Birthday Eve

Tomorrow is D.'s first birthday and I just finished reading D.'s birth story that my doula wrote up from when the first contractions started until he was first suckling.  It never ceases to fill me with wonder, thankfulness, and joy that I was able to have the experience I hoped for after much research and a whole lot of time and pain.  It's truly a miracle.

I read it and it felt like yesterday literally that it happened.  I remember the thoughts in my brain, the smells and conversations, the way I would pass it for 30 seconds in between contractions towards the end so thankful for the "rest" and how I thought, even with the pain and exhaustion, "Wow, this is so cool considering all my insomnia problems."  God was really looking out for me and giving me what I needed to make it to my end goal - a healthy baby delivered that I could hold and nurse almost immediately.

What also is special that this last one is the only one V. got to experience in this way and it's been a neat memory for us together and also for him and D.

I was nursing D. tonight before bed and he was just such a character. Making his squeaking noises while he nursed and then grinning at me with a nipple in his mouth after I sneezed. He just is the happiest baby I've met and he's all mine - how lucky! My plan for tomorrow is go to the beach for a couple of hours to enjoy D.'s birthday. Hopefully they will both sleep a little later than 4:45am so that the day will not be teetering on the edge of meltdowns, mostly on I.'s part since D. still takes 2 naps to alleviate the breakdowns. V. is working in San Diego so he should make it home for bath and bedtime which makes a huge difference in my day. I can't believe it's been a year. Where has the time gone??