I’ve Had It

I'm so angry right now that it feels like my head is going to pop off my shoulders. Last night was Part 1 and tonight is Part 2 because a package arrived tonight with the Juicy Couture presents. I opened it up and couldn't see what was in there due to wrapping but there was the packing slip which read $215. I figured we'd be in for around $100 a piece so that was okay until I saw that the quantity was 1. Yes, 1 fucking purse is costing $215 and there's another one on its way. I knew we all wanted to see what a $215 purse looks like so here it is:

I'm just sick to my stomach and just plain sick of this, all of this. They're 17 years old. Next it'll be a new car or two and you know what??! We don't have the fucking money. They live in East LA, they're not fucking socialites in Beverly Hills. I'm tired of being cast in the role as a bitchy stepmom because I object to these kinds of purchases. But I'm tired of the different rules for the 1st family vs. the 2nd family. I'm sure V.'d say, "Well, go ahead and get yourself one of those purses then." but the truth is we can't afford to be spending the way we do for their family or we'd be in debt.

Here's the other ridiculous part. So we buy them these extravagant gifts. Then V. has to take the girls to buy his ex what she wants for Christmas PLUS we have to pay for what they buy me and I. for Christmas (and every holiday really). Isn't that fucking amazing? WE PAY FOR EVERYTHING! I guess that's why I. didn't get a bday present, because V. wasn't here to go buy it for them. So how much do you want to bet that we'll give them these extravangant gifts and they'll give us nothing because we didn't pay for it?! It's truly unfuckingbelievable.

I feel like I am always giving of myself to everyone but except for I., I NEVER consistently get anything back in return. I try to make people feel special and loved but in return no one, not V., not the girls, and many times not even my own family, gives anything back to me. I have to pay for my own gifts in order for them to give me - if that doesn't sum it up, I don't know what does.

I'm so angry and I feel betrayed too because V. KNEW how I would react which is why he did it himself. Again, he and the ex decided what the shakedown was going to be and he went and did it and told me after the fact. I actually did talk to him last night about that. I thought the items would be around $100 a piece plus I had already gotten each a $50 Itunes card. But over $200 a piece???!!!

Honestly, I don't want to talk to him tonight and if he wasn't 8000 miles away, I would send him an email telling him that. But since he's so far away, I guess I'll let him call and tell him then that I'm too angry and betrayed by his little "end run" game that I don't want to talk to him. Of course, you know that'll break my heart more than his. Why do things have to get worse right now when things are already so difficult?