Sweet Moment

This morning D. and I were driving to swim class and I had music on that I was bopping my head to the beat.  I looked up in the rear view mirror and there was D. nodding his head up and down just like me.  It's the sweet moments like these that make this time of my life so precious and help with those other moments when "precious" isn't quite the word I'd use.

Such A Joy

Everything makes D. smile and often laugh.  When we get home from taking I. to school, I'll look through the windows at him as I make my way around the car.  He gets so excited anticipating me making it over to his door and getting him out.  Such a big smile on his face, hands moving and his eyes wide open and twinkling.  Each morning we do this and I never get tired of it.

Blowing on his hair makes him laugh.  I'm trying to teach him how to drink out of a cup since he balks at the sippy portion of the cup.  As soon as the cold water hits his mouth, he starts giggling, then choking and then giggling again until he gets the hiccups.  I give him Gripe Water in a syringe to help with the giggles - only problem is when that liquid hits his mouth, it sets him off laughing all over again.  Wiping his butt with a baby wipe sets him off often as well.  Of course, all the normal things make him laugh too - funny voices, noises, peek a boo games, tickling and nibbling.  The boy just loves to laugh and I love it too.

He has turned into a master roller.  He sets his sights on what he wants and where it is and then rolls and rolls keeping his eye on it until he reaches it.  At this rate, there isn't much of a point to crawling though he does propel himself with his toes if the roll leaves him at a wrong angle for reaching.

We've been enjoying our weekly music class greatly though D. does get very upset when it's time to give the instruments back.  I can't believe we only have 4 classes left before the summer break.  I'm hoping to replace it during the summer with swimming class - a Mommy and Me class like I did with I. and simultaneously lessons for I.  It seems like it was just last month that I. and I were taking the class together.  It just means that I need to do whatever I want to do with my kids now, not wait, because time flies by and they grow up so so fast.  I really feel lucky to be a mother even though it leaves me exhausted by the end of the day.

Good Stuff

Today I got D. to laugh....finally. For the last month, he has almost laughed. He opens his mouth up as wide as it can go and then almost laughs but no sound comes out. Then he gets the hiccups, as though he's laughed.

Tonight though I discovered a ticklish area between his upper chest and armpit. I wiggled around there and his mouth popped wide open. I wiggled around there some more and not only did his mouth pop wide open, this sound came out "Huh huh huh" It was a gut laugh. It got me laughing because there truly is nothing quite like a baby's gut laugh (see YouTube). I'm on a high from seeing his smile and hearing his laugh.

The other thing D. does that endears him to me is when he's in my arms and I'm talking to him and kissing him, he smiles at me, opens his mouth wide and then ducks his head to snuggle against my chest. It's like he's overcome with feelings towards me that he just has to turn against me and snuggle. Aaaahhhh...endorphins.

The other great thing is that tomorrow I. doesn't have school but the college girl is still coming in the morning. Two mornings a week, I've started having a trustworthy college girl come over to man the house while D. is taking his morning nap. It allows me to get errands done or go to the gym or take care of appointments while he is asleep. I agonized awhile over this because I do not want to miss ANY of D.'s awake time. It's so limited right now and these early days will never come again so I don't want to miss any of it. But if he's asleep for 2.5-3 hours, he'll never miss me and I can get a heck of alot of things done plus it's good to get out of the house for something other than dropping off and picking I. up from school.

Anyways, tomorrow I. and I are getting out by ourselves like the good ole days. I told her a week ago to start thinking about what she would want us to do and she immediately said, "Chuck E. Cheese and you can go on that ride with me that you couldn't when we took D. and then we could go get some frozen yogurt afterwards." So that's what we are going to do. And I am really looking forward to getting a few hours for just the two of us. The neat thing is that she is excited too. Funny how the stuff that we took for granted not that long ago is such a treat for us now.

