This morning after D. got up from his nap, we went over to the pool for awhile to extend our trip and we all had a good time. D. and I roughhoused and loved each other up in the pool and then we went and visited I. and V. in the big pool. Headed out after lunch to my parents' house to drop off the kiddos and then we grabbed dinner by our home before we went home to pack and get ready for the New York trip. As we ate, I was missing the kids a lot. V. was wondering how I was going to cope with being so far away from them but to be honest, being around our house without them with me makes me miss them more. These are the places I'm with them. When we're away, of course I miss them but I don't expect them there. It won't feel weird with them not there in New York because I've never been there with them.
Have to get up around 3:45 tomorrow morning to make it to our New York flight in the morning. Egads! It's going to be brutal. I have ear plugs and my Bose earphones to try and be able to nod off at the beginning of the flight. Just hoping that I will not have my usual first day insomnia when we get there....Lunesta samples take me away!
Showing posts with label anticipation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anticipation. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Back Home
We've been back home since Monday, busy trying to get things taken care of while balancing this with fun. Coming home was bittersweet. I miss our pets so getting back to them is great. Our weather is more pleasant so it's nice to have the windows open and get fresh air throughout the day and night. Having our washer and dryer inside rather than the garage is definitely nice. However, space-wise our place now feels smaller and more crowded with things. Then there's the impending transition of D. from our/my room to I.'s room. I have to admit that I'm not as stressed out as I was when I was pregnant and thinking about it but it's still a concern. Especially considering V. banging the garage door open at 4am. If both of them wake up for the day at that time, there will be many miserable days ahead. I guess we'll just see and hope and pray...hard.
Today we went to the fair and we had a great time. It was really just what I. and I needed after what seems like a week plus of afternoon tirades. Each year I. gets older and I can add one more fair attraction to our visits. When she was little, it was the animals, food, and the rides. Then we added photography because we both enjoy that. This year we added the hobby and craft building. Really the only things left are the buildings where they sell things and I'm not that into that either. Soon, the entire fair will be our oyster.
It was one of those days when I had both kids but because D. was in the stroller or asleep in the sling on me, it still felt more like a day just with I. Part of me is wistful about this because I know I took it for granted when it really was just I. and I. But D. is such a joyful addition to all of our lives that I know our lives are better now even though they are still adjusting at times.
While we were in Palm Desert last week, D. was fussy here and there, grabbing at his mouth. I told V. that I thought I saw some swelling on his bottom gums and that I thought his teeth were about to come through. Tonight when I fed him dinner, I thought I saw a white flash on his bottom gums. I put my finger against his gums and yes, his two teeth had cut through sometime today because I didn't see them this morning at breakfast. It appears, I'm hoping, that his teeth will come through as his sister's did, with just a little fussing and not much else. I will be a very lucky momma if that happens!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Momma On Duty
V. was out of town last week, Wednesday through Sunday. Our family time consisted of a few hours yesterday from 2-5pm. and I got the wife bonus of 4 more hours until 10pm. Even with a trip to Legoland on Saturday with my parents, we were left feeling ripped off.
On the heels of this, V. told me yesterday that he will have to leave tomorrow and may not be home until May 21st. He may be home earlier but considering this company, the project, and my own past experience with both, I doubt it. Needless to say, I'm down. I'm trying not to jump the gun on getting down since he is home this evening. But it's hard.
What makes it especially hard is the emotional toll it takes on I. I guess I was naive or dumb to think that V. being away would negatively affect her when she was younger. I thought she'd be busy in school and making friends so V. being gone wouldn't be as noticeable as when she was home full-time with me. I was wrong. After about 5 days, she becomes fragile and it's not something I can fix, fill, or cure. It usually surfaces in tears at the end of the day when I may be getting short with her because instead of getting undressed for bath, she's bouncing off the bedroom walls. Now with D. to juggle around, I can't waste time at this time of day because he's tired too and the longer it takes, the more fussy he's going to be when I'm trying to read her books at bedtime. So I may snap at I. to get her back on track and that's when the "I wish Daddy was here." and the tears start. Of course, then I feel like a real heel, albeit a tired heel.
This will also be the first long haul trip since having D. Although he is truly a joy, nonetheless he is a responsibility and something additional for me to juggle. To survive, I'm really going to have to plan ahead. I won't be getting to the gym on the weekends since D. still won't make it past 15 minutes without me (separation anxiety phase) so this means I need to make sure I schedule some brisk walks with him and pencil in some workout time at home while he takes a morning nap. In the afternoon when I'm feeding the kids dinner, I need to make sure I eat a string cheese or something to avoid being starving and shaky when I'm getting them to bed. Lastly, I"ll need to plan ahead for the weekends so that they feel like a weekend for all of us. Normally, Daddy being home is what defines the weekends, much like having my parents visit us in the afternoon define Thursdays.
While I am thankful that V. is my husband, father of my children, and most importantly my favorite person to hang out with, it makes it especially tough when he's gone. If I didn't enjoy him so dang much, it wouldn't be as hard. Complaining aside, I can't imagine being away from my kids for 3 weeks and I remain thankful and blessed that it's not me who has to do this. If it was me who was having to leave, I'd be sobbing for days on end. With that in mind, I'll keep my sniveling down to a minimum and count my blessings.
On the heels of this, V. told me yesterday that he will have to leave tomorrow and may not be home until May 21st. He may be home earlier but considering this company, the project, and my own past experience with both, I doubt it. Needless to say, I'm down. I'm trying not to jump the gun on getting down since he is home this evening. But it's hard.
What makes it especially hard is the emotional toll it takes on I. I guess I was naive or dumb to think that V. being away would negatively affect her when she was younger. I thought she'd be busy in school and making friends so V. being gone wouldn't be as noticeable as when she was home full-time with me. I was wrong. After about 5 days, she becomes fragile and it's not something I can fix, fill, or cure. It usually surfaces in tears at the end of the day when I may be getting short with her because instead of getting undressed for bath, she's bouncing off the bedroom walls. Now with D. to juggle around, I can't waste time at this time of day because he's tired too and the longer it takes, the more fussy he's going to be when I'm trying to read her books at bedtime. So I may snap at I. to get her back on track and that's when the "I wish Daddy was here." and the tears start. Of course, then I feel like a real heel, albeit a tired heel.
This will also be the first long haul trip since having D. Although he is truly a joy, nonetheless he is a responsibility and something additional for me to juggle. To survive, I'm really going to have to plan ahead. I won't be getting to the gym on the weekends since D. still won't make it past 15 minutes without me (separation anxiety phase) so this means I need to make sure I schedule some brisk walks with him and pencil in some workout time at home while he takes a morning nap. In the afternoon when I'm feeding the kids dinner, I need to make sure I eat a string cheese or something to avoid being starving and shaky when I'm getting them to bed. Lastly, I"ll need to plan ahead for the weekends so that they feel like a weekend for all of us. Normally, Daddy being home is what defines the weekends, much like having my parents visit us in the afternoon define Thursdays.
