I've been reading my doula's account of D.'s birth story and it takes me right back to those moments. I remember exactly how I felt, what I was thinking and what was being said to me. I remember the "oh shit" moment when the doctor came in to give the "we might have to do a C-section" speech to me and how I ignored her and just concentrated on what was happening and 10 minutes later was at the point of pushing which negated her C-section issue.
I read on and am amazed that I pushed for 2 1/2 hours. I would think I would have given up by that point. But I was determined to have you come out naturally, that had been my goal for 9 months and because of that I was focused. I lined up the doula to increase my chances and V. was right there helping this time around. Last time was disappointing but this time around he was a champ, encouraging me, pressing my lower back as hard as he could with every contraction to help with my pain, and fanning me in between contractions because I was so DAMN hot.
Such great memories and I revisited the high points with D. while I was rocking him at bedtime. He totally got it because he loved hearing about what we all thought of him when we first met him and afterwards he snuggled up tightly to my chest and when I put him in the crib, he spontaneously gave me big hugs and insisted on giving me kisses instead of the other way around. I also talked with I. about when she first met her brother and held him and it brought back nice, loving and maternal feelings to her.
A good way to end today.
Showing posts with label baby girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby girl. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Better Settled
Where has the month gone? The last few weeks have been so jam packed with this and that that they literally flew by. I. finished her school year off fantastically and impressed all (and her momma to tears) with her perseverance and refusal to give up. It was nice to see the positive side of that character trait instead of experiencing the challenging side of it raising her.
V. and I snuck in a daytime movie before the follow up mammogram/ultrasound and thankfully, not only did the impromptu daytime date turn out nicely so did the testing. All clear!
My back is doing great after my three shock wave therapy treatments and I'm so happy about that. I had about two weeks of respite from any migraines and finger bumps but they have returned this past week. Almost every day I get a migraine though a minor one compared to the old days but still enough to sometimes need to take medication for it. It's accompanied by swollen glands, a drippy nose and just feeling run down. Frustrating and trying to figure out the next step to stop it.
D. is amazing just like his sister. He's memorized an entire book...Little Blue Truck Leads the Way. It's not a short book and has a lot of verses but he can say them just by looking at the pictures. His vocabulary and pronunciation is great for his age (especially a boy from what I see) and I think it's because of his learning style. Every time he asks something and I answer or even if I just answer, he's always recited back exactly what I've said word for word, slowly like he's really digesting it. Obviously he has been digesting it because he's not even three yet and today he said, "I saw the engine of a car because it was open. I've never seen the engine of a car before." I can tell that he's not only going to be a smart kid, he's going to be a feeling kid and wear his feelings on his sleeve. The good thing is that he allows me to comfort him with snuggling, talking, and singing and that helps him get through it and back to his happy self. This is still a struggle with I. and it's hard for me not to take it personally or harden my heart when I go to her to hug her and she pushes me away and says no.
More stuff to post about but need to head to bed now.
V. and I snuck in a daytime movie before the follow up mammogram/ultrasound and thankfully, not only did the impromptu daytime date turn out nicely so did the testing. All clear!
My back is doing great after my three shock wave therapy treatments and I'm so happy about that. I had about two weeks of respite from any migraines and finger bumps but they have returned this past week. Almost every day I get a migraine though a minor one compared to the old days but still enough to sometimes need to take medication for it. It's accompanied by swollen glands, a drippy nose and just feeling run down. Frustrating and trying to figure out the next step to stop it.
D. is amazing just like his sister. He's memorized an entire book...Little Blue Truck Leads the Way. It's not a short book and has a lot of verses but he can say them just by looking at the pictures. His vocabulary and pronunciation is great for his age (especially a boy from what I see) and I think it's because of his learning style. Every time he asks something and I answer or even if I just answer, he's always recited back exactly what I've said word for word, slowly like he's really digesting it. Obviously he has been digesting it because he's not even three yet and today he said, "I saw the engine of a car because it was open. I've never seen the engine of a car before." I can tell that he's not only going to be a smart kid, he's going to be a feeling kid and wear his feelings on his sleeve. The good thing is that he allows me to comfort him with snuggling, talking, and singing and that helps him get through it and back to his happy self. This is still a struggle with I. and it's hard for me not to take it personally or harden my heart when I go to her to hug her and she pushes me away and says no.
More stuff to post about but need to head to bed now.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Not Settled Yet
I was hoping that this post would be more settled down and calmer than my last one. I guess in some ways it is but in other ways, definitely not. What is interesting is that the same topic that has settled down is a similar topic to what has become unsettled. What a riddle.
After months of agonizing back pain and three decades of nagging chronic back pain, I am thankfully pain free thanks to a treatment called shock wave therapy. Sounds scary but it's not. I've always done chiropractic care for maintenance but after this last horrendous back injury, I was still in lingering burning pain after my adjustments plus many PT appointments. I was really concerned about summer time activities with the kiddos that involved any kind of walking since that seemed to be a huge problem for my back. Well, three treatments of this new treatment which took about three minutes a pop and not only have I been able to hoof it around with D. in a stroller at both LEGOLAND and Wild Animal Park, my everyday back pain is gone. No tightness, no twinges, no aches, no pain! That is such a huge thing in my daily life.
My mystery skin rash and migraines have settled down quite a bit though not completely. The skin part of it is under control and not flaring up terribly but it's still there. I can live with that. The migraine part is puzzling but seems to be down to one a week. I guess I can live with that as well.
A few weeks ago I had to get my annual checkup and a mammogram done. The last thing I said to my mom who was babysitting D. was, "I really wish I didn't have to get this mammogram done since this year has not been a good health news year." So why was I surprised when I got a call saying I needed to go to the hospital for a second mammogram and ultrasound? Worse was that when I reexamined the area, I do feel something in there and so did V. Logistically, things worked out pretty well in that D. was already going to my parents house for a day/night so that V. and I could attend an important school event for I. and that day is when the first opening was for my appointments. So I didn't have to tell my parents which I didn't want to do because they have so much depressing things going on to worry about. I want them to enjoy D. and their time with him which is special because usually I. is there and as the oldest and a female, she commands a lot of attention!
So I'm tense to say the least. Trying not to "go there" which is hard when I look at my kids and think how young they are and what if? It's also hard to be nonchalant when I was telling I. tonight about how V. would pick her up from school and take her to eat before coming to pick up Mommy at the hospital. She's a very smart kid and very perceptive so I really had to feel what I was saying and not even try to fake it. There's no sense in giving her something to worry about when she tends to be a worrier anyways. I will be praying hard that everything is okay and that I. will do fantastic in her school event tomorrow morning. Here's to praying for a great day tomorrow!
After months of agonizing back pain and three decades of nagging chronic back pain, I am thankfully pain free thanks to a treatment called shock wave therapy. Sounds scary but it's not. I've always done chiropractic care for maintenance but after this last horrendous back injury, I was still in lingering burning pain after my adjustments plus many PT appointments. I was really concerned about summer time activities with the kiddos that involved any kind of walking since that seemed to be a huge problem for my back. Well, three treatments of this new treatment which took about three minutes a pop and not only have I been able to hoof it around with D. in a stroller at both LEGOLAND and Wild Animal Park, my everyday back pain is gone. No tightness, no twinges, no aches, no pain! That is such a huge thing in my daily life.
My mystery skin rash and migraines have settled down quite a bit though not completely. The skin part of it is under control and not flaring up terribly but it's still there. I can live with that. The migraine part is puzzling but seems to be down to one a week. I guess I can live with that as well.
