Not Horrible But Not Good

I'm in that place where nothing is REALLY horrible but EVERYTHING is not good. Ever been there?!

There really is not any terrible going on. Noone has died, at least lately, my family and I are alive and healthy. It's just everything else that is frustrating me.

Let's go through the checklist.

• Chronic Pain: shoulder dislocating and aching again; need to start PT again.
• Marriage: hubby still not communicating, apologizing, interacting, parenting.
• Parenting: having tantruming, minding, backtalking issues. Could or could not be caused by father's absence; regardless, frustrating for mother to deal with constantly.
• Family: narcissitic addict of a sister finding my phone number and contacting me Sat.; called again today
• Personal: approaching my 40th bday this Saturday; dreams of my best friend who died last July at 39 reoccurring

It's a hard time right now. I'm looking forward to all the plans I have in place for this weekend. I may be teased about planning everything out but at least I know I won't miss something I could have enjoyed. My free time off is so limited right now that I need to capture every opportunity or I won't get a chance until months from now.

I just wish my last week of my 30's could be a happier one. I would have imagined that my life would be so much more perfect at this point in my life. In many ways, it is SO much more stable. Ten years ago, I just started to have a relationship in sight, certainly no kids in sight. I hoped for both and now I have both. Yet, two years ago, things were much more certain and tangible before this 14 month assignment in the Middle East and a looming China assignment in the near future. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder; it just makes 2 people have to figure out how to live life separately in order to make it through. While it may be doable, it's not healthy. On top of it, we are not military so we do not have the resources or support to help us figure out how to do this.

Now my sister snoopes around for my phone number and starts calling me. I don't need this now, I will not accept this now. I missed her phone call (the second one) today but if she calls again, I will tell her that I don't have time to speak on the phone these days ('cause I don't) and if she presses I will tell her more than that. What more than that I'm not sure.

All I do know is that I'm done with the bullshit for this week and it's only Tuesday. Either get with the program or prepare to deal with the consequences.