V.'s Frustration

After 3 separate phone calls yesterday to the insurance agent, our check was successfully cut at 8pm last night. I talked the contractor into starting work before the check arrived so he and all his hairy-assed friends will be here Monday, banging, sawing, sweating, etc. You get the idea. Yes, I am relieved that we are getting the show on the road but I'm not relishing having lots of men in the house. It's not a big house and between finding an area of seclusion for the parrot and trying to keep the anxiety level of the cats to a minimum not to the mention my and I.'s sanity, it is a daunting task. I'm just going to try to stay out of the house as much as possible. I think that would be best for everyone.

Last night V. threw a mock tantrum about having to continue delaying the hanging of the big screen television that we got for free for his airplane mileage. It's been here since the very beginning of March and I take it that it bothers him to see it sitting there taunting him with its presence. For being such a rational guy, he turns completely illogical on this topic and wants to begin hanging a flat screen in the girls' room - the room without a ceiling and half its walls. The one that men are going to be reconstructing and painting and he wants to hang a tv in there now?! So last night he just couldn't take it any longer and had to do something about it. He has been asking me for at least 2 weeks if I was going to call DirectTV to order the new HD DVR receiver and my answer has been a consistent no. Not because I'm being a brat but because I'm juggling many other annoying phone calls and don't have time to sit on the phone with DirectTV, who is worse than insurance companies, for 30 minutes which is how long I did last time I called. If he wants the HD blah blah blah, then he needs to take care of it. It turns out you can take care of it on the website so he merrily tripped on there last night thinking it was going to be this super easy task. I sat knowing that nothing about DirectTV is easy and just waiting for the frustration and tantrums to begin.

It didn't take long for the fun to begin as V. started to discover the joys of DirectTV and once that started, he just kept at it like a dog with a bone throwing verbal tantrum after verbal tantrum. It was quite entertaining for me and I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Finally, I sat next to him and we navigated the site together and got to the screen we needed to get to which still did not assuage his frustration because the whole time the site is telling us its going to be "free" until you get to the checkout screen and it then springs it on you that there will be a $6/mth lease cost. Well, that set V. off all over again and he was muttering about that for the rest of the time he was awake. The fun part is that to set him off now and watch the fun, all I have to do is mention the free $6 lease payment and his head will start spinning all over again. I'm going to have fun with this one. And trust me, he does the same thing to me so it's all fair and in good fun.

Today we are finally headed to Sea World to use our passes. We've been trying to get there for the last 3 weeks. Hopefully the strolling will help my back stay loose. Last night in bed, the pain got so bad that when V. left this morning at 4am, I gave up and slept sitting up just so that I could sleep flat on my back. I have to be propped up because at this point in the pregnancy, I can't lie flat but the only position that doesn't cause extreme pain is on my back. Sleeping propped up doesn't make for the most restful sleep but at least I didn't wake up feeling like someone was shoving a hot knife into my back and hip. I've got to be thankful for that I guess. However, the prospect of sleeping sitting up for the next 5 months is not a pleasant one especially when my sleep is so fragmented as is.

Beautiful weather today and a whole relaxing day just I. and I - that makes me very happy.

My Bizarre Mind

We had a good time with my parents today and all of it was a big surprise to I. We met them for lunch and a movie and then wandered around Barnes and Noble, a kind of preparation for my dad started work at Borders next Monday. I'm trying not to be sad about this because I know he needs the work and money but this job will not allow him the flexibility his last job had. So this was the last time we would get to spend time with him outside of birthdays and holidays until he retires. I'm not being very successful with not getting upset about this but I try to be thankful of the fact that I, as the oldest child by a whole lot of years, and I., as the only grandchild, will have gotten the gift of enjoying my parents' company the longest. Not that it's a competition, it's more a function of being appreciative of their time and attention and she and I are nothing if not that.

Back to my bizarre mind...my dad kept talking about this game he's been looking for that they used to have but can't find. He said the name at least 3 or 4 times but it didn't strike a chord with me. But then as I. was eating her dinner and I was preemptively setting up coffee for tomorrow's breakfast, a picture flashed in my head of a game that was in our closet. A game I remember my mother giving to us probably 6 years ago to take with us on a vacation but I couldn't remember the name of it. So I went to the game closet and sure enough the name wasn't exactly what my dad was saying but it was pretty darn close and the fact that my mom had let us "borrow" it pretty well convinced me that this was the game my dad had been talking about. I called their cell phones to no avail so proceeded getting I. in bed and jumped in the shower.

