I'm getting this distinct feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better. I don't mean this to be a downer but it's just my reality right now.
Mark's wife emailed all his friends today asking for everyone to write down their good memories with him for him to read and hang on longer. It's not looking good. She just called me back a few minutes ago and said to come over tomorrow instead of Monday because Mark is becoming increasingly confused each day. I will take my 3 pages of memories that I wrote tonight and go over there. Why is it so much worse when the person is "young" aka your age? I went through this right after Isabella was born with my grandfather and it hurt but I was able to maintain some sort of distance. With Mark, I find it hard to have distance. The memories are so fresh and the pain so intense. It makes me feel my own mortality and instead of making me want to live life to its fullest, it makes me (at least right now) want to curl into a ball, not eat, and drink some adult beverages.
I hope the visit goes better than I expect. I just want to make it to my therapist appointment on Tuesday, have V. make it home safely on Tuesday night (even though he's leaving on Sunday for a week again), and feel some peace again. Especially the peace part...
2 comments:
Hi!
I finally figured out how to actually get to your blog. I've never professed to be the brightest bulb on the tree. I'm catching up on learning about you (you've been blogging longer so it will take awhile!). It is truly horrible to watch someone succomb to the terror of Alz. disease. I had a scare with it at one point...we thought my father had it but thankfully he did not. It's a horrible disease. I'm going to keep reading about you because, between us, I don't feel like doing laundry and you're a good distraction. Take care of you!
My friend is actually dying of pancreatic cancer that's metastasized to his liver. Because he's liver has almost ceased working, it's causing ammonia to build up in his brain, thus the dementia. As if he and his family didn't already have enough to deal with...
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