A few weeks ago I had to get my annual checkup and a mammogram done. The last thing I said to my mom who was babysitting D. was, "I really wish I didn't have to get this mammogram done since this year has not been a good health news year." So why was I surprised when I got a call saying I needed to go to the hospital for a second mammogram and ultrasound? Worse was that when I reexamined the area, I do feel something in there and so did V. Logistically, things worked out pretty well in that D. was already going to my parents house for a day/night so that V. and I could attend an important school event for I. and that day is when the first opening was for my appointments. So I didn't have to tell my parents which I didn't want to do because they have so much depressing things going on to worry about. I want them to enjoy D. and their time with him which is special because usually I. is there and as the oldest and a female, she commands a lot of attention!
So I'm tense to say the least. Trying not to "go there" which is hard when I look at my kids and think how young they are and what if? It's also hard to be nonchalant when I was telling I. tonight about how V. would pick her up from school and take her to eat before coming to pick up Mommy at the hospital. She's a very smart kid and very perceptive so I really had to feel what I was saying and not even try to fake it. There's no sense in giving her something to worry about when she tends to be a worrier anyways. I will be praying hard that everything is okay and that I. will do fantastic in her school event tomorrow morning. Here's to praying for a great day tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Swirling
So much swirling about. A fire that threatened security and resulted in a packed car just in case for the next few days. A visit to Phoenix that may have helped the kids but made V.'s long term work a reality. A trade off between agonizing back pain to lingering intermittent back pain accompanied by a possible auto immune blood disease that may raise its ugly head again just after getting over it a mere month ago. A long text conversation with an old friend that gave hope for reconnection yet followed by silence. Trying to help I. deal with the big emotional swings of V. being gone during the week and coming home on weekends. Translation: Monday thru Friday is fine but weekends she turns into a unsatisfied, unhappy person who wants nothing but Daddy leading to many miserable moments throughout the weekend. Couple all this with V.'s reticence during weekends or at the few family events with my parents and my frustration multiplies. It's been a lot to handle...A LOT TO HANDLE.
But surrounding these moments are me laughing at the fact that I. started a club at school with who she feels is the mean girl of the class and that club is the "Talk about how you're feeling" group. Being that she doesn't talk about her feelings, I found this remarkable. And with D. singing "I'm so happy" while in the crib and in the car at the top of his lungs...how can you not smile and love that. Don't get me wrong, he's 2 and the defiance and grumpiness can really rear its ugly head and make me feel like I'm living in the land of "NO". But if it's just he and I, we're safely in the land of "I'm so happy", we sing it at the top of our lungs, give kisses, and show each other our open mouth's of food. Shhh....don't tell anyone.
But surrounding these moments are me laughing at the fact that I. started a club at school with who she feels is the mean girl of the class and that club is the "Talk about how you're feeling" group. Being that she doesn't talk about her feelings, I found this remarkable. And with D. singing "I'm so happy" while in the crib and in the car at the top of his lungs...how can you not smile and love that. Don't get me wrong, he's 2 and the defiance and grumpiness can really rear its ugly head and make me feel like I'm living in the land of "NO". But if it's just he and I, we're safely in the land of "I'm so happy", we sing it at the top of our lungs, give kisses, and show each other our open mouth's of food. Shhh....don't tell anyone.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Sanctify the Ordinary
Read a quote of Jack Canfield's last week and it still resonates with me.
"Sanctify the ordinary."
If I had to list what I do during a weekday, at first glance someone may think, "Wow, it's kind of the same every day. How mundane!" And if I was just looking at my day from the viewpoint of what I got "done", I'd have to agree.
But within all the ordinary of my day (and there is a lot of it) are the truly joyful moments that will be memories I cherish. Listening to Dominic singing "Hey Soul Sister" in the backseat, watching his little face light up when I look him in the eyes and tell him I love him, sitting next to Isabella at night reading aloud some of my favorite childhood books, and the three of us happily pulling weeds in our very own veggie garden in the late afternoon. These are the beautiful moments that sanctify my ordinary.
"Sanctify the ordinary."
If I had to list what I do during a weekday, at first glance someone may think, "Wow, it's kind of the same every day. How mundane!" And if I was just looking at my day from the viewpoint of what I got "done", I'd have to agree.
But within all the ordinary of my day (and there is a lot of it) are the truly joyful moments that will be memories I cherish. Listening to Dominic singing "Hey Soul Sister" in the backseat, watching his little face light up when I look him in the eyes and tell him I love him, sitting next to Isabella at night reading aloud some of my favorite childhood books, and the three of us happily pulling weeds in our very own veggie garden in the late afternoon. These are the beautiful moments that sanctify my ordinary.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Mixed Bag This Week
The last two days of been full of conflicting emotions - joy, worry, contentedness, anxiety. Thank goodness for the good stuff because the other stuff has been a real bummer.
On the good side of things, I. has been in a more positive mood this week and we continue on with our attitude of gratitude which has been really good and I think has softened her heart towards me and is developing a better relationship between us. That makes me happy and it also helps greatly when I do need to discipline her. Most of the time my approach is more gentle and she accepts it better. Today I purposely built in time to play with D. and it was great. We played cars for awhile and then played with his kitchen table set which he loves. I enjoyed showing him how he could put his favorite animals at the table and pretend to make food for them and serve them. It was neat to see him "get it" and really enjoy this new imaginative play. What is amazing is how he will play by himself happily for long periods of time. I had heard about kids like this but never had experienced it. I can be doing something and he'll be happily playing in the same room or the next room. Even tonight when I went upstairs to put I. in the shower, he came upstairs and was playing but came and told me that he wanted to go downstairs and play. So he played downstairs with his garbage truck and car for at least 20 minutes until I went down and brought him up for a bath. Amazing!
Still so thankful for our house...we love our bunnies in the front grass in the morning and at bedtime and a little family of birds in the backyard in the afternoon. The kiddos and I ate a strawberry a piece off of our little plants for dessert and it was so sweet in many different ways.
I don't want to dwell on the bad stuff, just want to get it out of my brain so here it is:
On the good side of things, I. has been in a more positive mood this week and we continue on with our attitude of gratitude which has been really good and I think has softened her heart towards me and is developing a better relationship between us. That makes me happy and it also helps greatly when I do need to discipline her. Most of the time my approach is more gentle and she accepts it better. Today I purposely built in time to play with D. and it was great. We played cars for awhile and then played with his kitchen table set which he loves. I enjoyed showing him how he could put his favorite animals at the table and pretend to make food for them and serve them. It was neat to see him "get it" and really enjoy this new imaginative play. What is amazing is how he will play by himself happily for long periods of time. I had heard about kids like this but never had experienced it. I can be doing something and he'll be happily playing in the same room or the next room. Even tonight when I went upstairs to put I. in the shower, he came upstairs and was playing but came and told me that he wanted to go downstairs and play. So he played downstairs with his garbage truck and car for at least 20 minutes until I went down and brought him up for a bath. Amazing!
Still so thankful for our house...we love our bunnies in the front grass in the morning and at bedtime and a little family of birds in the backyard in the afternoon. The kiddos and I ate a strawberry a piece off of our little plants for dessert and it was so sweet in many different ways.
