10 Things I Would Rather Do Than Be Delivering An Eulogy for My Best Friend

Don't get me wrong, I'm honored to have been asked to deliver an eulogy for Mark. I've been waking up in the middle of the night and lying awake for hours for the past month, worrying about what I'm going to say when Mark dies. So, at least I'm getting to fulfill all those past worries.

Here are the top 10 things I would rather be doing than writing the eulogy for my best friend:

1. Bungee jumping (I have a real fear of falling)
2. Slam my finger in a car door (I've done that and it really hurts)
3. Punch a wall with my fist (yes, unfortunately I've done that too)
4. Hit my head against a wall (okay, yes it wasn't the brightest thing I've done)
5. Speak in front of a great number of people (yes, done that too on behalf of Mark)
6. Break 2 concrete slabs with my bare hand (yes I did that too for my black belt and successfully I may add!)
7. Go through 36 hours of labor only to end in a ...(see below)
8. C-section (thanks to my beautiful feisty daughter)
9. Have to have your stomach pumped while you're still conscious (yeah, done this one too)
10. Successfully survive serious suicide attempts (I'll plead the 5th on this one)

So I think you get the general idea of what I would be willingly to go through in order to have Mark back, healthy, living, and enjoying his little family. I REALLY don't want to be writing this or having to deliver this while standing in front of his coffin.

For the last couple of days, I have been having a hard time thinking just because I'm so sad, angry, and exhausted. I started working on the eulogy last night and got some random thoughts down finally after 10 pm but they were really disjointed. While I was on the treadmill at the gym this morning, some thoughts came to mind that I jotted down and then while I was stretching at the end, a song started playing on my Ipod from a band that was one of Mark's favorites and as I listened to the lyrics, I really felt at peace and that this was a great send-off song for him.

When I got I. down for resttime, I began writing and rearranging things like a madwoman and guess what? I finished the eulogy. Not only did I finish it but I really feel like it's a home run out of the park, kick ass type of eulogy. As in a perfect one for Mark on all fronts. This gives my mind a rest, one less thing to worry about except for how I'm going to get through it. But, for right now, I'm proud of it and I know if Mark hears it, he would really like it too. And for now, before the bad nights come again, I'm glad for that.