First Day of First Grade

I'm happy and relieved to say that I. had a great first day.  This morning she was still lamenting not getting to play with D. but when I picked her up, she ran over with a big smile and kisses for both of us, D. first of course.  She loved her day and today was pretty much learning rules and figuring out where the kids' learning levels were at.  I think she's going to rock it this year.  Her teacher and I have already talked twice about her advanced levels in math and reading so I feel good that we are on the same page - she doesn't need extra homework or more homework, she just needs challenging homework.  This is one of the big reasons why we are sending I. to private school and making the investment.  If she was in public school, there would be around 33 kids in her first grade class, hers has 18.  She was in such a good mood and couldn't wait for tomorrow to head back to school.

D. and I went to music class and then out to lunch with our music class friends which was fun.  By the time we got home, it was time for nap time and then I had to wake D. up from nap to go get I. from school.  A surprisingly fast day though I did get a lot done, some laundry, making I.'s and D.'s breakfasts plus I.'s lunch, and fitting in 30 minutes of hard exercise.  My goal this fall is to fit in 3-30 minute home sessions of exercise during the week to supplement my weekend workouts.  This week will be one trying to find balance between  fun/leisure and getting things done both when I. is in school and when she is out of school.

Rough Night

Last night was something out of a torture chamber. Seriously. It went from Little Shop of Horrors to Gitmo. What caused this torture was that I was forced to change what D. was sleeping on in his bassinet because of major safety issues. It was non-negotiable however, I knew it was going to cause problems with his sleeping, at least initially. Boy, was I ever right. Morning nap was shorter and afternoon nap was a 30 minute joke. I was stressing because if he doesn't sleep well during the day, going to sleep and staying asleep at night is going to be a problem. I'll just cut to the chase of how last night ended - even though I was exhausted by 10pm, I was not "allowed" to fall asleep until 3:30am. Then I slept til the alarm went off at 6:30.

The jury is still out for today. He woke up crying a couple of times in morning nap, which isn't completely out of the ordinary, but overall got a 2 1/2 hour morning nap. This afternoon, he was up after 45 minutes. Tonight I put him down asleep and he woke up crying 20 minutes later. I was able to soothe him quickly and he went back to sleep. It's not an auspicious start though. I really need a "normal" night's sleep tonight - nothing huge, just 6 hours would be just fine by me. My thinking is that he was only used to that other way of sleeping for 7 weeks so he should be able to adapt to this new way in 2 or 3 days. We'll see how accurate that thinking is.

In the middle of the night while I was being tortured, I was racking my brain trying to figure out how to prevent this from happening today. So I studied what was pissing D. off (lying on his back) and tried to think of how safely to address it. So I McGyvered something with wedges and blue painter's tape to see if D. could safely sleep on his side, which is what he wants. I also moved the bassinet into the walk-in closet to see if that would help with afternoon nap and his early bedtime because my bedroom is light at those 2 times of day. He has morning nap in I.'s dark room and that usually is more successful thus my experiment with the walk-in closet. I think being a second time around momma has taught me to just keep trying different things if the first thing doesn't work. You just keep trying and studying what is working and what is not working and adjusting from there.

So I sound like I'm doing well emotionally, huh? Well, not really. V. had to stay up in LA this whole week and even though he may not help with the kids anyways when he is in town due to their early bedtimes and his hellacious work schedule, knowing that I will have his company later on that day and another adult in the house overnight helps me emotionally. If I'm getting the normal 5-6 hours of total sleep and things are going okay, I can make it. But when night sleep is down to nothing and every afternoon is fraught with I.'s angst, I feel so alone. Which leads to those feelings of failure and utter sadness. Things with I. continue to be rough every afternoon. It feels like afternoons at home with me are such a letdown after a morning of kindergarten. She acts so unhappy that afternoons are not just fun, fun, fun and that I'm always telling her what to do, fixing her meals she's not happy about, and not doing the things she wants. I know it's part of the adjustment period of both the second kid and kindergarten but it makes me feel like such a failure to her as a mother and feeds into what I feel like...that everyone else is for fun and me, I'm just the person telling her what she's having for a meal and what to do. But I'm the only one here and yes damnit, she does need to pick up her clothes off the floor and put them away and yes damnit it is time for a bath and you need to mind what I'm saying. So I just get to be the bad guy and everyone else gets to be entertainment. It's so hard and it makes me feel so bad. I pray that as I get more sleep which will lead to more patience and more energy, things will get better. I think as D. gets older and can stay awake for longer stretches, that will make a huge difference too because it will give me more freedom to plan something for us to do without being on an hour and a half tether like I am now.

