It's Been Awhile

Yes, I haven't posted for awhile, my bad. Partly because V. has been home and actually awake for the early half of the nights so we've been catching up on TIVO'd shows and some movies we've been saving. Partly because I.'s behavior has been so challenging that I'm left exhausted, defeated, and frustrated by the end of the day and I just do not feel like communicating. I'm so tired of attempting to adequately communicate (and many times failing) throughout the day to I. that I have no desire to do so after she goes to bed.

Just as her behavior worsened when V. initially left, it's worsened since he's been back. I guess it's just an adjustment period but it's certainly a painful one for me. Most days, I. is defiant whenever I ask her to do anything and when I push it, she throws a tantrum. I may have patience for one or two instances but after that, I really get tired of it. I need a break and even though I have a 2 day break coming up at the end of this month, with the daily barrage, I don't know if I'm going to make it til then. I mean, I'll make it but I don't know how pretty it's gonna be.

Although V. is home, this week he was gone and he'll be gone for the next 2 weeks though home for the weekends. This looks like how it's going to be until he leaves full time for China. So much for good quality family time...in this economy, I guess we're just thankful to have a paycheck.

I got an email from Mark's mom telling me that she believes that I knew Mark better than anyone including herself and she would be grateful if I would be willing to get together with her and give her some insight into who he really was. My first thought was how honored I was, followed closely by a sadness that his mother realizes that due to family dysfunctional, she may not have known her son. I do want to get together with her, I think Mark would want that, I just want to figure out what I want to say and how to say it. Do I show her the real side of Mark through some of his letters or just through my memories? That's really my only question.