While I am thankful that V. is my husband, father of my children, and most importantly my favorite person to hang out with, it makes it especially tough when he's gone. If I didn't enjoy him so dang much, it wouldn't be as hard. Complaining aside, I can't imagine being away from my kids for 3 weeks and I remain thankful and blessed that it's not me who has to do this. If it was me who was having to leave, I'd be sobbing for days on end. With that in mind, I'll keep my sniveling down to a minimum and count my blessings.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Last Day of Preschool
Today is my baby girl's last day of preschool...ever. Last year was tempered by the fact that she was going to preschool one more year. But this year, this is it. Thank God her kindergarten is only for 4 hours instead of the normal 6+ or I'd be in tears already. Still, school from this point on until college will be an every day event and the time of having full days to ourselves during the week will be gone. Hopefully I can hold it together this afternoon when all us mommas pile in to class 15 minutes early for the end of the year send-off.
On Monday we took a school friend of I.'s and her mom to Legoland with us using some free passes we had. I. had a good time hanging out with her friend and it definitely helped with some of the long lines we encountered. The mom is actually one of the few people I've met in the last year or two that I feel comfortable with and believe it or not, we talked the whole time about a bunch of different stuff. I know, I was amazed at that myself when I thought back on the day. By the time I got I. in bed, I wasn't feeling all that great - it was physically a long day and I definitely felt the toll of it. But it was worth it and I'm glad we got to go before summer vacation started.
This week is full of prep work for our vacation next week in Palm Desert. I'm excited to be going and hoping that it will be a nice, relaxing family hibernation time and that V. will get enough rest to help with I. when her sisters aren't there. The last couple of weekends, he really has been spending some good time with her one on one and I'm hoping that it will continue through next week. I don't know if this improvement is due to the warning I gave him a few weeks ago about the fact that on the weekends once the baby comes, he's going to have to step up on the help front. It's going to be difficult enough for the weekdays to be 2 on 1 for me; if the weekends start feeling that way, there's going to be serious problems. That's why I issued the warning ahead of time. The girls will be coming out for the last 3-4 days of the vacation (I think). I had to make sure I told V. so that he can warn the girls that I will NOT be sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room this year. I need a bed, a real bed to sleep in this year so they will not be able to hibernate in the king size bed(room) until 9:30/10 every morning. They may have to get up at the unearthly time of 8am. I just want to make sure everyone is on the same page before we get out there.
Reading this over with all these warnings being issued, I kind of sound bitchy. Really though it's a function of being at a point where I need some of that leeway and special treatment afforded to others. I don't really get it offered to me so I have to assertively take it myself.
Going to "talk" (more like listen) to my mom today. We'll see if anything is said about Father's Day plans/the letter I wrote.
On Monday we took a school friend of I.'s and her mom to Legoland with us using some free passes we had. I. had a good time hanging out with her friend and it definitely helped with some of the long lines we encountered. The mom is actually one of the few people I've met in the last year or two that I feel comfortable with and believe it or not, we talked the whole time about a bunch of different stuff. I know, I was amazed at that myself when I thought back on the day. By the time I got I. in bed, I wasn't feeling all that great - it was physically a long day and I definitely felt the toll of it. But it was worth it and I'm glad we got to go before summer vacation started.
This week is full of prep work for our vacation next week in Palm Desert. I'm excited to be going and hoping that it will be a nice, relaxing family hibernation time and that V. will get enough rest to help with I. when her sisters aren't there. The last couple of weekends, he really has been spending some good time with her one on one and I'm hoping that it will continue through next week. I don't know if this improvement is due to the warning I gave him a few weeks ago about the fact that on the weekends once the baby comes, he's going to have to step up on the help front. It's going to be difficult enough for the weekdays to be 2 on 1 for me; if the weekends start feeling that way, there's going to be serious problems. That's why I issued the warning ahead of time. The girls will be coming out for the last 3-4 days of the vacation (I think). I had to make sure I told V. so that he can warn the girls that I will NOT be sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room this year. I need a bed, a real bed to sleep in this year so they will not be able to hibernate in the king size bed(room) until 9:30/10 every morning. They may have to get up at the unearthly time of 8am. I just want to make sure everyone is on the same page before we get out there.
Reading this over with all these warnings being issued, I kind of sound bitchy. Really though it's a function of being at a point where I need some of that leeway and special treatment afforded to others. I don't really get it offered to me so I have to assertively take it myself.
Going to "talk" (more like listen) to my mom today. We'll see if anything is said about Father's Day plans/the letter I wrote.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Pregnancy Thoughts
I know that it's easier when the bun is in the oven than when it comes out. I get that. Part of me loves the miracle and experience of feeling the little guy moving around inside of me. But part of me, namely the inside of my ribcage, is tired of being pummeled and kicked to the point of pain and soreness.
Then I realize how quickly this pregnancy is coming to an end. I mean, we're almost at the end of May, then there's June and July and bang, there's August. I start having to take deep breaths at that point and start humming in my mind along with the chant, "It'll be okay, it'll be okay."
'Cause I know it will be okay but I'm just concerned about how okay it's going to be. I mean, I'm tired mentally, physically, and emotionally just dealing with my force of nature as a mostly single parental unit. To think of throwing a newborn in the mix exhausts me even further.
And it's not just that. It's the knowledge that comes with the consecutive children. With the first, you're more concerned with "I am going to be responsible with keeping this child alive." With the ones after that (and maybe it's just me who worries about this crazy stuff), you realize that keeping them alive is the easy part as compared to actually raising them to be humans with strength, resilience, and morals to do the right thing on a daily basis whether you are there or not. That's what weighs me down - the enormity of this parenting responsibility and my concern that I won't have the emotional stamina to juggle 2 little beings' development.
Maybe the problem is that I just think too much. Only time will tell.
Then I realize how quickly this pregnancy is coming to an end. I mean, we're almost at the end of May, then there's June and July and bang, there's August. I start having to take deep breaths at that point and start humming in my mind along with the chant, "It'll be okay, it'll be okay."
'Cause I know it will be okay but I'm just concerned about how okay it's going to be. I mean, I'm tired mentally, physically, and emotionally just dealing with my force of nature as a mostly single parental unit. To think of throwing a newborn in the mix exhausts me even further.
