It's All About Right NOW!

I realized a couple of important things the last couple of days - one lesson that I learned from The Baby and the other one that just came to me. First the lesson of The Baby.

I finally have noticed that The Baby lives in the here and now. She can throw a tantrum one minute and be SO MAD at me and then the next minute be laughing and hugging me. I think this is a great lesson to me for a couple of reasons. First of all, by nature I remember things for a long time. I have to say that I don't hold grudges overnight but hour to hour, yes I do remember why you pissed me off. This has not been helpful in getting through the day with a 21/22 month old who throws quite a few tantrums. I would find myself holding on to that last tantrum and then combining my frustration with the next one until it became a snowball effect. But The Baby doesn't do that and seems much happier as a result. So I am trying to mirror that behavior and deal with the tantrum, hug each other and then let it go until of course the next one. We'll see how that continues to work out but so far the last couple of days, so good.

The other thing that I realized was that before I had The Baby, I always (as in my whole life from 10 years old on) was looking forward to something in the future, many times not enjoying the present as a result. Can't wait until I can date, can drive, have a boyfriend, get married, have a baby, have a career, etc. No matter what stage I was at I was always reaching and longing for the next stage. Well, this morning it just hit me that I really am content. For all my bitching and moaning about how tired I am or how my patience is tried, I am not longing for another stage right now. I'm happily married with a daughter and that's really what I always wanted. Yeah, I had the successful career and was at the top of my game and then was at the bottom of my game and you know what, it wasn't fulfilling for my life. It was an ego booster and on the outside, everyone said "Ooh ah" but on the inside I was still reaching for a real purpose. Now very few people say "Ooh ah" on the outside but I give a rat's ass because I, My Baby, and my husband (and a few others) say "Ooh ah" about the impact I have on their daily lives. This is what it's all about however hard (and don't get me wrong it's hard) it is.

For once in my life, it's not all about me and that is a good thing!