Friday we successfully made it to the beach and now that I. is a big girl who can help carry things, our trip to the beach went pretty smoothly. We enjoyed the cold water and once D. got over his initial unease, he was happy to hold my hand and play in the waves while I. was running and jumping like a little nut. Our time went too quickly (always a good sign) and no one threw a fit when it was time to leave, which was a fantastic surprise.
Maybe our better than expected beach trip made me cocky, because I had high hopes for how much fun Caroline's birthday party was going to be on Saturday afternoon. It was a great party, with creative pretty decorations, wonderful ideas, and good food. The part that wasn't so great was that D. was whiny, conflicted, and shrieking at the top of his lungs for a least half of the time we were there. If I had known that I was going to have to be picking him up every 5 seconds literally, I would have worn a damn turtleneck so I wouldn't have to worry about flashing my bra (or more) to all the partygoers every time I had to pick him up or put him down. Finally, he settled down and played outside in the water (it was over 100 degrees) but by then, I was a sweaty, aggravated hot mess and just felt like going into the bathroom and crying. I guess I thought he'd be so happy to see Caroline's dog and play with her toys that it would be a cake walk. Well, it was far from a cake walk and it's never fun being the mom of "that kid". I can look back now and find the humor in it but at the time, I just wanted it all to end sooner rather than later.
Today V. had to get a couple of errands done that he's been procrastinating for months about and I. decided she would like to go with him. So after the gym and lunch, she went off with him, I got D. down for a rest and I'm posting this before I go rest for a little bit. I'm glad she went with him and that V. didn't make a big deal about it and try to talk her out of it. I remember doing things and going places with my dad and it was special. Especially so for I. since V. is gone all the time. V. didn't experience this time with the girls, I mean not really, so he doesn't understand that it can be the simplest times doing the most ordinary things that will stick in I.'s mind as a memory. I'll try to remember tonight to tell him that after the kiddos go to bed. Sometimes you have to point out the most mundane things to V. for him to realize something and even then, I know he'll poo-poo the idea that she'll remember these errand times in the future with fondness.
Showing posts with label beach. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beach. Show all posts
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Bday Weekend Break CatchUp
Really enjoying my birthday break in Laguna. Nice to be able to go through the day relaxed and without any demands. Basically floating through the day as I please. Did a lot of reading today and played games/had fun with V. That right there makes it a good, fun day and different than my usual day which is kind the whole point of getting a break - to do something completely different than normal.
Even while it was such a great day (as was Friday afternoon), I'm missing my kids. I miss I., my little turtle, who sometimes tries to act like I annoy her but who saves every single written word/note I give her and tapes them to her headboard. While I may not experience it demonstrably on a daily basis, I sense from other times, a fierce, deep love in her for me. One that sometimes she may be overwhelmed by and not sure how to handle and express.
I miss my baby boy - his exuberance, his zest for everything and his loving, affectionate, playful self. I miss his curls against my lips when I kiss him and the way he stares deeply in my eyes sometimes when I sing him his bedtime songs while he's lying in my arms.
The saying of how once you have kids, your heart walks outside of your body is so true. Because even while enjoying myself and V. and the break, at the end of the day there was a painful twinge tugging at my heart saying that something very importantly is missing . I know what it is, it's very simple - in over 2 days I haven't seen my kids, touched them, talked to them, hugged and kissed them and I deeply miss it.
Note to self...do not go over one day without talking to the kiddos on the phone. It would save a lot of heartache.
Even while it was such a great day (as was Friday afternoon), I'm missing my kids. I miss I., my little turtle, who sometimes tries to act like I annoy her but who saves every single written word/note I give her and tapes them to her headboard. While I may not experience it demonstrably on a daily basis, I sense from other times, a fierce, deep love in her for me. One that sometimes she may be overwhelmed by and not sure how to handle and express.
I miss my baby boy - his exuberance, his zest for everything and his loving, affectionate, playful self. I miss his curls against my lips when I kiss him and the way he stares deeply in my eyes sometimes when I sing him his bedtime songs while he's lying in my arms.
The saying of how once you have kids, your heart walks outside of your body is so true. Because even while enjoying myself and V. and the break, at the end of the day there was a painful twinge tugging at my heart saying that something very importantly is missing . I know what it is, it's very simple - in over 2 days I haven't seen my kids, touched them, talked to them, hugged and kissed them and I deeply miss it.