I don't want to dwell on the bad stuff, just want to get it out of my brain so here it is:
- Parents' dire financial situation
- Feeling the need to insert myself into a situation between my brother and my parents
- My older cat having possible seizures possibly due to his chronic kidney disease/failure (will know more when I talk to the vet on Saturday)
Monday, January 20, 2014
Vegas And Surprises
At Christmas, I surprised V. with a Vegas trip this past long weekend for his Christmas/birthday present. We left on Friday, came home this afternoon. The kiddos enjoyed their time with my parents and we enjoyed our adult time in Vegas, our first since right before I was pregnant with D. in 2010.
Of the last 3 Vegas trips which would take us back to 2007 (I think), this one was the best because V. and I were on the same page. I won't go into details but there just weren't any Mr. Individual episodes which have got him into trouble in the past. Again, another example of D. healing us.
I was really missing the kiddos while we were gone, especially D. I know that sounds really bad but I thought about it and this is why. I. is already in school all day long and I have already gone through a grieving process with not getting to spend very much time with her during the week so it's not as drastic a change as with D. who I spend most of the day with. And since he really isn't quite the 2 year old that my intense daughter was, I really enjoy his company instead of looking forward to getting breaks from the intensity. I also miss that time at night when we snuggle together in the rocking chair, talk about the day and sing together. We may not be nursing but this skin to skin, together time is still our own time, to reconnect and move into sleep.
About 2 weeks ago, I got the potty seats out from the garage and set them up much to D.'s excitement. Since he's not even 2 1/2, it was just an exercise to get comfortable with what they were especially because D. became very interested in the potty book and his best little friend is now officially using the potty which is of interest to him. So for a couple of weeks he's been sitting on it off and on enjoying the novelty of it. My main goal was to teach him how to sit on it properly and to position his wee wee (yes, I know it's not politically correct but I can teach him the alternative name for it when he's 5) behind the hat (as I've nicknamed the pee guard). I mean come on, I'm a girl what the heck do I know about these things?!
Well, in just a couple of days he mastered the "push the wee wee behind the hat" but was like a jack in a box - sit for 3 seconds, up for 3 seconds etc. I figured he had at least learned how to sit on it so that was a step in the right direction.
We all get home tonight and after bath he saw the potty (for the first time in 4 days) and said he wanted to go potty. He sat himself down properly and he and I hung out there talking about how his eyes got soap in them and were burning. He actually sat there for almost a minute because he was distracted. Then I told him he had better go have Daddy put his PJs on if he wanted read time with Daddy so he stood up to go find him. I glanced in the potty and lo and behold there was a bunch of pee in there! There was a big family celebration with a ceremonial pour into the big potty and D. was so excited. I can't believe it. Tonight he said he is going to tell his music class that he went pee pee in the potty. Fingers crossed that there is hope that D. is easy to potty train. God knows I deserve it as a reward for my patience with I.'s potty training marathon.
Of the last 3 Vegas trips which would take us back to 2007 (I think), this one was the best because V. and I were on the same page. I won't go into details but there just weren't any Mr. Individual episodes which have got him into trouble in the past. Again, another example of D. healing us.
I was really missing the kiddos while we were gone, especially D. I know that sounds really bad but I thought about it and this is why. I. is already in school all day long and I have already gone through a grieving process with not getting to spend very much time with her during the week so it's not as drastic a change as with D. who I spend most of the day with. And since he really isn't quite the 2 year old that my intense daughter was, I really enjoy his company instead of looking forward to getting breaks from the intensity. I also miss that time at night when we snuggle together in the rocking chair, talk about the day and sing together. We may not be nursing but this skin to skin, together time is still our own time, to reconnect and move into sleep.
About 2 weeks ago, I got the potty seats out from the garage and set them up much to D.'s excitement. Since he's not even 2 1/2, it was just an exercise to get comfortable with what they were especially because D. became very interested in the potty book and his best little friend is now officially using the potty which is of interest to him. So for a couple of weeks he's been sitting on it off and on enjoying the novelty of it. My main goal was to teach him how to sit on it properly and to position his wee wee (yes, I know it's not politically correct but I can teach him the alternative name for it when he's 5) behind the hat (as I've nicknamed the pee guard). I mean come on, I'm a girl what the heck do I know about these things?!
Well, in just a couple of days he mastered the "push the wee wee behind the hat" but was like a jack in a box - sit for 3 seconds, up for 3 seconds etc. I figured he had at least learned how to sit on it so that was a step in the right direction.
We all get home tonight and after bath he saw the potty (for the first time in 4 days) and said he wanted to go potty. He sat himself down properly and he and I hung out there talking about how his eyes got soap in them and were burning. He actually sat there for almost a minute because he was distracted. Then I told him he had better go have Daddy put his PJs on if he wanted read time with Daddy so he stood up to go find him. I glanced in the potty and lo and behold there was a bunch of pee in there! There was a big family celebration with a ceremonial pour into the big potty and D. was so excited. I can't believe it. Tonight he said he is going to tell his music class that he went pee pee in the potty. Fingers crossed that there is hope that D. is easy to potty train. God knows I deserve it as a reward for my patience with I.'s potty training marathon.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Quick Update
After going to bed pissed off and waking up wondering what the heck the day would bring, my phone rang at 8:45 and it was our realtor telling us we got the house. I'm excited but still holding my breath because we still have the appraisal hurdle for the house we are selling. At the earliest we may get the report tomorrow. If not, then Monday. Regardless, we are forging ahead with our home inspection of our purchase Saturday morning. I'll take the kiddos with me once the now sick D. wakes up from morning nap and Sunday my parents are going to come over to go see our new home with me and the kiddos. Even though it is in move in ready condition, there are still things that have to be done and coordinated and measured, ie. window coverings before we move in, hopefully a month from now.
My head is swirling and I am really trying to organize things but it's difficult. I was supposed to go to dinner with a momma friend tonight but the sitter cancelled at 3pm and with V. being gone for 2 weeks, I'm stuck. Really sucks because I could have used some fun and relaxation with all this that is going on.
Fingers crossed for the appraisal report and acceptance.
On the family front, D. is sick with a cold but we went to the zoo for a short time today anyways for distraction. I. got put in the doghouse for her attitude and behavior - still struggling to navigate her.
My head is swirling and I am really trying to organize things but it's difficult. I was supposed to go to dinner with a momma friend tonight but the sitter cancelled at 3pm and with V. being gone for 2 weeks, I'm stuck. Really sucks because I could have used some fun and relaxation with all this that is going on.
Fingers crossed for the appraisal report and acceptance.
On the family front, D. is sick with a cold but we went to the zoo for a short time today anyways for distraction. I. got put in the doghouse for her attitude and behavior - still struggling to navigate her.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Last Days of Summer
The last four days of summer were good, full of fun but went by far too quickly.
Day 74...we went to Meet the Teacher day first thing in the morning so we would have the rest of our day. I. already knows her teacher and likes her and having only 12 children in the class, all of whom she knows from first grade, makes me happy. Especially since those two girls are no longer in the class and won't cause drama. I., D., and I went down to the pool for a while and ate lunch down there too. It was so warm that the cool water felt great and D. had a blast jumping off the stairs over and over again. Thanks to the swim lessons this summer, I. is swimming like a fish now and I no longer have to worry about her looking like she's on the verge of drowning.
Day 75 was Saturday and I. went to a school friend's birthday pool party and had a good time. We finished off the day with our normal linner.
