Another long-ish delay in posting this week due to general aggravation and grumpiness. Thanks to many insurance phone calls, hassles, and requests for lots of cash, a tour of I.'s school for next year that not only upset me but pissed me off, and just little things that accumulated in my brain and overwhelmed me. You know, the usual M.O. for my brain.
But I am determined to leave all this behind for the next 4 days and just enjoy myself, living in the moment. Because this weekend is my birthday, my 41st birthday. Thank God this one is not as traumatic and potentially depressing as last year's. I think a huge part of it is being pregnant. I mean, how decrepit can I possibly be if I'm pregnant?! Just don't ask my OB's office that because as I've already discussed, they seem to think those two things, decrepit and pregnancy, go hand in hand just fine. But in my mind they don't and this is my weekend, so screw them.
I'm taking I. to my parents' house today and of course I've got way too many errands and other things crammed into this afternoon so we'll see what I actually get done. However, then I've scehduled a massage to kick off the festivities and really get in the mood for fun. V. won't be home til late though he won't say why. All he'll say is, "I have to take care of something." I suspect that it has something to do with my birthday but I don't want to get my hopes up since last year, there was no card or present though we still had a good time in Laguna Beach and yes, going there was a present; it's just that I did all the planning, packing, and researching for it so in my fickle mind, that doesn't count as a present from him. We'll see if this year is different.
Tomorrow V. and I are going to head up to Laguna Beach (the same quirky place as last year) for the weekend. This will be our last alone trip for awhile. The weather is going to be a little iffy so we're just going to have to play it by ear but I'm hoping for alot of relaxation, walking on the beach, and laughter. Sunday we return to my parents' house for a birthday bbq (Sunday is my actual birthday), hopefully well rested and rejuvenated. It'll just be nice to be off of momma duty for 3.5 days and not have an alarm going off in the morning. Of course, if that early bird hubby of mine gets up at 6am every morning and wakes me up, I will have to kill him and dump his body over the patio railing.
Better get ready now and finish packing I. up so we can hit the road in a bit.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Magical Momma Day
Yesterday was one of those magical momma days for I. and I. You know those days when you and your kid(s) really enjoy each other's company and have a stress-free, no meltdown day together - that's a magical momma day in my book. Well yesterday was our turn.
We leisurely got ready and went to Sea World and enjoyed perfect weather. Sunny with a cool breeze. I. waited happily in line for the Elmo's World rides and throughout the whole day, never let go of my hand. We laughed, relaxed, and talked. We enjoyed eating our lunch outside, talking about the social situations that arise at preschool and how to best navigate them. We snuggled close during the animal shows and enjoyed a sweet snack before we headed back to the car. Best of all, I received spontaneous hugs both for myself and the baby and quite a few unsolicited kisses. When we walked to the car, I. said "I had fun today!" and did a little happy dance.
These moments of just her and I are so special to me. I know just because another one is coming it doesn't spell the end of "her and I" time but it will make it more difficult and have to be planned out. So for now, I am enjoying every moment of easy peasy one on one time with I. and I can see she's enjoying it too.
We leisurely got ready and went to Sea World and enjoyed perfect weather. Sunny with a cool breeze. I. waited happily in line for the Elmo's World rides and throughout the whole day, never let go of my hand. We laughed, relaxed, and talked. We enjoyed eating our lunch outside, talking about the social situations that arise at preschool and how to best navigate them. We snuggled close during the animal shows and enjoyed a sweet snack before we headed back to the car. Best of all, I received spontaneous hugs both for myself and the baby and quite a few unsolicited kisses. When we walked to the car, I. said "I had fun today!" and did a little happy dance.
These moments of just her and I are so special to me. I know just because another one is coming it doesn't spell the end of "her and I" time but it will make it more difficult and have to be planned out. So for now, I am enjoying every moment of easy peasy one on one time with I. and I can see she's enjoying it too.
Friday, March 18, 2011
V.'s Frustration
After 3 separate phone calls yesterday to the insurance agent, our check was successfully cut at 8pm last night. I talked the contractor into starting work before the check arrived so he and all his hairy-assed friends will be here Monday, banging, sawing, sweating, etc. You get the idea. Yes, I am relieved that we are getting the show on the road but I'm not relishing having lots of men in the house. It's not a big house and between finding an area of seclusion for the parrot and trying to keep the anxiety level of the cats to a minimum not to the mention my and I.'s sanity, it is a daunting task. I'm just going to try to stay out of the house as much as possible. I think that would be best for everyone.
