Where has the month gone? The last few weeks have been so jam packed with this and that that they literally flew by. I. finished her school year off fantastically and impressed all (and her momma to tears) with her perseverance and refusal to give up. It was nice to see the positive side of that character trait instead of experiencing the challenging side of it raising her.
V. and I snuck in a daytime movie before the follow up mammogram/ultrasound and thankfully, not only did the impromptu daytime date turn out nicely so did the testing. All clear!
My back is doing great after my three shock wave therapy treatments and I'm so happy about that. I had about two weeks of respite from any migraines and finger bumps but they have returned this past week. Almost every day I get a migraine though a minor one compared to the old days but still enough to sometimes need to take medication for it. It's accompanied by swollen glands, a drippy nose and just feeling run down. Frustrating and trying to figure out the next step to stop it.
D. is amazing just like his sister. He's memorized an entire book...Little Blue Truck Leads the Way. It's not a short book and has a lot of verses but he can say them just by looking at the pictures. His vocabulary and pronunciation is great for his age (especially a boy from what I see) and I think it's because of his learning style. Every time he asks something and I answer or even if I just answer, he's always recited back exactly what I've said word for word, slowly like he's really digesting it. Obviously he has been digesting it because he's not even three yet and today he said, "I saw the engine of a car because it was open. I've never seen the engine of a car before." I can tell that he's not only going to be a smart kid, he's going to be a feeling kid and wear his feelings on his sleeve. The good thing is that he allows me to comfort him with snuggling, talking, and singing and that helps him get through it and back to his happy self. This is still a struggle with I. and it's hard for me not to take it personally or harden my heart when I go to her to hug her and she pushes me away and says no.
More stuff to post about but need to head to bed now.
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Not Settled Yet
I was hoping that this post would be more settled down and calmer than my last one. I guess in some ways it is but in other ways, definitely not. What is interesting is that the same topic that has settled down is a similar topic to what has become unsettled. What a riddle.
After months of agonizing back pain and three decades of nagging chronic back pain, I am thankfully pain free thanks to a treatment called shock wave therapy. Sounds scary but it's not. I've always done chiropractic care for maintenance but after this last horrendous back injury, I was still in lingering burning pain after my adjustments plus many PT appointments. I was really concerned about summer time activities with the kiddos that involved any kind of walking since that seemed to be a huge problem for my back. Well, three treatments of this new treatment which took about three minutes a pop and not only have I been able to hoof it around with D. in a stroller at both LEGOLAND and Wild Animal Park, my everyday back pain is gone. No tightness, no twinges, no aches, no pain! That is such a huge thing in my daily life.
My mystery skin rash and migraines have settled down quite a bit though not completely. The skin part of it is under control and not flaring up terribly but it's still there. I can live with that. The migraine part is puzzling but seems to be down to one a week. I guess I can live with that as well.
A few weeks ago I had to get my annual checkup and a mammogram done. The last thing I said to my mom who was babysitting D. was, "I really wish I didn't have to get this mammogram done since this year has not been a good health news year." So why was I surprised when I got a call saying I needed to go to the hospital for a second mammogram and ultrasound? Worse was that when I reexamined the area, I do feel something in there and so did V. Logistically, things worked out pretty well in that D. was already going to my parents house for a day/night so that V. and I could attend an important school event for I. and that day is when the first opening was for my appointments. So I didn't have to tell my parents which I didn't want to do because they have so much depressing things going on to worry about. I want them to enjoy D. and their time with him which is special because usually I. is there and as the oldest and a female, she commands a lot of attention!
So I'm tense to say the least. Trying not to "go there" which is hard when I look at my kids and think how young they are and what if? It's also hard to be nonchalant when I was telling I. tonight about how V. would pick her up from school and take her to eat before coming to pick up Mommy at the hospital. She's a very smart kid and very perceptive so I really had to feel what I was saying and not even try to fake it. There's no sense in giving her something to worry about when she tends to be a worrier anyways. I will be praying hard that everything is okay and that I. will do fantastic in her school event tomorrow morning. Here's to praying for a great day tomorrow!
