My time is running out, my time of wearing my "normal" clothes, more specifically my pants. I'm still fitting in them but I can feel it getting snugger. It's funny how the first time you're just dying to get into maternity clothes. I laughed when I looked in my pregnancy journal from last time and I had already put on a maternity top to wear to a function. This time, I'm trying to delay dragging that box out of the garage, the one semi-full of maternity clothes. It's not that I dislike maternity clothes 'cause I don't. Actually what I don't like is the stage I'm at now. Expanding but not identifiable as pregnant - just kind of thick in the middle. Believe me, I'm not wishing to be farther along because I know what awaits me, how fast it will go, and the infinite number of complications, logistics, and exhaustion that is at the end of this process.
I will just try to be happily "thick" and enjoy each day of being a mother of one. While I still can.
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Friday, December 3, 2010
Just Remembered
A quick note before I head to bed - something I. said at lunch and because I was making a concerted effort to get a resttime in today, I didn't have time to post it for posterity.
Sometimes when I. spends a couple of nights at my parents' house, I'll ask her, "Did you miss me?" and when she inevitably says no, I tell her, "Of course you didn't. You were having so much fun with Bubbi and Bobbi." I'm not trying to guilt her; I ask out of curiosity.
Today we were eating lunch. Yesterday was her long school day due to a science class that she loves in the morning before her regular class. So she went to school at 10:30 instead of 12:30. Out of the blue she says, "I missed you yesterday while I was at school." I said, "Really? What did you miss about me?" And she said, "Just hanging out with you." Awww, stab me in the heart. I felt the same way after such a wonderful Thanksgiving week together. Beautiful and wonderful, but it hurt a little. Because though I never got tired of hanging out with my mommy, I can't count on that in the future with I.. I can just hope and pray that even though I'm not her friend, I'll still be one of her favorite people to hang out with.
Oh, also for posterity because I'll forget with all the woulds, coulds, and shoulds...I asked I. last night what she was thinking of asking Santa for. She thought quite a few minutes and then said, "I want a costume dress for Bubbi (my mom and her favorite playperson) that has a picture of her and I holding hands, laughing." To clarify I said, "So you want your present from Santa to be a costume for Bubbi?" She answered, "Is that going to be hard for him to find?" I'm so lucky to have such a kind hearted kid.
I'll be sure and use that kind hearted kid defense with V. tomorrow when our plan to give a needy, homeless cat(s) some love is met with horror. It's just part of my master plan to raise a human being with compassion and empathy for people and animals who are in need.
Sometimes when I. spends a couple of nights at my parents' house, I'll ask her, "Did you miss me?" and when she inevitably says no, I tell her, "Of course you didn't. You were having so much fun with Bubbi and Bobbi." I'm not trying to guilt her; I ask out of curiosity.
Today we were eating lunch. Yesterday was her long school day due to a science class that she loves in the morning before her regular class. So she went to school at 10:30 instead of 12:30. Out of the blue she says, "I missed you yesterday while I was at school." I said, "Really? What did you miss about me?" And she said, "Just hanging out with you." Awww, stab me in the heart. I felt the same way after such a wonderful Thanksgiving week together. Beautiful and wonderful, but it hurt a little. Because though I never got tired of hanging out with my mommy, I can't count on that in the future with I.. I can just hope and pray that even though I'm not her friend, I'll still be one of her favorite people to hang out with.
Oh, also for posterity because I'll forget with all the woulds, coulds, and shoulds...I asked I. last night what she was thinking of asking Santa for. She thought quite a few minutes and then said, "I want a costume dress for Bubbi (my mom and her favorite playperson) that has a picture of her and I holding hands, laughing." To clarify I said, "So you want your present from Santa to be a costume for Bubbi?" She answered, "Is that going to be hard for him to find?" I'm so lucky to have such a kind hearted kid.
