I just don't have the energy to go into all the details of the last week and a half. There just is so much going on and it's no surprise that my dreams and nightmares are alive and well.
To catch up, I had to toe the line of pissing V. off for a couple of weeks until he finally agreed and scheduled time to go visit his dad. Now that his dad's bone cancer is terminal, V. won't deal with it meaning he won't communicate at all with his parents and was balking at going over there. I had to get down and dirty with him and tell him to stop acting like an unfeeling a-hole because I knew he wasn't. Finally he relented and will be visiting for 4 days at the end of this month. Then we will be out there for a couple of days the following weekend for a Giants game and to visit. I just feel so much responsibility for keeping tabs on his family and giving them support. Last week I was on the phone with his parents for awhile, giving support to his mom and making his dad laugh with my outlandish comments. What's interesting is that before I make these kind of calls, you know the ones that may be awkward or uncomfortable because of dire health situations, I'm always anxious because I want to say the right things and not make the other person feel uncomfortable. At this point, people are already very uncomfortable physically and emotionally with all they are dealing with. Somehow though in these situations I put myself in their shoes, send a prayer up to God to help me say the right things at the right time and every single time it's worked out so far. Before you may think I'm tooting my own horn, I'm not because as a rule I'm verbally awkward when I'm not completely comfortable. It's a strange thing and keeps pushing the idea of volunteering with hospice when my kiddos are older.
A momma friend of mine lost her dad last week and it really broke my heart for her. She lost her mom about 8 years ago but thankfully has a great close relationship with her brother. Another reason for having more than one kid! But my heart truly aches for her, I can only imagine her pain since I haven't lost a parent yet. But his quick bout with advanced stage cancer and my father in law's advanced stage cancer brings back many of the memories of when Mark was going through all this.
As of today we are in escrow. We'll see if the third time is a charm. As a result, a very busy week has become even busier because now we have to go looking for houses and quickly. Of course, V.'s travel schedule for the next 3 weeks is insane so the pressure is on me to find the right house for all of us. The good thing is that V. and I have been on the same page for the few homes we have looked at together so I feel pretty confident that I know what he would balk at and what he would like. Still though, I hope he can see a house before we make an offer.
Since Saturday D. has had a stuffy nose, most likely caught a virus from me that I've been fighting off since last Wednesday. Today he woke up and refused to stand or walk and when I would change his diaper or put him on the ground (so I could wipe myself, mind you) he would sob in pain. Horrible! I got a doctor appointment and it looks like the virus moved into his left hip and with some Motrin and time, he hopefully will get better. The scary part was that the doctor told me to watch him for pain or stiffness elsewhere because if it moved to his neck, he could get meningitis. Yeah, just a small thing.
So this week on top of all normal things, we will have 2 doctor's appointments for D. and 2 vet appointments, one each for the cats. Tomorrow morning while D. naps after I take I. to school, I'm going out with our realtor for a search and destroy mission to hopefully find our dream home. While part of me is sad to leave the home that we brought our babies home to, part of me is excited for: a vegetable garden for me and the kiddos, a backyard period, a play structure in the backyard, a gardenia plant, room to run and play in the backyard, a larger kitchen, a pantry/storage space for kitchen stuff, space for a play area for the kiddos in the house for imaginary play (cooking etc.), a future dog, a completely detached house and the privacy that comes with it, putting up Christmas lights and decorations... the list goes on. I am just praying that the right house for us comes on the market in the next couple of weeks. It doesn't have to be perfect, just perfect for us.
Showing posts with label sickness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sickness. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Yucky Conversation
A brief intermission in my "Days of Summer" postings. I've been busy editing the over 200 pictures I had on my camera from the past month/month and a half. It's so time consuming but also is nice because it brings back all the good memories and great pictures of our fun times. But it has derailed me from my summer postings. Planning on doing a catch up shortly.
Today has been an anxiety inducing day and now I'm not looking forward to a conversation with V. when he calls tonight. The lesser of the stresses (kind of) is that my dad has been suffering from polycythemia which is too many red blood cells for about 5 weeks now. That may not sound like a problem but it is, can lead to strokes, blood clots, heart and lung damage etc. They've just been kind of burying their heads like always figuring it would get better so no real rush. Then this morning, he gets out of the shower and looks at his ankles and all his blood vessels had broken down there so there is blood all under the skin. So he goes for another blood test and it's even worse! They said he needs to have 4 pints of blood removed (not all at once) in order to get the numbers to where they should be. I got so mad and I think it finally made them take some action because hopefully he will be able to get in tomorrow and give some of that blood.
The more dire situation has to do with V.'s dad. On Tuesday night I sent him some pictures of V. from this summer because when we were at their house, I showed him some pictures on my camera and he specifically wanted one of V. Wednesday morning, I got an email from his mom thanking me and saying that today was the last day of the second round of radiation and that he would be starting chemo in a few days. This was different than what V.'s brother had told us so last night when I saw his brother on FB, I checked in with him and asked about it. Turns out that the cancer is back in his skull which is dismaying because that was really quick. They can't do radiation to his skull for another year so chemo is the last ditch resort to trying to remove it/slow it down. His brother was asking when V. was home because he needed to ask him a question either tonight or tomorrow. I told him that I needed to be able to tell V. what is going on first so I'm going to have to tell him tonight over the phone and his brother is going to call him tomorrow night. I really was hoping to wait until V. was home and tell him in person but I'm not going to interfere with his brother needing to call him either. I guess it can't be helped but still not looking forward to it at all.
I sent his dad an e-card, kind of a funny one but more like a tongue in cheek and told him that we were praying for his strength, healing and physical comfort and signed it as his favorite daughter in law which is our joke because I am his ONLY daughter in law and he calls himself my favorite father in law. I got an email back from him today that said,
Brought tears to my eyes and also pain to my heart. I asked I. to make him something today and she did so in such a big way that I had to use a manila envelope to fit it all in. I'm feeling that heightened sense of anxiety where I just get a feel like something bad is about to happen. I can be driving and it just comes out of nowhere and then I realize it's because of his dad and that it's bringing up what happened with Mark and it scares me because I know how fast it can happen. One afternoon you can be hanging out and a few hours later, the death spiral begins. On top of this, I just don't know how to help V.. This after 10 years of marriage. But honestly, V. has no clue how to help himself let alone know how I can help him. I'm just going to have to pray hard for insight, intuition, and patience and let God lead me in the right direction. Kind of like the same thing I need to do about this house sale, come to think of it.
Today has been an anxiety inducing day and now I'm not looking forward to a conversation with V. when he calls tonight. The lesser of the stresses (kind of) is that my dad has been suffering from polycythemia which is too many red blood cells for about 5 weeks now. That may not sound like a problem but it is, can lead to strokes, blood clots, heart and lung damage etc. They've just been kind of burying their heads like always figuring it would get better so no real rush. Then this morning, he gets out of the shower and looks at his ankles and all his blood vessels had broken down there so there is blood all under the skin. So he goes for another blood test and it's even worse! They said he needs to have 4 pints of blood removed (not all at once) in order to get the numbers to where they should be. I got so mad and I think it finally made them take some action because hopefully he will be able to get in tomorrow and give some of that blood.
The more dire situation has to do with V.'s dad. On Tuesday night I sent him some pictures of V. from this summer because when we were at their house, I showed him some pictures on my camera and he specifically wanted one of V. Wednesday morning, I got an email from his mom thanking me and saying that today was the last day of the second round of radiation and that he would be starting chemo in a few days. This was different than what V.'s brother had told us so last night when I saw his brother on FB, I checked in with him and asked about it. Turns out that the cancer is back in his skull which is dismaying because that was really quick. They can't do radiation to his skull for another year so chemo is the last ditch resort to trying to remove it/slow it down. His brother was asking when V. was home because he needed to ask him a question either tonight or tomorrow. I told him that I needed to be able to tell V. what is going on first so I'm going to have to tell him tonight over the phone and his brother is going to call him tomorrow night. I really was hoping to wait until V. was home and tell him in person but I'm not going to interfere with his brother needing to call him either. I guess it can't be helped but still not looking forward to it at all.
