I'm beginning Day 2 of contractions. Yesterday's were 20 minutes apart and this morning they look more like 15 minutes or so. They aren't particularly painful so I still was able to get some sleep last night. Now that I've been through this before, I appreciate the need to get as much sleep and rest as possible early in the process.
My OB appt. is later on this morning and I'm not looking forward to the inevitable cervical exam. I would like him to be able to feel it and tell me if there is any change but not at the cost of my future sexual well-being. It would only be fair if I could kick him in the balls beforehand so that he experience the level of pain I am feeling while he's trying to get down and around the baby's head. Maybe then I'd call it even. In my birth plan, I've requested a nurse who is ameniable to drug-free labor. I'm reconsidering changing that requirement to the nurse who has the smallest hand width. I think that would be a much better choice.
If there is anything notable to report from the appts. today, I'll update.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
TMI
So yesterday was a weird sort of Twilight Zone day that leads me to believe that I am in the pre-labor warm up dance. First of all, the title of this post is TMI and if you don't know what that stands for, you shouldn't be reading this sad little blog in the first place. You've been warned.
Here's the rundown of yesterday's oddities: lots of pressure and sharp pain in my upper thighs, lower abdomen, and butthole. Yep, that's right sharp pains in my butthole. Pleasant isn't it? If that didn't put you off your breakfast, this might: I went the bathroom, as in loose #2's, no less than 6 times yesterday. Add that to having to pee every 10 minutes and it's a miracle I was able to even leave the house! So that whole evacuation thing was strange just by itself. Then last night, the B/H contractions ramped up to every 10 minutes for a couple of hours until I cried "Uncle" and went to bed.
V. wasn't home last night so at bathroom break #3 at 5am. this morning, the racing what-if thoughts started up. What if my OB appt. or baby testing appt. this morning showed something that had to be dealt with immediately? How would I get I. from Vacation Bible School? Who would I call first? How would someone else pick up I. without the car seat? Well, after an hour and a half of worrying and fruitlessly trying to relax and fall asleep, I gave up. At least I won't be rushing around this morning. But I will be tired seeing as I had a hard time going to sleep (it was probably close to 11) and then getting up at 5. I've been needing 9 hours of sleep and I got about 6 so it's going to be an uphill kind of day.
We'll see what the appts. show this morning. V. will be home tonight and I'm not letting him spend the night elsewhere until after the baby is born so hopefully that will prevent these what-if racing thoughts.
One more quick thing before I run to get ready. I forgot to post this after last Thursday's OB appt. and maybe it's just me but this was another WEIRD moment for me. But maybe it's just me, it really could be, I'm just really strange about things.
My OB is a nice older man, as in late 60's I would guess and looks pretty much like his age. Glasses, gray hair, a little balding, walks around in his white coat and most importantly, he looks like a doctor. Which is good if he's your OBGYN. Because if someone is looking down THERE, I want him to look more like a doctor than a man. See, it's getting weird already and I'm not even to the weird part. Last week was the first internal exam of the pregnancy (gotta love being a woman) and I made it through. A little while later, I. and I are walking through the parking lot to our car when this convertible, sporty BMW starts to pass us and I hear, "Hi!" I look over and it's my doctor. In a sporty, convertible BMW (did I mention that?) with a snazzy checkered short sleeve shirt, no glasses and looking probably 10 years younger. The problem being he looks like a man, not a doctor. To make matters worse, he looks like some of the men who have flirted with me in the past (before I got knocked up). I've always attracted older men - I seem to work on a 20 year sliding scale. In my 20s, the men were 40s, and now that I'm 40s, they are 60s. Guess when I hit 60s, I won't have too much to worry about - hah!!
The whole situation just skeeved me out. For crying out loud, he just stuck his hand up my vajayvay and now he's tooling around all spiffy like and greeting me like we're friends. Ewww!!! I know, it's probably just one of my issues and I'm okay with that. At least when I told V., he understood where I was coming from. At least he did after I compared to getting the prostate poke exam from the female doctor and then having her all dressed up and greeting him friendly like outside the office. It's always good to have appropriate comparisons when talking to men, you know.
Here's the rundown of yesterday's oddities: lots of pressure and sharp pain in my upper thighs, lower abdomen, and butthole. Yep, that's right sharp pains in my butthole. Pleasant isn't it? If that didn't put you off your breakfast, this might: I went the bathroom, as in loose #2's, no less than 6 times yesterday. Add that to having to pee every 10 minutes and it's a miracle I was able to even leave the house! So that whole evacuation thing was strange just by itself. Then last night, the B/H contractions ramped up to every 10 minutes for a couple of hours until I cried "Uncle" and went to bed.
V. wasn't home last night so at bathroom break #3 at 5am. this morning, the racing what-if thoughts started up. What if my OB appt. or baby testing appt. this morning showed something that had to be dealt with immediately? How would I get I. from Vacation Bible School? Who would I call first? How would someone else pick up I. without the car seat? Well, after an hour and a half of worrying and fruitlessly trying to relax and fall asleep, I gave up. At least I won't be rushing around this morning. But I will be tired seeing as I had a hard time going to sleep (it was probably close to 11) and then getting up at 5. I've been needing 9 hours of sleep and I got about 6 so it's going to be an uphill kind of day.
We'll see what the appts. show this morning. V. will be home tonight and I'm not letting him spend the night elsewhere until after the baby is born so hopefully that will prevent these what-if racing thoughts.
One more quick thing before I run to get ready. I forgot to post this after last Thursday's OB appt. and maybe it's just me but this was another WEIRD moment for me. But maybe it's just me, it really could be, I'm just really strange about things.
My OB is a nice older man, as in late 60's I would guess and looks pretty much like his age. Glasses, gray hair, a little balding, walks around in his white coat and most importantly, he looks like a doctor. Which is good if he's your OBGYN. Because if someone is looking down THERE, I want him to look more like a doctor than a man. See, it's getting weird already and I'm not even to the weird part. Last week was the first internal exam of the pregnancy (gotta love being a woman) and I made it through. A little while later, I. and I are walking through the parking lot to our car when this convertible, sporty BMW starts to pass us and I hear, "Hi!" I look over and it's my doctor. In a sporty, convertible BMW (did I mention that?) with a snazzy checkered short sleeve shirt, no glasses and looking probably 10 years younger. The problem being he looks like a man, not a doctor. To make matters worse, he looks like some of the men who have flirted with me in the past (before I got knocked up). I've always attracted older men - I seem to work on a 20 year sliding scale. In my 20s, the men were 40s, and now that I'm 40s, they are 60s. Guess when I hit 60s, I won't have too much to worry about - hah!!
