I've always been a bit of an odd duck and this trend has continued, if not grown, as I've gotten older. When I was younger I didn't appreciate it, understand it, and certainly didn't like it. No matter what group I was with, I just didn't quite fit in for one reason or another. That's hard when you're young or even when you're in your 20s, trying to sort out what's going on in your life. I should have known back when I was 2.5 years old that it wouldn't get any better but what do you really know at that age?
However, once I hit 30, my best friend was also an odd duck and so our "oddness" brought comfort to each other and laid a foundation for a lifetime friendship. This is the same friend who is now dying of pancreatic cancer. Then I met my husband and he liked my contradictory nature. That term isn't exactly right in that, it's not me being contradictory per se, it's that I, my being, is contradictory. That's what drew him in (he says) and keeps him on his toes and interested now (I say) and a big part of why he finds me funny (we both say).
Here's some examples of Ms. Contradictory in action. When I broke my hand, almost broke the other one, and fractured my foot, I didn't cry. But if I think V is mad at or disappointed in me, I sob instantly. I'm friendly to people but I'm really kind of antisocial (a by product of being an only child for most of my childhood). Tactful but really offensive at times. Soft but strong. Healthy but enjoy my adult beverages. Highly responsible but wild and crazy. The list will continue as I think of them...
So even though this has caused me angst and hurt in the past, lately it's been paying off. I've got a lifelong friendship that will transcend anything and a great husband that I still like a lot and love a bunch. I'd say that's a pretty great payoff!
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