Note to self...do not go over one day without talking to the kiddos on the phone. It would save a lot of heartache.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Beach Day
Last day of summer vacation, went to meet I.'s first grade teacher at school by 8:30, put dinner in the crock pot when we got home, and as soon as D. got up from nap we headed to the beach. It was a perfect beach day. Not humid, cool breeze, and warm sun. The water was cool but once you got used to it, it was just nice. Last time we went to the beach it was humid so even though we were at the beach, we were sweating but not today. It was great. The first hour, D. was crawling full tilt straight towards the ocean so it was a little stressful for me, trying to grab him before waves smashed into him, walk him back up the sand, put him down only to have him go right back to the water. After he ate and played in the sand, he was a little more tame when it came to the water so I was able to take a few deep breaths, feel the breeze on my face and appreciate the turquoise color of the water. Made me think briefly about walking on Laguna Beach a couple of years ago on my birthday with V. with D. in my belly (though at that time I didn't know if it was a boy or girl). I snapped back quickly from the reminiscing. For one, to make sure D. was safe and two, because although these days may be physically and emotionally tasking, they are times to remember, times that will not come again, and times so sweet (but no time to take pictures).
Watching I. frolic in the waves without a care in the world, happy, and not one bit self-conscious as she pulled faces, crossed eyes, and fell awkwardly made me extremely happy. This is her time to do this, to feel this and I hope she will be able to feel this way as long as possible. One of my goals is to make sure she is not self conscious about her body by keeping silent on any body issues I have and not bring the subject up. I try to focus on healthy balance and eating and how the body uses each element (protein vs. carbohydrate). My mom still talks a lot about eating less, how much she weighs, and how small a pant size she is fitting in. It causes me to be more self critical and I never want I. to be affected by my struggles. Each of us have enough struggles, especially physical appearance for girls, and no one needs to be dealing with their own plus their mother's. I packed a special box of animal crackers for I. and I for our beach day and she was so excited. It was a great last summer vacation day.
So that was the good of the day. The rough part of the day was a carry-over from last night. I'm not giving details but all I can say is that I. is a direct knock off of V. when it comes to poking the lion through the cage and then objecting when the lion roars. Also in the apology realm and who is more hard hearted, I"m not sure who is worst. I'll know in the next 3 days.
Watching I. frolic in the waves without a care in the world, happy, and not one bit self-conscious as she pulled faces, crossed eyes, and fell awkwardly made me extremely happy. This is her time to do this, to feel this and I hope she will be able to feel this way as long as possible. One of my goals is to make sure she is not self conscious about her body by keeping silent on any body issues I have and not bring the subject up. I try to focus on healthy balance and eating and how the body uses each element (protein vs. carbohydrate). My mom still talks a lot about eating less, how much she weighs, and how small a pant size she is fitting in. It causes me to be more self critical and I never want I. to be affected by my struggles. Each of us have enough struggles, especially physical appearance for girls, and no one needs to be dealing with their own plus their mother's. I packed a special box of animal crackers for I. and I for our beach day and she was so excited. It was a great last summer vacation day.
So that was the good of the day. The rough part of the day was a carry-over from last night. I'm not giving details but all I can say is that I. is a direct knock off of V. when it comes to poking the lion through the cage and then objecting when the lion roars. Also in the apology realm and who is more hard hearted, I"m not sure who is worst. I'll know in the next 3 days.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Perfect Day
Today I decided that D. and I would go to the beach for his first time. Part of me felt guilty since I would be the only one witnessing his first beach experience but then I thought longer about it. It's just that V. doesn't seem to get the significance which ends up annoying me and takes away from my joy. And I., well she would just be annoyed that I couldn't spend most of the time playing with her and it might end up turning into a disappointing outing complete with a tantrum. I just really wanted to be in the moment and enjoy it thoroughly and to be honest, D. deserves to have some "firsts" with his momma just like I. has enjoyed all these years.
And enjoy it we did. D. liked the sand and had no hesitation with it. I wasn't sure how he'd react because he isn't comfortable with grass and I. never really liked the sand. She still hates to get things on her hands; if anything she's gotten more fussy about it. But D. dug right in and loved putting the rocks in and out of his bucket. That didn't compare to how much he loved the ocean. As soon as we walked on the beach, he noticed the water and waves. I thought perhaps the coldness of the water might give him pause but not at all. I was trying to take it slow with him, holding him up to get only his toes wet but he made it quite clear that he wanted more. He immediately went to all fours and began crawling towards the horizon with no fear. Even when the wave would come in, it would invigorate him more and make him crawl faster. It was insane! One look at his face and I could see he was in heaven. The great thing was that even though he was in love with the water, he loved the sand too and was happy to play in it for awhile. I just loved watching him, the expressions on his face and especially the way he would look up at me and smile.
I love my boy, my 11 month old boy as of today. I found it ironic that I used to have night terrors often but since D. has been born and sleeping in the same room, I've had maybe two. Two in 11 months is amazing. However, last night the first night he slept in his own room, I had a really bad night terror that I woke up twice from, fell back to sleep and went right back into. Then I had another stressful dream after that. All of the dreams had one thing in common - they revolved around and were about D. Hopefully now that V. is back and will now be sleeping in the bed with me, the dreams will subside.