The whole situation just skeeved me out. For crying out loud, he just stuck his hand up my vajayvay and now he's tooling around all spiffy like and greeting me like we're friends. Ewww!!! I know, it's probably just one of my issues and I'm okay with that. At least when I told V., he understood where I was coming from. At least he did after I compared to getting the prostate poke exam from the female doctor and then having her all dressed up and greeting him friendly like outside the office. It's always good to have appropriate comparisons when talking to men, you know.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Home Stretch
I hate the big lapses of time between my postings and wonder how people have something to blog about every day. It's not that I don't have things to say - it's more a function of the fact that I'm not near a computer when I have something to actually say and when I am near the computer, I'm too damn tired to say it.
That seems to be the name of the game the past week or so. I know, it's not unexpected to be tired in the last weeks of pregnancy. For some reason, that fact just hasn't been accepted completely by my psyche.
If labor was to begin like it did with I., it would be beginning a week from today. A week from today! And she was only 10 days early so even if I go closer to term, I don't have much time left. Probably just as well considering that by evening, I'm tired. Actually by the time I get ready in the morning, which is usually around 9-ish, my legs are already feeling weak. The rest of the day is just a function of me pushing ahead and doing what needs to be done.
With all that being said, I still feel so very blessed by this pregnancy considering the late start I got in finding V. and getting my family life started. There are so many women who can't get pregnant or have to go through fertility treatments or have had miscarriages. And here I sit, two for two with a girl and now a boy. Like I said, truly blessed. V. and I seem to be quietly pulling together - mind you, it's not a verbal conversation we've had - but I can sense it in how we are with one another and it's soothing. I didn't feel it when I was pregnant with I. but this time around, I feel this quiet bonding. I hope that it carries into labor and the early days of this new baby boy.
Today I purposely planned a I. and Mommy Day. A day with no to-do errands and no rushing around, just easy going and fun stuff today. We are hanging out this morning, catching up on some things around the house then we'll go to lunch at our favorite breakfast place for pancakes and bacon. Then we're going to see the Winnie the Pooh movie. I. is really excited and I'm happy about it too. Starting tomorrow she's going to Vacation Bible School in the mornings for the next 6 weekdays so this may be our last dedicated I. and Mommy Day until after the baby comes. This is still hard to believe and imagine. As it gets closer, it somehow seems like less of a reality rather than more of one. I guess it's may be just a function of a little denial and not wanting to worry about the labor and delivery.
V. is going through a stressful, difficult week at work so I'm praying that the baby won't kick things off at least until the end of the week at the soonest. Especially since V. will be out of town until Thursday night. Of course, as I type that sentence another contraction hits....
That seems to be the name of the game the past week or so. I know, it's not unexpected to be tired in the last weeks of pregnancy. For some reason, that fact just hasn't been accepted completely by my psyche.
If labor was to begin like it did with I., it would be beginning a week from today. A week from today! And she was only 10 days early so even if I go closer to term, I don't have much time left. Probably just as well considering that by evening, I'm tired. Actually by the time I get ready in the morning, which is usually around 9-ish, my legs are already feeling weak. The rest of the day is just a function of me pushing ahead and doing what needs to be done.
With all that being said, I still feel so very blessed by this pregnancy considering the late start I got in finding V. and getting my family life started. There are so many women who can't get pregnant or have to go through fertility treatments or have had miscarriages. And here I sit, two for two with a girl and now a boy. Like I said, truly blessed. V. and I seem to be quietly pulling together - mind you, it's not a verbal conversation we've had - but I can sense it in how we are with one another and it's soothing. I didn't feel it when I was pregnant with I. but this time around, I feel this quiet bonding. I hope that it carries into labor and the early days of this new baby boy.
Today I purposely planned a I. and Mommy Day. A day with no to-do errands and no rushing around, just easy going and fun stuff today. We are hanging out this morning, catching up on some things around the house then we'll go to lunch at our favorite breakfast place for pancakes and bacon. Then we're going to see the Winnie the Pooh movie. I. is really excited and I'm happy about it too. Starting tomorrow she's going to Vacation Bible School in the mornings for the next 6 weekdays so this may be our last dedicated I. and Mommy Day until after the baby comes. This is still hard to believe and imagine. As it gets closer, it somehow seems like less of a reality rather than more of one. I guess it's may be just a function of a little denial and not wanting to worry about the labor and delivery.
V. is going through a stressful, difficult week at work so I'm praying that the baby won't kick things off at least until the end of the week at the soonest. Especially since V. will be out of town until Thursday night. Of course, as I type that sentence another contraction hits....
Monday, July 18, 2011
Weird
I don't want to be an alarmist by any means but something was going on throughout the night and I'm not sure what it was. To start with, I was really tired yesterday by noon. My legs felt like lead and I didn't feel much like eating. Okay, I get it - I'm very pregnant and that's all probably very normal.
But then in the middle of the night I woke up with strange belly pain and it lasted throughout the night. It didn't feel like contractions, false or otherwise, so it was hard to describe. My belly just felt really sore, kind of muscle cramping especially in the top half of it and it hurt enough to wake me up and keep me up.
This morning seems normal enough. My legs do feel like lead again and I'm tired but I didn't sleep well either so that makes sense. The pain isn't there but my belly is rather hard this morning. The baby is moving and grooving so I know he is fine. Me? Well, I'm not so sure on that. I guess we'll just wait and see.
But then in the middle of the night I woke up with strange belly pain and it lasted throughout the night. It didn't feel like contractions, false or otherwise, so it was hard to describe. My belly just felt really sore, kind of muscle cramping especially in the top half of it and it hurt enough to wake me up and keep me up.
This morning seems normal enough. My legs do feel like lead again and I'm tired but I didn't sleep well either so that makes sense. The pain isn't there but my belly is rather hard this morning. The baby is moving and grooving so I know he is fine. Me? Well, I'm not so sure on that. I guess we'll just wait and see.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Holiday Weekend Kickoff
I didn't have time to post in the morning as we were rushing around trying to get I. to her morning summer camp at her preschool Monday thru Thursday and then early gymnastics' class on Friday. We are going to have to get a whole lot better at this once kindergarten starts especially because we'll have to be leaving the house 30 minutes earlier and there will be 2 rugrats to deal with. Of course, depending on the new little guy's eating schedule, I may be up at 5:30 in the morning and will have no problem getting us out of the house early. So I won't dedicate much thought to it.