Last night V. threw a mock tantrum about having to continue delaying the hanging of the big screen television that we got for free for his airplane mileage. It's been here since the very beginning of March and I take it that it bothers him to see it sitting there taunting him with its presence. For being such a rational guy, he turns completely illogical on this topic and wants to begin hanging a flat screen in the girls' room - the room without a ceiling and half its walls. The one that men are going to be reconstructing and painting and he wants to hang a tv in there now?! So last night he just couldn't take it any longer and had to do something about it. He has been asking me for at least 2 weeks if I was going to call DirectTV to order the new HD DVR receiver and my answer has been a consistent no. Not because I'm being a brat but because I'm juggling many other annoying phone calls and don't have time to sit on the phone with DirectTV, who is worse than insurance companies, for 30 minutes which is how long I did last time I called. If he wants the HD blah blah blah, then he needs to take care of it. It turns out you can take care of it on the website so he merrily tripped on there last night thinking it was going to be this super easy task. I sat knowing that nothing about DirectTV is easy and just waiting for the frustration and tantrums to begin.
It didn't take long for the fun to begin as V. started to discover the joys of DirectTV and once that started, he just kept at it like a dog with a bone throwing verbal tantrum after verbal tantrum. It was quite entertaining for me and I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Finally, I sat next to him and we navigated the site together and got to the screen we needed to get to which still did not assuage his frustration because the whole time the site is telling us its going to be "free" until you get to the checkout screen and it then springs it on you that there will be a $6/mth lease cost. Well, that set V. off all over again and he was muttering about that for the rest of the time he was awake. The fun part is that to set him off now and watch the fun, all I have to do is mention the free $6 lease payment and his head will start spinning all over again. I'm going to have fun with this one. And trust me, he does the same thing to me so it's all fair and in good fun.
Today we are finally headed to Sea World to use our passes. We've been trying to get there for the last 3 weeks. Hopefully the strolling will help my back stay loose. Last night in bed, the pain got so bad that when V. left this morning at 4am, I gave up and slept sitting up just so that I could sleep flat on my back. I have to be propped up because at this point in the pregnancy, I can't lie flat but the only position that doesn't cause extreme pain is on my back. Sleeping propped up doesn't make for the most restful sleep but at least I didn't wake up feeling like someone was shoving a hot knife into my back and hip. I've got to be thankful for that I guess. However, the prospect of sleeping sitting up for the next 5 months is not a pleasant one especially when my sleep is so fragmented as is.
Beautiful weather today and a whole relaxing day just I. and I - that makes me very happy.
Last night V. threw a mock tantrum about having to continue delaying the hanging of the big screen television that we got for free for his airplane mileage. It's been here since the very beginning of March and I take it that it bothers him to see it sitting there taunting him with its presence. For being such a rational guy, he turns completely illogical on this topic and wants to begin hanging a flat screen in the girls' room - the room without a ceiling and half its walls. The one that men are going to be reconstructing and painting and he wants to hang a tv in there now?! So last night he just couldn't take it any longer and had to do something about it. He has been asking me for at least 2 weeks if I was going to call DirectTV to order the new HD DVR receiver and my answer has been a consistent no. Not because I'm being a brat but because I'm juggling many other annoying phone calls and don't have time to sit on the phone with DirectTV, who is worse than insurance companies, for 30 minutes which is how long I did last time I called. If he wants the HD blah blah blah, then he needs to take care of it. It turns out you can take care of it on the website so he merrily tripped on there last night thinking it was going to be this super easy task. I sat knowing that nothing about DirectTV is easy and just waiting for the frustration and tantrums to begin.
It didn't take long for the fun to begin as V. started to discover the joys of DirectTV and once that started, he just kept at it like a dog with a bone throwing verbal tantrum after verbal tantrum. It was quite entertaining for me and I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Finally, I sat next to him and we navigated the site together and got to the screen we needed to get to which still did not assuage his frustration because the whole time the site is telling us its going to be "free" until you get to the checkout screen and it then springs it on you that there will be a $6/mth lease cost. Well, that set V. off all over again and he was muttering about that for the rest of the time he was awake. The fun part is that to set him off now and watch the fun, all I have to do is mention the free $6 lease payment and his head will start spinning all over again. I'm going to have fun with this one. And trust me, he does the same thing to me so it's all fair and in good fun.
Today we are finally headed to Sea World to use our passes. We've been trying to get there for the last 3 weeks. Hopefully the strolling will help my back stay loose. Last night in bed, the pain got so bad that when V. left this morning at 4am, I gave up and slept sitting up just so that I could sleep flat on my back. I have to be propped up because at this point in the pregnancy, I can't lie flat but the only position that doesn't cause extreme pain is on my back. Sleeping propped up doesn't make for the most restful sleep but at least I didn't wake up feeling like someone was shoving a hot knife into my back and hip. I've got to be thankful for that I guess. However, the prospect of sleeping sitting up for the next 5 months is not a pleasant one especially when my sleep is so fragmented as is.
