A little melancholy today. Had a good day and evening with V. yesterday, working as a team with the kids and enjoying each other's company after they went to bed. Last week he was gone Tuesday through Friday but because there was a chance he might come home on Thursday, I made it through okay. However, this morning at 3:45am, when V. left, the garage door woke me up and my first thought was how I wasn't going to see him until Friday night at the earliest. It bummed me out and I felt it all day long.
It didn't help my melancholy when I. said at the end of the day that she enjoyed Daddy more than me because "Daddy plays with me". What?! He plays with her for about 5 minutes each weekend and that's about it. Several times during the week and for a good chunk of time during the weekend, I play with her. Not to mention that I've been the one here and playing with her for basically her whole life. Yet Daddy gets the credit. Now, after thinking about it more, I may have stumbled on why I. said what she said. I had just told her that V. was going to be gone all week working and I know she was disappointed about that so it may have been a case of "shooting the messenger" and missing Daddy. Before she went to bed, I asked her how she would feel if one of her friends told her that they had more fun playing with someone else. She answered, "Sad." I said, "How do you think it made me feel when you said you enjoyed Daddy more?" She was quiet so all I said was, "Just because I"m your mommy doesn't mean I don't have feelings." and left it at that. From her face I think she got my point. I don't want to guilt her out but I think it's important that she understands that she's old enough to be held accountable for what she says and for how it affects others, even me.
The last topic of today is my tiredness. I am really tired by the end of the day even though I am getting around 7 hours of sleep. To be honest, that is 1-2 hours a day less than I normally need so I guess that could be it. The other thing I realized tonight is that before D., when I. was in school I was able to recharge because I was by myself. I didn't have to talk to anyone, perform, or interact socially. As an introverted person, that recharges my battery. Now with D. here, when I. is at school my time is spent with him which I enjoy and cherish. I wouldn't change a thing if I could. But what that means is that I don't have much "recharge" time before I. is out of school and wanting my attention. And I want to give her my attention but some days when I get D. down for his short afternoon nap, I just really need to lay on the couch next to I. and doze off even just for 5 minutes to get enough head of steam to make it through the end of our day. Of course, she's not too thrilled with this but I let her play a video game and while I"m not thrilled with that, it gives her some down time and allows me to rest for a short time before D. is back up again.
Many days I feel as though I am doing a good job adjusting to two kids but some days it's still a struggle. Thinking it over though, I think my exhaustion last week was a function of being the only parent on hand all week. That doesn't bode well since this week will be even longer but at least my parents should be coming over for one afternoon which should help.
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