After months of agonizing back pain and three decades of nagging chronic back pain, I am thankfully pain free thanks to a treatment called shock wave therapy. Sounds scary but it's not. I've always done chiropractic care for maintenance but after this last horrendous back injury, I was still in lingering burning pain after my adjustments plus many PT appointments. I was really concerned about summer time activities with the kiddos that involved any kind of walking since that seemed to be a huge problem for my back. Well, three treatments of this new treatment which took about three minutes a pop and not only have I been able to hoof it around with D. in a stroller at both LEGOLAND and Wild Animal Park, my everyday back pain is gone. No tightness, no twinges, no aches, no pain! That is such a huge thing in my daily life.
My mystery skin rash and migraines have settled down quite a bit though not completely. The skin part of it is under control and not flaring up terribly but it's still there. I can live with that. The migraine part is puzzling but seems to be down to one a week. I guess I can live with that as well.
A few weeks ago I had to get my annual checkup and a mammogram done. The last thing I said to my mom who was babysitting D. was, "I really wish I didn't have to get this mammogram done since this year has not been a good health news year." So why was I surprised when I got a call saying I needed to go to the hospital for a second mammogram and ultrasound? Worse was that when I reexamined the area, I do feel something in there and so did V. Logistically, things worked out pretty well in that D. was already going to my parents house for a day/night so that V. and I could attend an important school event for I. and that day is when the first opening was for my appointments. So I didn't have to tell my parents which I didn't want to do because they have so much depressing things going on to worry about. I want them to enjoy D. and their time with him which is special because usually I. is there and as the oldest and a female, she commands a lot of attention!
So I'm tense to say the least. Trying not to "go there" which is hard when I look at my kids and think how young they are and what if? It's also hard to be nonchalant when I was telling I. tonight about how V. would pick her up from school and take her to eat before coming to pick up Mommy at the hospital. She's a very smart kid and very perceptive so I really had to feel what I was saying and not even try to fake it. There's no sense in giving her something to worry about when she tends to be a worrier anyways. I will be praying hard that everything is okay and that I. will do fantastic in her school event tomorrow morning. Here's to praying for a great day tomorrow!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Days 53-65
I'm so behind on posting for the last couple of weeks. There's been a lot of good going on but unfortunately a lot of bad health ju-ju going on around us as well.
I think I'll just do a summary of the good stuff because there was a lot of it. We had D.'s birthday party and it was fun for him except for the fact that he didn't take his usual nap in the morning and so was pretty fried by the time I brought my homemade birthday cake out. His sisters came down so that made it special. V. did a big time disconnect in the middle of the party which really pissed me off and I had to hash it out with him at a later date. So that was kind of a bummer and also things were so hectic that I didn't even get a picture with my birthday boy which to me was the most upsetting thing. But he had fun and understood presents and toys and unwrapping and that was really fun to see.
We've had plenty of swim classes to enjoy, a beach day, a relaxing playdate with Melissa at her house and a few last days of summer camp at I.'s school. We've looked at plenty of houses in anticipation for our house someday reentering escrow.
Unfortunately I have been feeling anxious this week because my dad's health situation still has not been resolved and I feel as though it's a ticking time bomb. My parents just don't want to deal with health situations until they absolutely have to and it really angers me. I don't know what they are waiting for. But they rely on longtime doctors who are not really reliable and they don't follow up to make sure they are doing their jobs. Is there anything more important than that? And my FIL of course being basically terminally ill with bone cancer. It just makes me so sad. On top of that, Melissa was supposed to come over on Tuesday for her birthday celebration but her mom ended up in the ER and I told Melissa to just bring Caroline over here since her hubby was unavailable until 1ish. That was stressful since they have never left Caroline with anyone other than her mom but I was happy to help so that she could get to her mom's side. But it was stressful and exhausting.
It just feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and uncertainty and it makes my anxiety rise substantially. Hopefully I'll find a way to cope better with all these things that are swirling around and out of my control.