Beautiful weather today and a whole relaxing day just I. and I - that makes me very happy.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Why So Quiet?
I realize I haven't posted for almost a week. It wasn't that there wasn't anything to post about. It was mainly because the things that were going on were highly aggravating and took up so much mental energy that I just could not bring myself to blog about them at night.
I think the key word for this week has been "overwhelmed". It was frustrating enough to be the middle man with the insurance people and contractor; trying to babysit necessary steps through the process in order to get the house put back together. And no, as of today, we still are missing ceilings and floors so that tells you just how successful my efforts have been on this endeavor.
Add to this insurance project the fact that the car insurance claim for when we were rearended is still not complete. The chiropractor has not submitted any bills to my insurance company. Meanwhile, the other person's insurance company is trying to get me to settle with them with a low maximum amount for doctor's costs. My fear is that if my insurance company cannot recover the medical costs from the other insurance company, they will come after us for the difference. With the medical event of having a baby this summer, I certainly don't want an unexpected bill arriving for something that wasn't my fault. So I need to nag the chiropractor to get their bills in for the last 2 months and call my insurance agent to see if this fear of mine is reality or make believe.
As though I didn't have enough insurance fun going on, my health insurance company decided that they were only going to pay $1.87 on the first trimester blood tests and leave the other $600+ for us to pay. Since we pay out the butt every month for this health insurance, receiving this bill from the lab made me say, WTF?! So I added that to my daily list of insurance phone calls that I so enjoy making.
On top of this mental aggravation, my back has decided that it's been way too nice to me since it last went completely haywire in San Francisco. My tailbone decided to not only twist in an unnatural direction but also tilt at an odd angle resulting in excruciating pain that lasts all night and all day. At night, it's like a horror show. The only position that feels halfway decent is lying on my back, which happens to be the only position that I'm not supposed to be in because it reduces oxygen flow to both baby and I. That leaves me rolling side to side with searing pain in my lower back and hips all night long. Not conducive for good sleep that's for sure. Daytime hours are even more of a struggle because life goes on - laundry still needs to be done, errands need to be run, I. needs to be bathed etc. When sitting, walking, and standing cause excruciating pain, it makes for a emotionally and physically exhausting day.
But I struggle through, knowing that the pain is caused by shifting pelvic ligaments and muscles making room for my little guy. I think I secretly hope that if I go through all this pain now, cosmically I'll be rewarded in some way. Immature and irrational I know but pain causes you to not think particularly clearly.
On a good note, I met with a doula yesterday and felt comfortable with her so that's in place and I can check that off my list. And next weekend is our weekend in Laguna Beach just V. and I and that is definitely something to look forward to. I'll try not to remember that this will be our last weekend for at least 18 months and just enjoy the break. God knows I could use a break from this house, from my projects and duties, and from being a momma.
I think the key word for this week has been "overwhelmed". It was frustrating enough to be the middle man with the insurance people and contractor; trying to babysit necessary steps through the process in order to get the house put back together. And no, as of today, we still are missing ceilings and floors so that tells you just how successful my efforts have been on this endeavor.
Add to this insurance project the fact that the car insurance claim for when we were rearended is still not complete. The chiropractor has not submitted any bills to my insurance company. Meanwhile, the other person's insurance company is trying to get me to settle with them with a low maximum amount for doctor's costs. My fear is that if my insurance company cannot recover the medical costs from the other insurance company, they will come after us for the difference. With the medical event of having a baby this summer, I certainly don't want an unexpected bill arriving for something that wasn't my fault. So I need to nag the chiropractor to get their bills in for the last 2 months and call my insurance agent to see if this fear of mine is reality or make believe.
As though I didn't have enough insurance fun going on, my health insurance company decided that they were only going to pay $1.87 on the first trimester blood tests and leave the other $600+ for us to pay. Since we pay out the butt every month for this health insurance, receiving this bill from the lab made me say, WTF?! So I added that to my daily list of insurance phone calls that I so enjoy making.
On top of this mental aggravation, my back has decided that it's been way too nice to me since it last went completely haywire in San Francisco. My tailbone decided to not only twist in an unnatural direction but also tilt at an odd angle resulting in excruciating pain that lasts all night and all day. At night, it's like a horror show. The only position that feels halfway decent is lying on my back, which happens to be the only position that I'm not supposed to be in because it reduces oxygen flow to both baby and I. That leaves me rolling side to side with searing pain in my lower back and hips all night long. Not conducive for good sleep that's for sure. Daytime hours are even more of a struggle because life goes on - laundry still needs to be done, errands need to be run, I. needs to be bathed etc. When sitting, walking, and standing cause excruciating pain, it makes for a emotionally and physically exhausting day.