I sent his dad an e-card, kind of a funny one but more like a tongue in cheek and told him that we were praying for his strength, healing and physical comfort and signed it as his favorite daughter in law which is our joke because I am his ONLY daughter in law and he calls himself my favorite father in law. I got an email back from him today that said,
This is let you know that your card did put a smile on my face and filled my heart with so much Love for your thoughtfulness and words. I also want to tell that the pictures you sent were great and I love them. Please give everyone there a big hug and a kiss for me. Remind my son how lucky he is to have such a great woman by his side, you are one of a kind as far as I'm concerned.All my LoveVic
Brought tears to my eyes and also pain to my heart. I asked I. to make him something today and she did so in such a big way that I had to use a manila envelope to fit it all in. I'm feeling that heightened sense of anxiety where I just get a feel like something bad is about to happen. I can be driving and it just comes out of nowhere and then I realize it's because of his dad and that it's bringing up what happened with Mark and it scares me because I know how fast it can happen. One afternoon you can be hanging out and a few hours later, the death spiral begins. On top of this, I just don't know how to help V.. This after 10 years of marriage. But honestly, V. has no clue how to help himself let alone know how I can help him. I'm just going to have to pray hard for insight, intuition, and patience and let God lead me in the right direction. Kind of like the same thing I need to do about this house sale, come to think of it.
Friday, November 9, 2012
I. Turns Seven
This day seven years ago, I became a mommy more specifically I.'s mommy. What a special title to be blessed with...one that I always figured would happen but as the years ticked by, I wondered if it would ever would come about.
But thankfully it did and since that first time I held her, I have loved my baby girl.
During the middle of the night feedings with her, I would pray for all the things I wished for her and her life. I may no longer have those nighttime feedings with her but I still pray for many of the same things for her along with some more specific things that she's working on. She is a great kid and as we found out today at parent/teacher conferences, she is known for being kind to everyone at school and is well liked.
I'm having a hard time writing tonight because I am really feeling sick and I have been since Tuesday. Every morning I wake up hoping that I will feel better only to make it to 9am and realize that I need to lie down while D. is napping if there is to be any hope of making it through until his afternoon nap. There has been so much to do in preparation for I.'s birthday: making cupcakes to take to I.'s class today, birthday cake and lunch baking for her party tomorrow and taking care of last minute details for her class party on Sunday. All this with a brutal sore throat, exhaustion, earache, sneezing and dry cough. Plus my oven isn't working properly causing baking disasters and extra cooking and aggravation the last 2 days and then of course the bracket holding the entire garage door assembly shirred off late this afternoon, leading to a hectic and exhausting bedtime session of me juggling the kids and calling for service (can't have an open garage door all weekend) while V. was seeing if he could fix it. I've really got to go to bed early tonight and pray that I feel better, even just a little bit, so that I can enjoy I.'s family party tomorrow as much as possible.
During the middle of the night feedings with her, I would pray for all the things I wished for her and her life. I may no longer have those nighttime feedings with her but I still pray for many of the same things for her along with some more specific things that she's working on. She is a great kid and as we found out today at parent/teacher conferences, she is known for being kind to everyone at school and is well liked.
I'm having a hard time writing tonight because I am really feeling sick and I have been since Tuesday. Every morning I wake up hoping that I will feel better only to make it to 9am and realize that I need to lie down while D. is napping if there is to be any hope of making it through until his afternoon nap. There has been so much to do in preparation for I.'s birthday: making cupcakes to take to I.'s class today, birthday cake and lunch baking for her party tomorrow and taking care of last minute details for her class party on Sunday. All this with a brutal sore throat, exhaustion, earache, sneezing and dry cough. Plus my oven isn't working properly causing baking disasters and extra cooking and aggravation the last 2 days and then of course the bracket holding the entire garage door assembly shirred off late this afternoon, leading to a hectic and exhausting bedtime session of me juggling the kids and calling for service (can't have an open garage door all weekend) while V. was seeing if he could fix it. I've really got to go to bed early tonight and pray that I feel better, even just a little bit, so that I can enjoy I.'s family party tomorrow as much as possible.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Need To Catch A Break
Thanks to our visit to Chuck E. Cheese on Monday, D. came down with a cold starting on Wednesday night. No big deal, I thought, since he's had plenty of colds throughout I.'s school year and they were always mild and didn't affect his nursings or eating.
Not this time, he wouldn't nurse at all yesterday afternoon but did nurse at 10:30 last night so I felt hopeful for today. This morning when I got him up and tried to nurse him, he took one suck and then became irate, pinching at me and clawing at my face. Then he just cried inconsolably and it broke my heart. The rest of the day he would just turn his face away at every nursing and cried himself to sleep at afternoon nap. For bedtime, instead of nursing, I got 3 of his favorite books and we cuddled on my lap, reading and finishing up with me singing 2 songs to him. It seemed to soothe him and give both of us some needed snuggle time and closeness because when I put him down in his crib, he was relaxed and fell asleep quickly.
My only concern is getting fluids in him especially considering that he won't drink out of a cup (or bottle for that matter). I'll have to keep my eye on that and continue pumping and including the milk in his foods. Unfortunately even though I have been pumping today, I have developed a painful blocked milk duct which will probably get worse overnight. I will be praying that D. feels better tomorrow and soon will return to nursing. I know that at 1 year old, weaning is a reality, one that I have always known was coming and for this reason, I've always tried to stop and take it all in, really drink in the experience as D. was drinking in my milk, and have been so thankful to have had this opportunity one more time. Of course, it hasn't been easy. From day one, I've had major nursing issues and they continue today. But they say anything worthwhile is worth working at (or something like that) and it's so true.
That being said, am I okay with D. stopping nursing. No, especially not with it being done so abruptly which is exactly what I. did. It's not only physically painful, though more so this time, but it's also emotionally rough. This time I'm better off emotionally at least so far because I think I've been preparing for it all along but it's still a huge change for us and sad for me and him too it seems.
Deep breaths, prayers, and hoping for wonderful things to come....
Not this time, he wouldn't nurse at all yesterday afternoon but did nurse at 10:30 last night so I felt hopeful for today. This morning when I got him up and tried to nurse him, he took one suck and then became irate, pinching at me and clawing at my face. Then he just cried inconsolably and it broke my heart. The rest of the day he would just turn his face away at every nursing and cried himself to sleep at afternoon nap. For bedtime, instead of nursing, I got 3 of his favorite books and we cuddled on my lap, reading and finishing up with me singing 2 songs to him. It seemed to soothe him and give both of us some needed snuggle time and closeness because when I put him down in his crib, he was relaxed and fell asleep quickly.
My only concern is getting fluids in him especially considering that he won't drink out of a cup (or bottle for that matter). I'll have to keep my eye on that and continue pumping and including the milk in his foods. Unfortunately even though I have been pumping today, I have developed a painful blocked milk duct which will probably get worse overnight. I will be praying that D. feels better tomorrow and soon will return to nursing. I know that at 1 year old, weaning is a reality, one that I have always known was coming and for this reason, I've always tried to stop and take it all in, really drink in the experience as D. was drinking in my milk, and have been so thankful to have had this opportunity one more time. Of course, it hasn't been easy. From day one, I've had major nursing issues and they continue today. But they say anything worthwhile is worth working at (or something like that) and it's so true.
That being said, am I okay with D. stopping nursing. No, especially not with it being done so abruptly which is exactly what I. did. It's not only physically painful, though more so this time, but it's also emotionally rough. This time I'm better off emotionally at least so far because I think I've been preparing for it all along but it's still a huge change for us and sad for me and him too it seems.
Deep breaths, prayers, and hoping for wonderful things to come....
Monday, February 13, 2012
Long Time No Post
It's been 2 weeks since I last posted due to a combination of computer issues, sickness, and absences. Blogger has decided that it will no longer allow Internet Explorer to open its website and blogs so I have to make a conscience effort each day to utilize Google Chrome to open Blogger. This extra step throws me off and often I don't open it. For the past week, I've been battling a cold thanks to I. and nursing D. literally back to health from the same cold (as well as I. but I haven't been nursing her literally). Also, V. was gone pretty much for the past 2 weeks so I was busy getting the taxes inputted online, getting account reconciliations done, and other mundane, time-consuming projects that I don't feel like doing when he's here.
This morning D. woke up at 4:25am and after nursing him, I discovered that the vibrating sleep aid in his pack and play, the one that helps him fall back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, was out of batteries. Needless to say, it was a bust and so we started our day at 4:25.
One interesting thing of the day was that I received a call from a modeling agency that I sent D.'s pics to. On their website they make it clear that they probably won't call you back so when I got the call, I was surprised and kind of jazzed. They are interested and want more pics as well as his weight, height, and clothing sizes 'cause you know it IS a modelling gig!
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I.'s school is celebrating Father's Day on it so V. will be going to I.'s school for a special song performance and lunch with I. I will be going with D. just to capture it on film. She is so excited. I've noticed the last month that I. is really getting attached to V. and missing him more than she ever has. I've alerted V. to it and though he poopoos it, he has been more receptive that when I text him that I. really wants to hear his voice, he makes an effort to call us asap. It is a strange life that we live.
This morning D. woke up at 4:25am and after nursing him, I discovered that the vibrating sleep aid in his pack and play, the one that helps him fall back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, was out of batteries. Needless to say, it was a bust and so we started our day at 4:25.