I think I'll just do a summary of the good stuff because there was a lot of it. We had D.'s birthday party and it was fun for him except for the fact that he didn't take his usual nap in the morning and so was pretty fried by the time I brought my homemade birthday cake out. His sisters came down so that made it special. V. did a big time disconnect in the middle of the party which really pissed me off and I had to hash it out with him at a later date. So that was kind of a bummer and also things were so hectic that I didn't even get a picture with my birthday boy which to me was the most upsetting thing. But he had fun and understood presents and toys and unwrapping and that was really fun to see.
We've had plenty of swim classes to enjoy, a beach day, a relaxing playdate with Melissa at her house and a few last days of summer camp at I.'s school. We've looked at plenty of houses in anticipation for our house someday reentering escrow.
Unfortunately I have been feeling anxious this week because my dad's health situation still has not been resolved and I feel as though it's a ticking time bomb. My parents just don't want to deal with health situations until they absolutely have to and it really angers me. I don't know what they are waiting for. But they rely on longtime doctors who are not really reliable and they don't follow up to make sure they are doing their jobs. Is there anything more important than that? And my FIL of course being basically terminally ill with bone cancer. It just makes me so sad. On top of that, Melissa was supposed to come over on Tuesday for her birthday celebration but her mom ended up in the ER and I told Melissa to just bring Caroline over here since her hubby was unavailable until 1ish. That was stressful since they have never left Caroline with anyone other than her mom but I was happy to help so that she could get to her mom's side. But it was stressful and exhausting.
It just feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and uncertainty and it makes my anxiety rise substantially. Hopefully I'll find a way to cope better with all these things that are swirling around and out of my control.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
I just read my post from last year's Mother's Day and was hoping for a better experience. I wish I could say it was, but it wasn't. Not even by a long shot. Am I disappointed? Surprisingly enough, I'm not. If anything, I'm relieved. Relieved that it's over. That bums me out because this was MY holiday too not just my mom's like it always has been. I waited a long time to be eligible for this holiday and to me, it is a big deal because it's a celebration of who I am today, what I dreamed of and what I worked hard to get to. And it was basically ruined. Now that I am delving into my feelings, I'm really, truly, and deeply angry under that feeling of relief.
It started before we even were seated at the restaurant. I. had to use the restroom as soon as we arrived so while the rest of our group (except for my mom and sister) were seated, we went to the restroom. That's where my mom and sister were. My mom was having an unexpected female problem and she was literally bleeding all over one of the stalls. I mean it was bad. When I. and I walked in, my sister was standing near the sinks with her usual ugly look on her face and wouldn't even say hello when I said hi. She just stared at us until I repeated myself. My mom asked her if she could get some wet towels so she could clean up the floor and stall. My sister held the towels over the top of the door and then started berating my mom because she wasn't immediately taking them from her. I told my sister to just wait a second and stop making a bad situation worse. This is how it all started.
At the table I was trying to figure out what we were ordering since we had organized this meal and was talking to my dad about it. My sister was across from me, staring, asked what we were thinking of ordering and then said, "I'm not eating any of that." So my dad asks her, "Well, what will you eat?" - a seemingly valid question to which she snottily and replies as though irritated, "I don't know." Then she says she just wants a piece of pizza and I told her that they didn't sell it by the slice that she'd have to get a small pizza and she said that everyone else would have to eat it then because she only wanted a slice. Fast forward to the ordering process where she asks for the pizza without cheese, no oil but bring olive oil on the side.
The pizza came before the rest of the food and it appeared to her that there was a piece of pizza with cheese on it, a very small piece of cheese. Well, she goes ballistic that she's not going to eat this, she's sick of ordering things and not getting what she ordered and that they need to make her another pizza. I mean, off the fucking deep end about a stupid pizza. Even though I'm sitting across from her, I start concentrating on I. and others so that I don't lose it and my parents are having to deal with it. If it had stopped there, the meal would have been salvagable but it didn't. Nope, not even close.
Because when the poor waitress shows up my sister basically shoves the pizza platter at her and starts telling her in this snotty, obnoxious tone what the "sky is falling" pizza situation is. She told her once but that wasn't enough. She said it 3 times increasingly raising her voice that "She wasn't going to eat it. This isn't what I told you I wanted and you need to go back, etc." And that's when I lost it.
