V. was out of town last week, Wednesday through Sunday. Our family time consisted of a few hours yesterday from 2-5pm. and I got the wife bonus of 4 more hours until 10pm. Even with a trip to Legoland on Saturday with my parents, we were left feeling ripped off.
On the heels of this, V. told me yesterday that he will have to leave tomorrow and may not be home until May 21st. He may be home earlier but considering this company, the project, and my own past experience with both, I doubt it. Needless to say, I'm down. I'm trying not to jump the gun on getting down since he is home this evening. But it's hard.
What makes it especially hard is the emotional toll it takes on I. I guess I was naive or dumb to think that V. being away would negatively affect her when she was younger. I thought she'd be busy in school and making friends so V. being gone wouldn't be as noticeable as when she was home full-time with me. I was wrong. After about 5 days, she becomes fragile and it's not something I can fix, fill, or cure. It usually surfaces in tears at the end of the day when I may be getting short with her because instead of getting undressed for bath, she's bouncing off the bedroom walls. Now with D. to juggle around, I can't waste time at this time of day because he's tired too and the longer it takes, the more fussy he's going to be when I'm trying to read her books at bedtime. So I may snap at I. to get her back on track and that's when the "I wish Daddy was here." and the tears start. Of course, then I feel like a real heel, albeit a tired heel.
This will also be the first long haul trip since having D. Although he is truly a joy, nonetheless he is a responsibility and something additional for me to juggle. To survive, I'm really going to have to plan ahead. I won't be getting to the gym on the weekends since D. still won't make it past 15 minutes without me (separation anxiety phase) so this means I need to make sure I schedule some brisk walks with him and pencil in some workout time at home while he takes a morning nap. In the afternoon when I'm feeding the kids dinner, I need to make sure I eat a string cheese or something to avoid being starving and shaky when I'm getting them to bed. Lastly, I"ll need to plan ahead for the weekends so that they feel like a weekend for all of us. Normally, Daddy being home is what defines the weekends, much like having my parents visit us in the afternoon define Thursdays.
While I am thankful that V. is my husband, father of my children, and most importantly my favorite person to hang out with, it makes it especially tough when he's gone. If I didn't enjoy him so dang much, it wouldn't be as hard. Complaining aside, I can't imagine being away from my kids for 3 weeks and I remain thankful and blessed that it's not me who has to do this. If it was me who was having to leave, I'd be sobbing for days on end. With that in mind, I'll keep my sniveling down to a minimum and count my blessings.
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