One interesting thing of the day was that I received a call from a modeling agency that I sent D.'s pics to. On their website they make it clear that they probably won't call you back so when I got the call, I was surprised and kind of jazzed. They are interested and want more pics as well as his weight, height, and clothing sizes 'cause you know it IS a modelling gig!
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I.'s school is celebrating Father's Day on it so V. will be going to I.'s school for a special song performance and lunch with I. I will be going with D. just to capture it on film. She is so excited. I've noticed the last month that I. is really getting attached to V. and missing him more than she ever has. I've alerted V. to it and though he poopoos it, he has been more receptive that when I text him that I. really wants to hear his voice, he makes an effort to call us asap. It is a strange life that we live.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Upset Almost Beyond Words
I've started this post several times and still haven't found a good way. I'll just state the facts. I haven't seen my good friend T. since I was 7 months pregnant. We've been really close friends for almost 12 years. Besides Mark, he was my closest friend. In some ways he was my closest friend because I didn't feel like I needed to look out for him and protect him. He was at my hospital bedside during the really bad times and that was the only time I saw him shed a tear. Otherwise, he's a 6'4", 225 lb. cop - tough on the outside but a really nice guy on the inside. I texted him after I had D. to see if we could visit but he texted back that he was super busy and would get back to me. I left a voicemail 3 wks. ago and didn't hear back. I figured he was busy. But then last Friday I sent him a text of D. pics and didn't hear back from him, not even a comment. That's when I thought something wasn't right.
This morning while D. was asleep, I texted him "Are you okay? I'm just checking on you." He texted back awhile later to call him and since I was on my way to pick up I., I stuck the headset in and called him.
He tells me that his wife (they are both in their 40's) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Just like Mark, it's already stage 4 and has spread. They flew her up to SF to the best of care to start chemo and see if she can get into any trials. And as he's telling me his voice begins cracking with emotion and it just kills me. I had to pull over to the side of the road when he told me because it just hit me so hard. But I had to keep going to pick I. up on time so as I drive with D. in the back seat and my tired synapses trying to fire on all cylinders, I try to talk to him with sensitivity and without by accident saying insensitive things. I listened and just tried to encourage him. There was a sense of deja vu. On top of it, his stepfather (his dad died when T. was 12) was diagnosed a month ago with 2 types of cancer and things are grim for him too.
I can't write any more right now. It's just a swirl of deja vu and sadness. And it's the same kind of cancer as Mark - that makes it more upsetting. I'll pray for them during my nighttime feedings (that's what I do to stay awake) but right now I'm kind of pissed off with God. It just doesn't seem fair and although I know that God could heal her if He wanted, my cynical side from my experience with Mark makes me think that He won't. And she'll die and leave a young good husband and 3 boys here to suffer.
This morning while D. was asleep, I texted him "Are you okay? I'm just checking on you." He texted back awhile later to call him and since I was on my way to pick up I., I stuck the headset in and called him.
He tells me that his wife (they are both in their 40's) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Just like Mark, it's already stage 4 and has spread. They flew her up to SF to the best of care to start chemo and see if she can get into any trials. And as he's telling me his voice begins cracking with emotion and it just kills me. I had to pull over to the side of the road when he told me because it just hit me so hard. But I had to keep going to pick I. up on time so as I drive with D. in the back seat and my tired synapses trying to fire on all cylinders, I try to talk to him with sensitivity and without by accident saying insensitive things. I listened and just tried to encourage him. There was a sense of deja vu. On top of it, his stepfather (his dad died when T. was 12) was diagnosed a month ago with 2 types of cancer and things are grim for him too.
I can't write any more right now. It's just a swirl of deja vu and sadness. And it's the same kind of cancer as Mark - that makes it more upsetting. I'll pray for them during my nighttime feedings (that's what I do to stay awake) but right now I'm kind of pissed off with God. It just doesn't seem fair and although I know that God could heal her if He wanted, my cynical side from my experience with Mark makes me think that He won't. And she'll die and leave a young good husband and 3 boys here to suffer.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Trip Tribulations
Here's my theory - if I get the angst(s) of our trip out of the way in this post then the next post about our trip can be about the fun. I think it'll work. Plus, I really don't feel well enough to write about the fun we had and when I do write about it, I want to truly feel it. Okay?
As you can tell by now, I'm still waiting for that vacation/trip where at least 70% of the trip is positive and good and the other 30% is the stuff that happens when you have kids with you and you're not in your normal "routine" of things. See? I'm not greedy when it comes to my expectations. I'm not asking for a 90% perfect trip - just one where the good solidly outweighes the bad. Really, is it too much to ask? I guess lately it has been.
So here's what happened. The night before the trip, one day after I got my weekly chiropractor adjustment, my lower back went out badly. Add lugging heavy suitcases, plane rides, stress, and lots and lots of walking up the hills of San Francisco, and saggy couches and it became a perfect storm. Now I've had back pain since I was 14 and the worst of it is sciata pain that shoots down your leg and makes it almost impossible to walk. This pain didn't shoot down my leg (so that was good) but instead it had the same level, if not a little worse, shooting across my lower back directly out of my tailbone. It became so bad that I was mentally making contingency plans on the fly. For instance, as we were walking up the hills of Chinatown: "What would I do if my back went completely out right here?" and then I would figure out where I would stop, who I would call, etc. That lasted the entire duration of the trip though it simmered down a little the last 2 days of our trip. Just in time for.....
A horrible bout with the stomach flu. Oh My Gosh. I went to bed on Saturday night at 9pm because I was exhausted. We did alot of walking every day in the pouring rain and with a wind chill around 32 degrees so it was completely understandable that I was really tired. Oh, did I forget to mention (since I seemed to forget it myself last week) that I'm also pregnant. Hmm, maybe that made me a little tired too. Anyways, I went to bed at 9pm. and woke up at 11:30 with really bad stomach pains. I was up and down for the rest of the night alternating evacuations between orifices. I thought maybe it was food poisoning but I was sick all day Sunday and Monday too so it had to be the stomach flu. I was so weak and nauseous. The additional rub was that V. was too tired on Saturday to do anything so Sunday was our only day to do something in San Francisco as a family and it also was the only day that it wasn't pouring rain.
I decided it was going to have to be that time as an adult and a mother when you just have to suck it up and that's what I did. We went to Fisherman's Wharf, got some lunch, went to the Aquarium, and took an hour long boat cruise. It truly was mind over matter with my strategy being that as long as I didn't put anything into my stomach and concentrated on the cold air in my face, I may have a fighting chance at staying upright and not throwing up. It worked but came with the price afterwards of collapsing in bed when we got home and the next day's travelling home via taxi, subway, airplane, and car almost pushed things over the edge. Even today (Wednesday), my stomach is not keen on food but it's able to tolerate liquids which helps lessen my worries for the baby. I've been so dehydrated the last 4 days that the Braxton-Hicks contractions started up and that is never a good sign at this point. So I'm on the road to recovery but it's a slow one and it's hard to run around doing what needs to be done (grocery shopping, taking I. to school, etc.) when my energy is so low.
So the next post when I get the energy will be full of the good details and some of the pictures, though I didn't take all that many on account if the buckets of rain that were falling on our heads 4 out of the 5 days.
As you can tell by now, I'm still waiting for that vacation/trip where at least 70% of the trip is positive and good and the other 30% is the stuff that happens when you have kids with you and you're not in your normal "routine" of things. See? I'm not greedy when it comes to my expectations. I'm not asking for a 90% perfect trip - just one where the good solidly outweighes the bad. Really, is it too much to ask? I guess lately it has been.
So here's what happened. The night before the trip, one day after I got my weekly chiropractor adjustment, my lower back went out badly. Add lugging heavy suitcases, plane rides, stress, and lots and lots of walking up the hills of San Francisco, and saggy couches and it became a perfect storm. Now I've had back pain since I was 14 and the worst of it is sciata pain that shoots down your leg and makes it almost impossible to walk. This pain didn't shoot down my leg (so that was good) but instead it had the same level, if not a little worse, shooting across my lower back directly out of my tailbone. It became so bad that I was mentally making contingency plans on the fly. For instance, as we were walking up the hills of Chinatown: "What would I do if my back went completely out right here?" and then I would figure out where I would stop, who I would call, etc. That lasted the entire duration of the trip though it simmered down a little the last 2 days of our trip. Just in time for.....