I told her to stop treating the waitress like she was an idiot and that all she needed to say was that there was cheese on it and could she bring you another one without cheese. She started trying to defend how she was acting and I told her that it was embarrassing how she treated people like crap who didn't deserve it and that she was just the waitress not the one who cooked it and didn't deserve to be treated like an idiot. I asked her if she even realized how she treated people and finished with the fact that even I. knew not to talk to people like that. The whole time she just stared at me with no expression on her face which pissed me off even more so I said I needed to go outside. Because honestly I couldn't stand to look at her across the table one more minute (I didn't say that part). I. piped up and said she needed to go the bathroom so instead I took her and then came back. But the meal was ruined for me and having to fake it the rest of the day like everything was fine while pointedly ignoring my sister was exhausting.
For years I have struggled with my feelings about my sister. And when I say years I mean for the last 14. I have struggled with hating what she was putting my parents and entire family through, agonizing over the wrong choices she made and the pain she was causing herself, feeling guilty about how much I disliked her as a person. Always stopping before I said out loud, "I hate her." Today that guilt is gone and I have no problem saying it. It's a statement of fact. I don't think it probably jives with being godly but in the past much of my own struggles have been caused by all the "I shouldn't think, I shouldn't feel" statements that I would tell myself denying myself my own strong feelings.
Well no more. It brings me no happiness to say it but it also isn't causing me internal conflict. For my own mental and emotional health, it's the healthy thing to do. Right now, I need to stay healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally so that I can be there to teach my young daughter right and wrong, support and love my husband, and provide the best possible start for life of my unborn son. And if that means I have to call a spade a spade, then that's what I'm going to do.
It started before we even were seated at the restaurant. I. had to use the restroom as soon as we arrived so while the rest of our group (except for my mom and sister) were seated, we went to the restroom. That's where my mom and sister were. My mom was having an unexpected female problem and she was literally bleeding all over one of the stalls. I mean it was bad. When I. and I walked in, my sister was standing near the sinks with her usual ugly look on her face and wouldn't even say hello when I said hi. She just stared at us until I repeated myself. My mom asked her if she could get some wet towels so she could clean up the floor and stall. My sister held the towels over the top of the door and then started berating my mom because she wasn't immediately taking them from her. I told my sister to just wait a second and stop making a bad situation worse. This is how it all started.
At the table I was trying to figure out what we were ordering since we had organized this meal and was talking to my dad about it. My sister was across from me, staring, asked what we were thinking of ordering and then said, "I'm not eating any of that." So my dad asks her, "Well, what will you eat?" - a seemingly valid question to which she snottily and replies as though irritated, "I don't know." Then she says she just wants a piece of pizza and I told her that they didn't sell it by the slice that she'd have to get a small pizza and she said that everyone else would have to eat it then because she only wanted a slice. Fast forward to the ordering process where she asks for the pizza without cheese, no oil but bring olive oil on the side.
The pizza came before the rest of the food and it appeared to her that there was a piece of pizza with cheese on it, a very small piece of cheese. Well, she goes ballistic that she's not going to eat this, she's sick of ordering things and not getting what she ordered and that they need to make her another pizza. I mean, off the fucking deep end about a stupid pizza. Even though I'm sitting across from her, I start concentrating on I. and others so that I don't lose it and my parents are having to deal with it. If it had stopped there, the meal would have been salvagable but it didn't. Nope, not even close.
Because when the poor waitress shows up my sister basically shoves the pizza platter at her and starts telling her in this snotty, obnoxious tone what the "sky is falling" pizza situation is. She told her once but that wasn't enough. She said it 3 times increasingly raising her voice that "She wasn't going to eat it. This isn't what I told you I wanted and you need to go back, etc." And that's when I lost it.