It was a good week, albeit a somewhat busy week. I did get a little quiet time some mornings while I. was at camp. I got my hair cut which is always a good thing and I got quite a few errands done as well. I may have overdone it the last 2 days though. On Thursday, I fit in 4 different errands (one was 25 minutes away) between 9:15 and 11:45, picked I. up from camp, met my parents for lunch before our last ultrasound appointment. It may not sound like too much (I didn't think so either) but by 4pm, I wasn't feeling very well, just so tired. It didn't help that for some reason, I. has been falling asleep about 1.5 hours later so her behavior was bordering on pissy and defiant. Yesterday, we went to gymnastics class in the morning and then off to the fair for the rest of the day, just I. and I. It was a nice time but it got really warm and by the end of our day, I again was not feeling very well. Heavy belly, tired, overheated - you get the picture. But it was fun to watch I. on one of the scary roller coaster ride; she was by far the smallest, was riding by herself, and purposely picked the very last car since it's the scariest one. She had a combined look of terror and pure joy as that thing whipped around. I was so proud of her daringness (is that a word?) and I laughed as she shrieked at the top of her lungs.
I was also proud of her as I watched her in gymnastics. The class I registered for got cancelled so the one that they put her in is actually 2-3 class levels above what she was in before. Not only is it 1.5 hours long instead of 40 minutes, it's so much more difficult than her other class. The other 3 girls have obviously been at this level for at least a couple of classes so I. is well behind. Yesterday was her 2nd class and she was shocking the teacher by how well she was doing. She's going to be one of those kids that does better when she is really challenged rather than get discouraged and give up. That inner fortitude and resilience is what I love about her. It's also what makes raising her on a daily basis so challenging.
I'm hoping for a family-building, productive weekend. We're not going over to my parents' house so that my sister can celebrate 4th of July with them since next weekend will be my brother's birthday and she won't be there for that. I think this is the first 4th of July I've spent at home. Isn't that weird? So off I go to kick off this holiday weekend...
It was a good week, albeit a somewhat busy week. I did get a little quiet time some mornings while I. was at camp. I got my hair cut which is always a good thing and I got quite a few errands done as well. I may have overdone it the last 2 days though. On Thursday, I fit in 4 different errands (one was 25 minutes away) between 9:15 and 11:45, picked I. up from camp, met my parents for lunch before our last ultrasound appointment. It may not sound like too much (I didn't think so either) but by 4pm, I wasn't feeling very well, just so tired. It didn't help that for some reason, I. has been falling asleep about 1.5 hours later so her behavior was bordering on pissy and defiant. Yesterday, we went to gymnastics class in the morning and then off to the fair for the rest of the day, just I. and I. It was a nice time but it got really warm and by the end of our day, I again was not feeling very well. Heavy belly, tired, overheated - you get the picture. But it was fun to watch I. on one of the scary roller coaster ride; she was by far the smallest, was riding by herself, and purposely picked the very last car since it's the scariest one. She had a combined look of terror and pure joy as that thing whipped around. I was so proud of her daringness (is that a word?) and I laughed as she shrieked at the top of her lungs.
I was also proud of her as I watched her in gymnastics. The class I registered for got cancelled so the one that they put her in is actually 2-3 class levels above what she was in before. Not only is it 1.5 hours long instead of 40 minutes, it's so much more difficult than her other class. The other 3 girls have obviously been at this level for at least a couple of classes so I. is well behind. Yesterday was her 2nd class and she was shocking the teacher by how well she was doing. She's going to be one of those kids that does better when she is really challenged rather than get discouraged and give up. That inner fortitude and resilience is what I love about her. It's also what makes raising her on a daily basis so challenging.
I'm hoping for a family-building, productive weekend. We're not going over to my parents' house so that my sister can celebrate 4th of July with them since next weekend will be my brother's birthday and she won't be there for that. I think this is the first 4th of July I've spent at home. Isn't that weird? So off I go to kick off this holiday weekend...
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wonderous
I just have time to say...
There is truly something magical and wonderous about waking up to the soft bumping and thumping of this little guy inside of me. While I may not particularly enjoy the grinding and hard kicking in my rib cage, waking up and feeling him softly moving around is amazing. The last few nights while I lay down to read before going to sleep, he's been getting the hiccups and it makes me laugh. This rhythmic popping feeling in the middle of quiet relaxation is neat. It makes the rest of the physical hardships worth every minute and makes me once again thankful that I got to experience this miracle not once, but twice.
I'm a lucky woman.
There is truly something magical and wonderous about waking up to the soft bumping and thumping of this little guy inside of me. While I may not particularly enjoy the grinding and hard kicking in my rib cage, waking up and feeling him softly moving around is amazing. The last few nights while I lay down to read before going to sleep, he's been getting the hiccups and it makes me laugh. This rhythmic popping feeling in the middle of quiet relaxation is neat. It makes the rest of the physical hardships worth every minute and makes me once again thankful that I got to experience this miracle not once, but twice.
I'm a lucky woman.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Father's Day
We're back from vacation and hitting the ground running. Everything is unpacked, put away and one load of laundry washed, dried and waiting for folding. Today is Father's Day and despite my best laid plans, I am going to show up at my parents' house without gifts. Why? Because I ordered them on Amazon and yes, they were delivered. Unfortunately they were delivered by USPS and I had the mail on vacation hold to all be delivered in bulk tomorrow. Yes, my dad's Father's Day gifts for today will be delivered to me tomorrow. So much for thinking that 2 day shipping would automatically mean UPS delivery. I mean, if I want to make sure anybody gets anything within a week, I don't use USPS because it tends to be a crap shoot. Well, I guess they have a "special" agreement with Amazon. I just hope my dad doesn't get hurt by it. I mean he'll say he understands and it's no big deal but he tends to be sensitive about stuff like this. Oh well, I can only control so much in life, right?
V. is taking a nap right now before we head over to my parents' house because that's what he likes to do and it is his Father's Day too. This past week, I could tell he was making an effort to be more involved with I. without too much prodding on my part and I made sure I pointed it out to him and how much I appreciated it. This is not to say that he's standoffish with I. or uninvolved. I think it's a function of not physically being in the girls' lives for most of their lives and working so much during I.'s life. It's not that he doesn't want to be, it's more that he just is out of practice. To see I. thriving and basking in the daily daddy attention made my heart happy.
Believe it or not, still nothing was said about my letter about my sister to my parents. V. asked me yesterday whether she was going to be there tomorrow and I said I assumed (yeah, not good to assume I know) that she wouldn't be even though nothing was said and honestly, the best Father's Day gift for my dad is if she wasn't there.
