This afternoon was Mark's viewing and although I tried to take care of myself by going to the gym and then to my therapist's, by 2pm., my stomach was in knots and I was feeling completely exhausted. I went and it was tough going up to see Mark. I've never seen a dead body before and having your first be your best friend who is the same age as you was tough. Honestly, I felt like I was going to throw up. But then, Jodi and I talked about good memories of Mark and as some of his friends came by, we continued that kind of conversation so it wasn't completely sad. Still emotionally draining to say the least but it was okay.
One good thing is that Mark's dad hugged Jodi before they left so that made me feel like things were going to be fine for tomorrow. The other good thing is that there is a supportive friendship beginning between Mark's male best friend, Brian, and I which would probably make Mark happy. We've been talking since Thursday every night, trying to work out logistics for the party on Saturday and keep each other apprised about family matters. Tonight we went outside to talk about the service logistics for tomorrow and we both said how even though we've never talked before, we feel so comfortable talking and joking around with each other. It's like we are the male and female counterparts of Mark's best friend. He was warning me that he would probably be crying the whole time and I was telling him that he was going to "take me out" in terms of me trying to get through my eulogy without breaking down.
As luck would have it, his wife and kids left today and won't be back for a week and V. won't be back until 11pm tomorrow. So, tonight, I gave him a call to see how he was doing on his eulogy and if he was okay in his empty house. It's a good thing I did because he said that after the service and lunch with Jodi tomorrow, he was going to the Hettergotts and they had told him how they wanted to invite me too because I had been such a help through these difficult times and how good a friend I was to Mark but didn't want to cause problems with Jodi. That made me happy to hear them say that about me and I guess I successfully navigated this whole sad thing as Switzerland. So I'll be going over there when Brian goes and I'm glad about that.
I told Brian that before I went home to play Mommy tomorrow, I was going to need a stiff drink. In a way, after all the barstool talks I've had with Mark, it just seemed right. I asked Brian if he wanted to come with me since both of us have had plenty of alcoholic beverages with Mark and it just seemed right going forward that after burying him and making sure that both his families are okay, that Mark's two best friends sit on barstools next to each other, having a drink and thinking of him. It'll never be same but maybe we can offer some unique comfort to each other since we seem to be the flip side of Mark's coin when it comes to friends.
V. didn't call tonight and I'm not sure why and I don't have the emotional energy to dwell on it. I need to practice my eulogy for tomorrow and I'll try to blog tomorrow evening but can't promise anything.
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