A horrible bout with the stomach flu. Oh My Gosh. I went to bed on Saturday night at 9pm because I was exhausted. We did alot of walking every day in the pouring rain and with a wind chill around 32 degrees so it was completely understandable that I was really tired. Oh, did I forget to mention (since I seemed to forget it myself last week) that I'm also pregnant. Hmm, maybe that made me a little tired too. Anyways, I went to bed at 9pm. and woke up at 11:30 with really bad stomach pains. I was up and down for the rest of the night alternating evacuations between orifices. I thought maybe it was food poisoning but I was sick all day Sunday and Monday too so it had to be the stomach flu. I was so weak and nauseous. The additional rub was that V. was too tired on Saturday to do anything so Sunday was our only day to do something in San Francisco as a family and it also was the only day that it wasn't pouring rain.
I decided it was going to have to be that time as an adult and a mother when you just have to suck it up and that's what I did. We went to Fisherman's Wharf, got some lunch, went to the Aquarium, and took an hour long boat cruise. It truly was mind over matter with my strategy being that as long as I didn't put anything into my stomach and concentrated on the cold air in my face, I may have a fighting chance at staying upright and not throwing up. It worked but came with the price afterwards of collapsing in bed when we got home and the next day's travelling home via taxi, subway, airplane, and car almost pushed things over the edge. Even today (Wednesday), my stomach is not keen on food but it's able to tolerate liquids which helps lessen my worries for the baby. I've been so dehydrated the last 4 days that the Braxton-Hicks contractions started up and that is never a good sign at this point. So I'm on the road to recovery but it's a slow one and it's hard to run around doing what needs to be done (grocery shopping, taking I. to school, etc.) when my energy is so low.
So the next post when I get the energy will be full of the good details and some of the pictures, though I didn't take all that many on account if the buckets of rain that were falling on our heads 4 out of the 5 days.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Hoping for the Best
Today has the makings of a tough day. Beginning yesterday, I. was fighting off some sickness and I was so happy when she immediately fell asleep last night. Then V. turned on the heat at 2:30am and forgot to turn it off, resulting in both I. and I roasting to death in our upstairs' bedrooms. The heat caused me to have stressful, scary dreams all morning. Couple that with the police helicopter flying low in circles right over our house at 2:45 am and to say that I slept poorly was an understatement. I woke up with this blasted headache - the 4th day of this stupid thing.
In I.'s room, the heat caused her to wake up at 4:17am as she informed me when I went in this morning. Even on a good day when she's not fighting off some random virus, this would not be a good omen. But on a day when she's already under the weather, this is a recipe for a perfect storm.
That being said, we're taking it easy today - no Sea World or the Zoo. Yesterday I was on my feet from 10:30-3:00 and it took a lot out of me. The last thing I need is to have another day like that today. Also, we've got our trip to SF to look forward to next week when we will be running around town all day (happily though). The only bad part is that it is supposed to be pouring rain the whole time except for the last day so that's going to add an unwanted component to being in a city without a car or the ability to get inside one (no car seat). I'm trying to make it just part of the adventure and hopefully can maintain that for all of our sakes next week.
So today, we're going to take care of a couple of errands this morning, much to I.'s chagrin (really they shouldn't take longer than 45 minutes total) including trying to find an umbrella in I.'s size for next week and a pillow to put in her sham tomorrow when her new bed is delivered. But in her mind, errands are errands and errands are all bad. In the afternoon we're heading to the library which on any other day would be cause for celebration. On a day like today, it was met with negativity and a "that's not fun" comment.
I.'s new bed is coming tomorrow like I mentioned and she is really excited. I am excited for her but so sad that the room is going to look so completely different than it does for the past 5+ years. There is something comforting to look in that room and remember when I was 8+ months pregnant with I. and putting her room together myself. I remember when I finished hanging everything up and constructing the closet organizer and I stood up, looked around, and thought, "Ah, perfect." But it's time and even if she wasn't finally ready for a new bed, she would need to be to get ready for the what's it so it is perfect timing. Yet perfect timing doesn't mean that it's easy or not bittersweet. In fact, in a way it makes it harder when you know it's time for something but still don't feel completely ready to embrace the change. I guess I just have to do it anyways and keep moving forward. There's no other choice.
In I.'s room, the heat caused her to wake up at 4:17am as she informed me when I went in this morning. Even on a good day when she's not fighting off some random virus, this would not be a good omen. But on a day when she's already under the weather, this is a recipe for a perfect storm.
That being said, we're taking it easy today - no Sea World or the Zoo. Yesterday I was on my feet from 10:30-3:00 and it took a lot out of me. The last thing I need is to have another day like that today. Also, we've got our trip to SF to look forward to next week when we will be running around town all day (happily though). The only bad part is that it is supposed to be pouring rain the whole time except for the last day so that's going to add an unwanted component to being in a city without a car or the ability to get inside one (no car seat). I'm trying to make it just part of the adventure and hopefully can maintain that for all of our sakes next week.
So today, we're going to take care of a couple of errands this morning, much to I.'s chagrin (really they shouldn't take longer than 45 minutes total) including trying to find an umbrella in I.'s size for next week and a pillow to put in her sham tomorrow when her new bed is delivered. But in her mind, errands are errands and errands are all bad. In the afternoon we're heading to the library which on any other day would be cause for celebration. On a day like today, it was met with negativity and a "that's not fun" comment.
I.'s new bed is coming tomorrow like I mentioned and she is really excited. I am excited for her but so sad that the room is going to look so completely different than it does for the past 5+ years. There is something comforting to look in that room and remember when I was 8+ months pregnant with I. and putting her room together myself. I remember when I finished hanging everything up and constructing the closet organizer and I stood up, looked around, and thought, "Ah, perfect." But it's time and even if she wasn't finally ready for a new bed, she would need to be to get ready for the what's it so it is perfect timing. Yet perfect timing doesn't mean that it's easy or not bittersweet. In fact, in a way it makes it harder when you know it's time for something but still don't feel completely ready to embrace the change. I guess I just have to do it anyways and keep moving forward. There's no other choice.
Monday, January 31, 2011
A Mixed Bag
We had a really good time at Disney on Ice. Our seats were good and it was great hanging out, my girl and I. I remembered sitting with my mother at this same location, watching Mickey Mouse on ice skates, about 35 years ago. Wow!
I. woke up Saturday with a 104 temperature and was sick all day. Needless to say, we didn't go to the birthday party and took it easy all day. V. played games on the Ipad with I. after resttime which allowed me to do my closet project. The inevitable one when you have to take all your pants out of the closet to make room for the small selection of pregnancy clothes. It had to be done because the time is drawing near when I'll have to be wearing these things. Yesterday was officially 3 months. I was excited about that until I realized that on the flip side that means I only have 6 months left before my life changes immensely. Then I got scared and sad too because it won't just be I. and I any more. I know it'll be great in a different way but you know, I'm just sentimental about it. All the pregnancy books talk about this swirl of conflicting emotions as being normal but that doesn't help with the confusing aspects of feeling two conflicting emotions at the same time. I still am not good with that though it seems like I get plenty of practice with it in recent times.
My mom said last week that she had to come up sometime this week to see I. and this afternoon is the only day that works. I. is really looking forward to it and so was I, thinking I could get some things done until I got an email from my dad saying that my mom, who is notoriously at least 30 minutes late, will try to be here at 1:45. 1:45??!! I. eats dinner at 3:00 and my mom knows that and with I. still recovering from being sick and having 3 tiring, consecutive days of school starting tomorrow, I don't want to get her in bed late. To me it's like "Why even bother?" especially if she doesn't skid in here until 2:15. This is why I can never and will never be able to rely on my mom for help. People hear that she lives 30 minutes away and say, "Oh, that's nice. She probably helps out alot." but no, not really. Not really at all.
I'm not going to dwell on this though because I have my last massage scheduled this morning. "Last massage" meaning it will probably be the last one that insurance will cover though I'm not sure since I'm still having problems from the accident on my right side. Well, we'll see but regardless, I'm going to enjoy it immensely.
I. woke up Saturday with a 104 temperature and was sick all day. Needless to say, we didn't go to the birthday party and took it easy all day. V. played games on the Ipad with I. after resttime which allowed me to do my closet project. The inevitable one when you have to take all your pants out of the closet to make room for the small selection of pregnancy clothes. It had to be done because the time is drawing near when I'll have to be wearing these things. Yesterday was officially 3 months. I was excited about that until I realized that on the flip side that means I only have 6 months left before my life changes immensely. Then I got scared and sad too because it won't just be I. and I any more. I know it'll be great in a different way but you know, I'm just sentimental about it. All the pregnancy books talk about this swirl of conflicting emotions as being normal but that doesn't help with the confusing aspects of feeling two conflicting emotions at the same time. I still am not good with that though it seems like I get plenty of practice with it in recent times.