And it's not just that. It's the knowledge that comes with the consecutive children. With the first, you're more concerned with "I am going to be responsible with keeping this child alive." With the ones after that (and maybe it's just me who worries about this crazy stuff), you realize that keeping them alive is the easy part as compared to actually raising them to be humans with strength, resilience, and morals to do the right thing on a daily basis whether you are there or not. That's what weighs me down - the enormity of this parenting responsibility and my concern that I won't have the emotional stamina to juggle 2 little beings' development.
Maybe the problem is that I just think too much. Only time will tell.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
A Different Kind of Easter
Usually Easter is a time of joy, not only for the reason of Easter, but also because in our family we've always had a fun Easter egg hunt at my parents' house. When I was a kid, before the siblings came along, it would be my parents, their best friends (a married couple), and me running around like nuts in their huge backyard looking for eggs. It was cutthroat and competitive and involved champagne for the adults which led to many hilarious going-ons during the hunt.
Then that couple moved away and the siblings came and my parents' priorities changed. There was still an egg hunt and it was still fun but there started to be more of a focus on material things which always seems to mar the fun of the simple things in life. Now in the past 10 years or so, the egg hunt, while fun during the hunt itself, is surrounded by stress namely my mother who is in charge of hiding the eggs. Unfortunately this stress surrounds every holiday at my parents' house and in order to enjoy the holiday events, I have to consciously focus on the happy moments and now that I. is around, I solely concentrate on her and the joy she experiences to block out the rest of it. It's really no wonder that when we get home from these holidays, I am emotionally and mentally exhausted with all the "focusing" that goes on just to make it through.
I know that today will be no different, in fact it's going to be much worse than normal. Because of risky investment choices, no job/income for months, and a refusal to make lifestyle changes to reduce expenses, my parents did not have enough money to hold Easter. I'm bringing the side dishes and my brother gave them money for the meat and Easter goodies and that's how we're having it. We don't mind, don't get me wrong, but it definitely casts a pall on the day especially considering that my dad is crying pretty much every day at this point. My brother and I are so angry at my sister because she is still living off my parents even though they have no money and unappreciatively too that it may result in a volatile situation today if she pulls any of her usual "it's all about me" shit. And I still haven't figured out a strategy for how I'm going to deal with her if she does. A big part of me thinks that it needs to be said - she needs to get a job and stop spending all her time at the gym (that my parents pay for) and on the internet (which my parents pay for). But I don't want to ruin Easter either....
Guess we'll just have to see how it all plays out.
Then that couple moved away and the siblings came and my parents' priorities changed. There was still an egg hunt and it was still fun but there started to be more of a focus on material things which always seems to mar the fun of the simple things in life. Now in the past 10 years or so, the egg hunt, while fun during the hunt itself, is surrounded by stress namely my mother who is in charge of hiding the eggs. Unfortunately this stress surrounds every holiday at my parents' house and in order to enjoy the holiday events, I have to consciously focus on the happy moments and now that I. is around, I solely concentrate on her and the joy she experiences to block out the rest of it. It's really no wonder that when we get home from these holidays, I am emotionally and mentally exhausted with all the "focusing" that goes on just to make it through.
I know that today will be no different, in fact it's going to be much worse than normal. Because of risky investment choices, no job/income for months, and a refusal to make lifestyle changes to reduce expenses, my parents did not have enough money to hold Easter. I'm bringing the side dishes and my brother gave them money for the meat and Easter goodies and that's how we're having it. We don't mind, don't get me wrong, but it definitely casts a pall on the day especially considering that my dad is crying pretty much every day at this point. My brother and I are so angry at my sister because she is still living off my parents even though they have no money and unappreciatively too that it may result in a volatile situation today if she pulls any of her usual "it's all about me" shit. And I still haven't figured out a strategy for how I'm going to deal with her if she does. A big part of me thinks that it needs to be said - she needs to get a job and stop spending all her time at the gym (that my parents pay for) and on the internet (which my parents pay for). But I don't want to ruin Easter either....
Guess we'll just have to see how it all plays out.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Doula Search Continues
I am STILL in search of a doula. I swear I am getting my ass kicked by doulas lately. When I found my original one at 9 weeks, I really felt instinctively that she was the right one. Then she ended up having to become a caregiver for her mom and she cancelled all her clients.
I contacted one of the ones she recommeded and after numerous emails, we finally settled on a day, time and place to meet. One problem - she never showed. Not only did she not show, she didn't email a reason or apology or anything afterwards. Being that the service you are paying for is to have someone dependable be there for you during the most painful and important time of your life, not showing up is a major faux-pas in my book.
So off I went researching more doulas online and found one close by with great recommendations from her clients. It took 2 emails and 1 phone message on my part until she responded. Then numerous schedule gyrations to set a meeting time only to have it cancelled the morning of due to her son's illness. Now I'm a mom, I understand and I'm not holding it against her at all. It just goes back to if she can't even make it to meet me initially, how the hell is she going to make it to my labor? So we're back to trying to schedule a meeting, now pushing it into next week. I don't know, it just makes me uneasy.
It also gives new life to an issue I knew I had but one that quietly percolates under the surface until situations bring it up and cause the bad feelings to start. The main issue is my self-convincing feeling that I can't really depend on anyone for help, that I'm basically on my own. Being that I'm married and my family of origin lives 30 minutes away, this plays on my mind and not in a good way. I try to chalk it up to negative self-talk and sweep it away but to be honest, there just seems to be a long list of examples that support this that is decades long. So perhaps it isn't my misconception, perhaps a good part of it is true and maybe I just need to learn how to look at it differently so that it doesn't affect me badly. I internalize it and translate it to mean that there is something undeserving about me and things go from there.
I anticipate when this baby begins its journey out of my womb and in that first month, there will be situations that will feed into this issue. That's why I want to address it now while my mind is clear and I'm getting sleep rather than try to muddle through it when I'm sleep deprived with surging hormones.
I contacted one of the ones she recommeded and after numerous emails, we finally settled on a day, time and place to meet. One problem - she never showed. Not only did she not show, she didn't email a reason or apology or anything afterwards. Being that the service you are paying for is to have someone dependable be there for you during the most painful and important time of your life, not showing up is a major faux-pas in my book.
So off I went researching more doulas online and found one close by with great recommendations from her clients. It took 2 emails and 1 phone message on my part until she responded. Then numerous schedule gyrations to set a meeting time only to have it cancelled the morning of due to her son's illness. Now I'm a mom, I understand and I'm not holding it against her at all. It just goes back to if she can't even make it to meet me initially, how the hell is she going to make it to my labor? So we're back to trying to schedule a meeting, now pushing it into next week. I don't know, it just makes me uneasy.