The next two weeks are a whirlwind of fitting things into an already full schedule. It tires me out to just look at the calendar but I have to say that it is well balanced between necessary things and fun stuff. I'll just have to manage my energy level. The practice contractions are coming more often but I think that's normal. Due to the baby still residing right under my stomach, my appetite has gone way down. I'm eating when I'm hungry but I'm not hungry that often. As a result, over last week's vacation I lost 2 pounds. That's after not gaining any for the preceding 2 weeks. Yes, I'm a little concerned but it's obvious that I and the baby have grown over the last week and I'm taking my vitamins so I think everything is still okay. My OB appointment is this Friday so we'll see if anything is said.
Got to get I.'s presents for Bobbi ready and get us ready for the day. Hopefully, it will be a nice, calm Father's Day!
V. is taking a nap right now before we head over to my parents' house because that's what he likes to do and it is his Father's Day too. This past week, I could tell he was making an effort to be more involved with I. without too much prodding on my part and I made sure I pointed it out to him and how much I appreciated it. This is not to say that he's standoffish with I. or uninvolved. I think it's a function of not physically being in the girls' lives for most of their lives and working so much during I.'s life. It's not that he doesn't want to be, it's more that he just is out of practice. To see I. thriving and basking in the daily daddy attention made my heart happy.
Believe it or not, still nothing was said about my letter about my sister to my parents. V. asked me yesterday whether she was going to be there tomorrow and I said I assumed (yeah, not good to assume I know) that she wouldn't be even though nothing was said and honestly, the best Father's Day gift for my dad is if she wasn't there.
The next two weeks are a whirlwind of fitting things into an already full schedule. It tires me out to just look at the calendar but I have to say that it is well balanced between necessary things and fun stuff. I'll just have to manage my energy level. The practice contractions are coming more often but I think that's normal. Due to the baby still residing right under my stomach, my appetite has gone way down. I'm eating when I'm hungry but I'm not hungry that often. As a result, over last week's vacation I lost 2 pounds. That's after not gaining any for the preceding 2 weeks. Yes, I'm a little concerned but it's obvious that I and the baby have grown over the last week and I'm taking my vitamins so I think everything is still okay. My OB appointment is this Friday so we'll see if anything is said.
Got to get I.'s presents for Bobbi ready and get us ready for the day. Hopefully, it will be a nice, calm Father's Day!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Part 2: Now the Fun Can Begin
So after my soberer on the side of the tub, I had to suck it up and get I. To bed. As soon as I was done with that, I launched into my frustration with every vacation over the past year and a half being like an exercise of futility and furthermore, I hated this room. Yes, it was a mini nervous breakdown and not the way I envisioned starting our vacation but sometimes, you just have to let disappointment out. I asked V. If he would see if we could change condos, part of me not expecting him to. The reason why I didn't expect him to was that we had just unloaded the entire car up 2 flights of stairs in 100 degree heat and changing condos would mean that we would have to carry everything back down, repack the car, and then unpack and carry everything back up again in this heat. Even I wasn't sure if it was really worth all that.
But as soon as I got in the shower, he called and arranged for us to move condos the next day so that I could have the vacation experience that I and been looking forward to so much. All this for only an extra $100. When he told me it was taken care of, I got all teary eyed and gave him a big hug foe his generosity and kindness. He said if I didn't stop tearing up, he would call them and tell them to cancel it. Have I mentioned how uncomfortable V. Is with emotion? He is a caveman with a soft heart when it comes to me.
Anyways, here I sit on my patio with a golf course view, thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet and being surrounded by nature. I have to admit that I do miss my adult beverage because that has always been a part of this evening patio experience. But feeling the warm breeze on my skin as the grass falls into the shadows and the tops of the palm trees become illuminated by the setting sun, it's soothing to my soul. I can't believe that tomorrow night is already our last night here. It just has gone way to fast. I've been enjoying and savoring the time I've gotten to spend with I. This week and have been busy trying to make memories of this last summer of being the only kid. We've played in the pool together, played video games, colored, and taken baths together in the huge jacuzzi tub. Very special moments to remember and ones that I will make a concerted effort to carve out for us even when this baby boy enters the scene. Today I could see that I. Was enjoying these special moments because she wanted to snuggle with me and a couple of times at the pool, she not only told me I looked beautiful but threw her arms around me and said wi a big hug, "You're the best and sweetest mommy!". How does it get any better than that?
I have to admit that the end of this vacation triggers anxiety in me because I knew when it was over, we would really be on the cusp of this new baby coming. It really scares me to be honest. The extra responsibility, the extra time and energy commitment, the inevitable changes it will bring into our happy little life. I know when I meet this little guy and see the interaction between I. And him, it will be wonderful but it still doesn't keep the anxiety from coming. It's probably just a function of how slowly I adapt to change. At least I hope so.
But as soon as I got in the shower, he called and arranged for us to move condos the next day so that I could have the vacation experience that I and been looking forward to so much. All this for only an extra $100. When he told me it was taken care of, I got all teary eyed and gave him a big hug foe his generosity and kindness. He said if I didn't stop tearing up, he would call them and tell them to cancel it. Have I mentioned how uncomfortable V. Is with emotion? He is a caveman with a soft heart when it comes to me.
Anyways, here I sit on my patio with a golf course view, thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet and being surrounded by nature. I have to admit that I do miss my adult beverage because that has always been a part of this evening patio experience. But feeling the warm breeze on my skin as the grass falls into the shadows and the tops of the palm trees become illuminated by the setting sun, it's soothing to my soul. I can't believe that tomorrow night is already our last night here. It just has gone way to fast. I've been enjoying and savoring the time I've gotten to spend with I. This week and have been busy trying to make memories of this last summer of being the only kid. We've played in the pool together, played video games, colored, and taken baths together in the huge jacuzzi tub. Very special moments to remember and ones that I will make a concerted effort to carve out for us even when this baby boy enters the scene. Today I could see that I. Was enjoying these special moments because she wanted to snuggle with me and a couple of times at the pool, she not only told me I looked beautiful but threw her arms around me and said wi a big hug, "You're the best and sweetest mommy!". How does it get any better than that?
I have to admit that the end of this vacation triggers anxiety in me because I knew when it was over, we would really be on the cusp of this new baby coming. It really scares me to be honest. The extra responsibility, the extra time and energy commitment, the inevitable changes it will bring into our happy little life. I know when I meet this little guy and see the interaction between I. And him, it will be wonderful but it still doesn't keep the anxiety from coming. It's probably just a function of how slowly I adapt to change. At least I hope so.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Pregnancy Thoughts
I know that it's easier when the bun is in the oven than when it comes out. I get that. Part of me loves the miracle and experience of feeling the little guy moving around inside of me. But part of me, namely the inside of my ribcage, is tired of being pummeled and kicked to the point of pain and soreness.