I've always said that some of my best thinking is done in the shower or on the treadmill so true to form, I thought, "I'll just send him a picture of it in an email and find out if this is the game." Then I started chuckling to myself thinking "I have his game and he wants it" which made me think of a kidnapping angle, which led to this visual ransom note completed with a blindfold and gag:

Needless to say, my parents just called me after seeing this, howling with laughter which sent me into chuckling all over again. It's good to know that the sicko, bizarre part of my mind is still alive and well and ready to come out and play.

The Weekend

So much to say about the weekend but I don't want to get into all of the gory details. It's hard for me not to do that, the details are what makes the story in some cases. I'll try to control myself though.

The graduation. After 3+ hours of LA traffic, we picked up the girls at their house which unfortunately allowed me to see that flat screen tv in the completely remodeled guest bathroom that we pretty much funded. Could have done without that....anyways, got them to the school after waiting in another long line to get in the parking lot to wait in another long line to get into the ceremony itself. Basically, the whole day was about waiting.

It ended around 8 and we went to dinner at a restaurant with about 25 people. That turned into a humorous fiasco. Fiasco because we didn't get served dinner until after 10pm, the restaurant flooded and then appeared to be on fire when we finally left. It was reaching biblical proportions. Humorous because the ex's head was spinning around due to the lack of service and V. and I just sat there and laughed. Me because it was just plain funny to see; V. because he didn't have to deal with it. We just sat there and watched "the guy" have to try to calm her down.

By the time we got to the hotel, it was after midnight and it was time for my head to spin around because they gave away our room. Supposedly all they had left was a smoking room but I'm allergic to smoke. I just kept calmly but firmly saying like it was my mantra, "You took my money, I want my room. You took my money, I want my room." I think the lady thought I was a little nuts 'cause I kept saying it over and over again so she called the manager, found a nonsmoking room for that night and then the next morning, switched us to the king bed, ocean view, nonsmoking room that we had paid for. Thankfully that day was over since nothing came easy.

The next day was as different from the one before it could have been. We ate a leisurely breakfast and wandered around Redondo Beach for a couple of hours, seeing what had changed and what had stayed the same. It was a beautiful sunny day and we sat on the pier enjoying the ocean air. Going back here always brings back the memories of V. and I, first as friends and then when we fell for one another hard because this was where it happened.

That afternoon, V. took a short nap and I went to the jacuzzi with a book. Later we headed down to El Torito for dinner and the margaritas started flowing. We walked over to the infamous Naja's beer bar and spent the rest of the night until about 1am., dancing, watching the Yankee game, and of course, drinking beer. The band playing was the same one that played 10 years ago when we first started dating. We've gone back about once a year since we got married so they recognized us and kept asking for song choices. V. and I cut loose and had a good time. I was laughing so hard at V.'s antics that night that I almost had tears running down my face.

It was exactly what we needed both as a couple and as individuals. As a couple because it's been really hard living apart for so long. You forget how much fun you used to have with each other because you're no longer together to have it. As individuals, V. needed to cut loose to get away from all his work stress and I needed it to inject adult fun into my life and to give my psyche a break from the sadness that the first anniversary of Mark's death brings.

Today WILL Be a Better Day

I woke up this morning and thought to myself,"Today will be a better day!". It has nothing to do with determination or positive thinking though. It has to do with the fact that my ex-therapist, now good friend, facebooked me earlier this week to see if we could go for a walk today. I. doesn't have school today so I thought we could go to the zoo so I. would have plenty to look at while my friend and I talk. Even though we are just friends now as opposed to therapist-patient, she still has all those great listening qualities and has retained the ability to translate what I am saying into something that actually makes sense (carried over from our past sessions). Best of all, she has a wickedly sick sense of humor that calls out to my own sick humor. One of her infamous therapist comments to me was "You're a man trapped in a woman's body!" due to my unique way of looking at things. Whenever we are together, there is usually a lot of laughter involved.

And boy, could I use A LOT of that right now.