It also gives new life to an issue I knew I had but one that quietly percolates under the surface until situations bring it up and cause the bad feelings to start. The main issue is my self-convincing feeling that I can't really depend on anyone for help, that I'm basically on my own. Being that I'm married and my family of origin lives 30 minutes away, this plays on my mind and not in a good way. I try to chalk it up to negative self-talk and sweep it away but to be honest, there just seems to be a long list of examples that support this that is decades long. So perhaps it isn't my misconception, perhaps a good part of it is true and maybe I just need to learn how to look at it differently so that it doesn't affect me badly. I internalize it and translate it to mean that there is something undeserving about me and things go from there.
I anticipate when this baby begins its journey out of my womb and in that first month, there will be situations that will feed into this issue. That's why I want to address it now while my mind is clear and I'm getting sleep rather than try to muddle through it when I'm sleep deprived with surging hormones.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Here We Are
Here we are at the beginning of a new year, the beginning of a new week after hibernating as a family. I will get the post on our vacation done soon, I promise. Let's just say, it had its ups and downs. I'm beginning to wonder if we are "vacation challenged"...
I woke up this morning two to three hours earlier than I have for the last week thanks to having V. home from work and me being exhausted. I have a sneaky suspicion that will catch up to me around noonish. We have a semi-busy day scheduled today. First, I.'s gymnastics class which she loves followed by a trip to the chiropractor to get the kinks worked out. Stop at home for lunch and a quick, early resttime. Then to the doctor this afternoon for the ultrasound. Every time I think about it, I get a knot in my stomach but I can't do anything about it. I think at this point, after waiting two weeks for this test, I just need the anticipation to be over. Hopefully that won't be the only thing that's over.
Deep breaths should help get me through this day. Vacay posting coming soon.
I woke up this morning two to three hours earlier than I have for the last week thanks to having V. home from work and me being exhausted. I have a sneaky suspicion that will catch up to me around noonish. We have a semi-busy day scheduled today. First, I.'s gymnastics class which she loves followed by a trip to the chiropractor to get the kinks worked out. Stop at home for lunch and a quick, early resttime. Then to the doctor this afternoon for the ultrasound. Every time I think about it, I get a knot in my stomach but I can't do anything about it. I think at this point, after waiting two weeks for this test, I just need the anticipation to be over. Hopefully that won't be the only thing that's over.
Deep breaths should help get me through this day. Vacay posting coming soon.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A Rare Moment
It's Saturday morning 9:45 and I'm sitting downstairs at the computer by myself. Wow! After being the sole person on parenting duty 24/7 for the last 21 days, it's a real treat to have a moment during the daytime to myself. A moment when I don't feel like I should be doing something else instead. A moment when I can hear myself think, I can enjoy the Christmas music but above all, enjoy all this without feeling alone. Much of the time that I can hear myself think is because I'm alone so it's a bittersweet enjoyment of sorts. But this morning, I can hear I. and V. upstairs in the bed, V. trying to take another nap and I. pretending to take a nap with him. The best of both worlds - hearing my own voice while still hearing the voices of the ones I love. This doesn't happen very often and I am basking in its sound.
I got to sleep in this morning which I needed oh-so-much. The tradeoff was that V., after sleeping by himself for several weeks, has gotten into a bad habit of flipping over mid-air before slamming his body back down on the bed. Most people just turn over, not V. It's akin to a whale breaching and the by product is that every time he "breaches" and lands back on the mattress, my head is bouncing up and down on the pillow which wakes me up. So, although I got to sleep in, it took me longer to fall asleep and then I felt like I was on a boat until he finally got up this morning.
Today we're off to "Lunch With Santa", something that we (I. and I) went to last year and really enjoyed. That's going to be our only event for the day with naptime for V. before and after the event plus probably most of the evening. The good news is that he will not have to go to San Francisco next week and will be working from San Diego and LA so at least he'll be home at night. Tonight will be a discussion of important things to come so that we will finally be on the same page. I won't have the stress of being the only one dealing with future knowledge and I'm hoping that may help with feeling overwhelmed. We'll see how it goes - I'm hoping for the best.
I got to sleep in this morning which I needed oh-so-much. The tradeoff was that V., after sleeping by himself for several weeks, has gotten into a bad habit of flipping over mid-air before slamming his body back down on the bed. Most people just turn over, not V. It's akin to a whale breaching and the by product is that every time he "breaches" and lands back on the mattress, my head is bouncing up and down on the pillow which wakes me up. So, although I got to sleep in, it took me longer to fall asleep and then I felt like I was on a boat until he finally got up this morning.
Today we're off to "Lunch With Santa", something that we (I. and I) went to last year and really enjoyed. That's going to be our only event for the day with naptime for V. before and after the event plus probably most of the evening. The good news is that he will not have to go to San Francisco next week and will be working from San Diego and LA so at least he'll be home at night. Tonight will be a discussion of important things to come so that we will finally be on the same page. I won't have the stress of being the only one dealing with future knowledge and I'm hoping that may help with feeling overwhelmed. We'll see how it goes - I'm hoping for the best.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Hope and Fear
I don't have a happily thereafter story for Media (our foster cat) but there is still hope. She charmed the girl who came to look at her, however, the girl's mom who got her cat from a breeder is not supportive of her daughter getting a rescue cat. She wants the girl to meet with this breeder next weekend to look at her cats. That's frustrating. There are too many cats as there is, with thousands being killed each day, and this woman wants her to go and give business to someone who puts more animals on the earth. If this girl was showing cats, I could understand a little. But she just wants a pet to come home to after work to give love and affection and Media fits the bill perfectly. So, there is hope but I can tell that this mom holds a lot of weight in this girl's life.
Still trying to hold my sanity and household together. It's hard considering all the swirling going on, the uncertainty, the fear, the panic, the worry, the overwhelming-ness of it all. All things considered, I think I'm holding it together pretty well. A lot of deep breaths, repeating of my "everything will be okay" mantra, just keeping focused on the present, and ensuring that I'm going to bed relatively early seem to helping. Part of me thinks things will be better once V. comes home for 2 whole days and part of me is afraid because everything will be real, not just rattling around in my mind and that scares me.
Still trying to hold my sanity and household together. It's hard considering all the swirling going on, the uncertainty, the fear, the panic, the worry, the overwhelming-ness of it all. All things considered, I think I'm holding it together pretty well. A lot of deep breaths, repeating of my "everything will be okay" mantra, just keeping focused on the present, and ensuring that I'm going to bed relatively early seem to helping. Part of me thinks things will be better once V. comes home for 2 whole days and part of me is afraid because everything will be real, not just rattling around in my mind and that scares me.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thanks To the Cat
Thanks to the Cat, the title of the post did not end up being "Sigh". I was just getting ready to title that in response to V.'s phone call and warning this morning that he may not make it back for this weekend either which bums me out because we need to get the tree this Sunday. If we don't, we'll spend a whole bunch of time decorating the tree only to get to enjoy it for 10 days. That's not okay with me. This year was supposed to be different. I was looking forward to having V. around for the holidays. Now it looks like I'll just be lucky to have him home for the actual holiday itself.