I'll be sure and use that kind hearted kid defense with V. tomorrow when our plan to give a needy, homeless cat(s) some love is met with horror. It's just part of my master plan to raise a human being with compassion and empathy for people and animals who are in need.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Strange Day
The day started off well as I watched I. in her first gymnastics class. She was the only one in her class so she was in constant motion. I felt sorry for her only because I knew she didn't feel 100% but she was running around the whole time without any rest. I was amazed by her balance - it really is something else - and the enthusiasm that she showed throughout the class was great. She really enjoyed herself though I suspect her little sinewy arms will be sore tomorrow.
This afternoon my mom came over to play with I. She got there at 12:30 which was good and I. had a great time playing with her Bubbi. I was feeling pretty lousy at this point with my cold symptoms coming on so I just did 2 quick errands and came home but then did some chores because my mom would get distracted by me and end up frustrating I. My mom had said that she wanted to tell me a few things but when I said we could talk while I. was eating dinner (at 3), she said she had to leave at 2:45. I guess when she said that she wanted to come play with I., she really meant it. I suspect that my sister had demanded my mother to cart her somewhere this afternoon and unless my mother wanted her cell phone ringing every 5 minutes, it behooved her to pick her up on time. Just a guess, but you know I'm usually right.
The only thing she did bring up was the suicide of the only son of a local famous restauranteur and how sad it was. He was in his early 30s, had just had dinner with his parents and then stopped on his drive home to kill himself, leaving a note for them in his car. To those around him, he was attractive, successful, well liked, and driven. To himself, he was losing a battle with depression. I know what he must have felt like and I know that at dinner that night he probably seemed very happy to his parents. But I also know that this "happiness" most likely was because he had made up his mind that tonight was the night. He was going to have a nice dinner with his parents, say his goodbyes, and then all his pain was going to be over. When you are that depressed, making up your mind that you're going to do it, that it's almost over gives you a sense of relief, almost a physical pain relief, that you just have a little more time and the pain will be gone. To a non-depressed person, it's unfathomable but to one who has been there a few times, I get it.
My mother knows I was there. Okay, maybe I didn't tell her about the other times but that was because they really didn't seem to get it the first time I told them after being nagged by the outpatient therapist for weeks. Why bother telling them if it happened again? But still, my parents were told. That being said, it bothered me greatly when my mother says about this suicidal man, "He reminds me of your brother" because of the guy holding in his feelings.
REALLY?! REALLY? Who has been the person leaned upon, depended upon to fix the emotional ills of this family? Who has to be the strong one, the one who won't falter under any conditions, the one who has to rise to every occasion? The one who found and still finds herself without the support of those who depend on her support.
I don't know why I still allow myself to get upset about this? Maybe it's just that I don't feel good anyways and so it feels more than it is. It didn't ruin my day or evening so I think I'll just let it go and move on. But I did want to get it out of my head and off of my chest before heading to bed in hopes that it will not materialize into some stressful dream tonight. Here's to hoping for a cold night, pleasant dreams, deep sleep, and a healthier tomorrow!
This afternoon my mom came over to play with I. She got there at 12:30 which was good and I. had a great time playing with her Bubbi. I was feeling pretty lousy at this point with my cold symptoms coming on so I just did 2 quick errands and came home but then did some chores because my mom would get distracted by me and end up frustrating I. My mom had said that she wanted to tell me a few things but when I said we could talk while I. was eating dinner (at 3), she said she had to leave at 2:45. I guess when she said that she wanted to come play with I., she really meant it. I suspect that my sister had demanded my mother to cart her somewhere this afternoon and unless my mother wanted her cell phone ringing every 5 minutes, it behooved her to pick her up on time. Just a guess, but you know I'm usually right.
The only thing she did bring up was the suicide of the only son of a local famous restauranteur and how sad it was. He was in his early 30s, had just had dinner with his parents and then stopped on his drive home to kill himself, leaving a note for them in his car. To those around him, he was attractive, successful, well liked, and driven. To himself, he was losing a battle with depression. I know what he must have felt like and I know that at dinner that night he probably seemed very happy to his parents. But I also know that this "happiness" most likely was because he had made up his mind that tonight was the night. He was going to have a nice dinner with his parents, say his goodbyes, and then all his pain was going to be over. When you are that depressed, making up your mind that you're going to do it, that it's almost over gives you a sense of relief, almost a physical pain relief, that you just have a little more time and the pain will be gone. To a non-depressed person, it's unfathomable but to one who has been there a few times, I get it.