Day 76 we went to the park specifically so that V. could help get I. riding without training wheels. Too bad it was so stinking warm but they persisted and right before I was wondering whether it was actually going to happen, she took off across the grass and even made a turn! I was so proud and she was really excited. I'm glad I insisted that V. participate as part of his father role. It's a day she'll always remember and that makes me happy.
Day 77 was Labor Day and we all went down to our pool for a couple of hours for lunch and swimming. For dinner, we went to a barbecue restaurant because you have to have barbecue for the last day of summer vacation and we don't have a barbecue. Kept thinking the house would sell quickly and it would be one less thing to move so we never bought one. Still keeping the hope alive but some days it's hard.
This was one of our best summers - full of fun activities, new experiences, and good memories. It made it hard for me to have I. go back to school because we did have so much fun but I'd much rather that than feeling relieved that she's gone back. It makes daily weekday life simpler but I miss her, I really do.
Day 74...we went to Meet the Teacher day first thing in the morning so we would have the rest of our day. I. already knows her teacher and likes her and having only 12 children in the class, all of whom she knows from first grade, makes me happy. Especially since those two girls are no longer in the class and won't cause drama. I., D., and I went down to the pool for a while and ate lunch down there too. It was so warm that the cool water felt great and D. had a blast jumping off the stairs over and over again. Thanks to the swim lessons this summer, I. is swimming like a fish now and I no longer have to worry about her looking like she's on the verge of drowning.
Day 75 was Saturday and I. went to a school friend's birthday pool party and had a good time. We finished off the day with our normal linner.
Day 76 we went to the park specifically so that V. could help get I. riding without training wheels. Too bad it was so stinking warm but they persisted and right before I was wondering whether it was actually going to happen, she took off across the grass and even made a turn! I was so proud and she was really excited. I'm glad I insisted that V. participate as part of his father role. It's a day she'll always remember and that makes me happy.
Day 77 was Labor Day and we all went down to our pool for a couple of hours for lunch and swimming. For dinner, we went to a barbecue restaurant because you have to have barbecue for the last day of summer vacation and we don't have a barbecue. Kept thinking the house would sell quickly and it would be one less thing to move so we never bought one. Still keeping the hope alive but some days it's hard.
This was one of our best summers - full of fun activities, new experiences, and good memories. It made it hard for me to have I. go back to school because we did have so much fun but I'd much rather that than feeling relieved that she's gone back. It makes daily weekday life simpler but I miss her, I really do.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Days 67-71
Can't believe it's the last week of summer vacation for I. It really has been a great summer and when I think of her going back to school, my eyes tear up. But that's a good thing.
Last Friday, day 67, was a normal get things done kind of day. All week our realtor has been going back and forth with some people and we finally agreed to their counter to our counter and I signed the contract that night to open escrow on Monday. Pretty exciting.
Saturday I went for a vigorous hike at the lake while D. was sleeping and then instead of heading to the gym, I surprised my brother by showing up for a few hours at a karate tournament being held in San Diego. We'll leave the conniving girlfriend out of this story for sake of time and say that it turned out fine after some annoying moments and he and I finally have a lunch together on our calendars to look forward to. Big hugs and a kiss and good feelings between us when I left and that is what is important. At the nighttime event, the girlfriend pissed off my mom big time and my dad too so we've got to somehow get her out of here. That being said, this is the first girlfriend of his (and he's had many) that we do not like. All the others became part of the family.
Sunday, I surprised I. with going ice skating just the two of us. During the school year she had a field trip to the rink and really liked it so had been asking about it for awhile. I was kind of concerned for myself since I hadn't ice skated in 30 years or so. Gosh that makes me sound older than dirt and I certainly don't feel like that! It appears to be like riding a bike and I didn't fall and even was able to maintain my balance while keeping I. upright which was difficult most of the time. She had a good time and even though my foot felt like it had a bone bruise most of the time, I enjoyed her enjoying our time.
Saturday night our realtor said that the people who were buying our home wanting to come and see it again on Sunday so we of course said sure but I had a bad feeling about it. So bad that on Monday morning, I texted our agent to verify that we were going into escrow that morning. Come to find out, now the buyers weren't sure if the layout would work for their young children and ultimately they pulled out. I was so pissed off since my understanding is that you make up your mind BEFORE you sign a contract, not after. On Friday I had spent time on the phone with our lender working out details and getting him more info in preparation for going out and making offers. But no, back to the drawing board we go. On a good note, we all went to swim class together (the last one for all 3 of us) and I.'s orthodontic consultation went well with us being told she wouldn't need to worry about anything until she's 12 or so. Even then, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a huge thing so that is great.
Today we finally had Melissa's birthday brunch and it went fantastic. My parents came over and picked up I. for a few days by herself with them so that they can do things that they can't do when D. is over there, ie. LEGOLAND and a movie. So D. and I were on our own this afternoon. We went grocery shopping where he had a piece of cheddar cheese, was offered a banana from the fruit guy and then conned his way into a slice of avocado. Pretty awesome trip for him! Then we came home for a late rest and then since I didn't need to get him in bed until 5:45, when I got him up we went over to the lake for a bike ride - over 5 miles in about 35 minutes. Not bad. It's amazing how simple it is to get one kid in the bath and bed. Like a cake walk!
Trying to figure out some different activities we might do tomorrow since I don't know how his sleep schedule is going to go. When I. is here, once he wakes up in the morning, he stays up because she's up and turning on the light. However, without her, he may fall back to sleep. I plan on getting up 30 minutes earlier to see if I can catch him before he falls back asleep because then our day won't be broken in half by a long nap. I'm not sure it will work, thus the multiple activities that I can mix and match. Regardless, it should be a good day.
Last Friday, day 67, was a normal get things done kind of day. All week our realtor has been going back and forth with some people and we finally agreed to their counter to our counter and I signed the contract that night to open escrow on Monday. Pretty exciting.
Saturday I went for a vigorous hike at the lake while D. was sleeping and then instead of heading to the gym, I surprised my brother by showing up for a few hours at a karate tournament being held in San Diego. We'll leave the conniving girlfriend out of this story for sake of time and say that it turned out fine after some annoying moments and he and I finally have a lunch together on our calendars to look forward to. Big hugs and a kiss and good feelings between us when I left and that is what is important. At the nighttime event, the girlfriend pissed off my mom big time and my dad too so we've got to somehow get her out of here. That being said, this is the first girlfriend of his (and he's had many) that we do not like. All the others became part of the family.
Sunday, I surprised I. with going ice skating just the two of us. During the school year she had a field trip to the rink and really liked it so had been asking about it for awhile. I was kind of concerned for myself since I hadn't ice skated in 30 years or so. Gosh that makes me sound older than dirt and I certainly don't feel like that! It appears to be like riding a bike and I didn't fall and even was able to maintain my balance while keeping I. upright which was difficult most of the time. She had a good time and even though my foot felt like it had a bone bruise most of the time, I enjoyed her enjoying our time.
Saturday night our realtor said that the people who were buying our home wanting to come and see it again on Sunday so we of course said sure but I had a bad feeling about it. So bad that on Monday morning, I texted our agent to verify that we were going into escrow that morning. Come to find out, now the buyers weren't sure if the layout would work for their young children and ultimately they pulled out. I was so pissed off since my understanding is that you make up your mind BEFORE you sign a contract, not after. On Friday I had spent time on the phone with our lender working out details and getting him more info in preparation for going out and making offers. But no, back to the drawing board we go. On a good note, we all went to swim class together (the last one for all 3 of us) and I.'s orthodontic consultation went well with us being told she wouldn't need to worry about anything until she's 12 or so. Even then, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a huge thing so that is great.