But back to the Cat, I was sitting here bummed, getting ready to post when I look over and see him dragging my stuffed dog down the stairs ( two flights of them) between his legs with its ear firmly in his jaws. This is his way of molesting it. Kind of gross but it looks so comical that you can't help but laugh. When he does this, I know that he wants some snuggling and affection, which is not his normal M.O., so I picked him up and gave him some love. It changed my internal vibe to feel him purring with his eyes closed, just enjoying my affection.
I worked hard last night to get the Christmas cards ready for mailing and get V.'s family present box ready for the post office. I'm hoping that this evening I can relax a little. Last night when I got I. down for bed, I was really tired from a go-go-go day and I went and hung out with our foster cat and dozed off on the bed with her. She actually laid on her side next to me and dozed off. It was nice. Dozing off at 4:30 is unlike me so I must have needed it.
Yesterday I got V. his big gift, one that I've been saying there is no way he's getting and one that he will be SO excited about. It's the IPad and it wasn't cheap to say the least. But it is the one thing he really wants and that it kind of rare. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't up to me to make a value judgement of what he should get for a present. He's not a child, he works his butt off, and he makes the money and never questions how I spend it. Once I bought it, I got so excited because I know how surprised he is going to be and what a good Christmas it will be for him. Isn't that what gift giving is all about?
One thing is for sure. I won't have him open it with the girls there because I know they will be envious and want two of them for themselves. They don't understand that they are 18, jobless, and barely going to school and some things you need to wait to get and earn. That's not a lesson they've been taught unfortunately and I will be aware of that as soon as I hear what their Christmas demands are.
That'll be another post though. Off to get ready for the day...
But back to the Cat, I was sitting here bummed, getting ready to post when I look over and see him dragging my stuffed dog down the stairs ( two flights of them) between his legs with its ear firmly in his jaws. This is his way of molesting it. Kind of gross but it looks so comical that you can't help but laugh. When he does this, I know that he wants some snuggling and affection, which is not his normal M.O., so I picked him up and gave him some love. It changed my internal vibe to feel him purring with his eyes closed, just enjoying my affection.
I worked hard last night to get the Christmas cards ready for mailing and get V.'s family present box ready for the post office. I'm hoping that this evening I can relax a little. Last night when I got I. down for bed, I was really tired from a go-go-go day and I went and hung out with our foster cat and dozed off on the bed with her. She actually laid on her side next to me and dozed off. It was nice. Dozing off at 4:30 is unlike me so I must have needed it.
Yesterday I got V. his big gift, one that I've been saying there is no way he's getting and one that he will be SO excited about. It's the IPad and it wasn't cheap to say the least. But it is the one thing he really wants and that it kind of rare. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't up to me to make a value judgement of what he should get for a present. He's not a child, he works his butt off, and he makes the money and never questions how I spend it. Once I bought it, I got so excited because I know how surprised he is going to be and what a good Christmas it will be for him. Isn't that what gift giving is all about?
One thing is for sure. I won't have him open it with the girls there because I know they will be envious and want two of them for themselves. They don't understand that they are 18, jobless, and barely going to school and some things you need to wait to get and earn. That's not a lesson they've been taught unfortunately and I will be aware of that as soon as I hear what their Christmas demands are.
That'll be another post though. Off to get ready for the day...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanksgiving Madness
Ah, Thanksgiving Eve. It's always a time of anticipation when my sister is involved but it appears to have gotten even better this year. My brother received an email from my sister and forwarded it to me this morning. She has got to be the most self-centered, bitchy, delusional person I have ever known. Let's review this email, keeping in mind that my sister is almost 28 years old, is not mentally retarded, has no job, and does not go to school. Basically, all she does is live off my parents and is ruining my mother's health literally.
"I think that she could minimize her workload so she could have more time to enjoy herself. She could make appointments at lightening speed and communicate with others plus cut down on all those crappy catalogues that she gets and besides the fact that she could make deposits and the such over the web rather than risk herself getting mugged or something lik Please tell me what you think:)"
By "she", my sister is speaking of my mother. You know the person who she calls and orders to take her here, there, and everywhere at whatever time and day she commands. The person who buys all her groceries, pays her rent and gym membership and cell phone and any gifts that are "given by" my sister. Yeah, she's really concerned about my mother's workload. Actually, she's just irritated that my mother isn't on call for her 24/7 and never wants to be told that my mother can't do something for her. And you know those "crappy catalogues" that my mother gets? My mother enjoys looking at those while she eats lunch and takes a crap but my sister can't fathom that.
"This was something that I saw last night while I was on the Hp site and thought to myself that Mommy really needs, since she has been saying that she is really lonely.I think that this would be a better idea rather than a fancy pantsuit and besides the fact that she could learn how to be more efficent without having to stress her self out.(i.e) if you have looked at your microsoft office 2007 she can make grocery lists, keep track of her bills, do her accounting and other various tasks. Then the fact that the computer happens to be a "digital clutch", kinda like a purse, but much more useful is another great plus. It is a Hp, Vivienne Tam( one of thoses designers' that she likes, and the commercial promoting it is a Indian woman, almost the exact lookalike as the ones that our Godmother Ann painted that she is so fond of. The cover to this laptop has butterflies and is shell pink. It has everything a woman could need, plus the fact that it can fit into her purse or she can carry it like an evening bag. Check it out."
"I think that she could minimize her workload so she could have more time to enjoy herself. She could make appointments at lightening speed and communicate with others plus cut down on all those crappy catalogues that she gets and besides the fact that she could make deposits and the such over the web rather than risk herself getting mugged or something lik Please tell me what you think:)"
By "she", my sister is speaking of my mother. You know the person who she calls and orders to take her here, there, and everywhere at whatever time and day she commands. The person who buys all her groceries, pays her rent and gym membership and cell phone and any gifts that are "given by" my sister. Yeah, she's really concerned about my mother's workload. Actually, she's just irritated that my mother isn't on call for her 24/7 and never wants to be told that my mother can't do something for her. And you know those "crappy catalogues" that my mother gets? My mother enjoys looking at those while she eats lunch and takes a crap but my sister can't fathom that.
