Today

Today is Mark's birthday which brings back memories of past birthdays. He always would take the day off from work because he didn't want hoopla about his birthday. That night he would go over to his parents' house for a homemade German dinner and a cutthroat game of Risk, his favorite game. No one else liked that game but since it was his birthday, everyone acquiesced.

I remember one year, I took the day off as well which was unusual since we usually would make sure that one of us was at work to manage the department. But one year we both took the day off and went to Balboa Park for lunch and museum. I think that was the time we went and looked at a visiting exhibit on torture - the tools, history, and mechanics. It was just the sort of weird interest we both shared. I remember it was a beautiful, relaxing day and we enjoyed it, the day, the weather, and most of all, the company of a best friend.

Today, he's not here to enjoy his day but I am to think warmly about our unique friendship and the love and respect we had for one another. If it wasn't for him and his fight with cancer, I may not have found the courage and perspective to try for another child and would not be sitting here with a 2-inch baby nestled in my womb. I wish he knew and I wish he was still here. It's true you know what they say, the pain lessens over time but it never goes away. And at certain moments, on certain days, the pain is as sharp as ever. It may not last as long or completely overshadow a day like it used to, but it's just as raw, painful, and saddening as it ever was.

Happy Birthday my friend.