But I struggle through, knowing that the pain is caused by shifting pelvic ligaments and muscles making room for my little guy. I think I secretly hope that if I go through all this pain now, cosmically I'll be rewarded in some way. Immature and irrational I know but pain causes you to not think particularly clearly.
On a good note, I met with a doula yesterday and felt comfortable with her so that's in place and I can check that off my list. And next weekend is our weekend in Laguna Beach just V. and I and that is definitely something to look forward to. I'll try not to remember that this will be our last weekend for at least 18 months and just enjoy the break. God knows I could use a break from this house, from my projects and duties, and from being a momma.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Observation
Today we're going to the Zoo with my parents taking advantage of my father being laid off (again). The weather should be just perfect and it'll give me 2 other people to divide I.'s focused attention and large number of words between. So that's all good. The only thing is that both my parents talk at least as much as I. does so usually by the end of the day, my brain needs silence. The strategy is to keep the 3 of them talking to one another as much as possible and I can mostly sit back and watch.
An interesting observation came up in therapy yesterday regarding being able to depend on others. She pointed out that it isn't so much that I don't have anyone, it's just that the few people that I do have are kind of hit and miss in the dependability arena. Like my mom for instance. When she says she'll come over at noon, it means 1:30 and presently I. eats dinner at 3pm (until Sunday when we change the clocks) so that means the "break" I thought I may get or the things I was going to get done don't because there's not enough time. V. and his demanding job obviously make it hard to depend on him for anything that falls between Monday and Friday. Anyways, I've just got to figure it out for when this baby comes and I. is home all day for those first 4 weeks or so. I certainly don't want to "farm her out" because that is our last month before she goes to school full-time but I am also smart enough to know that we can't all be in this house all day every day or one or both of us will go crazy.
I'm sure I'll figure it out but it would probably be smarter to form some sort of plan before those first few weeks of a new baby - the rigorous breastfeeding schedule, the lack of sleep, and the recovery from birth (which hopefully will be a VBAC). A good plan can help avoid nervous breakdowns.
An interesting observation came up in therapy yesterday regarding being able to depend on others. She pointed out that it isn't so much that I don't have anyone, it's just that the few people that I do have are kind of hit and miss in the dependability arena. Like my mom for instance. When she says she'll come over at noon, it means 1:30 and presently I. eats dinner at 3pm (until Sunday when we change the clocks) so that means the "break" I thought I may get or the things I was going to get done don't because there's not enough time. V. and his demanding job obviously make it hard to depend on him for anything that falls between Monday and Friday. Anyways, I've just got to figure it out for when this baby comes and I. is home all day for those first 4 weeks or so. I certainly don't want to "farm her out" because that is our last month before she goes to school full-time but I am also smart enough to know that we can't all be in this house all day every day or one or both of us will go crazy.
I'm sure I'll figure it out but it would probably be smarter to form some sort of plan before those first few weeks of a new baby - the rigorous breastfeeding schedule, the lack of sleep, and the recovery from birth (which hopefully will be a VBAC). A good plan can help avoid nervous breakdowns.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
New Developments
We had another ultrasound for a few more "tests" and we passed with flying colors. I signed the decline form for the amnio so everyone should now leave me alone about that subject.
Here's a sweet pic of our little one. It's hard to see but that shadow in the background is its' hand and it's sucking its thumb. What's It started face down but decided to flip over and see what was going on. V. was there this time to see so it was extra special.
Then the tech said, "Do you want to know what it is because I think I'll be able to tell pretty soon." We said yes and prepared ourselves for a not so surprising, but still very happy, disclosure that we were indeed having another girl. Then she got this arrow going on the screen and pointed at something and said, "Do you see this?" Holy smoly, it looked like a penis. I thought we're either having a very scary girl or that is a boy. Well, thank God, it's not a scary girl. We ARE having a boy!
Here's a sweet pic of our little one. It's hard to see but that shadow in the background is its' hand and it's sucking its thumb. What's It started face down but decided to flip over and see what was going on. V. was there this time to see so it was extra special.
Then the tech said, "Do you want to know what it is because I think I'll be able to tell pretty soon." We said yes and prepared ourselves for a not so surprising, but still very happy, disclosure that we were indeed having another girl. Then she got this arrow going on the screen and pointed at something and said, "Do you see this?" Holy smoly, it looked like a penis. I thought we're either having a very scary girl or that is a boy. Well, thank God, it's not a scary girl. We ARE having a boy!