My mother knows I was there. Okay, maybe I didn't tell her about the other times but that was because they really didn't seem to get it the first time I told them after being nagged by the outpatient therapist for weeks. Why bother telling them if it happened again? But still, my parents were told. That being said, it bothered me greatly when my mother says about this suicidal man, "He reminds me of your brother" because of the guy holding in his feelings.
REALLY?! REALLY? Who has been the person leaned upon, depended upon to fix the emotional ills of this family? Who has to be the strong one, the one who won't falter under any conditions, the one who has to rise to every occasion? The one who found and still finds herself without the support of those who depend on her support.
I don't know why I still allow myself to get upset about this? Maybe it's just that I don't feel good anyways and so it feels more than it is. It didn't ruin my day or evening so I think I'll just let it go and move on. But I did want to get it out of my head and off of my chest before heading to bed in hopes that it will not materialize into some stressful dream tonight. Here's to hoping for a cold night, pleasant dreams, deep sleep, and a healthier tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Today's the Day
I am now the momma of a 5 year old. I cannot believe it since it just seems like yesterday I was holding her for the first time. All the more reason to make as many memories as possible with I. because time does fly. Today I am concentrating on her excitement and pride that she is 5 to keep from getting sad. I'll save that for tonight when I'm writing her birthday letter. I already know now to get a box of Kleenex along with the stationary and pen because it's inevitable.
Yesterday I showed her the pictures I took each month of my pregnancy and she really liked it. This morning I will show her the pictures we took in the hospital of her first hours. Then we will get ready, head to Chuck E. Cheese for fun and lunch, then to school where she'll get to celebrate her birthday in chapel and in her classroom. I am going to get some good pictures (hopefully) and then I'll do a picture posting with the best bday pics. I realized that I did not get any pictures of me or V. with I. at her party so I am going to see if I can get someone at school to take a picture of us. It sure is hard getting in the pictures when you're the momma, at least around this joint.
Happy Birthday my beautiful, sweet, feisty, loving, smart, funny little girl! You have changed my life in the most meaningful way and I am thankful every day and night that you are my daughter.
Yesterday I showed her the pictures I took each month of my pregnancy and she really liked it. This morning I will show her the pictures we took in the hospital of her first hours. Then we will get ready, head to Chuck E. Cheese for fun and lunch, then to school where she'll get to celebrate her birthday in chapel and in her classroom. I am going to get some good pictures (hopefully) and then I'll do a picture posting with the best bday pics. I realized that I did not get any pictures of me or V. with I. at her party so I am going to see if I can get someone at school to take a picture of us. It sure is hard getting in the pictures when you're the momma, at least around this joint.
Happy Birthday my beautiful, sweet, feisty, loving, smart, funny little girl! You have changed my life in the most meaningful way and I am thankful every day and night that you are my daughter.
Monday, November 8, 2010
The Last Night I Have a 4 Year Old
Tonight is the last night I will have a 4 year old in the house with me. This makes me sad even though I know there will be great things about having I., the 5 year old, with me. Five years ago tonight after 29 hours of labor, my water finally broke with an audible *pop* and boy were we off to the races! I had thought the labor had been painful so far but it wasn't even in the same ballpark as what happened after the water broke. Anyways, the rest will be part of tomorrow's post.