My mom said last week that she had to come up sometime this week to see I. and this afternoon is the only day that works. I. is really looking forward to it and so was I, thinking I could get some things done until I got an email from my dad saying that my mom, who is notoriously at least 30 minutes late, will try to be here at 1:45. 1:45??!! I. eats dinner at 3:00 and my mom knows that and with I. still recovering from being sick and having 3 tiring, consecutive days of school starting tomorrow, I don't want to get her in bed late. To me it's like "Why even bother?" especially if she doesn't skid in here until 2:15. This is why I can never and will never be able to rely on my mom for help. People hear that she lives 30 minutes away and say, "Oh, that's nice. She probably helps out alot." but no, not really. Not really at all.
I'm not going to dwell on this though because I have my last massage scheduled this morning. "Last massage" meaning it will probably be the last one that insurance will cover though I'm not sure since I'm still having problems from the accident on my right side. Well, we'll see but regardless, I'm going to enjoy it immensely.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Busy Days
A slow start this morning after an abrupt awakening. Oh, I like the double alliteration in that first sentence. Yes, I know I'm strange for even noticing it but I'm a visual person and these kinds of things just jump out at me. Anyways, the abrupt awakening at 5:58 a.m. was I. crying so I ran into her room only to find out that it was only because Baby Bear had fallen on the ground. Yes, I know she loves her Baby Bear. That's not the issue. The issue is that she was going to be climbing out of that blasted bed in 2 minutes and could have retrieved Baby Bear. I guess I should be happy that I. is such a literal kid in that it never crossed her mind to sneak out of that bed before 6:00, get Baby Bear and climb back in. I tried to keep that in mind as I stalked back to my bed to try to sneak in a few more minutes of sleep.
Now I'm up and moving, still struggling with fighting off this cold, and am facing a busy errand day. Actually Day One, Day Two comes tomorrow. But it's better that I get these things done while I. is in school for a couple of hours rather than wait until next week when she's out of school. I just wish I felt better. The pounding ears and head don't make things easier. I should be thankful though because V. has the full blown version of the cold.
My pet peeve of the last couple of weeks has been that I. doesn't play with the toys she has. I've parsed them down to make them less daunting and it isn't that she has SO many toys. She just doesn't play with them and it's aggravating to me. What is also aggravating to me is that since the time change she's getting up so friggin' early (this morning it was 4:33 or something like that) that by 8:30/9:00 a.m., she's already tired and has a low tolerance for frustration leading to my morning being filled with little whining, crying fits as things don't look/work exactly as she wants them to. Grrr...stupid stupid time change.
Now I'm up and moving, still struggling with fighting off this cold, and am facing a busy errand day. Actually Day One, Day Two comes tomorrow. But it's better that I get these things done while I. is in school for a couple of hours rather than wait until next week when she's out of school. I just wish I felt better. The pounding ears and head don't make things easier. I should be thankful though because V. has the full blown version of the cold.
My pet peeve of the last couple of weeks has been that I. doesn't play with the toys she has. I've parsed them down to make them less daunting and it isn't that she has SO many toys. She just doesn't play with them and it's aggravating to me. What is also aggravating to me is that since the time change she's getting up so friggin' early (this morning it was 4:33 or something like that) that by 8:30/9:00 a.m., she's already tired and has a low tolerance for frustration leading to my morning being filled with little whining, crying fits as things don't look/work exactly as she wants them to. Grrr...stupid stupid time change.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Strange Day
The day started off well as I watched I. in her first gymnastics class. She was the only one in her class so she was in constant motion. I felt sorry for her only because I knew she didn't feel 100% but she was running around the whole time without any rest. I was amazed by her balance - it really is something else - and the enthusiasm that she showed throughout the class was great. She really enjoyed herself though I suspect her little sinewy arms will be sore tomorrow.
This afternoon my mom came over to play with I. She got there at 12:30 which was good and I. had a great time playing with her Bubbi. I was feeling pretty lousy at this point with my cold symptoms coming on so I just did 2 quick errands and came home but then did some chores because my mom would get distracted by me and end up frustrating I. My mom had said that she wanted to tell me a few things but when I said we could talk while I. was eating dinner (at 3), she said she had to leave at 2:45. I guess when she said that she wanted to come play with I., she really meant it. I suspect that my sister had demanded my mother to cart her somewhere this afternoon and unless my mother wanted her cell phone ringing every 5 minutes, it behooved her to pick her up on time. Just a guess, but you know I'm usually right.
The only thing she did bring up was the suicide of the only son of a local famous restauranteur and how sad it was. He was in his early 30s, had just had dinner with his parents and then stopped on his drive home to kill himself, leaving a note for them in his car. To those around him, he was attractive, successful, well liked, and driven. To himself, he was losing a battle with depression. I know what he must have felt like and I know that at dinner that night he probably seemed very happy to his parents. But I also know that this "happiness" most likely was because he had made up his mind that tonight was the night. He was going to have a nice dinner with his parents, say his goodbyes, and then all his pain was going to be over. When you are that depressed, making up your mind that you're going to do it, that it's almost over gives you a sense of relief, almost a physical pain relief, that you just have a little more time and the pain will be gone. To a non-depressed person, it's unfathomable but to one who has been there a few times, I get it.
My mother knows I was there. Okay, maybe I didn't tell her about the other times but that was because they really didn't seem to get it the first time I told them after being nagged by the outpatient therapist for weeks. Why bother telling them if it happened again? But still, my parents were told. That being said, it bothered me greatly when my mother says about this suicidal man, "He reminds me of your brother" because of the guy holding in his feelings.
REALLY?! REALLY? Who has been the person leaned upon, depended upon to fix the emotional ills of this family? Who has to be the strong one, the one who won't falter under any conditions, the one who has to rise to every occasion? The one who found and still finds herself without the support of those who depend on her support.
I don't know why I still allow myself to get upset about this? Maybe it's just that I don't feel good anyways and so it feels more than it is. It didn't ruin my day or evening so I think I'll just let it go and move on. But I did want to get it out of my head and off of my chest before heading to bed in hopes that it will not materialize into some stressful dream tonight. Here's to hoping for a cold night, pleasant dreams, deep sleep, and a healthier tomorrow!
This afternoon my mom came over to play with I. She got there at 12:30 which was good and I. had a great time playing with her Bubbi. I was feeling pretty lousy at this point with my cold symptoms coming on so I just did 2 quick errands and came home but then did some chores because my mom would get distracted by me and end up frustrating I. My mom had said that she wanted to tell me a few things but when I said we could talk while I. was eating dinner (at 3), she said she had to leave at 2:45. I guess when she said that she wanted to come play with I., she really meant it. I suspect that my sister had demanded my mother to cart her somewhere this afternoon and unless my mother wanted her cell phone ringing every 5 minutes, it behooved her to pick her up on time. Just a guess, but you know I'm usually right.
The only thing she did bring up was the suicide of the only son of a local famous restauranteur and how sad it was. He was in his early 30s, had just had dinner with his parents and then stopped on his drive home to kill himself, leaving a note for them in his car. To those around him, he was attractive, successful, well liked, and driven. To himself, he was losing a battle with depression. I know what he must have felt like and I know that at dinner that night he probably seemed very happy to his parents. But I also know that this "happiness" most likely was because he had made up his mind that tonight was the night. He was going to have a nice dinner with his parents, say his goodbyes, and then all his pain was going to be over. When you are that depressed, making up your mind that you're going to do it, that it's almost over gives you a sense of relief, almost a physical pain relief, that you just have a little more time and the pain will be gone. To a non-depressed person, it's unfathomable but to one who has been there a few times, I get it.
My mother knows I was there. Okay, maybe I didn't tell her about the other times but that was because they really didn't seem to get it the first time I told them after being nagged by the outpatient therapist for weeks. Why bother telling them if it happened again? But still, my parents were told. That being said, it bothered me greatly when my mother says about this suicidal man, "He reminds me of your brother" because of the guy holding in his feelings.
REALLY?! REALLY? Who has been the person leaned upon, depended upon to fix the emotional ills of this family? Who has to be the strong one, the one who won't falter under any conditions, the one who has to rise to every occasion? The one who found and still finds herself without the support of those who depend on her support.
I don't know why I still allow myself to get upset about this? Maybe it's just that I don't feel good anyways and so it feels more than it is. It didn't ruin my day or evening so I think I'll just let it go and move on. But I did want to get it out of my head and off of my chest before heading to bed in hopes that it will not materialize into some stressful dream tonight. Here's to hoping for a cold night, pleasant dreams, deep sleep, and a healthier tomorrow!
Snotty Monday
I haven't posted since the middle of last week because we're still trying to adjust to this vile time change. I'm getting a little more used to the early morning wake up time and actually after I get I. down for bed, I get a few things done before settling down for the evening. However, once this burst of productivity is over, I'm really tired mentally and physically and my brain is pretty much blank. Not so conducive for blogging.