"This was something that I saw last night while I was on the Hp site and thought to myself that Mommy really needs, since she has been saying that she is really lonely.I think that this would be a better idea rather than a fancy pantsuit and besides the fact that she could learn how to be more efficent without having to stress her self out.(i.e) if you have looked at your microsoft office 2007 she can make grocery lists, keep track of her bills, do her accounting and other various tasks. Then the fact that the computer happens to be a "digital clutch", kinda like a purse, but much more useful is another great plus. It is a Hp, Vivienne Tam( one of thoses designers' that she likes, and the commercial promoting it is a Indian woman, almost the exact lookalike as the ones that our Godmother Ann painted that she is so fond of. The cover to this laptop has butterflies and is shell pink. It has everything a woman could need, plus the fact that it can fit into her purse or she can carry it like an evening bag. Check it out."
If this was any other than my sister, you may think this is a nice person. That is if you leave out all the bizarre detailed information about designers and the fact that an Indian person in the commercial looks like etc. and for some reason that means my mother needs this thing. Number one, my mother can barely use a cell phone. Number two, my mother is not lonely and even if she's was, she would NEVER tell my sister that because that would just be an invitation for my sister to park herself even more in my mother's daily life. Lastly, she's telling all this to my brother so that HE can buy this $1,000 present for my mom.
"Here's my christmas list I thought you might eye out the jewelery. the juicy necklace and matching bracelet were just some good ideas. feel free to select any of the other pieces or items. hope your day is going well and look forward to seeing on thursday."
I'm sorry, sending your Xmas list to someone who hasn't requested it is just plain rude or delusional or both. He can't even stand being around her, why would he possibly want her Xmas list? And that it's expensive jewelry. But feel free to select any of the other pieces or items. WTF?
"What was the story with Ani how come she wasn"t at i.'s birthday. What is she a what's it? Cause she has definetly got a screw up her ass. Tell her to deposit outside of self more people would appreciate that than say the recycling truck realizes. I do plan on being kind to her and look forward to the choo-choo and chug another making whoopee elsewhere! Love you, just trying to express my feelings and a possible smile somewhere in that lost look you have gotten me despising myself for! "
Ani is Aaron's girlfriend, a really nice girl. She's 18, has a job, goes to school full-time and treats my brother well. And my sister is being really bitchy for no reason. She has always been jealous of his girlfriends, bizarre to say the least and creepy at times. You can't see it but she also called I. by the wrong name. Yeah, she's been alive for 5 years, you'd think she'd know her name by now. Who cares right? I mean, it's not my sister's name so she really doesn't care. And then you can see the level of crazy we're dealing with when we go into the part about choo-choos, chugs, and making whoopee elsewhere.
Yeah, so my brother and I are really looking forward to tomorrow. Looks like it's going to be a real ball of fun. I just hope fights can be avoided, that she lays off my mom or there will be problems, that she doesn't stare at the girls the whole dinner and that my brother and I can find something to laugh about. Some family holidays just have to be approached with low expectations and hope and tomorrow is one of those.
Monday, October 25, 2010
A Day
I woke up yesterday with a pulled muscle in my back and today it is still very tender. Add to that the threat of having our water turned off 8am-3pm, my first cavity being filled this afternoon and you have a cornucopia of a long day. We're going to the gym just to have secure access to bathrooms this morning and then my mom is supposed to come over to watch I. while I go to the dentist.
You see, I have a thing about teeth. As in kind of a phobia, gross-out type of thing. Always have, even when I was a kid. I've never had any kind of work done at the dentist aside from cleanings, which by the way I have a hard time with. It's like an overload of sensations that I can't escape from - wetness, grittiness, the scraping sound, the scraping feeling, the blood - ugh, it's almost too much for me. And now, the cavity filling, God help me. Or if not Him, may the 2 Ativans that I'll be taking at 1pm help me to just not care. Apparently, I'm lucky enough to have the only dentist to not offer nitrious oxide.
What a day.
You see, I have a thing about teeth. As in kind of a phobia, gross-out type of thing. Always have, even when I was a kid. I've never had any kind of work done at the dentist aside from cleanings, which by the way I have a hard time with. It's like an overload of sensations that I can't escape from - wetness, grittiness, the scraping sound, the scraping feeling, the blood - ugh, it's almost too much for me. And now, the cavity filling, God help me. Or if not Him, may the 2 Ativans that I'll be taking at 1pm help me to just not care. Apparently, I'm lucky enough to have the only dentist to not offer nitrious oxide.
What a day.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
This Should Be a Doozer
Tonight is the girls' graduation ceremony. The details surrounding this event get weirder by the moment.
First of all, until yesterday, we didn't know where, what time, or how we were going to get the tickets for the graduation. Don't most people know these things ahead of time? I guess we were lucky to just be allowed to go.
Second, we knew there was a party back at the ex's house because the girls were telling us about it but we didn't know if we were invited. V. said it didn't matter, we weren't going.
So here we are the night before the event and we're finally informed of a few things: where the ceremony is taking place and that it's at 6pm. It's still up in the air as to where we are meeting to pick up the tickets but we've been told that there is a dinner at some restaurant afterwards and that we are to be there. WHAT?! Who waits til the night before to invite someone to a dinner that has obviously been in the works for weeks? I joked that someone must have gotten sick and we've been thrown in as stand-ins.
It was also communicated through the ex that one of the girls is concerned that V. is going to show up in a button down 3 piece suit and embarrass the family. Wow - that's a little weird. V. is going to look sharp in his Leisure Suit, no just kidding. But he is going to look handsome and I'm going to be with him so lucky me. Also, it was communicated that there is concern that V. will not be nice and talkative to the boyfriend. That may be a valid concern since V. isn't that talkative most of the time as we all know. I'm sure he will be very nice to him though and if not, I'll kick him.
What I do know for certain is that this is going to be a really STRANGE situation and one in which I wish I could find that flask that Mark gave me for Christmas so long ago. There is going to be so much FAKE FAKE FAKE going on I may get nauseous - fake tans, fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake compliments, fake attitudes, fake behaviors. At the very least, it should be quite entertaining to watch.
First of all, until yesterday, we didn't know where, what time, or how we were going to get the tickets for the graduation. Don't most people know these things ahead of time? I guess we were lucky to just be allowed to go.
Second, we knew there was a party back at the ex's house because the girls were telling us about it but we didn't know if we were invited. V. said it didn't matter, we weren't going.
So here we are the night before the event and we're finally informed of a few things: where the ceremony is taking place and that it's at 6pm. It's still up in the air as to where we are meeting to pick up the tickets but we've been told that there is a dinner at some restaurant afterwards and that we are to be there. WHAT?! Who waits til the night before to invite someone to a dinner that has obviously been in the works for weeks? I joked that someone must have gotten sick and we've been thrown in as stand-ins.