Today I. and I had a good day together. Usually on Mondays, I don't go to the gym so that we can take advantage of this "last" year of weekday time that we get together before full day school next year. But with her birthday being tomorrow, I wanted to spend time together in the morning before she went to school at 12:30. I'm planning on taking her to Chuck E. Cheese in the morning because we can just goof around together and it's a big deal to her to go there. So today we went to the gym and then came home and made apple bread together. I. has been wanting to make it for a week after having some at school and we still had apples that we picked in Julian that I'm trying to find uses for. It was so great, standing side by side at the kitchen counter on a chilly day, smelling cinnamon and apples as we made our bread. And right in the middle of putting the ingredients in the bowl, I. leaned towards me with her lips all puckered up to give me a kiss on the lips. Honestly, life really doesn't get any better than that. After a much needed resttime, we walked to the mailbox hand in hand together and she told me she liked holding hands with me. Together we watched a hawk catch and eat a mouse and both found it pretty interesting and then we walked home and made Shrinky Dinks together before her dinner time. A perfect, laid back, hanging out kind of day. It makes me wonder how in the world am I going to cope come next September. But I won't dwell on that now...
This time change is kicking our butts. How one hour makes this much of a difference is beyond me but it does. I. is up so early in the morning now that she's pretty wiped out by the early afternoon. I was panicking because she is getting up at 5 am now and I'm not a morning person. The reason why I'm not a morning person is that the only deep, decent sleep I get is from about 4:30am until when I wake up. So you do the math and you'll understand why I. waking up at 5am was stressing me out.
Well, desperate mommas lead to creative solutions and I decided to cash in on I.'s digital clock obsession and work it to my advantage. I took a piece of paper and wrote 6:00 on it and then drew a picture of I. getting out of her bed. Then I wrote 6:46 and showed her calling "Mommy" and explained that these were the times she could do these 2 things and not before. I left the side down of her crib (yes, I know she's in a crib and she's turning 5 - when I told her we were going to get her a big girl bed, I was informed quite sternly, "But I like my little bed and I don't want a big girl bed.") and went to bed with my fingers crossed.
Unfortunately between V. getting up at 2:30, the garage door slamming shut at 4:15 and things that had to be attended to in the bathroom, I did not get good sleep this morning. So when I. started calling me at exactly 6:45, I didn't feel too good but was thankful that my plan seemed to have worked. We'll see tomorrow if lightening strikes twice but so far so good. I'm hoping that her wake up time will start moving closer to 6 but we'll see. For now, this will work as soon as my own inner clock gets reset and maybe I'll start sleeping good from 3:30. Sleep issues suck!
Today I. and I had a good day together. Usually on Mondays, I don't go to the gym so that we can take advantage of this "last" year of weekday time that we get together before full day school next year. But with her birthday being tomorrow, I wanted to spend time together in the morning before she went to school at 12:30. I'm planning on taking her to Chuck E. Cheese in the morning because we can just goof around together and it's a big deal to her to go there. So today we went to the gym and then came home and made apple bread together. I. has been wanting to make it for a week after having some at school and we still had apples that we picked in Julian that I'm trying to find uses for. It was so great, standing side by side at the kitchen counter on a chilly day, smelling cinnamon and apples as we made our bread. And right in the middle of putting the ingredients in the bowl, I. leaned towards me with her lips all puckered up to give me a kiss on the lips. Honestly, life really doesn't get any better than that. After a much needed resttime, we walked to the mailbox hand in hand together and she told me she liked holding hands with me. Together we watched a hawk catch and eat a mouse and both found it pretty interesting and then we walked home and made Shrinky Dinks together before her dinner time. A perfect, laid back, hanging out kind of day. It makes me wonder how in the world am I going to cope come next September. But I won't dwell on that now...
This time change is kicking our butts. How one hour makes this much of a difference is beyond me but it does. I. is up so early in the morning now that she's pretty wiped out by the early afternoon. I was panicking because she is getting up at 5 am now and I'm not a morning person. The reason why I'm not a morning person is that the only deep, decent sleep I get is from about 4:30am until when I wake up. So you do the math and you'll understand why I. waking up at 5am was stressing me out.
Well, desperate mommas lead to creative solutions and I decided to cash in on I.'s digital clock obsession and work it to my advantage. I took a piece of paper and wrote 6:00 on it and then drew a picture of I. getting out of her bed. Then I wrote 6:46 and showed her calling "Mommy" and explained that these were the times she could do these 2 things and not before. I left the side down of her crib (yes, I know she's in a crib and she's turning 5 - when I told her we were going to get her a big girl bed, I was informed quite sternly, "But I like my little bed and I don't want a big girl bed.") and went to bed with my fingers crossed.
