Do I Really Have Nothing To Say?

I haven't posted for almost a week. Why? Every night I ask myself why I'm not posting and I still don't think I have the real answer. I come up with "I'm too tired.", "I don't have time." and "I don't really have anything to say." But do I really have nothing to say? Or is it something else?

The hubby has been home the last week (as opposed to the previous 2 weeks) so I don't like to be on the computer at night when he's awake so that we can spend some time together even if it is just vegging in front of the tv. When he does fall asleep on the couch, then I would rather read since that's a guilty pleasure these days. So that's been part of it.

Another part of it is that things have been continuing to go well with The Baby during the day which has been wonderful. That doesn't mean I'm any less tired; in fact, I think reining myself in and catching myself before the immediate, thoughtless "no" comes out of my mouth actually requires more energy in a way. The day requires less of my patience since we have fewer squabbles but it requires more mind control instead.

I have been more tired too because the hubby's timeclock has been off due to travel and I sleep so lightly that I'm awake off and on all night long and if I can tell he's not asleep, I can't fall back to sleep for a long time. That brings me too a recent aggravation that probably has contributed to me "not having anything to say".

Hubby found out late Tuesday that he has to go to Saudi Arabia on business for a week leaving Sunday morning. He's already been gone for the past 2 weeks and wasn't supposed to travel again until mid October but here's this friggin trip to the Middle East. This pisses me off on several levels: first it's last minute so I'm trying to deal with that; secondly, he was supposed to be home for awhile; thirdly, IT'S THE F*!% MIDDLE EAST right after 9/11 with Bin Laden spouting off on his latest crap; fourthly(sp?), there's all this travel warnings on the Web about Westerners shouldn't be going over there for non necessary trips due to terrorist attacks on them and the hotels they stay in - AARGH - need I continue?!

On top of this, it just irritates me that I can't count on my parents to help when I need it. I mean when I was sick and Vinny was in DC, my mom was running to help my train wreck of a sister get to the grocery store but it was okay that I was lying on the couch ill with Isabella running circles around me. I know, I'm bitter but after 10 years, it gets old. Though in one way, I would like a soft place to land in another way, it goes so against my grain as the oldest and mostly only child that I would rather just be by myself. I guess it would just be nice to be given the option or asked if I wanted help...