Here's To A Better 2010

Tonight is our last night of our vacation and I. and I have had some really good times. Yesterday, we took the tram up to the snow above Palm Springs and had fun playing in the snow, building mini snowmen, and just sharing another "first" together. Today we went to The Living Desert which is a sort of small zoo and gardens here in Palm Desert. Though I've been coming to the desert ever since I was in elementary school, I have never been because it's always been over 100 degrees when I've been here. So today was another "first" that took place on the 1st as it so happens. It was the perfect size - we saw all the animals, hiked around some of the gardens and paths, went on the carousel, and shared lunch and a popsicle. When we got back to the condo, we even had some time for I. to tool around on her tricycle. A really good day, a really good vacation overall.

I think that this vacation did just what I was hoping it would do - give me something to look forward to, a change of scenery and pace, a break from laundry, trash, and pet responsibilities, and a chance for I. and I to do some things out of the ordinary. I feel like I got enough breathing room to approach next week's routine of school, errands, and responsibilties with renewed energy and patience. I thanked V. tonight for allowing us to do this.

A new year, new hope, new goals...usually I have a hard time thinking up specific resolutions but not this year. I don't know if that's a sign that I've been really screwing up this past year or what but this is a new year so here it goes. My resolutions are:

1. Take a multivitamin every day.
2. Try to eat more well-rounded every day (not just protein bars and shakes).
3. Put more of an effort into cooking a nice meal when V. is not here, even if that means leftoevers for a few days (which is fine with me).
4. Reduce my alcohol intake.
5. Enjoy the present each day. Make my mantra throughout the day be "This is the first day of the rest of your life." I thought this was a more positive take than "This may be the last day of your life." But the thought behind it is essentially the same.

I notice that my resolutions do not include anything about my roles as a wife and mother. Probably nothing as a wife because the past year, all I've been doing is supporting from a long distance, remaining loyal and faithful and basically just hanging in there. Until I see what this year holds, my goals remain the same. On the mother front, I feel like I'm doing a good job. Not perfect, but 99% of the time, my heart is in the right place and I consistently communicate to I. how much I love her, like her and am proud of her. On the flip side, I run a tight ship when it comes to discipline. I don't spank her, rarely yell these days but I do expect her respect without attitude. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of teaching her how to handle the harsh realities of life with a blend of empathy, love, and a "screw you, I don't need you anyway" type of attitude all rolled into one. Of course, I don't say the "screw you" part but just as little boys often learn first how to stick up for themselves physically, I think it's important for my little girl to learn how to be emotionally strong to withstand the coming (and in some cases, they have already come) blows to her compassionate, kind, sweet, and loving spirit. It's too bad that she has to learn this but as a female, I know she WILL need to learn this and better to learn now than to be sheltered and then be completely unprepared for life's cruelties.

My last resolution will be the toughest but the one that I am really most committed to because I think it will really help me and everyone around me. It's truly a mindset adjustment but an important one and one that I think people learn when they are faced with sickness or as they get closer to death. I would like to reap the benefits of this lesson while I am still young enough to make a difference and enjoy it. So here's to living in the here and now, making a difference minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. What happened in the past has shaped me but it's gone so I don't need to dwell on it. The future is full of things I don't know and probably can't change anyway so why should I worry about it? This is SO opposite my nature but that's why I want to really try to change it. It's going to be a daily mind adjustment...I'll let you know how it goes.