Today we finally had Melissa's birthday brunch and it went fantastic. My parents came over and picked up I. for a few days by herself with them so that they can do things that they can't do when D. is over there, ie. LEGOLAND and a movie. So D. and I were on our own this afternoon. We went grocery shopping where he had a piece of cheddar cheese, was offered a banana from the fruit guy and then conned his way into a slice of avocado. Pretty awesome trip for him! Then we came home for a late rest and then since I didn't need to get him in bed until 5:45, when I got him up we went over to the lake for a bike ride - over 5 miles in about 35 minutes. Not bad. It's amazing how simple it is to get one kid in the bath and bed. Like a cake walk!
Trying to figure out some different activities we might do tomorrow since I don't know how his sleep schedule is going to go. When I. is here, once he wakes up in the morning, he stays up because she's up and turning on the light. However, without her, he may fall back to sleep. I plan on getting up 30 minutes earlier to see if I can catch him before he falls back asleep because then our day won't be broken in half by a long nap. I'm not sure it will work, thus the multiple activities that I can mix and match. Regardless, it should be a good day.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Day 66
How bad can a day be if you spend 3 hours of it in a bathing suit? Answer is not that bad. I took the kiddos to LEGOLAND Waterpark. D. and I snuck in a visit before I. was out of school to check it out and see if I would be able to do it successfully with both of them. We went down a small slide all together at least 30 times and overall had a good time. Towards the end, D. lost all reason and threw a full scale tantrum but it didn't last that long and since he's 2, I fully expected it. If it had been I., it would have been a different story. But we all enjoyed the slide time and had fun so that is a good day.
Today my dad was able to get to a doctor that I found online who was finally willing to take action and do something to solve his medical problem. They took a pint of blood out this morning and my dad said that his brain already felt better. They will take 3 more pints over the next 4 weeks so hopefully that issue will be resolved.
He and my mom are up in Laguna Beach at the Pageant of the Masters tonight and V. is in Park City, Utah enjoying a big dinner celebration for his new client. I have to admit that I had a moment of loneliness and self pity that I'm here as always on the couch with no one to talk to and all my friends and family are either out and about or home with loved ones. Speaking of that, I'm still trying to nail down actual lunch dates with my brother but it is SO difficult. Makes it hard to not just screw this and give up but then somehow I'll be the bad guy. Why does it seem that I always seem to be the one held most responsible for everything even if others don't uphold their 50% of the deal?
Pisses me off I tell you.
Today my dad was able to get to a doctor that I found online who was finally willing to take action and do something to solve his medical problem. They took a pint of blood out this morning and my dad said that his brain already felt better. They will take 3 more pints over the next 4 weeks so hopefully that issue will be resolved.
He and my mom are up in Laguna Beach at the Pageant of the Masters tonight and V. is in Park City, Utah enjoying a big dinner celebration for his new client. I have to admit that I had a moment of loneliness and self pity that I'm here as always on the couch with no one to talk to and all my friends and family are either out and about or home with loved ones. Speaking of that, I'm still trying to nail down actual lunch dates with my brother but it is SO difficult. Makes it hard to not just screw this and give up but then somehow I'll be the bad guy. Why does it seem that I always seem to be the one held most responsible for everything even if others don't uphold their 50% of the deal?
Pisses me off I tell you.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Days 53-65
I'm so behind on posting for the last couple of weeks. There's been a lot of good going on but unfortunately a lot of bad health ju-ju going on around us as well.
I think I'll just do a summary of the good stuff because there was a lot of it. We had D.'s birthday party and it was fun for him except for the fact that he didn't take his usual nap in the morning and so was pretty fried by the time I brought my homemade birthday cake out. His sisters came down so that made it special. V. did a big time disconnect in the middle of the party which really pissed me off and I had to hash it out with him at a later date. So that was kind of a bummer and also things were so hectic that I didn't even get a picture with my birthday boy which to me was the most upsetting thing. But he had fun and understood presents and toys and unwrapping and that was really fun to see.
We've had plenty of swim classes to enjoy, a beach day, a relaxing playdate with Melissa at her house and a few last days of summer camp at I.'s school. We've looked at plenty of houses in anticipation for our house someday reentering escrow.
Unfortunately I have been feeling anxious this week because my dad's health situation still has not been resolved and I feel as though it's a ticking time bomb. My parents just don't want to deal with health situations until they absolutely have to and it really angers me. I don't know what they are waiting for. But they rely on longtime doctors who are not really reliable and they don't follow up to make sure they are doing their jobs. Is there anything more important than that? And my FIL of course being basically terminally ill with bone cancer. It just makes me so sad. On top of that, Melissa was supposed to come over on Tuesday for her birthday celebration but her mom ended up in the ER and I told Melissa to just bring Caroline over here since her hubby was unavailable until 1ish. That was stressful since they have never left Caroline with anyone other than her mom but I was happy to help so that she could get to her mom's side. But it was stressful and exhausting.
It just feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and uncertainty and it makes my anxiety rise substantially. Hopefully I'll find a way to cope better with all these things that are swirling around and out of my control.
I think I'll just do a summary of the good stuff because there was a lot of it. We had D.'s birthday party and it was fun for him except for the fact that he didn't take his usual nap in the morning and so was pretty fried by the time I brought my homemade birthday cake out. His sisters came down so that made it special. V. did a big time disconnect in the middle of the party which really pissed me off and I had to hash it out with him at a later date. So that was kind of a bummer and also things were so hectic that I didn't even get a picture with my birthday boy which to me was the most upsetting thing. But he had fun and understood presents and toys and unwrapping and that was really fun to see.
We've had plenty of swim classes to enjoy, a beach day, a relaxing playdate with Melissa at her house and a few last days of summer camp at I.'s school. We've looked at plenty of houses in anticipation for our house someday reentering escrow.
Unfortunately I have been feeling anxious this week because my dad's health situation still has not been resolved and I feel as though it's a ticking time bomb. My parents just don't want to deal with health situations until they absolutely have to and it really angers me. I don't know what they are waiting for. But they rely on longtime doctors who are not really reliable and they don't follow up to make sure they are doing their jobs. Is there anything more important than that? And my FIL of course being basically terminally ill with bone cancer. It just makes me so sad. On top of that, Melissa was supposed to come over on Tuesday for her birthday celebration but her mom ended up in the ER and I told Melissa to just bring Caroline over here since her hubby was unavailable until 1ish. That was stressful since they have never left Caroline with anyone other than her mom but I was happy to help so that she could get to her mom's side. But it was stressful and exhausting.
It just feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and uncertainty and it makes my anxiety rise substantially. Hopefully I'll find a way to cope better with all these things that are swirling around and out of my control.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Days 50-52
Day 50 of summer was my little guy's 2nd birthday. I just can't believe it. I. and I sang him Happy Birthday while he was still in the crib and though he didn't completely understand, he knew we were singing to him and that made him happy. Melissa and Caroline came over for a playdate and after I. came home from VBS, we had a little party with cupcakes that Melissa had brought over and D. opened the two presents they had gotten him. This year, he definitely understands how to open a present up and when he saw that it was an airplane with people and a door that opened and closed, he was in love and spent the rest of the time inspecting its wheels and opening and closing the door. Plus it plays music so it really can't get any better than that. He was so jazzed about it that I let him take it in the crib with him during afternoon rest time. Sunday will be our family party and the girls will be coming down by train Saturday night so that will be exciting for everyone. It will be a full house!