Unfortunately between V. getting up at 2:30, the garage door slamming shut at 4:15 and things that had to be attended to in the bathroom, I did not get good sleep this morning. So when I. started calling me at exactly 6:45, I didn't feel too good but was thankful that my plan seemed to have worked. We'll see tomorrow if lightening strikes twice but so far so good. I'm hoping that her wake up time will start moving closer to 6 but we'll see. For now, this will work as soon as my own inner clock gets reset and maybe I'll start sleeping good from 3:30. Sleep issues suck!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Happy Mother's Day
Yesterday was Mother's Day and my dad's birthday which means we can combine them and eliminate a second chance of family drama. I. and V. went shopping and surprised me with flowers, a balloon, a gym shirt, and some headphones that I'll unfortunately have to take back 'cause they're not compatible with my Ipod. It's the thought that counts though and it was all very nice.
Then we had to meet the family at a restaurant and this kicked off some aggravations. The restaurant was packed and we had to wait forever even though we had put our name in at 11am. It was total chaos, with too many people with too many presents, all crammed into a too small space. Add to that the mariachis and it was madness. By the time we finally got seated, we were hungry and stressed out and ready for a margarita. Well at least some of us were. My sister, the addict, asked for the wine list and proceeded to obsess about choosing a wine. Obsess meaning she was hovering over it, peppering my mom with comments that "I want the darkest. What's the darkest one?" to the point that my mom looked like she was going to pass out. I already knew that I would have no chance at being around my mom with my sister there. She monopolizes my mom - physically, verbally, and emotionally. I refuse to compete which is why I sat with my dad but watching it made me pissed off. At least once we got back to my parents' house, my sister acted relatively normal so it was bearable.
My mom has always been consistent about being irritated about having to share "her day" with my dad and this year was no exception. She made several comments about it and my dad made sure he showered her with 8 or 9 gifts. It was so much "her day" that she completely forgot about my card and gifts until we went to go home and I saw a gift bag on the kitchen counter and said, "What's this?" It turned out to be my gift and card. Is that strange to anyone else or is it just me?
All in all, a pretty good day. I always enjoy Mother's Day morning more than the rest of the day because my little family celebrates me as a mother - the daily behind the scenes person, the one who is the glue keeping us together, the lighthouse that remains shining in the storms guiding us back to safety. Isn't that what all mothers really are?
Then we had to meet the family at a restaurant and this kicked off some aggravations. The restaurant was packed and we had to wait forever even though we had put our name in at 11am. It was total chaos, with too many people with too many presents, all crammed into a too small space. Add to that the mariachis and it was madness. By the time we finally got seated, we were hungry and stressed out and ready for a margarita. Well at least some of us were. My sister, the addict, asked for the wine list and proceeded to obsess about choosing a wine. Obsess meaning she was hovering over it, peppering my mom with comments that "I want the darkest. What's the darkest one?" to the point that my mom looked like she was going to pass out. I already knew that I would have no chance at being around my mom with my sister there. She monopolizes my mom - physically, verbally, and emotionally. I refuse to compete which is why I sat with my dad but watching it made me pissed off. At least once we got back to my parents' house, my sister acted relatively normal so it was bearable.
My mom has always been consistent about being irritated about having to share "her day" with my dad and this year was no exception. She made several comments about it and my dad made sure he showered her with 8 or 9 gifts. It was so much "her day" that she completely forgot about my card and gifts until we went to go home and I saw a gift bag on the kitchen counter and said, "What's this?" It turned out to be my gift and card. Is that strange to anyone else or is it just me?