And enjoy it we did. D. liked the sand and had no hesitation with it. I wasn't sure how he'd react because he isn't comfortable with grass and I. never really liked the sand. She still hates to get things on her hands; if anything she's gotten more fussy about it. But D. dug right in and loved putting the rocks in and out of his bucket. That didn't compare to how much he loved the ocean. As soon as we walked on the beach, he noticed the water and waves. I thought perhaps the coldness of the water might give him pause but not at all. I was trying to take it slow with him, holding him up to get only his toes wet but he made it quite clear that he wanted more. He immediately went to all fours and began crawling towards the horizon with no fear. Even when the wave would come in, it would invigorate him more and make him crawl faster. It was insane! One look at his face and I could see he was in heaven. The great thing was that even though he was in love with the water, he loved the sand too and was happy to play in it for awhile. I just loved watching him, the expressions on his face and especially the way he would look up at me and smile.
I love my boy, my 11 month old boy as of today. I found it ironic that I used to have night terrors often but since D. has been born and sleeping in the same room, I've had maybe two. Two in 11 months is amazing. However, last night the first night he slept in his own room, I had a really bad night terror that I woke up twice from, fell back to sleep and went right back into. Then I had another stressful dream after that. All of the dreams had one thing in common - they revolved around and were about D. Hopefully now that V. is back and will now be sleeping in the bed with me, the dreams will subside.
Friday, April 1, 2011
The Weekend Debrief
I know, I know, it's been a long time since my last post and I'm sure that all 2 of you have just been dying to hear how my weekend away went. Honestly, it wasn't my fault this time. Okay, Monday night I could have actually posted but the day was so aggravatingly lousy that I just didn't feel the excitement of the weekend anymore. Then Tuesday, all hell broke loose in the house (again) which resulted in my Internet connection and television/cable/DVR being ripped out of the walls without any hope of knowing how to put it all back together. On top of that, the living room, which is the only sitting area downstairs, was covered with a queen sized futon, a wide screen t.v., electronic components, furniture and toys. Basically, the room was trashed. Being that V. was out of town (big surprise there), the prospect of multiple nights sitting in silence up in my bedroom, the only room in the house left to sit in, for hours on end evoked one word to come out of my mouth. It had 4 letters and began with f. I'll let you figure that one out. V. came home yesterday and hooked up the Internet so at least I have connection to the outside world again and a place to vent my frustrations. I think that was the worst of it - having all these aggravations and nowhere to get them out. I also "Macgeyvered" the DVR to work upstairs in the bedroom so that's help retain my sanity. So, the weekend. It seems so far away after this week of "I need thousands of more dollars from you" and "Oops, I have no idea how to reconnect any of this stuff, sorry". But from what I can remember, it was great and thank God I had it before this week or it would have been an even worst scene around this joint. We lucked out on the weather in that it rained on the way up on Friday and then was sunny for the rest of the time except for Sunday morning when we were getting ready to leave anyways. On Friday, we walked around the downtown area and then soaked up some sun on the boardwalk at the beach. That night, we ended up seeing a movie which for us is a real treat and it was great. Saturday, we went to breakfast at the place we fell in love with last year and enjoyed it just as much this year. The rest of the day was spent relaxing, taking a walk on the beach, reading, and napping. Then we went out to a really nice dinner at a restaurant we found online that afternoon and it was fantastic. The surprising part was that V. actually told them it was my birthday so they brought dessert and sang to me. He doesn't do that but he did and it meant alot to me. Sunday after breakfast we had time to play cards and take a picture at a hotel that we took a picture in front of 10 years ago, the first time we came to Laguna. I'll have to upload some pics from the weekend separately. Then it was off to my parents' house for the family bday party, sans my sister, and it went pretty well overall. The best part of the weekend was hanging out with V. These days, it only takes about an hour of being alone to get back into our groove, which is a huge improvement from back in the dark days after Mark's death. We really are able to tap back into our friendship, that part when we just enjoy each other's company, not as husband and wife but as two people who truly, honestly like each other as people. After an afternoon of hanging out, we start saying the same things at the same time which we call "sharing a brain". V. says it drives him crazy but he says it with a smile so I know he's lying. These are the things that make the weekend away so necessary and special. I tried not to concentrate on the fact that this will be our last time away alone for probably 18-24 months because that makes me feel trapped and overwhelmed. We survived last time and I'm confident that we'll survive it this time too. It'll make the next weekend away something to really be looked forward to, that's for sure.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Weekend Wishes
Another long-ish delay in posting this week due to general aggravation and grumpiness. Thanks to many insurance phone calls, hassles, and requests for lots of cash, a tour of I.'s school for next year that not only upset me but pissed me off, and just little things that accumulated in my brain and overwhelmed me. You know, the usual M.O. for my brain.