Our weekend went pretty well - some playtime for I. with both V. and I and V. got a good nap in there. The only downside was that thanks to messing with I.'s sleep, she got a cold. Even though she's still getting about the same amount of sleep, she's getting up at 5 am. so she's pretty tired by 1pm and still has 3 hours to go. It's just a given that when her sleep is messed with, she gets sick. Of course, now V. and I are fighting off this cold and hopefully neither of us will get the full strength version.
This morning is I.'s first gymnastics class. She doesn't have a fever, her snot is clear, and this is the 3rd day so I don't think she's contagious. She would be allowed to go to school so I am going to take her to the class. After a couple of errands, my mom is supposed to come to our house because she wants to play with I. We'll see what time she arrives. I told her to come early since I.'s dinner starts at 3pm but that doesn't usually make a difference in her arrival time. All I know is that I'm not going to get I. in bed late when she's trying to recover from sickness to compensate for my mom's lack of time awareness.
I.'s having a frustrated fit across the room which is aggravating me so I'm going to extricate myself and start getting ready for the day. Whatever happened to a sick kid who just lies quietly on the couch? This one runs around and does just like normal but has a severly diminished level of patience and tolerance for frustration. Ugh!
Our weekend went pretty well - some playtime for I. with both V. and I and V. got a good nap in there. The only downside was that thanks to messing with I.'s sleep, she got a cold. Even though she's still getting about the same amount of sleep, she's getting up at 5 am. so she's pretty tired by 1pm and still has 3 hours to go. It's just a given that when her sleep is messed with, she gets sick. Of course, now V. and I are fighting off this cold and hopefully neither of us will get the full strength version.
This morning is I.'s first gymnastics class. She doesn't have a fever, her snot is clear, and this is the 3rd day so I don't think she's contagious. She would be allowed to go to school so I am going to take her to the class. After a couple of errands, my mom is supposed to come to our house because she wants to play with I. We'll see what time she arrives. I told her to come early since I.'s dinner starts at 3pm but that doesn't usually make a difference in her arrival time. All I know is that I'm not going to get I. in bed late when she's trying to recover from sickness to compensate for my mom's lack of time awareness.
I.'s having a frustrated fit across the room which is aggravating me so I'm going to extricate myself and start getting ready for the day. Whatever happened to a sick kid who just lies quietly on the couch? This one runs around and does just like normal but has a severly diminished level of patience and tolerance for frustration. Ugh!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Mysteries Abound
My last post was all about the present and future pains I was experiencing/anticipating and the weird thing was that there was plenty of "pains" just not the ones I expected.
We (my mom, I. and I) piled into the dentist office that afternoon, me a less stressed due to the Ativan and they got me in the chair. They put the topical on my gum and let it sit there and then my dentist came in. Mind you, the last time I was in and was told of this cavity, her new partner who I had never seen before, came in and delivered the bad news curtly. My regular dentist is a nice woman, who takes the time to smile and talk with you. So she walked in and said cheerfully, "How are you?" and I told her in no uncertain terms that I was not amused whatsoever about having to be at her office today. She actually looked surprised. Really, I'm sure this wasn't the first time she's ever heard it but I guess it was the first time she's heard it from me. She said she wanted to take a look at the cavity since she never had actually seen it and then get this...she proceeds to tell me there is NO CAVITY!
I almost cried, really I did because I was so thankful to not have to go through this and so happy that I still don't have any cavities. Then I got pissed off that I had to go through all of this, drag my mom into it, and stress about it for 3 weeks. But right after that, I was and still am so happy! And I'll tell you what, I'm flossing every stinkin' day!
So after dodging that bullet, the next day (yesterday) I woke up feeling pretty okay until about an hour and a half later when I was fixing I. her breakfast. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to throw up, then exhaustion hit, chills, and a headache. My stomach hurt so bad, I had to lay down for 2 hours and try not to move so I wouldn't throw up. Thankfully, I. behaved herself though not quietly until finally I had to get up, get ready, and fix her lunch or she wouldn't make it to school. Wouldn't you know that today was the day I signed up to work at her class? I tried to tell I. that I may have to ask for another day because literally, I could have fallen asleep right there which is highly unusual for me, but I. was so disappointed and she kept sobbing and what could I do? So I made it through her class by sucking it up and enjoying it, got her home, fed, and in the bath whereupon I laid down on her bedroom floor and dozed in and out between her many questions. Bathed her, read to her, got her in bed, me in the shower and then I dozed off for 30 minutes. Mind you, I hadn't eaten all day and had no appetite which is not normal for me so I choked down some chicken noodle soup and bread for dinner. I'm not sure what it was - today I wasn't 100% either but I felt substantially better. It's times like these when I feel sorry for myself for not having anyone to fall back on - I have to suck it up and continue on even when I feel like I could just fall over. Who says being a momma isn't the toughest job? Ain't no sick time here baby!
So as I said, mysteries abound - the quasi-cavity, the hit-you-between-the-eyes illness and still my back is recovering. Hoping that the rest of this week is filled with less pain and more smiles.
We (my mom, I. and I) piled into the dentist office that afternoon, me a less stressed due to the Ativan and they got me in the chair. They put the topical on my gum and let it sit there and then my dentist came in. Mind you, the last time I was in and was told of this cavity, her new partner who I had never seen before, came in and delivered the bad news curtly. My regular dentist is a nice woman, who takes the time to smile and talk with you. So she walked in and said cheerfully, "How are you?" and I told her in no uncertain terms that I was not amused whatsoever about having to be at her office today. She actually looked surprised. Really, I'm sure this wasn't the first time she's ever heard it but I guess it was the first time she's heard it from me. She said she wanted to take a look at the cavity since she never had actually seen it and then get this...she proceeds to tell me there is NO CAVITY!
I almost cried, really I did because I was so thankful to not have to go through this and so happy that I still don't have any cavities. Then I got pissed off that I had to go through all of this, drag my mom into it, and stress about it for 3 weeks. But right after that, I was and still am so happy! And I'll tell you what, I'm flossing every stinkin' day!
So after dodging that bullet, the next day (yesterday) I woke up feeling pretty okay until about an hour and a half later when I was fixing I. her breakfast. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to throw up, then exhaustion hit, chills, and a headache. My stomach hurt so bad, I had to lay down for 2 hours and try not to move so I wouldn't throw up. Thankfully, I. behaved herself though not quietly until finally I had to get up, get ready, and fix her lunch or she wouldn't make it to school. Wouldn't you know that today was the day I signed up to work at her class? I tried to tell I. that I may have to ask for another day because literally, I could have fallen asleep right there which is highly unusual for me, but I. was so disappointed and she kept sobbing and what could I do? So I made it through her class by sucking it up and enjoying it, got her home, fed, and in the bath whereupon I laid down on her bedroom floor and dozed in and out between her many questions. Bathed her, read to her, got her in bed, me in the shower and then I dozed off for 30 minutes. Mind you, I hadn't eaten all day and had no appetite which is not normal for me so I choked down some chicken noodle soup and bread for dinner. I'm not sure what it was - today I wasn't 100% either but I felt substantially better. It's times like these when I feel sorry for myself for not having anyone to fall back on - I have to suck it up and continue on even when I feel like I could just fall over. Who says being a momma isn't the toughest job? Ain't no sick time here baby!
So as I said, mysteries abound - the quasi-cavity, the hit-you-between-the-eyes illness and still my back is recovering. Hoping that the rest of this week is filled with less pain and more smiles.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Not A Good Ending
Off to the races we went this afternoon and I was surprised that it wasn't very crowded at all especially in the infield with the kids' entertainment. I. had a great time going on all the slides and bouncy things over and over again without having to wait at least for the first hour. A pony ride capped things off and we got to see the first horse race before I. started complaining that she was hungry. Mind you, before we left the house she was fed lunch and had a granola bar at the races. No matter, by 2:15, she was hungry. Thus is my life.
We headed to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants that was nearby, one that we usually make great memories. Sadly to say, not so much today (and that's putting it mildly). Why? Six hours later, I'm still not sure. Except for Puerto Rico, we've never had trouble with I. in restaurants. The first crying jag of the meal I think was triggered by I.'s low blood sugar because she began acting and feeling better as soon as she began eating. I handled the crying well - quickly grabbed her and carried her outside to calm down without everyone's eyes on us. Back inside, we began eating and things were good until the very end of the meal. Then she started getting a little mischievious with V. (they were sitting on the same side to give me a break for a change), then she wasn't listening to him when he told her to stop, and then they were wrestling around a bit until I told them to both stop it before something got broken. By now, I'm getting irritated. One, because I've already dealt with one tantrum of sorts. Two, because I've had to take I. to the bathroom 2 times during the last 30 minutes. Three, because I'm still getting over being sick and at the races, I ended up lugging her around a lot because V.'s back was really hurting and I'm starting to feel worn out. Lastly, I'm getting frustrated with watching this dynamic between the two of them, this way that they feed off the worst of each other until things go really bad really fast and then I'm left to mop the whole mess up. I guess the most confusing and frustrating thing is that I don't believe they mean to do it. In fact, I don't think they actually realize it. It's kind of like a married couple who know how to push each other's buttons and although they may not see it, people on the outside see it coming.