All in all, a pretty good day. I always enjoy Mother's Day morning more than the rest of the day because my little family celebrates me as a mother - the daily behind the scenes person, the one who is the glue keeping us together, the lighthouse that remains shining in the storms guiding us back to safety. Isn't that what all mothers really are?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The "I Hate To Tell You" Conversation
I didn't have a chance this morning to post about my conversation with my mother yesterday morning. Let's call it the "I Hate To Tell You" conversation. Boys and girls, this is how the game begins. First, I start off a topic 'cause I learned from last week that unless you want to listen to 1 hour of monologue, you need to come prepared for the game. So I kicked it off with the topic of buying a new refrigerator. To which my mother replied, "Oh, I hate to tell you...." and then proceeded to rant about how much she hates her newish, side by side refrigerator. Yeah, thanks. I WAS excited about my new refrigerator but now I'm actually kind of dreading it for fear of all these impending problems. Next topic - "I hate to tell you..." and launched into the next uplifting monologue.
Granted my mom has been in pain for awhile and she just got those painful nerve injections, and she is still under a lot of stress but come on! Two weeks in a row, it's hard to look forward to next Wednesday's call. I almost need a couple of glasses of wine before the call to make it thru in one piece but then I'd probably trip and fall on the treadmill. Can't wait til next week's call...
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, after I brought I. home from school and we were looking in her bucket at the day's craft production, I happened to look over and there was Fuzzy doing the squat under the kitchen table. I ran over there but by that point, it was too late, she had already started and what the hell was I gonna do. The bus was out of the station so all I could do is wait and then clean up. I don't know what's going on in this house but all I know is that it's just downright shitty.
Granted my mom has been in pain for awhile and she just got those painful nerve injections, and she is still under a lot of stress but come on! Two weeks in a row, it's hard to look forward to next Wednesday's call. I almost need a couple of glasses of wine before the call to make it thru in one piece but then I'd probably trip and fall on the treadmill. Can't wait til next week's call...
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, after I brought I. home from school and we were looking in her bucket at the day's craft production, I happened to look over and there was Fuzzy doing the squat under the kitchen table. I ran over there but by that point, it was too late, she had already started and what the hell was I gonna do. The bus was out of the station so all I could do is wait and then clean up. I don't know what's going on in this house but all I know is that it's just downright shitty.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Great News, Bad News
The great news is that Cat came through everything with flying colors. Everyone was raving about how he is the most beautiful and healthy 16 year old cat they've ever seen. When I picked him up, he looked like he'd been through the war and after a $1000 bill, I feel like our finances just went through the war. Now for the next 10 days, twice a day, I get the pleasure of wrestling him down and giving liquid medicine to him. I've only done it once so far and it wasn't fun. I never knew a cat could wiggle backwards out of such a small spot. I'll remember that for tonight's wrestling match. The medicine is hopefully going to help him stop pooping on the carpet so I have a BIG incentive to get it down his throat. Somehow I managed to keep a straight face and not visibly gag when the vet told me that one of his anal glands was very full and that they expressed it. Sorry if you're eating while reading that.
The bad news is that my mom has been incapacitated with back pain to the point that she had to go in yesterday and get nerve block shots down both legs. Between the pain and the anticipation of the painful shots, her blood pressure shot to the moon which is another big problem she's developed in the last 6-12 months. All this because of the daily stress of having my sister over there and my mom not able to deal effectively with it. Is it any wonder that I'm pissed off at my sister? I know, it's up to my mom to put the boundaries down but she didn't do that with her psycho mom for the first half of her life so why do I expect her to do that with her own daughter for the last half of her life? Unfortunately, my head understands it but my anger still grows. So it's off to the gym to take care of myself and get the stress out. However, I do have to call my mom to check on her while I'm on the treadmill so I won't get all the stress out. The good thing is that today I'm having lunch with a close guy friend with whom I can just let it all hang out and I'm looking forward to that. We always have a good time so any residual crap hanging around from the phone call should get taken care of with the lunch.
