Some Good Escapes

The last few days have been better ones. I've been doing better with the no talking, no emotion aspect of parenting I. When she has thrown a fit or become defiant, I've been calmly saying, "Feel free to and then just walking downstairs and going on with my life. After a period of time, she does finish and comes down but I haven't had to waste any emotional energy in the process.

I also have gotten a couple of escape hours in the last couple of days which always helps me. Yesterday I took I. to a drop-off childcare place for a couple of hours while I had lunch with a good friend of mine. It was so nice to just have it be two adults, carrying on an uninterrupted conversation, and just relax and laugh with each other. Since the girls were here today, V. and I went to the gym in shifts so I got another hour and a half to myself. Just being able to drive in the car alone with whatever music I want, as loud as I want it is fortifying to my psyche.

The weather today is also making me feel good. It's almost fall weather, which is my favorite weather and the reason we got married in October. Of course, this is fall weather, SoCal style but if you're a native, you know what fall weather is. The warm sun, muted sunlight, and cool breeze that moves through the trees. It's weather to sit out on the patio with a good book with. It's the weather that brings the promise that soon it'll be time to break out the sweatshirts again. It's the calm before the storm of winter with all of it's stressful, rushed holidays filled with expenses, expectations, disappointments, and family drama. I know, the holidays aren't ALL like that but don't they still have that potential?

The only down part of today is that my dad had an important interview yesterday and as he always does, had put all of his emotional eggs into the basket. The interview didn't go well, not because he didn't do well, but because it was obvious that the job is not what he thought it was and not a good fit for him. So he's back to the dumps, convinced he's losing the house. I've taken the last few nights off from the job search just because I have been so mentally tired at the end of the day that I've been giving myself a break. After this update though, I feel the pressure to start working on that again.

Maybe after this afternoon's margaritas at our weekly dinner, it won't look so daunting a task.

You've Got to Be Fucking Kidding Me Part 2

I woke up this morning not feeling too great after a late night, emotional drama, that extra drink, and the knowledge that today is The Day. I was tearing up as I put my pajamas on but pulled it together to get I. up and fed.

I had just sat down for breakfast when the phone rang and I answered it, thinking it was V. calling us back. It wasn't. It was my dad who tells me that his esteemed friend and mentor who he has been working for unceremoniously eliminated his position yesterday and threw him out on the street. Oh yeah, please send the laptop back too while you're at it.

To say that my dad is crushed doesn't even scratch the surface. He is panicked and hurt beyond words. He trusted this guy and worked for pennies because he was promised another position and stock in the company. This is the third time this has happened to him. This is the third time I've gotten one of these phone calls from him. Sobbing his heart out, saying they'll lose the house, he's a 63 year old loser, etc. On today, of all days. He needs my help updating his resume and I need to do it now because I'm leaving on vacation soon. I will be calling him back in an hour to see what edits he needs. I fully anticipate that this will be another emotional phone call. I am worried about him because I think they are probably not in good shape financially and my father has his value as a person defined by what he has been able to provide for his family.

My stomach is in knots, my blood pressure feels like it's sky high, I am light headed. I'm having to seal all this off into a compartment so that I can still function as a full-time mother and this "act" is making me feel like I'm losing my mind. If it wasn't so horrible, it would be ridiculous, utterly and absolutely ridiculous.

Great News, Bad News

The great news is that Cat came through everything with flying colors. Everyone was raving about how he is the most beautiful and healthy 16 year old cat they've ever seen. When I picked him up, he looked like he'd been through the war and after a $1000 bill, I feel like our finances just went through the war. Now for the next 10 days, twice a day, I get the pleasure of wrestling him down and giving liquid medicine to him. I've only done it once so far and it wasn't fun. I never knew a cat could wiggle backwards out of such a small spot. I'll remember that for tonight's wrestling match. The medicine is hopefully going to help him stop pooping on the carpet so I have a BIG incentive to get it down his throat. Somehow I managed to keep a straight face and not visibly gag when the vet told me that one of his anal glands was very full and that they expressed it. Sorry if you're eating while reading that.

The bad news is that my mom has been incapacitated with back pain to the point that she had to go in yesterday and get nerve block shots down both legs. Between the pain and the anticipation of the painful shots, her blood pressure shot to the moon which is another big problem she's developed in the last 6-12 months. All this because of the daily stress of having my sister over there and my mom not able to deal effectively with it. Is it any wonder that I'm pissed off at my sister? I know, it's up to my mom to put the boundaries down but she didn't do that with her psycho mom for the first half of her life so why do I expect her to do that with her own daughter for the last half of her life? Unfortunately, my head understands it but my anger still grows. So it's off to the gym to take care of myself and get the stress out. However, I do have to call my mom to check on her while I'm on the treadmill so I won't get all the stress out. The good thing is that today I'm having lunch with a close guy friend with whom I can just let it all hang out and I'm looking forward to that. We always have a good time so any residual crap hanging around from the phone call should get taken care of with the lunch.