This phrase was such a good way of describing my afternoon, I'd thought I'd title my post and provide the definition of it for you. After a good morning at the park with friends, we came home, ate lunch, and successfully made it to the rest hour. Aah, I thought, so far so good. The rest of the afternoon was busy but stressfree - chiropractor appointment, gas the car up, and pick up the gourmet cat food from the vet. Easy peasy, right?
Well obviously, someone didn't agree because things proceeded to go downhill from the moment I got I. up from resttime. I walked in to discover a diarrhea mess all over the bed. Okay, been there done that so I clean her off, put clean clothes on her, and proceed to strip down the bed. This takes maybe 3 minutes mind you. It's now time to go so I tell I. to go use the potty and she informs me that she's already gone in her underpants. Really, are you serious? Three minutes and I'm already cleaning one mess and she's wet her underpants within steps of not one but TWO potties. So me being Mother of the Year, I tell her she's staying in those panties and we're leaving. Go to the chiropractor and before we leave I ask if she needs to use the potty before we get gas. She informs me she's already gone in her underpants AGAIN. Now I'm really starting to get aggravated. We get gas and drive across the parking lot to the vet to pick up the surf and turf meals (that's what they should be called, damn food costs that much) for the cats. We have to wait a couple of minutes but that's okay because there are some well mannered, potty trained animals to pet. In fact, the ONLY non potty trained animal in the waiting room was I. who began peeing down her leg. I wiped it off with Kleenex and told her she better start holding it right now and that I wasn't messing around. Lo and behold, she did hold it because she has the capability of doing that when she chooses to.
We finally finish the pee fest, I mean our errands, and go home only to discover that one of the cats has left a steaming pile on the carpet for me to find as soon as I open the door. I'm really excited about this and feel extra special because she already left me one to find first thing this morning. Must be my lucky day!
Get I. fed dinner successfully and we're making our way up to her room for bathtime and then bedtime. Yeah, I'm thinking, I'm almost there. We walk into her room and see something that does not bode well for either of us.
Though it doesn't show up in the photo, the fan is on high, moving at an alarming rate of speed and Elmo's six foot long string is completely tangled in various parts of the fan, including the cord to shut it off.
I.'s 3.5 year old psyche is overwhelmed and she begins shrieking and crying at the top of her lungs "NA-NA, NA-NA" (that's what she calls Elmo) I'm looking at it thinking "Oh man, I'm screwed." because I'm going to have to get up on a really tall ladder and try to cut Elmo down without being decapitated. You know, I don't think anyone pointed this out in the Mommy job description 'cause if they had, I'm not sure I would have signed up for this.
I put I. in the bathtub and closed the door. Yeah, I know another Mother of the Year moment, but we do pay good money for swimming classes so I figured she would be okay long enough for me to extracate the balloon from the fan. I sure as heck didn't want her anywhere near the ladder while I was six feet up, with sharp scissors, dodging rapid fan blades.
I got it down, went into the bathroom to get her out and walk into a pond on the floor. For some reason unbeknowst to me, I. has opened the bathtub doors and has been pouring water on the floor. This results in instant ejection from the bathtub and the loss of one book being read at bedtime. Successfully get I. in bed and she falls asleep pretty quickly. Being naughty takes a lot out of a 3.5 year old, obviously.
Once again, I must have missed the memo that today was going to be hell in a handbasket but I'm a smart girl and figured that out all by myself.
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