Part 2: Now the Fun Can Begin

So after my soberer on the side of the tub, I had to suck it up and get I. To bed. As soon as I was done with that, I launched into my frustration with every vacation over the past year and a half being like an exercise of futility and furthermore, I hated this room. Yes, it was a mini nervous breakdown and not the way I envisioned starting our vacation but sometimes, you just have to let disappointment out. I asked V. If he would see if we could change condos, part of me not expecting him to. The reason why I didn't expect him to was that we had just unloaded the entire car up 2 flights of stairs in 100 degree heat and changing condos would mean that we would have to carry everything back down, repack the car, and then unpack and carry everything back up again in this heat. Even I wasn't sure if it was really worth all that.

But as soon as I got in the shower, he called and arranged for us to move condos the next day so that I could have the vacation experience that I and been looking forward to so much. All this for only an extra $100. When he told me it was taken care of, I got all teary eyed and gave him a big hug foe his generosity and kindness. He said if I didn't stop tearing up, he would call them and tell them to cancel it. Have I mentioned how uncomfortable V. Is with emotion? He is a caveman with a soft heart when it comes to me.

Anyways, here I sit on my patio with a golf course view, thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet and being surrounded by nature. I have to admit that I do miss my adult beverage because that has always been a part of this evening patio experience. But feeling the warm breeze on my skin as the grass falls into the shadows and the tops of the palm trees become illuminated by the setting sun, it's soothing to my soul. I can't believe that tomorrow night is already our last night here. It just has gone way to fast. I've been enjoying and savoring the time I've gotten to spend with I. This week and have been busy trying to make memories of this last summer of being the only kid. We've played in the pool together, played video games, colored, and taken baths together in the huge jacuzzi tub. Very special moments to remember and ones that I will make a concerted effort to carve out for us even when this baby boy enters the scene. Today I could see that I. Was enjoying these special moments because she wanted to snuggle with me and a couple of times at the pool, she not only told me I looked beautiful but threw her arms around me and said wi a big hug, "You're the best and sweetest mommy!". How does it get any better than that?

I have to admit that the end of this vacation triggers anxiety in me because I knew when it was over, we would really be on the cusp of this new baby coming. It really scares me to be honest. The extra responsibility, the extra time and energy commitment, the inevitable changes it will bring into our happy little life. I know when I meet this little guy and see the interaction between I. And him, it will be wonderful but it still doesn't keep the anxiety from coming. It's probably just a function of how slowly I adapt to change. At least I hope so.