D. had his 2 month checkup and shots yesterday and with that came some not so good news. It appears that we are back to weight issues. D. has gained weight but only the amount that a 1 month old should have gained, not a 2 month old. He's gotten longer by 2" but the pediatrician is worried that he is not getting enough calories and as she put it, "This is a key time for brain development and for that to happen, he needs sufficient calories." Let me translate this to what I heard, "You are starving your son. Your milk is not sufficient to sustain him and it's not good enough." So we're back to the supplemental feedings which I hated the first time around and most likely will the second time around, if not more. I try to remind myself that this is one of those things where it's the end result that is important, not how you get there. I may get that mentally a little but emotionally, it's hard for me. I don't want to jeopardize my breastfeeding of D. It was one of the things that I really wanted to experience again and appreciate more the second time around. But of course, I don't want to jeopardize D.'s development and future health just so I can live out my breast-only dream. It's a delicate balance that I'm going to have to navigate and try not to stress over. But it's going to be difficult.
D. didn't like the bottle nipple yesterday so I got a new nipple that he took this afternoon. However, for bedtime he was gagging on it but that may have been because he was already full. I'm not able to get enough pumping to supplement so I will have to sub in some formula. Ugh. Tomorrow when he gets up from his morning nap, I'm going to head back to the hospital and take advantage of a resource. They will weigh him, allow me to do a complete feeding, and then weigh him again which will tell me how many ounces he's getting from me so that I will know how many ounces he needs additionally. Again, it's taking something so simple and making it complicated which is very frustrating to me. But if my good natured baby is so good natured that he isn't crying when he needs more calories, it's really up to me to give him the extra calories regardless of whether it's frustrating, a hassle, or emotionally hard on me to take.
That is the measure of a good parent.
1 comment:
Hope the feedings are going ok by now. It is really hard to not personalize the struggles with breast feeding. What ever he gets from you is worth it!
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