The bad news is that my mom has been incapacitated with back pain to the point that she had to go in yesterday and get nerve block shots down both legs. Between the pain and the anticipation of the painful shots, her blood pressure shot to the moon which is another big problem she's developed in the last 6-12 months. All this because of the daily stress of having my sister over there and my mom not able to deal effectively with it. Is it any wonder that I'm pissed off at my sister? I know, it's up to my mom to put the boundaries down but she didn't do that with her psycho mom for the first half of her life so why do I expect her to do that with her own daughter for the last half of her life? Unfortunately, my head understands it but my anger still grows. So it's off to the gym to take care of myself and get the stress out. However, I do have to call my mom to check on her while I'm on the treadmill so I won't get all the stress out. The good thing is that today I'm having lunch with a close guy friend with whom I can just let it all hang out and I'm looking forward to that. We always have a good time so any residual crap hanging around from the phone call should get taken care of with the lunch.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Another Good Day
I. and I have been having many more good days together. I think it has something to do with school but I'm not sure what exactly is causing it. She has been less defiant which has been so much better than the last 6 months or so.
Yesterday we had to stand in line for 3 hours to get her H1N1 and seasonal flu shot (3rd try at this) and she was really good. I thought it was going to be absolutely torturous but she held it together, ran home for me to make her lunch to eat in the car and her to change into shorts, got her to school on time miraculously, and then headed to PT. It was a special day at school for her, many different activities in different classrooms and I wanted to see it too so after PT, I went back to her school and spent the last hour helping out.
When I walked in, her face registered utter surprise and then lit up. From that moment on, I could tell she was completely jazzed that I was there and wanted to show me everything, play with me, and sit in my lap. It was special because I'm smart enough to know that these days are limited. I'm glad I did it because today I got lots more kisses and affection and she volunteered to help with various tasks cheerfully. A much easier day than normal. Tonight while she was eating dinner, she said, "I want you to come to church with me Momma. (she has 15 min. of chapel once a week) I like when you come to church with me." My heart swelled, my eyes teared up a little and I said, "I like when I come to church with you too Sweetie."
This is what being a mother is all about. The personal sacrifices, the frustrations, the sleepless nights, and exhaustion...it all comes down to this - she craves my presence as much as I crave hers. Truly beautiful!
Yesterday we had to stand in line for 3 hours to get her H1N1 and seasonal flu shot (3rd try at this) and she was really good. I thought it was going to be absolutely torturous but she held it together, ran home for me to make her lunch to eat in the car and her to change into shorts, got her to school on time miraculously, and then headed to PT. It was a special day at school for her, many different activities in different classrooms and I wanted to see it too so after PT, I went back to her school and spent the last hour helping out.
When I walked in, her face registered utter surprise and then lit up. From that moment on, I could tell she was completely jazzed that I was there and wanted to show me everything, play with me, and sit in my lap. It was special because I'm smart enough to know that these days are limited. I'm glad I did it because today I got lots more kisses and affection and she volunteered to help with various tasks cheerfully. A much easier day than normal. Tonight while she was eating dinner, she said, "I want you to come to church with me Momma. (she has 15 min. of chapel once a week) I like when you come to church with me." My heart swelled, my eyes teared up a little and I said, "I like when I come to church with you too Sweetie."
This is what being a mother is all about. The personal sacrifices, the frustrations, the sleepless nights, and exhaustion...it all comes down to this - she craves my presence as much as I crave hers. Truly beautiful!
Friday, June 19, 2009
First Time Ever
Today, I. ended the day in the same underpants that she started the day with - FIRST TIME EVER. If you're not a parent, especially the one primarily supervising potty training, the excitement of this may go over your head. However, considering that yesterday was a horrible potty training day, this is especially exciting. I. was just peeing all over the place even soaking her car seat on the way home and this right after I asked her if she needed to go and she said no. I know they say not to turn the training into a power struggle but in this case, I'm finding it works better to just say, "We're going to the bathroom now." and pick her up and carry her to the potty even if she fights me. I'm quickly learning that while potty training books and other mother's advice are nice, every kid is different and you really just need to try everything to see what will work even if the books say it's the wrong thing to do.
I need to start trusting my own instinct more and not worry that it's the "wrong" thing to do unless I can see myself that it's not working.
I need to start trusting my own instinct more and not worry that it's the "wrong" thing to do unless I can see myself that it's not working.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
The First Official Post
Here we go.. the first official post.
