Found a high school friend of mine (finally!) on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and we've been exchanging emails. At least email-wise, we picked up where we left off 20+ years ago. Many things in common - both married successfully the second time, each have 1 daughter, sarcastic sense of humor, and are tomboys by nature. We got together at my home today and it was like no time had passed. We were chatting up a storm (which isn't my norm), catching up and laughing like we did back in the old days. She is so down to earth, unpretentious, and has this self -deprecating sense of humor that she makes me howl at times. Next week, we hope to meet just the two of us at a restaurant to bring our old letters to each other and let it all hang out. I'm really looking forward to it. It's nice to have someone from that era of my life. I find that as I get older, it's important to have the significant people from my various "lives" in my present life. Another thing Mark's death made important to me.
It was a good day and then I talked with V. tonight and he finally had the answer to a question I've been asking for awhile - "What is your next assignment going to be?" So after dragging it out of him, which irritated me to no end, he tells me that most likely he'll be going to China off and on until July and then he'll be here running a business unit. It's not set in stone and yes, I see July as an end in sight but it just set me off that this asshole company sends a guy with a family straight to China after 18 mths. in Saudi Arabia. I mean, it seems like the military these days is more protective of family life and marriage than this asshole company. So even though July is in sight, I cried because one, it's just another 5 months I wasn't counting on and two, I don't know that I can plan anything in the future (ie. my 40th dog sledding trip). I'm tired of feeling like my life is on hold, that I can't plan or look forward to anything, and that my personal life is completely out of my control and up to the demands of this fucking company.
I explain that to V. and he doesn't seem to understand. I don't know what he feels or thinks because all I hear is a big intake of breath and then a loud sigh. What's that? To me, it sounds like the nonverbal way of saying, "I can't do anything about this and I don't need this." which leads to anger and guilt on my part, never a good thing.
Will think more another day, need to rest now....
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