But I am determined to leave all this behind for the next 4 days and just enjoy myself, living in the moment. Because this weekend is my birthday, my 41st birthday. Thank God this one is not as traumatic and potentially depressing as last year's. I think a huge part of it is being pregnant. I mean, how decrepit can I possibly be if I'm pregnant?! Just don't ask my OB's office that because as I've already discussed, they seem to think those two things, decrepit and pregnancy, go hand in hand just fine. But in my mind they don't and this is my weekend, so screw them.
I'm taking I. to my parents' house today and of course I've got way too many errands and other things crammed into this afternoon so we'll see what I actually get done. However, then I've scehduled a massage to kick off the festivities and really get in the mood for fun. V. won't be home til late though he won't say why. All he'll say is, "I have to take care of something." I suspect that it has something to do with my birthday but I don't want to get my hopes up since last year, there was no card or present though we still had a good time in Laguna Beach and yes, going there was a present; it's just that I did all the planning, packing, and researching for it so in my fickle mind, that doesn't count as a present from him. We'll see if this year is different.
Tomorrow V. and I are going to head up to Laguna Beach (the same quirky place as last year) for the weekend. This will be our last alone trip for awhile. The weather is going to be a little iffy so we're just going to have to play it by ear but I'm hoping for alot of relaxation, walking on the beach, and laughter. Sunday we return to my parents' house for a birthday bbq (Sunday is my actual birthday), hopefully well rested and rejuvenated. It'll just be nice to be off of momma duty for 3.5 days and not have an alarm going off in the morning. Of course, if that early bird hubby of mine gets up at 6am every morning and wakes me up, I will have to kill him and dump his body over the patio railing.
Better get ready now and finish packing I. up so we can hit the road in a bit.
But I am determined to leave all this behind for the next 4 days and just enjoy myself, living in the moment. Because this weekend is my birthday, my 41st birthday. Thank God this one is not as traumatic and potentially depressing as last year's. I think a huge part of it is being pregnant. I mean, how decrepit can I possibly be if I'm pregnant?! Just don't ask my OB's office that because as I've already discussed, they seem to think those two things, decrepit and pregnancy, go hand in hand just fine. But in my mind they don't and this is my weekend, so screw them.
I'm taking I. to my parents' house today and of course I've got way too many errands and other things crammed into this afternoon so we'll see what I actually get done. However, then I've scehduled a massage to kick off the festivities and really get in the mood for fun. V. won't be home til late though he won't say why. All he'll say is, "I have to take care of something." I suspect that it has something to do with my birthday but I don't want to get my hopes up since last year, there was no card or present though we still had a good time in Laguna Beach and yes, going there was a present; it's just that I did all the planning, packing, and researching for it so in my fickle mind, that doesn't count as a present from him. We'll see if this year is different.
Tomorrow V. and I are going to head up to Laguna Beach (the same quirky place as last year) for the weekend. This will be our last alone trip for awhile. The weather is going to be a little iffy so we're just going to have to play it by ear but I'm hoping for alot of relaxation, walking on the beach, and laughter. Sunday we return to my parents' house for a birthday bbq (Sunday is my actual birthday), hopefully well rested and rejuvenated. It'll just be nice to be off of momma duty for 3.5 days and not have an alarm going off in the morning. Of course, if that early bird hubby of mine gets up at 6am every morning and wakes me up, I will have to kill him and dump his body over the patio railing.
Better get ready now and finish packing I. up so we can hit the road in a bit.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Positive Images of the Vacation
I thought I'd just post the good pictures from the vacation to show the high points of the trip since I keep putting off posting in length about the trip. I've alluded to much of the low points of the trip, so here's the highlights:
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Beach Day
Boy oh boy is it going to be hot the next few days! Not that it wasn't hot yesterday 'cause it was. I always worry that the A/C is going to break right in the middle of this heat probably because we did have a blackout last summer where everything turned off in the middle of 95 degree weather and I was a little panicked. You know that's one of the best things about going out to a Palm Desert condo - I can leave that A/C cranking and not worrying about the bill. Because SDGE is definitely going to be bending us over the next three days. Such vulgarity and rudeness early in the day, I know but it's an accurate summation of what will be occurring.
We're heading to the beach today to try and escape the heat. Yeah, us and thousands of other people with the same idea. I think I've narrowed the goals of this trip down to three:
We're heading to the beach today to try and escape the heat. Yeah, us and thousands of other people with the same idea. I think I've narrowed the goals of this trip down to three:
- Obviously, that I. and I both have fun.
- I will somehow McGyver everything that needs to be carried onto my person and schlep it down to the sand in one trip.
- That there will be no crying jags or tantrums during or at the conclusion of this trip by either of us.
Simple enough, right? In theory perhaps, but when you have an intense, determined 4 year old around, things can go awry quickly and before you know it, you hear the proverbial flushing sound and things started swirling clockwise.
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