The news of Patrick Swayze dying of pancreatic cancer tugged at my Mark scab. It ripped it off but not all the way off. He made it 4 months longer than Mark, that's what I've been thinking the last two days. The last week I've been remembering a lot of memories about Mark without crying - my last 5 days with him, other memories of when we worked side by side together, and sometimes back to back. It still hurts though but not to the point of sobbing, tearing up yes, but not uncontrollable sobbing. I have to admit, it wouldn't take much to cross that line.
V. is gone again, a lunch with one guy friend delayed from today has been cancelled for tomorrow due to work constraints, and a phone call from another guy friend did not occur today as promised. I feel let down. But V. called me tonight and we had a decent conversation, not deep but at least there was some substance. It's just so hard being 11 hours apart.
I'm feeling the loss of Mark. I could count on him. He had a conscience and a loyalty that transcended anything. If he said he was going to call me, he would. And if I needed to talk to him, he would be there. I so miss that right now and it hurts.
Tomorrow is another day to go off the grid while I. is in preschool and now that lunch plans have been cancelled, I'll have to figure out something pleasant for myself since today was very productive (grocery shopping and laundry). Lunch or maybe reading out by the pool - we'll see what I feel like.
No comments:
Post a Comment