So, something that's been concerning me is hearing other stay at home moms say that their lives are boring, mentally unchallenging, and personally unfulfilling. I make the distinction between stay at home and working moms here because I don't hear those same comments from the working moms. They talk about the stress, exhaustion and guilt but not being bored, unfulfilled, or mentally unchallenged because I suppose they feel as though the job provides that to them.
Now, don't get me wrong. Every day of my life is not perfect - I don't skip my way emotionally through the day, ponder many things at length, nor feel absolutely thrilled and fulfilled at the end of the day. But, I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS WORKING OUTSIDE OF THE HOME EITHER. And I guess that's one of the main points of this post. No matter what you do, it's not going to feel completely fulfilling and joyful all of the time. What I have found and what I hope will be helpful to other moms is this: you get out what you put in.
Think about it for a moment -- if I go through the day thinking how bored I am playing with her, feeding her, doing errands etc. , I'm going to be bored. If instead I concentrate on her eyes, her face, her reactions as I am playing with her, it opens a whole 'nother aspect to playing with her. To me, it may seem boring; to her, she's never seen it like this, experience it that way and I can surprise her with this. That truly is my job as a mom - expose her and show her new things for her to experience for the first time and celebrate it with her. Part of my personal fulfillment is seeing her eyes widen, the lightbulb go on in her head, and she makes the connection with life as we have known it for years.
When I was working outside the home and at the top of my game, the appreciation and new praise was few and far between. Now that I'm home, I get appreciation every day though I have to identify it as that sometimes since it comes in a different form now. "The Baby" doesn't talk yet (except for Dada, of course, and some sign language) but when she shows me affection during the day and says "thank you" to me in sign language when I've understood her communication attempts, that is blatant appreciation in my new workplace. The problem is not that our children don't appreciate us (at least when they're younger), it's that we don't acknowledge and enjoy their appreciation for us and that's a real shame. I know I've been guilty of this plently of times.
So, enjoy where you are at now because it will change all too soon and you will be looking back to these days with longing.
More later...
So, something that's been concerning me is hearing other stay at home moms say that their lives are boring, mentally unchallenging, and personally unfulfilling. I make the distinction between stay at home and working moms here because I don't hear those same comments from the working moms. They talk about the stress, exhaustion and guilt but not being bored, unfulfilled, or mentally unchallenged because I suppose they feel as though the job provides that to them.
Now, don't get me wrong. Every day of my life is not perfect - I don't skip my way emotionally through the day, ponder many things at length, nor feel absolutely thrilled and fulfilled at the end of the day. But, I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS WORKING OUTSIDE OF THE HOME EITHER. And I guess that's one of the main points of this post. No matter what you do, it's not going to feel completely fulfilling and joyful all of the time. What I have found and what I hope will be helpful to other moms is this: you get out what you put in.
Think about it for a moment -- if I go through the day thinking how bored I am playing with her, feeding her, doing errands etc. , I'm going to be bored. If instead I concentrate on her eyes, her face, her reactions as I am playing with her, it opens a whole 'nother aspect to playing with her. To me, it may seem boring; to her, she's never seen it like this, experience it that way and I can surprise her with this. That truly is my job as a mom - expose her and show her new things for her to experience for the first time and celebrate it with her. Part of my personal fulfillment is seeing her eyes widen, the lightbulb go on in her head, and she makes the connection with life as we have known it for years.
When I was working outside the home and at the top of my game, the appreciation and new praise was few and far between. Now that I'm home, I get appreciation every day though I have to identify it as that sometimes since it comes in a different form now. "The Baby" doesn't talk yet (except for Dada, of course, and some sign language) but when she shows me affection during the day and says "thank you" to me in sign language when I've understood her communication attempts, that is blatant appreciation in my new workplace. The problem is not that our children don't appreciate us (at least when they're younger), it's that we don't acknowledge and enjoy their appreciation for us and that's a real shame. I know I've been guilty of this plently of times.
So, enjoy where you are at now because it will change all too soon and you will be looking back to these days with longing.
More later...
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