I told her to stop treating the waitress like she was an idiot and that all she needed to say was that there was cheese on it and could she bring you another one without cheese. She started trying to defend how she was acting and I told her that it was embarrassing how she treated people like crap who didn't deserve it and that she was just the waitress not the one who cooked it and didn't deserve to be treated like an idiot. I asked her if she even realized how she treated people and finished with the fact that even I. knew not to talk to people like that. The whole time she just stared at me with no expression on her face which pissed me off even more so I said I needed to go outside. Because honestly I couldn't stand to look at her across the table one more minute (I didn't say that part). I. piped up and said she needed to go the bathroom so instead I took her and then came back. But the meal was ruined for me and having to fake it the rest of the day like everything was fine while pointedly ignoring my sister was exhausting.
For years I have struggled with my feelings about my sister. And when I say years I mean for the last 14. I have struggled with hating what she was putting my parents and entire family through, agonizing over the wrong choices she made and the pain she was causing herself, feeling guilty about how much I disliked her as a person. Always stopping before I said out loud, "I hate her." Today that guilt is gone and I have no problem saying it. It's a statement of fact. I don't think it probably jives with being godly but in the past much of my own struggles have been caused by all the "I shouldn't think, I shouldn't feel" statements that I would tell myself denying myself my own strong feelings.
Well no more. It brings me no happiness to say it but it also isn't causing me internal conflict. For my own mental and emotional health, it's the healthy thing to do. Right now, I need to stay healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally so that I can be there to teach my young daughter right and wrong, support and love my husband, and provide the best possible start for life of my unborn son. And if that means I have to call a spade a spade, then that's what I'm going to do.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Warning: You're About To Enter the 40 Zone
I am much, much, much too tired from our Vegas trip to go into great detail right now but I will and soon. I need to download the pictures from the camera so that I can include them on the post. So for now, a quick word from your sponsor...
"Do you want to ease back into your normal worklife after being on vacation? If so, do NOT accidently schedule your annual ob/gyn appointment on your first day back!"
Yeah, unwittingly that's what happened and boy did my vacation mode grind to a dead stop. First of all, there's nothing like having a "normal" conversation as the medieval instrument used to prop open your wahoo is being cranked open. Secondly, now because I'm 40, it appears I get added bonuses to my appointment now. If it wasn't bad enough to have my boobs pushed and prodded lying down, as an added attraction, I get to have the same done sitting up. BONUS! Plus, I get the extra ride coupon for my first mammogram. Honestly, I know it's me but I felt like I should have an advertisement for burial crypts attached to that lab referral form. I think it's just left over from when I was pregnant - I was 34 when I got pregnant and then when I turned 35 (still same pregnancy), all these questions about "special" genetic tests and risks from advanced maternal age. So in 24 hours I went from a great pregnancy to an at-risk pregnancy. Bullshit.
Then to top it all off, as a reward for making it to 40, I got to have a rectal exam to check for...well let's just leave it as "things that do not belong up there". Oh joy, oh rapture. I thought I dreaded this exam before, but oh baby, I can promise you I REALLY will be dreading this exam next year. I can't wait to see what 50 brings. Maybe I'll just ask my mom now so I can have a decade to prepare for the next humiliation.
"Do you want to ease back into your normal worklife after being on vacation? If so, do NOT accidently schedule your annual ob/gyn appointment on your first day back!"
Yeah, unwittingly that's what happened and boy did my vacation mode grind to a dead stop. First of all, there's nothing like having a "normal" conversation as the medieval instrument used to prop open your wahoo is being cranked open. Secondly, now because I'm 40, it appears I get added bonuses to my appointment now. If it wasn't bad enough to have my boobs pushed and prodded lying down, as an added attraction, I get to have the same done sitting up. BONUS! Plus, I get the extra ride coupon for my first mammogram. Honestly, I know it's me but I felt like I should have an advertisement for burial crypts attached to that lab referral form. I think it's just left over from when I was pregnant - I was 34 when I got pregnant and then when I turned 35 (still same pregnancy), all these questions about "special" genetic tests and risks from advanced maternal age. So in 24 hours I went from a great pregnancy to an at-risk pregnancy. Bullshit.