Tough times but I'm still relishing those big gummy smiles that D. gives me and how his tongue is moving around as he tries to communicate. And those sweet coos...those are even better. I'm just trying to hang onto those moments as much as possible and enjoy them to the fullest instead of these sleepless nights because I know both will pass and while I won't miss those sleepless nights, I will miss those first smiles and the wonder of his first attempts at communication. I've just got to make it through without going down the road to depression and that's the scary part.

Coming Up for Air

A lot of life changing events have happened since I last posted. I will do a post solely about delivering my son. MY SON. Wow, that is amazing just to type let alone to actually have gone through it. And boy, did I go through it. But that's a separate post when I have a sufficient amount of time to dedicate to it. Which is not right now.

Right now is just me coming up for air for just a moment. But enough of a moment that I want to document how I feel about this little guy and the early days of his life. His name is Dominic and he really is a beautiful little guy. Not only that, and my fingers are still crossed that this is really how he is and not just the early honeymoon period, he has the most amazing disposition and has had this disposition from the moment he came into this world. He is alert - his dark blue searching faces, lights, movements and quietly, contentedly, and watchfully taking everything in. When he turns his eyes to you, you feel him looking at you, studying you. He is happy to just chill out and look around. If he sees something that interests him, his arms and legs start kicking out and moving around, just like when he was in the womb. He doesn't cry much. Even if you're changing his diaper, he registers his discontent about the cold wipes and air but as long as you are quick about it, he squawks and yells once and then patiently waits. Of course all bets are off if he's hungry but even then, he isn't frantic, impatient, and quick to cry like I. was. He is just a sweet sweet baby. V. and I look at him and wonder how he came from us considering the force of nature that I. is. But it looks like maybe God answered our prayers for a healthy but easier child the second time around. In a way it makes me appreciate I. even more for her temperament and it definitely makes me appreciate D. even more for his uniqueness.

I am totally in love with D. - his smell, his little face and expressions, his fingers and feet. Everything about him, I just want to drink up, smell up, kiss up. Not to say that the first week wasn't tough because it was and there are still some challenges that make daily life hard. But things are better this week and I feel like some of the issues/challenges are getting fixed/solved so there is more hope than last week. Getting used to two is hard at times and my organization and time skills really have had to come into play. Yesterday was my first day on my own and we all survived. The day flew by with trying to juggle both kids and I.'s insistence on her routine makes things tricky. I realize though that next week is her last week before kindergarten which makes me sad in many ways but I know that once I get her to school in the morning, things will be simpler for a few hours until it's time for her to come home. Who am I kidding though? I am going to be extremely sad when I. goes to kindergarten. I don't like major changes and endings and this definitely falls under that category. I'll just enjoy the days I have with her until then and look forward to school vacations just like the rest of the mommas with school age kids.

I.'s First Day of Preschool

So, surprise, surprise, I made it through today without any tears. I. was so jazzed about school this morning that I couldn't help but get caught up in it. Here's I. waiting for us to take her to school:





When we went to leave, she gave me a hug and a big smile and pushed V. out of the room so I guess I did my job well.



I picked her up in a blink of the eye and she loved school as I knew she would. She had so much to talk about, all the new experiences, and when we read about all the fun things happening in the upcoming weeks, she was so excited that she gave me a hug. The most amazing thing to me, the person who has had to suffer through the painful potty training process of the last 3 months, I. STAYED DRY THE WHOLE AFTERNOON! I was hoping that would be the case but didn't think it would actually occur. I keep my fingers crossed that this wasn't just a first day fluke!