Swirling

I just don't have the energy to go into all the details of the last week and a half.  There just is so much going on and it's no surprise that my dreams and nightmares are alive and well.

To catch up, I had to toe the line of pissing V. off for a couple of weeks until he finally agreed and scheduled time to go visit his dad.  Now that his dad's bone cancer is terminal, V. won't deal with it meaning he won't communicate at all with his parents and was balking at going over there.  I had to get down and dirty with him and tell him to stop acting like an unfeeling a-hole because I knew he wasn't.  Finally he relented and will be visiting for 4 days at the end of this month.  Then we will be out there for a couple of days the following weekend for a Giants game and to visit.  I just feel so much responsibility for keeping tabs on his family and giving them support.  Last week I was on the phone with his parents for awhile, giving support to his mom and making his dad laugh with my outlandish comments.  What's interesting is that before I make these kind of calls, you know the ones that may be awkward or uncomfortable because of dire health situations, I'm always anxious because I want to say the right things and not make the other person feel uncomfortable.  At this point, people are already very uncomfortable physically and emotionally with all they are dealing with.  Somehow though in these situations I put myself in their shoes, send a prayer up to God to help me say the right things at the right time and every single time it's worked out so far.  Before you may think I'm tooting my own horn, I'm not because as a rule I'm verbally awkward when I'm not completely comfortable.  It's a strange thing and keeps pushing the idea of volunteering with hospice when my kiddos are older.

A momma friend of mine lost her dad last week and it really broke my heart for her.  She lost her mom about 8 years ago but thankfully has a great close relationship with her brother.  Another reason for having more than one kid!  But my heart truly aches for her, I can only imagine her pain since I haven't lost a parent yet.  But his quick bout with advanced stage cancer and my father in law's advanced stage cancer brings back many of the memories of when Mark was going through all this. 

As of today we are in escrow.  We'll see if the third time is a charm.  As a result, a very busy week has become even busier because now we have to go looking for houses and quickly.  Of course, V.'s travel schedule for the next 3 weeks is insane so the pressure is on me to find the right house for all of us.  The good thing is that V. and I have been on the same page for the few homes we have looked at together so I feel pretty confident that I know what he would balk at and what he would like.  Still though, I hope he can see a house before we make an offer.

Since Saturday D. has had a stuffy nose, most likely caught a virus from me that I've been fighting off since last Wednesday.  Today he woke up and refused to stand or walk and when I would change his diaper or put him on the ground (so I could wipe myself, mind you) he would sob in pain.  Horrible!  I got a doctor appointment and it looks like the virus moved into his left hip and with some Motrin and time, he hopefully will get better.  The scary part was that the doctor told me to watch him for pain or stiffness elsewhere because if it moved to his neck, he could get meningitis.  Yeah, just a small thing. 

So this week on top of all normal things, we will have 2 doctor's appointments for D. and 2 vet appointments, one each for the cats.  Tomorrow morning while D. naps after I take I. to school, I'm going out with our realtor for a search and destroy mission to hopefully find our dream home.  While part of me is sad to leave the home that we brought our babies home to, part of me is excited for:  a vegetable garden for me and the kiddos, a backyard period, a play structure in the backyard, a gardenia plant, room to run and play in the backyard, a larger kitchen, a pantry/storage space for kitchen stuff, space for a play area for the kiddos in the house for imaginary play (cooking etc.), a future dog, a completely detached house and the privacy that comes with it, putting up Christmas lights and decorations... the list goes on.  I am just praying that the right house for us comes on the market in the next couple of weeks.  It doesn't have to be perfect, just perfect for us.