Then to top it all off, as a reward for making it to 40, I got to have a rectal exam to check for...well let's just leave it as "things that do not belong up there". Oh joy, oh rapture. I thought I dreaded this exam before, but oh baby, I can promise you I REALLY will be dreading this exam next year. I can't wait to see what 50 brings. Maybe I'll just ask my mom now so I can have a decade to prepare for the next humiliation.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Here's To A Better 2010
Tonight is our last night of our vacation and I. and I have had some really good times. Yesterday, we took the tram up to the snow above Palm Springs and had fun playing in the snow, building mini snowmen, and just sharing another "first" together. Today we went to The Living Desert which is a sort of small zoo and gardens here in Palm Desert. Though I've been coming to the desert ever since I was in elementary school, I have never been because it's always been over 100 degrees when I've been here. So today was another "first" that took place on the 1st as it so happens. It was the perfect size - we saw all the animals, hiked around some of the gardens and paths, went on the carousel, and shared lunch and a popsicle. When we got back to the condo, we even had some time for I. to tool around on her tricycle. A really good day, a really good vacation overall.
I think that this vacation did just what I was hoping it would do - give me something to look forward to, a change of scenery and pace, a break from laundry, trash, and pet responsibilities, and a chance for I. and I to do some things out of the ordinary. I feel like I got enough breathing room to approach next week's routine of school, errands, and responsibilties with renewed energy and patience. I thanked V. tonight for allowing us to do this.
A new year, new hope, new goals...usually I have a hard time thinking up specific resolutions but not this year. I don't know if that's a sign that I've been really screwing up this past year or what but this is a new year so here it goes. My resolutions are:
I think that this vacation did just what I was hoping it would do - give me something to look forward to, a change of scenery and pace, a break from laundry, trash, and pet responsibilities, and a chance for I. and I to do some things out of the ordinary. I feel like I got enough breathing room to approach next week's routine of school, errands, and responsibilties with renewed energy and patience. I thanked V. tonight for allowing us to do this.
A new year, new hope, new goals...usually I have a hard time thinking up specific resolutions but not this year. I don't know if that's a sign that I've been really screwing up this past year or what but this is a new year so here it goes. My resolutions are:
- Take a multivitamin every day.
- Try to eat more well-rounded every day (not just protein bars and shakes).
- Put more of an effort into cooking a nice meal when V. is not here, even if that means leftoevers for a few days (which is fine with me).
- Reduce my alcohol intake.
- Enjoy the present each day. Make my mantra throughout the day be "This is the first day of the rest of your life." I thought this was a more positive take than "This may be the last day of your life." But the thought behind it is essentially the same.
I notice that my resolutions do not include anything about my roles as a wife and mother. Probably nothing as a wife because the past year, all I've been doing is supporting from a long distance, remaining loyal and faithful and basically just hanging in there. Until I see what this year holds, my goals remain the same. On the mother front, I feel like I'm doing a good job. Not perfect, but 99% of the time, my heart is in the right place and I consistently communicate to I. how much I love her, like her and am proud of her. On the flip side, I run a tight ship when it comes to discipline. I don't spank her, rarely yell these days but I do expect her respect without attitude. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of teaching her how to handle the harsh realities of life with a blend of empathy, love, and a "screw you, I don't need you anyway" type of attitude all rolled into one. Of course, I don't say the "screw you" part but just as little boys often learn first how to stick up for themselves physically, I think it's important for my little girl to learn how to be emotionally strong to withstand the coming (and in some cases, they have already come) blows to her compassionate, kind, sweet, and loving spirit. It's too bad that she has to learn this but as a female, I know she WILL need to learn this and better to learn now than to be sheltered and then be completely unprepared for life's cruelties.
My last resolution will be the toughest but the one that I am really most committed to because I think it will really help me and everyone around me. It's truly a mindset adjustment but an important one and one that I think people learn when they are faced with sickness or as they get closer to death. I would like to reap the benefits of this lesson while I am still young enough to make a difference and enjoy it. So here's to living in the here and now, making a difference minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. What happened in the past has shaped me but it's gone so I don't need to dwell on it. The future is full of things I don't know and probably can't change anyway so why should I worry about it? This is SO opposite my nature but that's why I want to really try to change it. It's going to be a daily mind adjustment...I'll let you know how it goes.
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