When I. ceased listening, picked up a knife to play with and refuse to let it go, it was time to end it. So I grabbed the diaper bag and carried her out of the restaurant (again) through 5 waiters standing there. As I started up the first of two flight of stairs, I. started fighting and caused me to fall up the stairs luckily without injury to either of us. She then proceeded to throw herself on the ground, mind you screaming at the top of her lungs. So I grabbed her arm and lugged her up the first set of stairs and then carried her up the last set. I got her to walk out to the car and then had to strongarm her into the car seat. It wasn't pleasant.
I am disappointed how this last day of summer ended. I am crushed because there are two red marks on one of I.'s arms from when I was lugging her up the stairs. After I got her in bed, I basically cried in the shower and collapsed on the couch. Physically, emotionally, and mentally I'm done. The only thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that by the time we got home, I. wasn't upset at all and seem to forget everything. She didn't understand why I was crying before we read books; all she seemed to remember were the good things of the day. While I may not get that, I'll try to take comfort in that. I want so much to have good memories for her of us together. I also want so much for me to have good memories of us together.
It was a hard last day of summer vacation and tomorrow I will tearfully take I. to her first day of preschool, hoping that she will retain nothing but good memories of this summer. Then it's up to me to retain those same good memories for myself.
We headed to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants that was nearby, one that we usually make great memories. Sadly to say, not so much today (and that's putting it mildly). Why? Six hours later, I'm still not sure. Except for Puerto Rico, we've never had trouble with I. in restaurants. The first crying jag of the meal I think was triggered by I.'s low blood sugar because she began acting and feeling better as soon as she began eating. I handled the crying well - quickly grabbed her and carried her outside to calm down without everyone's eyes on us. Back inside, we began eating and things were good until the very end of the meal. Then she started getting a little mischievious with V. (they were sitting on the same side to give me a break for a change), then she wasn't listening to him when he told her to stop, and then they were wrestling around a bit until I told them to both stop it before something got broken. By now, I'm getting irritated. One, because I've already dealt with one tantrum of sorts. Two, because I've had to take I. to the bathroom 2 times during the last 30 minutes. Three, because I'm still getting over being sick and at the races, I ended up lugging her around a lot because V.'s back was really hurting and I'm starting to feel worn out. Lastly, I'm getting frustrated with watching this dynamic between the two of them, this way that they feed off the worst of each other until things go really bad really fast and then I'm left to mop the whole mess up. I guess the most confusing and frustrating thing is that I don't believe they mean to do it. In fact, I don't think they actually realize it. It's kind of like a married couple who know how to push each other's buttons and although they may not see it, people on the outside see it coming.
When I. ceased listening, picked up a knife to play with and refuse to let it go, it was time to end it. So I grabbed the diaper bag and carried her out of the restaurant (again) through 5 waiters standing there. As I started up the first of two flight of stairs, I. started fighting and caused me to fall up the stairs luckily without injury to either of us. She then proceeded to throw herself on the ground, mind you screaming at the top of her lungs. So I grabbed her arm and lugged her up the first set of stairs and then carried her up the last set. I got her to walk out to the car and then had to strongarm her into the car seat. It wasn't pleasant.
I am disappointed how this last day of summer ended. I am crushed because there are two red marks on one of I.'s arms from when I was lugging her up the stairs. After I got her in bed, I basically cried in the shower and collapsed on the couch. Physically, emotionally, and mentally I'm done. The only thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that by the time we got home, I. wasn't upset at all and seem to forget everything. She didn't understand why I was crying before we read books; all she seemed to remember were the good things of the day. While I may not get that, I'll try to take comfort in that. I want so much to have good memories for her of us together. I also want so much for me to have good memories of us together.
It was a hard last day of summer vacation and tomorrow I will tearfully take I. to her first day of preschool, hoping that she will retain nothing but good memories of this summer. Then it's up to me to retain those same good memories for myself.
Date Afternoon
Yesterday's date afternoon at the movies was good - it was nice to get a break and go out with V. while we still had some energy. Of course, all we did was head straight to the theater, sit there for 3 hours and then come home so we didn't really need all that much energy. But it was fun, nice and unusual for us.
Still fighting off sickness and now hoping that V. doesn't catch it. Not to be mean, but don't us ladies all know how different sickness in a man looks vs. when we're sick? I was sick all last week and this weekend but did that change what my normal "stay at home mom" day looked like? Not in the least because I had no choice - the groceries still needed to be shopped for, the girl entertained and taken care of, the laundry done etc. But if V. gets sick, even just a touch of it, the world as we know it will come to an end. There will be no movement, no fun, no smiles, no speaking - just a basic shutdown of everything. And of course, a really bad mood thrown in there just to make it that much more miserable. Thank God he doesn't get sick very often. He's tired right now so I've sent him to nap and hopefully he'll feel better.
This afternoon, we're supposed to finally go to the Del Mar Horse Races. I. remembered when we went last year and has been talking about it but we've been putting it off. So here we are on Labor Day heading there. Maybe it won't be as crowded as I think but on the plus side, it's going to be nice and cool out there on the coast which is MUCH better than sweating to death especially with lots of people around. Hopefully it'll be a fun day, the last day before I. starts school again tomorrow. I can't believe summer went by so fast.
Still fighting off sickness and now hoping that V. doesn't catch it. Not to be mean, but don't us ladies all know how different sickness in a man looks vs. when we're sick? I was sick all last week and this weekend but did that change what my normal "stay at home mom" day looked like? Not in the least because I had no choice - the groceries still needed to be shopped for, the girl entertained and taken care of, the laundry done etc. But if V. gets sick, even just a touch of it, the world as we know it will come to an end. There will be no movement, no fun, no smiles, no speaking - just a basic shutdown of everything. And of course, a really bad mood thrown in there just to make it that much more miserable. Thank God he doesn't get sick very often. He's tired right now so I've sent him to nap and hopefully he'll feel better.
This afternoon, we're supposed to finally go to the Del Mar Horse Races. I. remembered when we went last year and has been talking about it but we've been putting it off. So here we are on Labor Day heading there. Maybe it won't be as crowded as I think but on the plus side, it's going to be nice and cool out there on the coast which is MUCH better than sweating to death especially with lots of people around. Hopefully it'll be a fun day, the last day before I. starts school again tomorrow. I can't believe summer went by so fast.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Turn for the Worse
Two days in a row of feeling exhausted and sick by 10:30 am caused me to run to the CVS MinuteClinic this afternoon. I've got too much fun planned to be waylaid by sickness. Turns out I've got bronchitis and an ear infection in both ears so now I'm on some serious antibiotics. Serious in that the dose is so high that you only have to take it one time a day for 3 days. I like that - I don't want to wait 7-10 days to feel better. I want to feel better now. Even V. said I must be really sick because after I put I. down to bed, I laid down on the couch and slept for 30 minutes until one of the cats woke me up.
We'll see tomorrow at 10:30 if I feel better than I did the last two days. Babysitter is coming at 11:45am for an afternoon of playtime before she leaves for college and V. and I are heading over to see Avatar on 3D IMAX since he went and saw it without me last time it was out. I'm looking forward to it because though I saw it on our television, I sat there lamenting that THIS was the type of movie that should be seen in the theater because it would be so much more awesome. So here's my chance. Best of all, I was able to keep my promise to I. that she would get one last time to play with the babysitter before she left.
Here's to hoping I feel better tomorrow...
We'll see tomorrow at 10:30 if I feel better than I did the last two days. Babysitter is coming at 11:45am for an afternoon of playtime before she leaves for college and V. and I are heading over to see Avatar on 3D IMAX since he went and saw it without me last time it was out. I'm looking forward to it because though I saw it on our television, I sat there lamenting that THIS was the type of movie that should be seen in the theater because it would be so much more awesome. So here's my chance. Best of all, I was able to keep my promise to I. that she would get one last time to play with the babysitter before she left.
Here's to hoping I feel better tomorrow...
