the lunch in between his bites. At her preschool, they provided childcare for siblings and the tea was for the preschool child and the mother. I preferred it that way. I'm looking forward to Sunday, being with my girl and little guy, the reasons why I get to celebrate this holiday.
One worry, probably ridiculous but a worry nonetheless, is my continued tiredness. By 10 am I was tired and after I got home from the Mother's Day Tea and got D. down for a nap, I laid down on the couch while I. worked on cards for Mother's Day and my dad's birthday this weekend. I was exhausted and fell asleep for a half an hour. That may not sound like anything big but I don't fall asleep easily especially during the day, with I. in the same room making noise, and a cat sitting on my lap. But I did and by 5pm, I was tired again. An hour later, both kids were in bed and I was taking a shower pondering how I fell asleep this afternoon. I was thinking about the last time I felt like this and realized it was a couple of days before I found out I was pregnant with D. Birth control-wise, it shouldn't even be a possibility or maybe just a 1% chance in addition to being an older mom already. The problem is my tiredness and the fact that because I'm nursing 7 times a day, I still haven't had a period so I don't even have that to go by. I'm feeling stressed and V. is still a week away from coming home. Deep breaths...
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