Yesterday was I.'s last day of VBS. I also had to run to Home Depot this morning to get some items we will need in order to pass house inspection which was supposed to have happened next Monday. I. and I played pretend restaurant and served up 21 of her stuffed animals with various menu items which was fun.
This morning my realtor let me know that our buyer backed out due to a family emergency. I don't know that I buy that. Last night I spent hours getting all these financial statements together for the lender so that he can provide our realtor with a preapproval document to make us more attractive buyers. Being contingent makes us unattractive. On top of that, in this market you have to include with your bid/offer a biography of your family introducing yourselves and telling why they should accept your bid. It also makes you "more attractive". This whole process could give you a complex I swear. Anyways, now we're back to square one with showings and a need to keep everything perfect while having 2 little ones underfoot. That part really sucks. The only good I can see of this is that the inventory has dropped significantly the last week so I was starting to feel stressed that now our house was in escrow and now there were no homes coming on the market. Guess we'll see what happens.
The rest of the day was good except of course bedtime when the kids were tired and bouncing off the walls and my patience was running out. The last 2 weeks since we got home V. has worked all 5 weekdays in Arizona so it's been a little rough on me. Today though I had planned a short adventure for the 3 of us and it turned out really well. We caught the trolley just east of Qualcomm and then rode it about 4 stops to Mission Valley where it dropped us off right in front of Sammy's Wood Fired Pizza. We had lunch there, walked around for 20 minutes or so and caught the trolley back to our car. Both kiddos were so excited and for the rest of the day, D. kept making the sign for train because he was so thrilled by the whole thing. I got the idea when V. and I took the trolley to the game on Sunday and I was looking out the window at the stops. So glad we did it and both kids were really well mannered. A good day with good memories made!
Yesterday was I.'s last day of VBS. I also had to run to Home Depot this morning to get some items we will need in order to pass house inspection which was supposed to have happened next Monday. I. and I played pretend restaurant and served up 21 of her stuffed animals with various menu items which was fun.
This morning my realtor let me know that our buyer backed out due to a family emergency. I don't know that I buy that. Last night I spent hours getting all these financial statements together for the lender so that he can provide our realtor with a preapproval document to make us more attractive buyers. Being contingent makes us unattractive. On top of that, in this market you have to include with your bid/offer a biography of your family introducing yourselves and telling why they should accept your bid. It also makes you "more attractive". This whole process could give you a complex I swear. Anyways, now we're back to square one with showings and a need to keep everything perfect while having 2 little ones underfoot. That part really sucks. The only good I can see of this is that the inventory has dropped significantly the last week so I was starting to feel stressed that now our house was in escrow and now there were no homes coming on the market. Guess we'll see what happens.
The rest of the day was good except of course bedtime when the kids were tired and bouncing off the walls and my patience was running out. The last 2 weeks since we got home V. has worked all 5 weekdays in Arizona so it's been a little rough on me. Today though I had planned a short adventure for the 3 of us and it turned out really well. We caught the trolley just east of Qualcomm and then rode it about 4 stops to Mission Valley where it dropped us off right in front of Sammy's Wood Fired Pizza. We had lunch there, walked around for 20 minutes or so and caught the trolley back to our car. Both kiddos were so excited and for the rest of the day, D. kept making the sign for train because he was so thrilled by the whole thing. I got the idea when V. and I took the trolley to the game on Sunday and I was looking out the window at the stops. So glad we did it and both kids were really well mannered. A good day with good memories made!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Day 47-49
This summer has been all about multi-tasking as though I was not doing that already. Maybe now it's multi-multi tasking. It makes my head spin throughout the day and I cannot tell you the last time I was able to doze off in the afternoon to get a head wind for the rest of the day.
Saturday V. and I. went to the gym early while D. was taking a nap and then they went to a gift shop because I. wanted to get everyone some presents with the money she got last week through the SDSU study. So sweet...she got me, V. and D. something special. When they got home we looked at 3 houses, 2 of which I had seen already and had pegged as favorites. We were going to put an offer in on one of them because it was perfect but found out later in the afternoon that they already had an offer and did not want any contingent offers. I'm going to have to toughen up and get used to disappointment or I'm not going to survive this process. Seeing the kids happily run around the house and the beautiful yard and the remodeled kitchen and the pantry and how the house was completely brand new and the location was great...we were all excited and then the crash of no, they don't want your stupid contingent offer. This market is tough, really tough. Lots of cash buyers and low inventory mean that houses go into escrow within 3 days of going on the market. Plus they don't need to accept any contingent offers when someone is good to go. Trying not to stress out about this, some days more successful than others.
Sunday was our baseball date and we had a good time. Saw batting practice, walked around, and enjoyed the game even though the Yankees lost. Had a fun time at dinner at one of our favorite places.
Today I. went to VBS but I picked her up early for swimming class since we've missed several already and before we know it, it will be time to go back to school.
Today also was D.'s last day of being 1-something. It kills me. When I was cradling him and singing the regular bedtime songs tonight, I cried because this would be the last time I was looking into a 1 year old's face of mine. I've been rereading the document my doula wrote of his birth story tonight. It's absolutely priceless and reading it takes me right back in time. I really am thankful for both the documentation of it and for the actual happening of it - I've never felt such pain before in my life but I got to experience bringing D. out of me into this world the way I hoped for, then seeing his little serene face and big dark eyes staring into my face , his enthusiastic nursing within 5 minutes of being born, and this feeling of euphoria coursing through me for the rest of the day. Granted, 3 days later and for about 10 weeks after that I was in agony in various locations but the day and a half after I birthed D., I felt like I could run a marathon, climb a mountain, and do anything I wanted. It was such a beautiful experience.
But my baby boy will turn 2 tomorrow. Our music class friends will be coming over tomorrow to celebrate and distract Mommy from this fact, try to get her to focus on the positive (hmm, what is it again?). At least D. is close to me emotionally. When he gets hurt and is upset, he runs to me for comfort. He loves to snuggle against my chest at naptime, and rest time and bedtime. He can be spazzing out and hyper but as soon as I put his cheek against my skin, he immediately relaxes and snuggles in towards me. It's like our substitute for nursing and it's been working to soothe both of us.
I want to have tomorrow be all about happy and that's why I am trying to get through all the not so happy part tonight. I'll see tomorrow if I was successful in my goal.
Saturday V. and I. went to the gym early while D. was taking a nap and then they went to a gift shop because I. wanted to get everyone some presents with the money she got last week through the SDSU study. So sweet...she got me, V. and D. something special. When they got home we looked at 3 houses, 2 of which I had seen already and had pegged as favorites. We were going to put an offer in on one of them because it was perfect but found out later in the afternoon that they already had an offer and did not want any contingent offers. I'm going to have to toughen up and get used to disappointment or I'm not going to survive this process. Seeing the kids happily run around the house and the beautiful yard and the remodeled kitchen and the pantry and how the house was completely brand new and the location was great...we were all excited and then the crash of no, they don't want your stupid contingent offer. This market is tough, really tough. Lots of cash buyers and low inventory mean that houses go into escrow within 3 days of going on the market. Plus they don't need to accept any contingent offers when someone is good to go. Trying not to stress out about this, some days more successful than others.
Sunday was our baseball date and we had a good time. Saw batting practice, walked around, and enjoyed the game even though the Yankees lost. Had a fun time at dinner at one of our favorite places.