Friday, September 3, 2010
There's Fun in Store
I've started a couple of posts over the last two days but by the time I get to finish them, I'm just too tired. I've been battling this last renegade virus that I. was kind enough to pass on to me. One day I'll feel pretty alright, followed by feeling bad the next. I'm hoping that this will get all sickness out of the way before this coming week because this coming week is full of fun, Fun, FUN!
Yes, you heard me correctly. I'm actually going to have fun in my daily life. Imagine that? Is that allowed? I have more fun lined in in the next 10 days than I usually have in an entire year. Now that's saying something. And all it took is a mandatory furlough week for V., Avatar coming back to the theater, and my parents babysitting I. for 4 days.
Unfortunately, right now I can't get into all the details 'cause I've got to get ready and moving. Just know that I will be enjoying having V. home for 10 whole days and with I. starting preschool next week, we'll get some hanging out time, just the two of us. That's as far from my normal day as you can get.
Today is the last official day of summer vacation for I. so I want to do something she really likes. Such as Chuck E. Cheese. I hope it won't be too crowded there. It's close by and we can still have a rest time which sounds good to me as I hack away.
Yes, you heard me correctly. I'm actually going to have fun in my daily life. Imagine that? Is that allowed? I have more fun lined in in the next 10 days than I usually have in an entire year. Now that's saying something. And all it took is a mandatory furlough week for V., Avatar coming back to the theater, and my parents babysitting I. for 4 days.
Unfortunately, right now I can't get into all the details 'cause I've got to get ready and moving. Just know that I will be enjoying having V. home for 10 whole days and with I. starting preschool next week, we'll get some hanging out time, just the two of us. That's as far from my normal day as you can get.
Today is the last official day of summer vacation for I. so I want to do something she really likes. Such as Chuck E. Cheese. I hope it won't be too crowded there. It's close by and we can still have a rest time which sounds good to me as I hack away.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Up Side
Originally, today was the day I was going to have I.'s favorite babysitter (you know, the one we use about twice a year) come over for a few hours and play with I. before she moved away to go to college. Due to an early bedtime, I. is in bed by the time the babysitter arrives so she doesn't get to play with her. So I promised I. I would have her come over to play.
We set the date and I immediately called over to my massage place in hopes that my favorite therapist was working and she was. SCORE! Later on that night, the babysitter texted that she forgot she did have to do something on that day and could we reschedule. The next day, I was getting ready to cancel the massage when I realized that was stupid especially considering that I had just found a drop in child care place that I. likes.
Bringing me to today...I'm so happy I didn't cancel my massage because after a week of being coughed on by I., I am sick. Not feverish, bone chills and aches sick, (thankfully!)but the swollen lymph glands, sore throat, tired, cough sick. I'm going to take the day off from the gym, sub in the grocery shopping, drop I. off at the play place, and head off to my massage. God knows after that vacation I need one and it will be A LOT cheaper for me to get one here than in Vegas, which is a mere 10 days away.
Speaking of that vacation, last night I saw pictures of Hurricane Earl pounding the exact place where our condo was and I thought, "Hmm, so that's how our vacation could have been worse!" It's always nice to see something worse than you experienced personally, right? It brings out all those thoughts that start with, "Well, at least..."
We set the date and I immediately called over to my massage place in hopes that my favorite therapist was working and she was. SCORE! Later on that night, the babysitter texted that she forgot she did have to do something on that day and could we reschedule. The next day, I was getting ready to cancel the massage when I realized that was stupid especially considering that I had just found a drop in child care place that I. likes.
Bringing me to today...I'm so happy I didn't cancel my massage because after a week of being coughed on by I., I am sick. Not feverish, bone chills and aches sick, (thankfully!)but the swollen lymph glands, sore throat, tired, cough sick. I'm going to take the day off from the gym, sub in the grocery shopping, drop I. off at the play place, and head off to my massage. God knows after that vacation I need one and it will be A LOT cheaper for me to get one here than in Vegas, which is a mere 10 days away.
Speaking of that vacation, last night I saw pictures of Hurricane Earl pounding the exact place where our condo was and I thought, "Hmm, so that's how our vacation could have been worse!" It's always nice to see something worse than you experienced personally, right? It brings out all those thoughts that start with, "Well, at least..."
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Gift That Keeps Giving
It was a lousy night of sleep thanks to the combination of bursitis in one shoulder and a dry throat tickle that kept threatening to choke me. I was up and down all night and actually was glad that V. wasn't in bed with me, suffering through my misadventures.
When V. called this morning from San Francisco, I was informed that he is now suffering from the same virus, courtesy of me it appears. While I would never wish illness upon him, I have to say that secretly I am hoping that this will boost his empathy quotient. He rarely gets sick and I think he forgets how lousy it is especially if you still have to push through, as I do as a "single", stay at home momma. So maybe today as he struggles with ear pain, sore throat and chills, he'll reflect that this is how I felt/feel the last few days and still am trudging up and down three flights of stairs with loads of laundry, picking up toys throughout the house, and keeping up with our force of nature (I.) at the same time.
Being a stay at home momma, especially one whose husband is gone, is not for the faint hearted, not physically, mentally or emotionally. Why I don't give myself more credit for doing it for the last three years is beyond me. If it were someone else, I'd be giving them props every time I saw them. Stupid isn't it?
When V. called this morning from San Francisco, I was informed that he is now suffering from the same virus, courtesy of me it appears. While I would never wish illness upon him, I have to say that secretly I am hoping that this will boost his empathy quotient. He rarely gets sick and I think he forgets how lousy it is especially if you still have to push through, as I do as a "single", stay at home momma. So maybe today as he struggles with ear pain, sore throat and chills, he'll reflect that this is how I felt/feel the last few days and still am trudging up and down three flights of stairs with loads of laundry, picking up toys throughout the house, and keeping up with our force of nature (I.) at the same time.
Being a stay at home momma, especially one whose husband is gone, is not for the faint hearted, not physically, mentally or emotionally. Why I don't give myself more credit for doing it for the last three years is beyond me. If it were someone else, I'd be giving them props every time I saw them. Stupid isn't it?
Friday, March 5, 2010
After breakfast I. acted pretty normal so we went to the gym for a quick workout. When I picked her up 45 minutes later, I took one look at her and knew that she was sick. Her face was pale, her eyes red rimmed and she just looked tired. I took her home, laid her on the couch, put a video in (a real treat for her) and made her some juicy fruit slices and a smoothie. Her temperature, for as long as she allowed me to take it, was at least 103.5 so I gave her some Motrin and we did resttime. The Motrin brought her temperature down enough to make it through the rest of the day until I got her in bed early. She was asleep by 4:15 and I hope she'll be recovered by tomorrow morning when she discovers that her sisters are here.
V.'s work plans have gotten turned upside down. Instead of him being home working until China, beginning sometime between June and September, he's been working in San Francisco this past week. Next week due to people's stupidity, V. is slated to work in LA on Monday, San Francisco on Tuesday, Saudi Arabia Wednesday - the following Monday, and then San Francisco again until the following Friday when he finally gets home that evening. That weekend is the girls' 18th birthday and the following weekend is my birthday. Tomorrow morning I'm going to take advantage of all this joyful distraction for I. and disappear for 2 hours to take care of some errands and just sneak away by myself for a little while before having to be the only parent again even though it's just for a short time.
This is all small potatoes compared to watching the parents of a 17 year old daughter who was killed last week conduct themselves in a rational, calm manner. I don't know how they're coping so admirably but I'm glad they are. I know my reaction would be much different, primarily consistently of sobbing and hitting inanimate objects but that's just me. Even though I may need a break from I. right now, I cannot fathom a day in the future when she is no longer there. It's truly my greatest fear as a mother of an only child.
Enough depressing stuff for so late in the evening, I'm going to wind down and head to bed.
V.'s work plans have gotten turned upside down. Instead of him being home working until China, beginning sometime between June and September, he's been working in San Francisco this past week. Next week due to people's stupidity, V. is slated to work in LA on Monday, San Francisco on Tuesday, Saudi Arabia Wednesday - the following Monday, and then San Francisco again until the following Friday when he finally gets home that evening. That weekend is the girls' 18th birthday and the following weekend is my birthday. Tomorrow morning I'm going to take advantage of all this joyful distraction for I. and disappear for 2 hours to take care of some errands and just sneak away by myself for a little while before having to be the only parent again even though it's just for a short time.
This is all small potatoes compared to watching the parents of a 17 year old daughter who was killed last week conduct themselves in a rational, calm manner. I don't know how they're coping so admirably but I'm glad they are. I know my reaction would be much different, primarily consistently of sobbing and hitting inanimate objects but that's just me. Even though I may need a break from I. right now, I cannot fathom a day in the future when she is no longer there. It's truly my greatest fear as a mother of an only child.
Enough depressing stuff for so late in the evening, I'm going to wind down and head to bed.
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