Struggling

V. is going to be home next week and I'm really glad for that. I. and I have been having some good times together - going to the fair a couple of times, attending a Sesame Street live event, and celebrating my brother's birthday and 4th of July. Potty training took a turn for the better last Monday and I. has really been cooperating so I am extremely glad of that. We've been having some behavior issues but I sat down with her and outlined the consequences of the top 3 offensive behaviors and she seems to get it and trusts that I will mete out the consequences so that has helped curb her.

So with all that, you would think I would be pretty happy and content but actually I'm not. There seems to be a couple of situations that feel as though they're flapping in the wind without completion. As a goal driven, list maker this really drives me nuts - I like crossing things off my list and moving on to new things but I'm not able to. One thing is trying to talk to Mark - I've called him a couple of times and he doesn't return my calls. When I called back today and spoke to his mom, I told her to tell him that I was going to be in his neck of the woods either Thursday or Friday and was calling to arrange a visit. I figure, that paved the way because if he doesn't call me back (again), I'm just going to show up on Friday and may just have a "come to Jesus" discussion with him. That may seem harsh considering his battle but honestly, if he doesn't want my friendship, I'm not going to keep pursuing him and feeling as though I'm banging my head against a brick wall. This needs to be a two way street.

The other thing I really don't want to discuss in this forum but it's really affecting me in that I'm becoming extremely critical of myself and overthinking things. Both of which are pitfalls for me, not productive at all, and lead to ruminating over things I have no control over. On a positive note, at least I'm aware of this and am trying to take care of myself and give myself atta-boys when I make good choices. When V. comes back, it should help on this issue because then we can actually have a discussion, get it out of my head, and make a decision for the future. Plus when V. is home, it distracts me from overthinking things because I don't have as much time by myself.

This was more of a cathartic, sorting-out post for me, not entertaining or very enjoyable to read. I'm hoping once I get these things sorted out, I will be back to posting lighter and more entertaining things.