It was also communicated through the ex that one of the girls is concerned that V. is going to show up in a button down 3 piece suit and embarrass the family. Wow - that's a little weird. V. is going to look sharp in his Leisure Suit, no just kidding. But he is going to look handsome and I'm going to be with him so lucky me. Also, it was communicated that there is concern that V. will not be nice and talkative to the boyfriend. That may be a valid concern since V. isn't that talkative most of the time as we all know. I'm sure he will be very nice to him though and if not, I'll kick him.
What I do know for certain is that this is going to be a really STRANGE situation and one in which I wish I could find that flask that Mark gave me for Christmas so long ago. There is going to be so much FAKE FAKE FAKE going on I may get nauseous - fake tans, fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake compliments, fake attitudes, fake behaviors. At the very least, it should be quite entertaining to watch.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Good Beginning and Mom Guilt
I. didn't fall asleep for 2 hours last night thanks to poopies moving down the intestional tract. I mean, who could fall asleep when you can feel the train moving down the track? It still frustrated me though because I knew today would be a tough day because she would be tired and I certainly didn't need a tougher day than the ones I've been dealing with.
This morning, I woke up to V.'s alarm at 2:30am, him getting up at 3:30 and then the garage door opening and closing around 4ish. Finally, I was able to fall back asleep to be woken up at 7am when the dog in the condo up the hill from us was unceremoniously dumped out on the patio and began registering its complaint. I didn't hear I. calling so I fell back asleep until 8am. Wow! Better yet, even when I nervously bounded out of bed, all was quiet in her room. Then I heard her whispering in her bed which is how she plays when she hasn't been awake for awhile. Hmmm...
So I sneaked downstairs for a quiet cup of coffee all by myself. I haven't had that privilege since the day after Christmas and it was SO nice. Here's the only thing - when I got I. up finally at 8:30 (woohoo, half an hour all to myself!), she said her stomach was hurting and then proceeded to eat basically nothing for breakfast. This may be normal for other kids but I. eats a lot of breakfast, and lunch and dinner for that matter. Now I'm wondering if she has a bug of some sort. And if she does, she's going to be pretty volatile as the day wears but I need to keep my cool especially if she isn't feeling well. There is nothing like losing your patience one day only to find out the next day that they acted that way because they were coming down with something. That scenario, at least for me, is the ultimate in mom guilt and I'm determined today not to set myself up for mom guilt tomorrow. Today's going to be a fingers crossed, tap dancing around meltdown triggers kind of day; I just feel it in my bones. The day's success will most likely not be measured by what got done or how much fun we had but by the simple fact that I. and I will both be alive and loving each other by the end of the day. Some days, that's the best you can hope for.
This morning, I woke up to V.'s alarm at 2:30am, him getting up at 3:30 and then the garage door opening and closing around 4ish. Finally, I was able to fall back asleep to be woken up at 7am when the dog in the condo up the hill from us was unceremoniously dumped out on the patio and began registering its complaint. I didn't hear I. calling so I fell back asleep until 8am. Wow! Better yet, even when I nervously bounded out of bed, all was quiet in her room. Then I heard her whispering in her bed which is how she plays when she hasn't been awake for awhile. Hmmm...
So I sneaked downstairs for a quiet cup of coffee all by myself. I haven't had that privilege since the day after Christmas and it was SO nice. Here's the only thing - when I got I. up finally at 8:30 (woohoo, half an hour all to myself!), she said her stomach was hurting and then proceeded to eat basically nothing for breakfast. This may be normal for other kids but I. eats a lot of breakfast, and lunch and dinner for that matter. Now I'm wondering if she has a bug of some sort. And if she does, she's going to be pretty volatile as the day wears but I need to keep my cool especially if she isn't feeling well. There is nothing like losing your patience one day only to find out the next day that they acted that way because they were coming down with something. That scenario, at least for me, is the ultimate in mom guilt and I'm determined today not to set myself up for mom guilt tomorrow. Today's going to be a fingers crossed, tap dancing around meltdown triggers kind of day; I just feel it in my bones. The day's success will most likely not be measured by what got done or how much fun we had but by the simple fact that I. and I will both be alive and loving each other by the end of the day. Some days, that's the best you can hope for.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Deep Breaths
Today is the day before V. goes away for the longest period of time we've been apart. It's hard not to think of today that way, it just kept popping in my brain that way. This is the last night he'll give I. a bath, the last time he kisses her goodnight for bed, the last night we'll be watching football together, the last day we'll be together joking and teasing about all of our inside jokes (because unfortunately due to the time difference, the stress, and sadness of being apart, it's hard to capture that teasing over the phone).
I don't even know when he will be back because he doesn't even know but he is warning me that it will probably be the end of January, as in 2 months from now. Yeah, I know, military wives have it rougher but unless they're husbands signed up AFTER they got married, they knew what they were getting into. We didn't and I actively made a point of avoiding military, police, and firefighter because I wanted to have a normal life without long absences. So keeping that in mind, this last year has been quite ironic.
Getting tired now so will sign off. I'm sure I'll be back in the next couple of days with an update of sorts.
I don't even know when he will be back because he doesn't even know but he is warning me that it will probably be the end of January, as in 2 months from now. Yeah, I know, military wives have it rougher but unless they're husbands signed up AFTER they got married, they knew what they were getting into. We didn't and I actively made a point of avoiding military, police, and firefighter because I wanted to have a normal life without long absences. So keeping that in mind, this last year has been quite ironic.
Getting tired now so will sign off. I'm sure I'll be back in the next couple of days with an update of sorts.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Trying to Live in the Moment
The title of the post contains a very hard concept for me right now. Thanksgiving went better than expected until after dinner. My mom woke up with a migraine, due to all the stress, so I knew I was going to have to really help organize everything or we wouldn't have a chance in hell at having the rest of the dinner ready when the turkey was done.
Due to the migraine meds she was on, trying to keep my mom on task was almost impossible so I got an assembly line of my brother and sister to take care of the potatoes while I took care of all the other side dishes. This allowed my mom to just take care of the easy things like getting the serving dishes and utensils and other peripheral stuff which was perfect. The dinner went off very smoothly and everyone agreed that it was the most efficient, organized, and relaxed (most importantly) Thanksgiving preparation ever. My sister didn't have a problem with the wine, in fact she had a glass which I wasn't particularly comfortable with but since my parents had put a wine glass in front of her setting, what was I going to do?
After dinner, I put I. to bed and that's when things got pretty irritating 'cause my sister was acting all weird, saying bizarre things, and doing this weird "staring thing" that she does at my brother's new girlfriend and the girls too. So people started laughing and she just kept laughing inappropriately loud and talking super loud which I was afraid would interfere with I. falling asleep (over an hour later than normal as is). So I had to keep telling her to shut up but she kept doing it until dessert. V. was falling asleep by this point so we left right after dessert. Apart from that last 30 minutes, Thanksgiving was a success but boy am I tired!
