Mother's Intuition

This weekend was a no-go for weaning.  There was no ifs, ands, or buts about it - D. was not interested in a milk cup and despite eating huge amounts of breakfast, he still wanted his momma's milk.   Sunday while I was working out at the gym, I was mulling things around in my brain.  Exercise has always been good for mental constipation.  If something needs to be worked out, get me exercising with no one talking to me and I'll figure it out.

A plan that I had quickly dismissed about a month ago came back to mind and I gave it some thought.  Took D.'s recent reactions to weaning into account and my own feelings and the plan now just felt right.  Talked out the pros and cons in my head and I just knew this was the right plan for us.  "Right plan" being the easiest on D. and maximizing my nursing time with him.  So I decided that I am going to continue nursing him in the morning right up to that last morning I am here.  The next morning he'll be waking up at my parents' house with his sister and it will be fun, fun, fun plus a dog (or in D.'s mind A DOG).  Momma's milk, well Momma's not here so why would I be getting her milk may very well be his thought in the morning, or perhaps I may not even cross his mind. 

A change in scenery may make it okay.  More importantly, I don't want D. to be upset, sad, confused, and angry with me because I am withholding that which he knows I can provide and that he desperately wants.  I don't want him to have those negative feelings and feel that separation pain from me and then on top of it, I'm gone.  I want this last week to be one of closeness, love, snuggling, and security - that is how I want us to go out.  You always want to go out on a high note not on one of disappointment.  Today I passed it by my mom  since she will be the one handling D. while V. and I are gone.  She immediately agreed and thought that would be the least upsetting D. which eased my mind. 

Now I need to try not to do the countdown each morning while nursing but just to concentrate on enjoying every moment of it.  And by "the countdown" I mean grieving as the days whittle by.  It's going to be hard.