I still can't believe it and even though I would have been thrilled with another girl, this does add another dimension to this pregnancy. The first pregnancy was special because it was my first pregnancy. Even though this pregnancy is a miracle and the wonder of it all is with me daily, I know what to expect and so some of the mystery isn't there. But now that mystery facet is back because it's a boy. I. is happy and looking forward to wrestling with her little brother once he's old enough - that's kind of how I sold it to her and it worked. Of course, it helps that her place as my baby girl is now permanently hers with no sharing involved. Each night during prayers, she thanks God for our baby and it makes my heart so happy. Though V. won't admit it, he's excited about it too.
I was just sitting here quietly with the television paused and I think I just felt the baby move for the first time. I'm going to be 18 weeks in just a few days so it is very possible. I wasn't even thinking about it when I swear, it felt like I got bumped from the inside on my lower left side. I didn't feel it again but it was significant and different enough to grab my attention so I'm thinking it may have been the first feel. If I feel something similar again in the next couple of days, I'll know I was right.
We are so lucky. I am so lucky. To think that 10 years ago, I was so miserable that I no longer wanted to live and now I have a little guy growing inside of me with a beautiful, kindhearted little girl waiting happily to join our family, and a loyal, hardworking husband with whom I still have a good, playful friendship as well as a strong, loving marriage. I'm glad I made it.
The Doula Search Continues
I am STILL in search of a doula. I swear I am getting my ass kicked by doulas lately. When I found my original one at 9 weeks, I really felt instinctively that she was the right one. Then she ended up having to become a caregiver for her mom and she cancelled all her clients.
I contacted one of the ones she recommeded and after numerous emails, we finally settled on a day, time and place to meet. One problem - she never showed. Not only did she not show, she didn't email a reason or apology or anything afterwards. Being that the service you are paying for is to have someone dependable be there for you during the most painful and important time of your life, not showing up is a major faux-pas in my book.
So off I went researching more doulas online and found one close by with great recommendations from her clients. It took 2 emails and 1 phone message on my part until she responded. Then numerous schedule gyrations to set a meeting time only to have it cancelled the morning of due to her son's illness. Now I'm a mom, I understand and I'm not holding it against her at all. It just goes back to if she can't even make it to meet me initially, how the hell is she going to make it to my labor? So we're back to trying to schedule a meeting, now pushing it into next week. I don't know, it just makes me uneasy.
It also gives new life to an issue I knew I had but one that quietly percolates under the surface until situations bring it up and cause the bad feelings to start. The main issue is my self-convincing feeling that I can't really depend on anyone for help, that I'm basically on my own. Being that I'm married and my family of origin lives 30 minutes away, this plays on my mind and not in a good way. I try to chalk it up to negative self-talk and sweep it away but to be honest, there just seems to be a long list of examples that support this that is decades long. So perhaps it isn't my misconception, perhaps a good part of it is true and maybe I just need to learn how to look at it differently so that it doesn't affect me badly. I internalize it and translate it to mean that there is something undeserving about me and things go from there.
I anticipate when this baby begins its journey out of my womb and in that first month, there will be situations that will feed into this issue. That's why I want to address it now while my mind is clear and I'm getting sleep rather than try to muddle through it when I'm sleep deprived with surging hormones.
I contacted one of the ones she recommeded and after numerous emails, we finally settled on a day, time and place to meet. One problem - she never showed. Not only did she not show, she didn't email a reason or apology or anything afterwards. Being that the service you are paying for is to have someone dependable be there for you during the most painful and important time of your life, not showing up is a major faux-pas in my book.
So off I went researching more doulas online and found one close by with great recommendations from her clients. It took 2 emails and 1 phone message on my part until she responded. Then numerous schedule gyrations to set a meeting time only to have it cancelled the morning of due to her son's illness. Now I'm a mom, I understand and I'm not holding it against her at all. It just goes back to if she can't even make it to meet me initially, how the hell is she going to make it to my labor? So we're back to trying to schedule a meeting, now pushing it into next week. I don't know, it just makes me uneasy.
It also gives new life to an issue I knew I had but one that quietly percolates under the surface until situations bring it up and cause the bad feelings to start. The main issue is my self-convincing feeling that I can't really depend on anyone for help, that I'm basically on my own. Being that I'm married and my family of origin lives 30 minutes away, this plays on my mind and not in a good way. I try to chalk it up to negative self-talk and sweep it away but to be honest, there just seems to be a long list of examples that support this that is decades long. So perhaps it isn't my misconception, perhaps a good part of it is true and maybe I just need to learn how to look at it differently so that it doesn't affect me badly. I internalize it and translate it to mean that there is something undeserving about me and things go from there.
