Today, a year ago, I was coming home from the gym when I realized "Hey, I should have started my period about 5 days ago and I don't feel like I'm going to start anytime soon. Wait a minute....should I take a test? Nah, but just in case, I guess I should."
Reading back through my blogs of this time period, I was really trying to get my brain around this concept of a second kid and conquering my fear that this one would be another difficult kid (at least in the early days). I was scared, stressed, exhausted, and trying not to be overwhelmed with the what ifs. And I had to wait for V. to come home to break the news to him, unsure how exactly he would feel, unsure of exactly how I felt.
A year later here we are. I am convinced that we must have been blessed with the sweetest, happiest baby there ever was. Every day I can't believe that we got him. A large part of me cringes when I say this and feels bad as though by saying this, I am slighting I. somehow, finding fault. I don't mean it like that though. I feel like in order to really and truly make it in the world as a girl, you have to be extra tough - willing to stand up for yourself and for what is right and also be willing to argue. I had the first two but not the third. I hate to argue and will do anything to avoid it. However, I. has inherited from her daddy the will to stick with a point and stay with it (ie. argue) much to my present chagrin but I know it will serve her well in her journey to a successful life. I have a sneaking suspicion that I. is going to be my kid who is not necessarily the easiest to raise but will be the one I am exceedingly proud of.
Not to say that I won't be proud of D. because I will be but the days are early and I very well may be proud of different things for him. D. is already very different temperamentally from I. - he's easygoing, patient, and always cheerful. Even if he's only slept for 10 minutes, he's quick to smile at a stranger (usually a female) smiling at him and making direct eye contact. I so cherish the bathtime routine because this is when he really laughs, coos, and squeals. This is his ticklish, giggly time and it seems like no matter what I do, he's responding. While bathtime is probably my favorite time, book time with both I. and D. is my second favorite time. Now that he's old enough and is recognizing routines, we set him in the middle of I.'s pillow and lay down on both sides of him while I read 2 books. He gets so excited while I'm reading - his eyes open up wide, his arms and legs kicking and punching wiht excitement with various verbal noises being made. It's so cool to see another kid excited about books. I. was the same way at this age and look at her reading now! My third favorite time is when D. wakes up for feeing at 5:45ish, I feed him until 6:15 and then we snuggle in bed til 6:30. I open up the sliding glass door blinds so we can watch the sky lighten against the dark shadows of the trees. I cuddle up to him, taking in all his smells (hopefully I've changed him at this point into a clean diaper), seeing his arms move up and down, his hands clench and unclench, and watch his eyes and face serenely taking in all these sights.
A year ago today I found out I was pregnant, and a year later, I realize just how blessed I am. I am so thankful and so lucky.
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