Then I realize how quickly this pregnancy is coming to an end. I mean, we're almost at the end of May, then there's June and July and bang, there's August. I start having to take deep breaths at that point and start humming in my mind along with the chant, "It'll be okay, it'll be okay."
'Cause I know it will be okay but I'm just concerned about how okay it's going to be. I mean, I'm tired mentally, physically, and emotionally just dealing with my force of nature as a mostly single parental unit. To think of throwing a newborn in the mix exhausts me even further.
And it's not just that. It's the knowledge that comes with the consecutive children. With the first, you're more concerned with "I am going to be responsible with keeping this child alive." With the ones after that (and maybe it's just me who worries about this crazy stuff), you realize that keeping them alive is the easy part as compared to actually raising them to be humans with strength, resilience, and morals to do the right thing on a daily basis whether you are there or not. That's what weighs me down - the enormity of this parenting responsibility and my concern that I won't have the emotional stamina to juggle 2 little beings' development.
Maybe the problem is that I just think too much. Only time will tell.
Then I realize how quickly this pregnancy is coming to an end. I mean, we're almost at the end of May, then there's June and July and bang, there's August. I start having to take deep breaths at that point and start humming in my mind along with the chant, "It'll be okay, it'll be okay."
'Cause I know it will be okay but I'm just concerned about how okay it's going to be. I mean, I'm tired mentally, physically, and emotionally just dealing with my force of nature as a mostly single parental unit. To think of throwing a newborn in the mix exhausts me even further.
And it's not just that. It's the knowledge that comes with the consecutive children. With the first, you're more concerned with "I am going to be responsible with keeping this child alive." With the ones after that (and maybe it's just me who worries about this crazy stuff), you realize that keeping them alive is the easy part as compared to actually raising them to be humans with strength, resilience, and morals to do the right thing on a daily basis whether you are there or not. That's what weighs me down - the enormity of this parenting responsibility and my concern that I won't have the emotional stamina to juggle 2 little beings' development.
Maybe the problem is that I just think too much. Only time will tell.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Beautiful Moment
Wonderful, couldn't have gone better, unbelievable. These are the words/phrases to describe how telling I. about the baby went. I didn't anticipate it going badly but because she never has really asked about a baby, I wasn't 100% positive.
We gave her the gift bag with the shirt and she opened it up. Saw her name on there, saw the picture of the curly hair girl and the 2 cats and then pointed at the baby in the little wagon the girl was pulling. She said, "What's this?" I read her what the shirt said "I'm Going To Be A Big Sister." and then didn't say anything to give it a chance to sink in.
She kept looking at the shirt for a couple of seconds thinking about what I said. Then all of a sudden her eyes got really wide and she looked up at me with a big joyful smile on her face. I could see that she understood so I said, "Yes Sweetie, Mommy has a baby in her tummy." She was so happy and said, "But your tummy isn't big!" I said, "Well, it kind of is, you just haven't noticed because I've been hiding it." and then I showed her.
For the rest of the day, she was full of questions. In the afternoon, we read a great book that talked about all the things she was wondering about with pregnancy and she kept saying, "Tell me more about the baby." When I was reading to her tonight, she caressed my belly the whole time and asked if it felt good to the baby. It was just so darn sweet.
My heart swells with love and pride for her little generous, sweet heart. She is going to be such a good big sister.
We gave her the gift bag with the shirt and she opened it up. Saw her name on there, saw the picture of the curly hair girl and the 2 cats and then pointed at the baby in the little wagon the girl was pulling. She said, "What's this?" I read her what the shirt said "I'm Going To Be A Big Sister." and then didn't say anything to give it a chance to sink in.
She kept looking at the shirt for a couple of seconds thinking about what I said. Then all of a sudden her eyes got really wide and she looked up at me with a big joyful smile on her face. I could see that she understood so I said, "Yes Sweetie, Mommy has a baby in her tummy." She was so happy and said, "But your tummy isn't big!" I said, "Well, it kind of is, you just haven't noticed because I've been hiding it." and then I showed her.
For the rest of the day, she was full of questions. In the afternoon, we read a great book that talked about all the things she was wondering about with pregnancy and she kept saying, "Tell me more about the baby." When I was reading to her tonight, she caressed my belly the whole time and asked if it felt good to the baby. It was just so darn sweet.
My heart swells with love and pride for her little generous, sweet heart. She is going to be such a good big sister.
I.'s Big News
In the middle of this demolition zone, in just a little while, we are going to tell I. the news that she will be a big sister. Anyone who knows me knows that I have given this a lot of thought. V. makes fun of me, not in a mean way, because he can. But in life, there are a few important moments that can set the stage for future life events and you don't get a do-over on them. To me, this is one of them.
I ordered a customized shirt saying, "I'm Going To Be a Big Sister" with a picture of a curly haired girl, 2 cats, and I.'s name on it. I also have some library books on what is going on inside of my tummy to help I.'s inquistive mind understand what is happening and what will be happening.
Part of me is excited for her and what this will mean. I always wanted her to have a sibling to grow up with, make memories with, and have alongside her in life after V. and I are gone. Yet part of me is sad, tears in my eyes sad, because once this fact is out there, we can never go back to how it's been the last 5+ years. I'm sure V. chalks this up to pregnancy hormones and yeah, maybe some of it is. But some of it is that she is my special child, my first, and it's mostly just been her and I since she was 4 months old thanks to V.'s crappy travel schedule.
Nothing can take that time away from us, I know and I am so thankful for it because I think it has laid a foundation for our relationship for the rest of our lives. And let's face it, there is just something about your firstborn. It's not that you feel more love for them, it's just with the first one, everything is brand new, full of wonder, and an adventure all around because you really have no idea what to expect.
I ordered a customized shirt saying, "I'm Going To Be a Big Sister" with a picture of a curly haired girl, 2 cats, and I.'s name on it. I also have some library books on what is going on inside of my tummy to help I.'s inquistive mind understand what is happening and what will be happening.
Part of me is excited for her and what this will mean. I always wanted her to have a sibling to grow up with, make memories with, and have alongside her in life after V. and I are gone. Yet part of me is sad, tears in my eyes sad, because once this fact is out there, we can never go back to how it's been the last 5+ years. I'm sure V. chalks this up to pregnancy hormones and yeah, maybe some of it is. But some of it is that she is my special child, my first, and it's mostly just been her and I since she was 4 months old thanks to V.'s crappy travel schedule.