I anticipate when this baby begins its journey out of my womb and in that first month, there will be situations that will feed into this issue. That's why I want to address it now while my mind is clear and I'm getting sleep rather than try to muddle through it when I'm sleep deprived with surging hormones.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Good Place
Random thoughts flowing through my mind this morning.
One full week under my belt of not being sick, not having my back out, not having a headache every day of the week. It had been a month since I didn't have something physically hurting 24/7 that was sapping my energy, both physical and emotional. This past week I felt good with a normal energy level and almost a lower than normal appetite level. Sure my back still is killing me all night while I sleep and still slips out of place whenever I sit at the kitchen table or on our couches, but you just can't have it all, ya know?
Thankful for not having 4 guys running around our house yesterday. We all needed a day off from that chaos. Today they'll be here in the afternoon. I anticipate phone convos with the insurance claims agent today so that should be fun.
Busy day today trying to take care of things. First I.'s gymnastics class, then chiropractor, then grocery store. A short rest before hitting Home Depot to buy a new toilet for I.'s bathroom and hopefully a fast run to CVS to buy some perfume for I.'s birthday gift to her Bubbi. Whew.
Last night was 3 nights straight of V. and I sleeping in the same bed together at night. It seems like my hormones have changed into less of a perfect insomnia storm and I'm happy about that. I have to admit it was nice to have the bed to myself just from a purely uncomplicated standpoint but mentally, I worried about it during the day and didn't like it. So I'm relieved that it seems to have resolved itself. Plus some of the good early memories after I. was born and home were the nights when we would get in bed with her sleeping in the bassinet next to us. She would snort and grunt as she slept, giving us the giggles as we laid there trying to fall asleep listening to the "piggy" we brought home with us. Those were magical times of wondernment, joy, and completeness and I don't want to miss those the second time around because V. has to sleep in a separate bed.
Gotta get ready to head out for the day with my baby girl. My first baby girl, my only first. Lots of those early days have been coming back to me the last couple of days and that wash of new love comes over me.
One full week under my belt of not being sick, not having my back out, not having a headache every day of the week. It had been a month since I didn't have something physically hurting 24/7 that was sapping my energy, both physical and emotional. This past week I felt good with a normal energy level and almost a lower than normal appetite level. Sure my back still is killing me all night while I sleep and still slips out of place whenever I sit at the kitchen table or on our couches, but you just can't have it all, ya know?
Thankful for not having 4 guys running around our house yesterday. We all needed a day off from that chaos. Today they'll be here in the afternoon. I anticipate phone convos with the insurance claims agent today so that should be fun.
Busy day today trying to take care of things. First I.'s gymnastics class, then chiropractor, then grocery store. A short rest before hitting Home Depot to buy a new toilet for I.'s bathroom and hopefully a fast run to CVS to buy some perfume for I.'s birthday gift to her Bubbi. Whew.
Last night was 3 nights straight of V. and I sleeping in the same bed together at night. It seems like my hormones have changed into less of a perfect insomnia storm and I'm happy about that. I have to admit it was nice to have the bed to myself just from a purely uncomplicated standpoint but mentally, I worried about it during the day and didn't like it. So I'm relieved that it seems to have resolved itself. Plus some of the good early memories after I. was born and home were the nights when we would get in bed with her sleeping in the bassinet next to us. She would snort and grunt as she slept, giving us the giggles as we laid there trying to fall asleep listening to the "piggy" we brought home with us. Those were magical times of wondernment, joy, and completeness and I don't want to miss those the second time around because V. has to sleep in a separate bed.
Gotta get ready to head out for the day with my baby girl. My first baby girl, my only first. Lots of those early days have been coming back to me the last couple of days and that wash of new love comes over me.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Beautiful Moment
Wonderful, couldn't have gone better, unbelievable. These are the words/phrases to describe how telling I. about the baby went. I didn't anticipate it going badly but because she never has really asked about a baby, I wasn't 100% positive.
We gave her the gift bag with the shirt and she opened it up. Saw her name on there, saw the picture of the curly hair girl and the 2 cats and then pointed at the baby in the little wagon the girl was pulling. She said, "What's this?" I read her what the shirt said "I'm Going To Be A Big Sister." and then didn't say anything to give it a chance to sink in.