Today I. went to VBS but I picked her up early for swimming class since we've missed several already and before we know it, it will be time to go back to school.
Today also was D.'s last day of being 1-something. It kills me. When I was cradling him and singing the regular bedtime songs tonight, I cried because this would be the last time I was looking into a 1 year old's face of mine. I've been rereading the document my doula wrote of his birth story tonight. It's absolutely priceless and reading it takes me right back in time. I really am thankful for both the documentation of it and for the actual happening of it - I've never felt such pain before in my life but I got to experience bringing D. out of me into this world the way I hoped for, then seeing his little serene face and big dark eyes staring into my face , his enthusiastic nursing within 5 minutes of being born, and this feeling of euphoria coursing through me for the rest of the day. Granted, 3 days later and for about 10 weeks after that I was in agony in various locations but the day and a half after I birthed D., I felt like I could run a marathon, climb a mountain, and do anything I wanted. It was such a beautiful experience.
But my baby boy will turn 2 tomorrow. Our music class friends will be coming over tomorrow to celebrate and distract Mommy from this fact, try to get her to focus on the positive (hmm, what is it again?). At least D. is close to me emotionally. When he gets hurt and is upset, he runs to me for comfort. He loves to snuggle against my chest at naptime, and rest time and bedtime. He can be spazzing out and hyper but as soon as I put his cheek against my skin, he immediately relaxes and snuggles in towards me. It's like our substitute for nursing and it's been working to soothe both of us.
I want to have tomorrow be all about happy and that's why I am trying to get through all the not so happy part tonight. I'll see tomorrow if I was successful in my goal.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Day 38
This morning after D. got up from his nap, we went over to the pool for awhile to extend our trip and we all had a good time. D. and I roughhoused and loved each other up in the pool and then we went and visited I. and V. in the big pool. Headed out after lunch to my parents' house to drop off the kiddos and then we grabbed dinner by our home before we went home to pack and get ready for the New York trip. As we ate, I was missing the kids a lot. V. was wondering how I was going to cope with being so far away from them but to be honest, being around our house without them with me makes me miss them more. These are the places I'm with them. When we're away, of course I miss them but I don't expect them there. It won't feel weird with them not there in New York because I've never been there with them.
Have to get up around 3:45 tomorrow morning to make it to our New York flight in the morning. Egads! It's going to be brutal. I have ear plugs and my Bose earphones to try and be able to nod off at the beginning of the flight. Just hoping that I will not have my usual first day insomnia when we get there....Lunesta samples take me away!
Have to get up around 3:45 tomorrow morning to make it to our New York flight in the morning. Egads! It's going to be brutal. I have ear plugs and my Bose earphones to try and be able to nod off at the beginning of the flight. Just hoping that I will not have my usual first day insomnia when we get there....Lunesta samples take me away!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Day 37
Today was the last full day of vacation with the kiddos. While D. Took his morning nap, I played rummy and other games with I. And then we all went to the pools once D. Got up until about 1:30.
It again was a bit of a divide and conquer strategy where we each would take one kid and then we would switch off after awhile. Having two kids for once made things more even because when we only had I., V. Would refuse to get in the water for the most part and I would be solely in charge of entertaining her. So that made my irritation factor basically disappear this year.
I can't believe that tonight is our last night. It went so fast. As always, why am I surprised. When I think of dropping the kiddos off at my parents Thursday through Sunday, I'm sad. I've enjoyed having fun with my kiddos without all the tasks and errands and chores etc. pulling at me. It's been fun to be silly and playing with them. Once I get to New York for V.'s work trip, I'm sure I will enjoy it but a part of me knows that this vacation will be one that will never come around again due to the young ages and stages of the kiddos.
It again was a bit of a divide and conquer strategy where we each would take one kid and then we would switch off after awhile. Having two kids for once made things more even because when we only had I., V. Would refuse to get in the water for the most part and I would be solely in charge of entertaining her. So that made my irritation factor basically disappear this year.
I can't believe that tonight is our last night. It went so fast. As always, why am I surprised. When I think of dropping the kiddos off at my parents Thursday through Sunday, I'm sad. I've enjoyed having fun with my kiddos without all the tasks and errands and chores etc. pulling at me. It's been fun to be silly and playing with them. Once I get to New York for V.'s work trip, I'm sure I will enjoy it but a part of me knows that this vacation will be one that will never come around again due to the young ages and stages of the kiddos.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Days 32-36
We successfully made it out to Palm Desert on Thursday (it's Monday night now). The weather overall has been pretty good, not at all like a normal July more like early June weather. We've been going to the pool a lot of course which both the kiddos love. This year I. Is old enough to make some friends in the pool to play with which takes some pressure off of me. D. Just loves running and jumping and eating so the dynamics have changed again. It's been intersting to watch other families with kids at different ages and say to myself, "Oh that's what's coming next?" As demanding as these young stages are like I told V. Other parents with older or grown up kids probably look at us and think that this is the exhausting stage but some of the sweetest times and memories. We should relish these times before they are gone.
This vacation has been full of play time with the kids with limited work and no errands. A true vacation for me and V. Has gotten to truly be a father in the real sense. Today he and I. Went to luch and a movie all day today to give her some special time with Daddy. D. And I went to the pool for a while, then had resty, headed tot he marketplace on site n a bus which was a huge excitement fornD. And then played on the bathtub together before I. And V. Got home. When we first got in the bath, D. Was looking at my boobs, then he pointed at them and opened his mouth and leaned toward me. He remembered nursing from them. That made me happy because although it's been 5 months he obviously remembers nursing. There was no sadness or wanting on his part; it was just an acknowledgement that we used to do that. It makes me understand why he still loves to snuggle against my bare skin and the soothing effect it haves on him.
Our house went on the market today. I had bad dreams all night because my mind was in overdrive. The realtor thinks she will have offers by next weekend. It makes me so sad tot hunk of leaving the place I brought both my babies home to from the hospital. But on the other hand I picture them running in the backyard playing and us planting flowers and a garden and that makes me feel better. I want to write down all the memories I have of both the kiddos of the early days in tips house so I can always have them with me.
This vacation has been full of play time with the kids with limited work and no errands. A true vacation for me and V. Has gotten to truly be a father in the real sense. Today he and I. Went to luch and a movie all day today to give her some special time with Daddy. D. And I went to the pool for a while, then had resty, headed tot he marketplace on site n a bus which was a huge excitement fornD. And then played on the bathtub together before I. And V. Got home. When we first got in the bath, D. Was looking at my boobs, then he pointed at them and opened his mouth and leaned toward me. He remembered nursing from them. That made me happy because although it's been 5 months he obviously remembers nursing. There was no sadness or wanting on his part; it was just an acknowledgement that we used to do that. It makes me understand why he still loves to snuggle against my bare skin and the soothing effect it haves on him.
