So much for my enthusiasm to be a successful blogger about my life as a stay at home mom. I'm still not sure what exactly caused my departure from my blog except for being braindead and tired by the end of the day. However, a friend of mine recently started blogging and it encouraged me to try and start again. Her blog has helped me through my own frustrations as it allows me a "peek" into her daily life and I can tell it helps her as well. I just hope mine can do the same.
My daily life has changed since I last wrote, thus the braindeadness at the day's end, in that The Baby changed from a sweet, energetic girl to a whirling dervish full of piss and vinegar. Don't get me wrong, she can still be sweet - to her daddy, her sisters, pictures of random dogs, cats, animals in general - all these things are given profuse kisses and hugs. But for me, I have to beg for some affection and when I do get it, it's in the form of a kiss with her tongue out (her idea of being funny) and a tight hug that ends with fistfuls of my hair being pulled in opposite directions. I know I shouldn't take it personally but it's so hard when it only happens to me!
So, The Baby does everything at 100 mph. That's how she moves, takes naps (what naps?!), and eats. The only thing she doesn't do at that speed is talk which I know in a way I should enjoy because I can already tell she is going to be one of "Those Children" who spend their days toddling behind you saying "What's that?" and "Why?" the entire time their eyes are open. So in that regard, I'm okay with no talking. On the other hand, it does nothing to help alleviate her frustration and unreasonable expectations when it comes to understanding what she wants. I can only imagine how frustrated she must get with me and yes, it's completely directed at me since I am the sole person with her Monday thru Friday. But I gotta tell ya, after the 3rd tantrum before 8 am, I'm right up there with her level of frustration and that's when it gets out of control and I feel so bad afterwards because every once in a while, I figure out what it was and it was something so simple. By that time, she's been screaming at me, I'm yelling at her to please be quiet and stop, and the parrot is trying to drown both of us out with his impression of a car alarm at the top of his lungs which drives The Baby and I both nuts. It truly gets to be "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" around here.
On the flip side of The Baby's new independence is her sense of humor, which I love and enjoy, and the realization that I somehow as her mom elicit strong emotions out of her, both good and bad. She doesn't squeal with wild abandon with anyone else like she does with me. She doesn't run with outstretched arms and a huge smile on her face towards anyone like she does after I've worked out at the gym for an hour. There's definitely something to that. My heart swells when I realize these things but I also am scared to death because that means I have the most impact on her little heart, soul, and mind these days and I feel like I need to be careful with that kind of responsibility.
I hope tomorrow morning when the tantrums start, I can keep this last realization in mind just a little bit and try harder to keep my cool and go that extra step to understand my Baby.
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