She kept looking at the shirt for a couple of seconds thinking about what I said. Then all of a sudden her eyes got really wide and she looked up at me with a big joyful smile on her face. I could see that she understood so I said, "Yes Sweetie, Mommy has a baby in her tummy." She was so happy and said, "But your tummy isn't big!" I said, "Well, it kind of is, you just haven't noticed because I've been hiding it." and then I showed her.
For the rest of the day, she was full of questions. In the afternoon, we read a great book that talked about all the things she was wondering about with pregnancy and she kept saying, "Tell me more about the baby." When I was reading to her tonight, she caressed my belly the whole time and asked if it felt good to the baby. It was just so darn sweet.
My heart swells with love and pride for her little generous, sweet heart. She is going to be such a good big sister.
We gave her the gift bag with the shirt and she opened it up. Saw her name on there, saw the picture of the curly hair girl and the 2 cats and then pointed at the baby in the little wagon the girl was pulling. She said, "What's this?" I read her what the shirt said "I'm Going To Be A Big Sister." and then didn't say anything to give it a chance to sink in.
She kept looking at the shirt for a couple of seconds thinking about what I said. Then all of a sudden her eyes got really wide and she looked up at me with a big joyful smile on her face. I could see that she understood so I said, "Yes Sweetie, Mommy has a baby in her tummy." She was so happy and said, "But your tummy isn't big!" I said, "Well, it kind of is, you just haven't noticed because I've been hiding it." and then I showed her.
For the rest of the day, she was full of questions. In the afternoon, we read a great book that talked about all the things she was wondering about with pregnancy and she kept saying, "Tell me more about the baby." When I was reading to her tonight, she caressed my belly the whole time and asked if it felt good to the baby. It was just so darn sweet.
My heart swells with love and pride for her little generous, sweet heart. She is going to be such a good big sister.
I.'s Big News
In the middle of this demolition zone, in just a little while, we are going to tell I. the news that she will be a big sister. Anyone who knows me knows that I have given this a lot of thought. V. makes fun of me, not in a mean way, because he can. But in life, there are a few important moments that can set the stage for future life events and you don't get a do-over on them. To me, this is one of them.
I ordered a customized shirt saying, "I'm Going To Be a Big Sister" with a picture of a curly haired girl, 2 cats, and I.'s name on it. I also have some library books on what is going on inside of my tummy to help I.'s inquistive mind understand what is happening and what will be happening.
Part of me is excited for her and what this will mean. I always wanted her to have a sibling to grow up with, make memories with, and have alongside her in life after V. and I are gone. Yet part of me is sad, tears in my eyes sad, because once this fact is out there, we can never go back to how it's been the last 5+ years. I'm sure V. chalks this up to pregnancy hormones and yeah, maybe some of it is. But some of it is that she is my special child, my first, and it's mostly just been her and I since she was 4 months old thanks to V.'s crappy travel schedule.
Nothing can take that time away from us, I know and I am so thankful for it because I think it has laid a foundation for our relationship for the rest of our lives. And let's face it, there is just something about your firstborn. It's not that you feel more love for them, it's just with the first one, everything is brand new, full of wonder, and an adventure all around because you really have no idea what to expect.
I ordered a customized shirt saying, "I'm Going To Be a Big Sister" with a picture of a curly haired girl, 2 cats, and I.'s name on it. I also have some library books on what is going on inside of my tummy to help I.'s inquistive mind understand what is happening and what will be happening.
Part of me is excited for her and what this will mean. I always wanted her to have a sibling to grow up with, make memories with, and have alongside her in life after V. and I are gone. Yet part of me is sad, tears in my eyes sad, because once this fact is out there, we can never go back to how it's been the last 5+ years. I'm sure V. chalks this up to pregnancy hormones and yeah, maybe some of it is. But some of it is that she is my special child, my first, and it's mostly just been her and I since she was 4 months old thanks to V.'s crappy travel schedule.
Nothing can take that time away from us, I know and I am so thankful for it because I think it has laid a foundation for our relationship for the rest of our lives. And let's face it, there is just something about your firstborn. It's not that you feel more love for them, it's just with the first one, everything is brand new, full of wonder, and an adventure all around because you really have no idea what to expect.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Misery Loves Company
Yesterday was spent in the house being "chased" around by no less than 5 different people. In a 1300 sq. foot house, that leaves you approximately 1 room that you can hide in. Unfortunately, I had to "hide" in that room with a unhappy, rambunctious 5 year old and 2 highly aggravated cats. It was almost enough to make me wish I was secluded in the small downstairs bathroom with the obnoxious parrot - that's where I hid him for the day.