Nothing can take that time away from us, I know and I am so thankful for it because I think it has laid a foundation for our relationship for the rest of our lives. And let's face it, there is just something about your firstborn. It's not that you feel more love for them, it's just with the first one, everything is brand new, full of wonder, and an adventure all around because you really have no idea what to expect.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Slowly
This adverb "slowly" accurately describes my recovery this week from the stomach flu. Just when I would think that my stomach could adequately handle some sort of food, it let me know very quickly and in a very unpleasant and painful manner that no, it was not ready. I wish it could just let me know ahead of time instead of tricking me with a random hunger pain and then punishing me after the fact. This type of trick had me wandering the house in the middle of the night in pain in search of something, anything that would get my bowels to calm down and let me sleep. Last night a truce was called and I actually got some sleep which should help make for a more productive day. I really don't think I can stand the suitcases sitting unpacked on the ground much longer. I swear they are beginning to taunt me when I walk by them but when you're seriously low on energy, you have to budget wisely.
Yesterday was my normal OB appointment and I ended up being bummed out for the rest of the day. I don't think that's right considering that everything went well. We heard what's it's heartbeat (a first for V.), my blood pressure was nice and low, my weight right on the money, and besides, I had those awesome test results from before. I figured it would be a really positive appointment. But no, of course not. After looking at my chart, the first question was, "Are you going for genetic counseling?" I asked him if he had seen how good my test results were and I didn't see a need to sit down and talk with someone unless some test showed something worrisome. Yeah let's sit down and have a negative, the-sky-is-falling conversation about risks that are not coming up in my results - what is the friggin' point of that?!
The doctor said okay but again reiterated that at 40, they highly recommend an amnio. I just simply responded, "No thanks." He said that was my choice but began reiterating the whole "at 40..." converation to which I stopped him with, "we wouldn't do anything no matter what the amnio showed anyways." That stopped him in his tracks and he said, "Well that's good to know."
Here's the rub: I picked this guy over 10 years because he was positive, cheerful, calm, and always in a pleasant mood. And now this time around, I've wound up with Eeoyre. I mean he says all these things pleasantly enough but it's just the fact that this is a wonderous time, a miracle of life and when I go into that office, it's like everyone is just waiting for the other shoe to drop and God forbid, don't say anything positive about how smoothly the pregnancy and tests are going. Don't acknowledge that - that may be way too much positive energy. What's ironic is that when I go to the place to get the tests done, they are very positive - "Oh, the baby looks perfect", "You're only 40, we have tons of 47 year olds running around here and most everybody's tests are fine." Because that is the reality. The majority of babies born to healthy mothers are just fine so why does the medical community concentrate on that 1%?
I'm hoping that once we've reached the point of no return, when all the tests are done, that these pointless conversations are over and they can start approaching this pregnancy as a happy thing, a healthy thing. I swear this is why people have home births, to circumvent this level of bullshit. Okay, enough for now of me on this soapbox.
Yesterday was my normal OB appointment and I ended up being bummed out for the rest of the day. I don't think that's right considering that everything went well. We heard what's it's heartbeat (a first for V.), my blood pressure was nice and low, my weight right on the money, and besides, I had those awesome test results from before. I figured it would be a really positive appointment. But no, of course not. After looking at my chart, the first question was, "Are you going for genetic counseling?" I asked him if he had seen how good my test results were and I didn't see a need to sit down and talk with someone unless some test showed something worrisome. Yeah let's sit down and have a negative, the-sky-is-falling conversation about risks that are not coming up in my results - what is the friggin' point of that?!
The doctor said okay but again reiterated that at 40, they highly recommend an amnio. I just simply responded, "No thanks." He said that was my choice but began reiterating the whole "at 40..." converation to which I stopped him with, "we wouldn't do anything no matter what the amnio showed anyways." That stopped him in his tracks and he said, "Well that's good to know."
Here's the rub: I picked this guy over 10 years because he was positive, cheerful, calm, and always in a pleasant mood. And now this time around, I've wound up with Eeoyre. I mean he says all these things pleasantly enough but it's just the fact that this is a wonderous time, a miracle of life and when I go into that office, it's like everyone is just waiting for the other shoe to drop and God forbid, don't say anything positive about how smoothly the pregnancy and tests are going. Don't acknowledge that - that may be way too much positive energy. What's ironic is that when I go to the place to get the tests done, they are very positive - "Oh, the baby looks perfect", "You're only 40, we have tons of 47 year olds running around here and most everybody's tests are fine." Because that is the reality. The majority of babies born to healthy mothers are just fine so why does the medical community concentrate on that 1%?
I'm hoping that once we've reached the point of no return, when all the tests are done, that these pointless conversations are over and they can start approaching this pregnancy as a happy thing, a healthy thing. I swear this is why people have home births, to circumvent this level of bullshit. Okay, enough for now of me on this soapbox.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Moving and Grooving
So there you have it - the latest and greatest picture of our What's It. We passed all our tests with flying colors, all the body parts of him/her are in perfect working condition and my innards look great too and in pristine condition to nourish a baby properly. Felt like standing up on the table and yelling, "See, I told ya so!" but I thought it might be inappropriate considering that this ultrasound lady wasn't the one being doom and gloom with me.
I laid there for 20 minutes watching this baby do its thing. Sucking its thumb, swallowing the fluid and be-bopping around my uterus and the swell of love, tenderness, and amazement was almost overwhelming. Still is.
I'm relieved and happy. There is still at least one more look and see tests coming up in the next few weeks but I'm not worried. It's all going to be okay.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A Good Day
What a day. Lots of good that's for sure but still feeling sick from the neck up so I am one tired girl tonight.
V. and I went to the doctor for my 12 week checkup in hopes of hearing our what's-it's heartbeat. After the normal preliminaries, it was time. I laid back and he started rolling the microphone around. We all kept listening but we weren't hearing anything. He kept moving it around but still nothing. That is not a good feeling. He said we'd go and do a quick ultrasound right now to doublecheck everything so off to that room we went.
I wasn't panicky at this point but while I was waiting for him to type my name in the machine, I started getting nervous. He lubed my tummy up and started moving the instrument around. Immediately we could see the shape of a baby. The doctor chuckled and said, "Oh, it's a lot higher up than I thought it would be at this point. No wonder I couldn't find the heartbeat down there." He moved it around until it was centered on the screen and before we could even look for its heartbeat, out kicked a leg, punch went an arm, and the whole body leaped up in the air like "Look at me!" Unbelievable. I started pointing out the hands, head, legs, spine etc. before the doctor even started to and while he was trying to measure its length, it kept jumping around, kicking and punching. The doctor said "My gosh, this baby is really moving around!" I had a moment of maternal pride that this baby seems as strong and energetic as his/her big sister is which was followed by a feeling of exhaustion of what it will be like if I get two high energy children.