Driving home, my mind inevitably drifted to Mark. It also drifted to the fact that V. will be leaving on Monday morning at 7am-ish and be gone for the longest time we've ever been apart and at a difficult time of year. I started getting sad but am trying to not go there now but it's really hard. Sometimes it's better to deal with things in little bits before they happen so that you don't hold it together to just fall apart completely when the event actually happens. I don't know which is healthier - guess I should have figured this out before this weekend!
Due to the migraine meds she was on, trying to keep my mom on task was almost impossible so I got an assembly line of my brother and sister to take care of the potatoes while I took care of all the other side dishes. This allowed my mom to just take care of the easy things like getting the serving dishes and utensils and other peripheral stuff which was perfect. The dinner went off very smoothly and everyone agreed that it was the most efficient, organized, and relaxed (most importantly) Thanksgiving preparation ever. My sister didn't have a problem with the wine, in fact she had a glass which I wasn't particularly comfortable with but since my parents had put a wine glass in front of her setting, what was I going to do?
After dinner, I put I. to bed and that's when things got pretty irritating 'cause my sister was acting all weird, saying bizarre things, and doing this weird "staring thing" that she does at my brother's new girlfriend and the girls too. So people started laughing and she just kept laughing inappropriately loud and talking super loud which I was afraid would interfere with I. falling asleep (over an hour later than normal as is). So I had to keep telling her to shut up but she kept doing it until dessert. V. was falling asleep by this point so we left right after dessert. Apart from that last 30 minutes, Thanksgiving was a success but boy am I tired!
Driving home, my mind inevitably drifted to Mark. It also drifted to the fact that V. will be leaving on Monday morning at 7am-ish and be gone for the longest time we've ever been apart and at a difficult time of year. I started getting sad but am trying to not go there now but it's really hard. Sometimes it's better to deal with things in little bits before they happen so that you don't hold it together to just fall apart completely when the event actually happens. I don't know which is healthier - guess I should have figured this out before this weekend!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
First Good Day in Awhile
This may be too much information but it was a first so I must document it. Despite the fact that we had a full house to say the least last night with all beds and couches manned, things got a little frisky and in the middle of it (and this is the first that I was talking about), V. says to me, "I'm really going to miss you." I honestly feel like that's the nicest thing he's ever said to me, at least in my memory. I will be replaying that for the next month in my mind.
This afternoon, I got to spend a few hours with a friend of mine who used to be my therapist about 8 years back and that was helpful and enjoyable. We went and walked at the beach for an hour and a half and then had a mojito and an appetizer that she forced me to eat at a local restaurant. It was good to talk with someone who "got it" without me having to preface anything or worry about how I said something. I have to admit, I was pretty exhausted afterwards due to the subject matter but I was able to doze off for 15 minutes and it was enough to recharge my battery for the evening.
The BBQ went really well - our parents had a fantastic time and so did we. Even though they are from 2 separate coasts, they just have always gotten along so well - talking, laughing, just like they were old friends. V. and I went inside to clean up and make coffee and they were just cracking up and talking up a storm. I especially felt happy for V.'s parents since they don't seem to ever have time to have fun, relax, and socialize with people their age. Really a fun night for everyone.
I. had a hard time with her sisters leaving this morning and I'm trying to prepare myself for Tuesday when V. and his parents all go to the airport and it's just I. and I. It's really almost impossible not to feel abandoned in a way. We've had all these people here around us, surrounded by love and fun, and then BOOM! everyone is gone and it's back to just her and I. Usually V. is working when he comes home from Saudi so we still don't get to enjoy him all that much but this time, he's been home and it's going to be very hard on both I. and I.
This afternoon, I got to spend a few hours with a friend of mine who used to be my therapist about 8 years back and that was helpful and enjoyable. We went and walked at the beach for an hour and a half and then had a mojito and an appetizer that she forced me to eat at a local restaurant. It was good to talk with someone who "got it" without me having to preface anything or worry about how I said something. I have to admit, I was pretty exhausted afterwards due to the subject matter but I was able to doze off for 15 minutes and it was enough to recharge my battery for the evening.
The BBQ went really well - our parents had a fantastic time and so did we. Even though they are from 2 separate coasts, they just have always gotten along so well - talking, laughing, just like they were old friends. V. and I went inside to clean up and make coffee and they were just cracking up and talking up a storm. I especially felt happy for V.'s parents since they don't seem to ever have time to have fun, relax, and socialize with people their age. Really a fun night for everyone.
I. had a hard time with her sisters leaving this morning and I'm trying to prepare myself for Tuesday when V. and his parents all go to the airport and it's just I. and I. It's really almost impossible not to feel abandoned in a way. We've had all these people here around us, surrounded by love and fun, and then BOOM! everyone is gone and it's back to just her and I. Usually V. is working when he comes home from Saudi so we still don't get to enjoy him all that much but this time, he's been home and it's going to be very hard on both I. and I.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Night Before
So tomorrow morning, I. and I will be going to the airport to pick V. up. We haven't seen him since the 5th so we're really excited. Or rather, I am since I didn't tell I. it was going to be tomorrow because I just KNOW that she'd be up at 4am ready to go. However, we did buy a balloon to take to the airport. Why you ask? Well, we got a book at the library that I. really identified with and enjoyed about a little boy waiting for his daddy to come back from work after a really long time. It was military but I made it work. So we've been talking about getting a balloon when V. is coming home that she can hold so that he can find her. It really is kind of heart wrenching but it's good too. So tomorrow morning is going to be like a Christmas morning of sorts and we'll enjoy it.
This morning we dropped off an early birthday present to Mark. He's in quarantine right now because the chemo has ruined his immune system and any exposure to sickness could land him in the hospital. In light of the fact that he is beginning to feel hunger again, we packed him up a box of fresh fruit and some soft veggies (everything still has to pass thru the tube to come out) and wrapped it up in some festive birthday wrapping paper. The rest of his cool gifts will have to wait until he's better and we're better too (we have been/still are sick over here). Looking forward to seeing his face light up with the other presents. More about that later...
This morning we dropped off an early birthday present to Mark. He's in quarantine right now because the chemo has ruined his immune system and any exposure to sickness could land him in the hospital. In light of the fact that he is beginning to feel hunger again, we packed him up a box of fresh fruit and some soft veggies (everything still has to pass thru the tube to come out) and wrapped it up in some festive birthday wrapping paper. The rest of his cool gifts will have to wait until he's better and we're better too (we have been/still are sick over here). Looking forward to seeing his face light up with the other presents. More about that later...
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