There was nothing but bad news yesterday it seems and by the time 5pm rolled around, I was overwhelmed. Actually, by noon I was overwhelmed and by 5 pm, I'm not sure what state I was in. Probably closer to hysterics because when I did finally sit down and attempt to watch tv over the din of noise and the circuit breaker tripped, due to all the loud equipment that is on in the house, I just sat there in the dark and started laughing. And not really a good sort of laughing.
The bottom line is that in I.'s room, all the flooring in the bathroom and bedroom has been ripped out and today part of her walls will be removed. Here's what it looked like last night when she went to bed:
There was nothing but bad news yesterday it seems and by the time 5pm rolled around, I was overwhelmed. Actually, by noon I was overwhelmed and by 5 pm, I'm not sure what state I was in. Probably closer to hysterics because when I did finally sit down and attempt to watch tv over the din of noise and the circuit breaker tripped, due to all the loud equipment that is on in the house, I just sat there in the dark and started laughing. And not really a good sort of laughing.
The bottom line is that in I.'s room, all the flooring in the bathroom and bedroom has been ripped out and today part of her walls will be removed. Here's what it looked like last night when she went to bed:
Behind the plastic is a huge dehumidifier and 4 big fans trying to dry the place out. It's a mess.
The downstairs bedroom took a direct hit. Here's what it looked like after Day 1
Today they are going to tear down all the walls in this room. I can't even imagine the amount of noise that will be added to the already loud din of air purifiers, dehumidifiers, and industrial fans. It's sensory overload.
The reason for this post's title, "Misery Loves Company" is that V. couldn't comprehend the amount of chaos that was in this house yesterday. But this morning, he was wandering around the house muttering about "clutter" and "claustraphobia" and this is before the 4 guys get added to the mix and before the pounding, ripping, and yelling gets started. Oh yes, he will feel my pain of yesterday and I have to say I will get a sick pleasure of some sort from it. Last weekend I threw a mini tantrum about the level of clutter in this house and the couple of mini projects that he has put off for years that would help with the clutter. He had no idea where all this was coming from and reluctantly did one of the projects (it took all of 20 minutes). Yet after just one week of being home in the evenings (a very rare occurance), he is stressing out today about the clutter. It's not that I don't keep a clean house. It's just that the amount of pieces of paper, crafts, stickers, and Shrinky Dinks multiply daily and I. is like V. in that neither of them likes to throw things out. Better to just put them in a pile in the corner "just in case". This behavior drives me nuts and now it's driving him nuts.
So, we'll see how everyone fares today. Maybe more pics tomorrow.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Down the Toliet
I finally download the San Fran pictures off the camera and was all ready to post about it when everything went down the pot. Or rather, didn't go down the pot.
Minor issue in the scheme of things was that I. out of the blue decided to start peeing in her pants again. No, we haven't told her about the baby so it's not a reversion back. There is nothing that has changed in the last week. It's just her usual M.O. of just getting lazy about going to the bathroom. Yes, I understand there will be accidents here and there. That's not what I'm talking about. What I am talking about is her wetting through 3 different outfits while we are at home within striking distance of 3 toliets. There is no excuse for it. She's 5 years old and is physically able to be potty trained as evidenced by a month plus of being dry. I've tried all the rewards programs, the psychological strategies - God knows I've had time to go through all them, we've been potty training since June 2009. Nothing has really worked so this time I thought long and hard and decided with her 6th birthday approaching this year and full-time kindergarten looming in September, the mean Momma was going to have to dole out some serious consequences. We talked about them and lo and behold, she was dry for 3 days straight until she wasn't, yesterday. So the consequences came down this morning and she's not too happy about it. Well, don't pee in your pants when you're next to a toilet and the consequences won't come down.
The major issue with things going down the pot, or not going down the pot, is that on Wednesday night before she went to bed, I. flushed the toliet and without anyone realizing it, it stopped up and began slowly overflowing. It did that for 14 hours until the next morning when I went in there and needless to say, it was a flood. The bathroom was underwater and a good 6 feet of I.'s bedroom carpet was like a swamp. Then last night, we went into the downstairs bedroom and saw this:
So needless to say instead of heading to Sea World for the day, we will be welcoming a water damage company in our home to begin the process of drying us up, tearing things up, and preventing future mold. Sounds like a great project to me! I haven't even finished up the auto insurance claim that continues to drag on and now it appears I'll have a new insurance claim to enjoy. All the phone calls, messages, forms, etc. Wow, I'm so excited.
What a mess. I woke up at 2am to go the bathroom and ended up not falling back to sleep for an hour because I was worried the ceiling would start falling downstairs. Ugh. Maybe it'll go smoother than I anticipate, I really hope so.
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