Our house went on the market today. I had bad dreams all night because my mind was in overdrive. The realtor thinks she will have offers by next weekend. It makes me so sad tot hunk of leaving the place I brought both my babies home to from the hospital. But on the other hand I picture them running in the backyard playing and us planting flowers and a garden and that makes me feel better. I want to write down all the memories I have of both the kiddos of the early days in tips house so I can always have them with me.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Day 22 & 23
There have been so many times that I will be driving in the car and I'll glance back at D. and he'll be sitting there diagonally from me in the back seat, looking at me. I'll look him in the eye and smile, a genuine smile, because he's just so doggone cute looking and he gives me this sweet little smile with his perfect rosebud lips pressed together. It inspires me to glance back again (if we're at a red light) and smile at him again just to see his little smile grow bigger. What's so amazing and what hits me directly in the heart is that it's the same exact smile as when he was a mere 1/2 hour old. Well, let me rephrase...he didn't exactly "smile" when he was first born but he did have his lips together in the most serene, content look and that is what this smile is - just a happy, I-love-you-Mommy look that I only get when we're in the car together. Makes my heart melt, do flip flops and my whole being go all gushy.
D. 30 minutes old
Yesterday while D. napped, I. and I got things done around the house and then we all went to swim class. In the afternoon, I. and I played a game and then we went to the chiropractor. It doesn't sound like a memorable day but we had a good day. I did a funny dance after I lost the game to I. because it was a close one and she thought that was hilarious. Our wonderful summer just continues on thankfully.
Today I. went to summer day camp at her school for swim day and I decided to run up to LEGOLAND water park for a fun time and a research trip all rolled into one. We had never been to the water park before and I had no idea if I could successfully keep both kiddos happy since they might want to be in different sections and if there's only one of me that could be a problem.
We got there and ate lunch and then went to the section for littler kids and my goodness, did D. enjoy himself. With all his fussiness the last 2 weeks at the parties, I kind of anticipated some problems but he went in full tilt and we had the best time. He ran around squealing with joy and my face hurt from smiling so much as I watched him. Even when it was time to go and change clothes to go get I. from camp, he didn't throw a fit, probably because he was a little hungry and I enticed him with the last piece of pizza from lunch. Still, he was a hundred times better than the last 2 weekends so maybe it's not the party situation and him having a hard time dealing with it. Perhaps it's the number of people around him that he knows and somehow that makes him feel insecure with me. Because today there were plenty of people around and he was fine separating from me and running around solo. Or maybe it's because I. wasn't there? I don't know but I'll have to keep mixing things up and seeing if I can figure it out. The bottom line of the water park was that I think I. would have a good time if I took them by myself but she would have a better time if I took them with other people to free us two girls to go explore the bigger kid attractions as well.
I find myself more relaxed this summer with the kiddos especially I. I find more humor in what she says instead of getting annoyed. She's been such a joy to be around for the most part, less whiny and complaining, more positive and cheerful and more affectionate with me. I've found more patience to deal with the few times when she's reverted back to Eeyore. I've had time to talk with her about things in the distant future, both life lessons and tips as well as my hopes for her and I and our relationship. I've talked about how important it is for her to find a man that she is friends with and who makes her laugh because life can be difficult and if you don't like the person you are married to, life will be really long and tiring. We've talked about how I will be a Bubbi to her kids and that I will help her when her kiddos are driving her crazy. Yesterday we were talking about how Mommy will always be there through all the hard times that come with life and whether she would want me there when she has her babies (she said she did). I told her I could really help encourage her when she has her babies because I've been through both a baby out of my tummy and one out the other way so I know what I'm talking about. She liked that. Of course my cynical side tells me I'm delusional that she is going to want this 20 years down the line but I am going to try to remain optimistic. Maybe it's strange but I can tell she enjoys it though on some level it touches her to a point that she gets shy and embarrassed but later it comes out in the form of loving affection from her both physically and verbally so I think it's good. I can only hope and pray for the best outcome.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Day 20 & 21
Yesterday I got to sleep until 9am and it was decadent. I did some things around the house and then V. and I went to the gym. We had just enough time to relax for a little while before it was time to go and get the kiddos. On the way home, we went to Fidel's for linner and we really had a nice time. It felt good to have my kiddos with me.
Today we went to the gym and then I took I. for a special afternoon to Belmont Park. She had received a free unlimited ride pass for all the books she had read and so today was the day we used it. We went on a bunch of rides and had a really good time. It was nice to have time with my big girl. Needless to say, we were pooped by the time we got home. The boys had good one on one time with each other and it was the first time that V. had to make a meal and put him down for a nap since he's been born. It's about time.
Yesterday also marked D. turning 23 months old. I can't believe it. This time of year takes me right back like it was yesterday to the time right before he was born. Really makes me emotional but I have to say that I do love hearing how D. says "Momma", he really says it with love and drags it out to make it sound truly meaningful.
Today we went to the gym and then I took I. for a special afternoon to Belmont Park. She had received a free unlimited ride pass for all the books she had read and so today was the day we used it. We went on a bunch of rides and had a really good time. It was nice to have time with my big girl. Needless to say, we were pooped by the time we got home. The boys had good one on one time with each other and it was the first time that V. had to make a meal and put him down for a nap since he's been born. It's about time.
Yesterday also marked D. turning 23 months old. I can't believe it. This time of year takes me right back like it was yesterday to the time right before he was born. Really makes me emotional but I have to say that I do love hearing how D. says "Momma", he really says it with love and drags it out to make it sound truly meaningful.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Day 17
I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad headache, one that didn't go away until almost noon and even after that, I was so tired. I think it was an emotional hangover. When I talked to V. last night, I got really upset as I told him about the conversation. Everything just hit me - the fact that I felt like my mom had turned on me and attacked me right after I bared some of my soul to her, the tit for tat, her saying that I had responded "nastily", and then that she brought up an additional gripe that she had (I didn't mention this in last night's post) about how I never did confide in her or ask her for help with my first marriage and that she never understood why and obviously she's been harboring that grudge as well. I didn't have time to fully address that attack because my friend came to my door because we weren't at the pool like I told her we would be. Nice hostess that I am. The absurdity that my mom brought up that secondary topic that is from 20 years ago and threw that into yesterday's phone call hit me today and got me mad. It's just so fucking stupid.
I threw myself into enjoying my summer day with my kiddos and tried to forget that I'm going to have to be over at my parents' tomorrow for 8+ hours. God help me. I. and I had a breakfast date at our favorite pancake restaurant this morning while D. was asleep which was great fun. She and I really are having a good time this summer together. Truly and thankfully a 180 from last summer. In the afternoon the three of us went looking at some houses with the realtor which we actually enjoyed. Will be talking with V. about the timing of listing our own house. Stressful but exciting (sort of).
After this week, I have to say that I am SO looking forward to heading out for our annual Palm Desert vacation. Usually we go in June but I am really glad that we had to wait until July because I really am going to need that week of just my little family and to hibernate.
We'll see how tomorrow goes. It's going to be a long day.
Oh and by the way, my sister got out of jail today. Just thought I'd throw that in ... don't have the energy to get into details.
I threw myself into enjoying my summer day with my kiddos and tried to forget that I'm going to have to be over at my parents' tomorrow for 8+ hours. God help me. I. and I had a breakfast date at our favorite pancake restaurant this morning while D. was asleep which was great fun. She and I really are having a good time this summer together. Truly and thankfully a 180 from last summer. In the afternoon the three of us went looking at some houses with the realtor which we actually enjoyed. Will be talking with V. about the timing of listing our own house. Stressful but exciting (sort of).
After this week, I have to say that I am SO looking forward to heading out for our annual Palm Desert vacation. Usually we go in June but I am really glad that we had to wait until July because I really am going to need that week of just my little family and to hibernate.
We'll see how tomorrow goes. It's going to be a long day.
Oh and by the way, my sister got out of jail today. Just thought I'd throw that in ... don't have the energy to get into details.
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