V. and I were chuckling afterward when I turned to him in the elevator and said, "I don't think the combination of you and I make calm, easy children." We had time for lunch together afterwards just the two of us and that was a really nice treat too. The whole day was a nice bonding time for us. Below is a picture of the littlest one percolating inside of me:
V. and I went to the doctor for my 12 week checkup in hopes of hearing our what's-it's heartbeat. After the normal preliminaries, it was time. I laid back and he started rolling the microphone around. We all kept listening but we weren't hearing anything. He kept moving it around but still nothing. That is not a good feeling. He said we'd go and do a quick ultrasound right now to doublecheck everything so off to that room we went.
I wasn't panicky at this point but while I was waiting for him to type my name in the machine, I started getting nervous. He lubed my tummy up and started moving the instrument around. Immediately we could see the shape of a baby. The doctor chuckled and said, "Oh, it's a lot higher up than I thought it would be at this point. No wonder I couldn't find the heartbeat down there." He moved it around until it was centered on the screen and before we could even look for its heartbeat, out kicked a leg, punch went an arm, and the whole body leaped up in the air like "Look at me!" Unbelievable. I started pointing out the hands, head, legs, spine etc. before the doctor even started to and while he was trying to measure its length, it kept jumping around, kicking and punching. The doctor said "My gosh, this baby is really moving around!" I had a moment of maternal pride that this baby seems as strong and energetic as his/her big sister is which was followed by a feeling of exhaustion of what it will be like if I get two high energy children.
V. and I were chuckling afterward when I turned to him in the elevator and said, "I don't think the combination of you and I make calm, easy children." We had time for lunch together afterwards just the two of us and that was a really nice treat too. The whole day was a nice bonding time for us. Below is a picture of the littlest one percolating inside of me:
"Normal" Family Morning
This morning was an odd morning in that we almost appeared like a normal family. V. got home after midnight last night and actually was still asleep when we tottered downstairs at 7. As I. watched her show and I read the papers, he got ready for his workday and then he and I. ate breakfast together as she talked his ear off. As I cooked my breakfast nearby in the kitchen, I thought, "This is what many families do every morning." I bet they don't even realize how lucky they are but maybe after reading this, they will appreciate it more.
I brought up our upcoming San Francisco adventure because I've been waking up in the middle of the night worrying about the hotel arrangements. Because V. will be up there for work, his hotel arrangements are made by an executive assistant up there and I know she has not been told that we are going to need adjoining rooms ,and for when. Being that that weekend is Chinese New Year, I'm concerned. So I mention all of this to V. and he says that he saw the flight arrangements that I made and "you guys are coming up on a Wed. and leaving on a Mon? You didn't think that through very well." I asked him when he thought we were flying up and back but he wouldn't elaborate. I said that I, in fact, had been thinking this trip through every night for about a month so I definitely thought things through. He forgets (how after 5 years he doesn't remember) that I. goes to bed at 4pm which means we aren't going to be able to fit in a whole bunch of things every day, which is fine with me. I don't want a hectic pace to things. Wednesday and Monday are travel days and I figured a couple of days of her and I doing things V. wouldn't particularly want to do and two days to do things together. Sounds reasonable, right? If anyone didn't think things through very well, it was V., which I think he realized.
I think it came down for him to a money thing. Maybe I need to start spending more money or something because I think he's gotten too used to me not spending money so when I do, he reacts with fear and trepidation. He said, "I thought the point of the trip was to take advantage of frequent flyer miles and free hotel nights." Well, we are using the free hotel nights, that is if he actually communicates with the secretary and gets it taken care of. The frequent flyer miles? Well, we talked about it and the cost was so low that he said to go ahead and buy instead of using the miles. So I did.
I reminded him that the point of the trip which I stated well ahead of time, was to fit in one last adventure of just I. and I and then I. and V. and I. We have the free week in Palm Desert but that's not an "adventure". I reminded him that on a normal basis, we don't buy her clothes, shoes, toys, DVDs, etc. We save those purchases for her birthday and Christmas, knowing that my mom will fill in the clothing blanks in between. I would rather save that money and give I. experiences that she will enjoy and more importantly will remember. Like the Disney on Ice, a movie here and there, a trip to San Francisco - stuff like that. I'm aware of the ticking down of the time when it's just I. and I during the day. Even when the baby isn't here but is common knowledge, it'll change things. For now, I want to just savor and enjoy these last weeks.
This morning, after I drop off I. at school, I'm picking V. up at work so that we can head to the OB/GYN for my 3 month appointment. We'll find out results from the blood tests last week and hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I just pray everything is going well with our little whats-it, the littlest of all Valdezes and that the pitter patter sound of its heartbeat stirs the well of warmth and love in both of our hearts.
I brought up our upcoming San Francisco adventure because I've been waking up in the middle of the night worrying about the hotel arrangements. Because V. will be up there for work, his hotel arrangements are made by an executive assistant up there and I know she has not been told that we are going to need adjoining rooms ,and for when. Being that that weekend is Chinese New Year, I'm concerned. So I mention all of this to V. and he says that he saw the flight arrangements that I made and "you guys are coming up on a Wed. and leaving on a Mon? You didn't think that through very well." I asked him when he thought we were flying up and back but he wouldn't elaborate. I said that I, in fact, had been thinking this trip through every night for about a month so I definitely thought things through. He forgets (how after 5 years he doesn't remember) that I. goes to bed at 4pm which means we aren't going to be able to fit in a whole bunch of things every day, which is fine with me. I don't want a hectic pace to things. Wednesday and Monday are travel days and I figured a couple of days of her and I doing things V. wouldn't particularly want to do and two days to do things together. Sounds reasonable, right? If anyone didn't think things through very well, it was V., which I think he realized.
I think it came down for him to a money thing. Maybe I need to start spending more money or something because I think he's gotten too used to me not spending money so when I do, he reacts with fear and trepidation. He said, "I thought the point of the trip was to take advantage of frequent flyer miles and free hotel nights." Well, we are using the free hotel nights, that is if he actually communicates with the secretary and gets it taken care of. The frequent flyer miles? Well, we talked about it and the cost was so low that he said to go ahead and buy instead of using the miles. So I did.
I reminded him that the point of the trip which I stated well ahead of time, was to fit in one last adventure of just I. and I and then I. and V. and I. We have the free week in Palm Desert but that's not an "adventure". I reminded him that on a normal basis, we don't buy her clothes, shoes, toys, DVDs, etc. We save those purchases for her birthday and Christmas, knowing that my mom will fill in the clothing blanks in between. I would rather save that money and give I. experiences that she will enjoy and more importantly will remember. Like the Disney on Ice, a movie here and there, a trip to San Francisco - stuff like that. I'm aware of the ticking down of the time when it's just I. and I during the day. Even when the baby isn't here but is common knowledge, it'll change things. For now, I want to just savor and enjoy these last weeks.
