My Note Tonight To I.

About 2 years ago, I started writing in a notebook random thoughts and more momentous events to I. Tonight, on the eve of her first day of preschool after not writing since Mother's Day, this is what I wrote:

"I haven't written you in awhile baby girl because I've had a really bad summer. Daddy was gone in Saudi Arabia and Mommy's best friend Mark died. You were with me for the last visit when he was able to walk around. Each time we visited Mark this year, I was so proud of your acceptance of him, despite the tubes and his emaciated appearance or whether we were visiting him at the hospital or at home. You always showed compassion to him - bringing his slippers and putting them on his feet, sharing your grapes happily with him, and always willing to give him a big hug goodbye when it was time to leave. My heart swells at what an awesome, little human being you already are.

Tonight is the night before your first day of preschool and while I'm so very excited for you, I'm really sad that tomorrow will begin all the realities that will separate us from each other. I know it will be so good for you and that I've done a great job preparing you. I could see that when we went and met your teacher and also during the orientation. You were so jazzed and stood up straight when you answered her questions, instead of hiding silently - it is your turn to shine. Your bucket you made is gorgeous and you will be so proud to take it to school with you tomorrow.

While I will only show my joy for you tomorrow, as you read this know that I will be crying as soon as you enter that classroom, just as I am crying now, because I will miss you. You may drive me crazy at times, but more often than not, you make the moments of my day better - happier, funnier, sillier, and more loving. Without you there, it will be more quiet and relaxing but just not nearly as much fun. I look forward to all the days taht you're not in school because we will have such fun together. I love you Isabella and you will always be my baby girl.

Love,
Momma"