This morning, after I drop off I. at school, I'm picking V. up at work so that we can head to the OB/GYN for my 3 month appointment. We'll find out results from the blood tests last week and hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I just pray everything is going well with our little whats-it, the littlest of all Valdezes and that the pitter patter sound of its heartbeat stirs the well of warmth and love in both of our hearts.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Today
Today is Mark's birthday which brings back memories of past birthdays. He always would take the day off from work because he didn't want hoopla about his birthday. That night he would go over to his parents' house for a homemade German dinner and a cutthroat game of Risk, his favorite game. No one else liked that game but since it was his birthday, everyone acquiesced.
I remember one year, I took the day off as well which was unusual since we usually would make sure that one of us was at work to manage the department. But one year we both took the day off and went to Balboa Park for lunch and museum. I think that was the time we went and looked at a visiting exhibit on torture - the tools, history, and mechanics. It was just the sort of weird interest we both shared. I remember it was a beautiful, relaxing day and we enjoyed it, the day, the weather, and most of all, the company of a best friend.
Today, he's not here to enjoy his day but I am to think warmly about our unique friendship and the love and respect we had for one another. If it wasn't for him and his fight with cancer, I may not have found the courage and perspective to try for another child and would not be sitting here with a 2-inch baby nestled in my womb. I wish he knew and I wish he was still here. It's true you know what they say, the pain lessens over time but it never goes away. And at certain moments, on certain days, the pain is as sharp as ever. It may not last as long or completely overshadow a day like it used to, but it's just as raw, painful, and saddening as it ever was.
Happy Birthday my friend.
I remember one year, I took the day off as well which was unusual since we usually would make sure that one of us was at work to manage the department. But one year we both took the day off and went to Balboa Park for lunch and museum. I think that was the time we went and looked at a visiting exhibit on torture - the tools, history, and mechanics. It was just the sort of weird interest we both shared. I remember it was a beautiful, relaxing day and we enjoyed it, the day, the weather, and most of all, the company of a best friend.
Today, he's not here to enjoy his day but I am to think warmly about our unique friendship and the love and respect we had for one another. If it wasn't for him and his fight with cancer, I may not have found the courage and perspective to try for another child and would not be sitting here with a 2-inch baby nestled in my womb. I wish he knew and I wish he was still here. It's true you know what they say, the pain lessens over time but it never goes away. And at certain moments, on certain days, the pain is as sharp as ever. It may not last as long or completely overshadow a day like it used to, but it's just as raw, painful, and saddening as it ever was.
Happy Birthday my friend.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
This Time Around is Different
They say that your second pregnancy is different than your first. You already have been through it and are distracted and busy with your first one so you don't have as much time to ponder the ins and outs of daily pregnancy. In a way, this is true.
Last night, I got out one of the pregnancy books to see what this week held for me and the baby. When I was pregnant with I., those books were piled up around the house and I would look at them daily. I can't do that this time around, not because I don't have time to look at them, but because I. is so doggone observant that she would be asking why this book with a baby on it was lying around. Then she would proceed to look through it and ask about all the pictures. I'm afraid of what the next topic of conversation would be with her.
I don't want to tell her yet because it's still a long time off. I also don't want to tell her yet because she is finally open and excited about getting a bed and moving out of the crib. Finally, I don't want to tell her because we're still having issues with potty training, though at this point in the process, I'm not sure that it can even still be called that. She went a whole 30 days (from Christmas to just a few days ago) dry, no accidents. I didn't want to say anything to jinx it. Then all of a sudden, she's peed in her pants for no apparent reason 3 out of the last 5 days. She's not sick, tired, no changes to her life or schedule - don't ask me, I don't friggin' know. What I do know is that when I picked her up from the gym and saw that she was completely wet, it irritated me to no end and I really didn't even want to speak to her. I know that sounds horrible but please, it's been since June 2009 that I've been dealing with this. To put it in perspective, I was concerned about getting her potty trained in time for preschool and now I'm concerned about getting her potty trained for kindergarten, when she'll almost be 6. I don't know any mother who would have that much patience for one continuous topic for that length of time.
Anyways, back to the topic I meant to talk about - I got the book out last night and was blown away that the baby was already 2 inches long and that my uterus was the size of a grapefruit. It hit me - I'm pregnant. Isn't that weird? You would think when they took 7 vials of blood out of me yesterday afternoon for the first round of tests that I would know I was pregnant. I mean, I know it pretty much every minute of the day but it really hit me when I read about these sizable measurements. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that no one really knows so it's not a daily topic of conversation. So maybe once it's common knowledge out there, it'll feel more like the first time around. We'll have to see.
Last night, I got out one of the pregnancy books to see what this week held for me and the baby. When I was pregnant with I., those books were piled up around the house and I would look at them daily. I can't do that this time around, not because I don't have time to look at them, but because I. is so doggone observant that she would be asking why this book with a baby on it was lying around. Then she would proceed to look through it and ask about all the pictures. I'm afraid of what the next topic of conversation would be with her.
I don't want to tell her yet because it's still a long time off. I also don't want to tell her yet because she is finally open and excited about getting a bed and moving out of the crib. Finally, I don't want to tell her because we're still having issues with potty training, though at this point in the process, I'm not sure that it can even still be called that. She went a whole 30 days (from Christmas to just a few days ago) dry, no accidents. I didn't want to say anything to jinx it. Then all of a sudden, she's peed in her pants for no apparent reason 3 out of the last 5 days. She's not sick, tired, no changes to her life or schedule - don't ask me, I don't friggin' know. What I do know is that when I picked her up from the gym and saw that she was completely wet, it irritated me to no end and I really didn't even want to speak to her. I know that sounds horrible but please, it's been since June 2009 that I've been dealing with this. To put it in perspective, I was concerned about getting her potty trained in time for preschool and now I'm concerned about getting her potty trained for kindergarten, when she'll almost be 6. I don't know any mother who would have that much patience for one continuous topic for that length of time.
Anyways, back to the topic I meant to talk about - I got the book out last night and was blown away that the baby was already 2 inches long and that my uterus was the size of a grapefruit. It hit me - I'm pregnant. Isn't that weird? You would think when they took 7 vials of blood out of me yesterday afternoon for the first round of tests that I would know I was pregnant. I mean, I know it pretty much every minute of the day but it really hit me when I read about these sizable measurements. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that no one really knows so it's not a daily topic of conversation. So maybe once it's common knowledge out there, it'll feel more like the first time around. We'll have to see.
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