Around 11:15 last night, I was lying in bed reading before I went to sleep when all of a sudden from the condos above my bedroom, I hear a woman screaming. And screaming and then she screams at the top of her lungs "Call the police!" Then I hear nothing. By this time, I had gone out on the bedroom deck and was listening horrified. Then I grabbed the phone and dialed 911.
Someone else had called as well but had given the wrong cross street, meaning the cops were going to have a hard time locating the condo because there are a lot of condos in a row up there on the hill. Who knows what would happen during that delay?
Looking back, I did a not-so-smart thing considering that it was just me and I. at home. I thought to myself, "I'd want someone to help me if the situation was reversed." So I threw on some sweats, grabbed my cell, locked up the house and ran up the hill to the row of condos like I was Nancy Drew or something. I knew I could figure out the general area of the condo by looking down to see my bedroom deck. I've already done this before during daylight hours trying to pin down where that barking dog was a few months ago.
I figured out which building it was based on the fact that I could see my back deck and then was walking down the hallway to see if I could narrow it down because there were about 8 condos on that level. As I walked past one of them, I saw the front door slightly ajar with a big set of keys still in the front door lock. It was so eerily silent. I made note of the condo number and tiptoed down the hall into the parking lot. As I started walking, a pair of headlights was approaching and I was glad to see that it was a police car. I flagged him down, explained that I had called 911 and came up here to help narrow down which were possible condos because now there was no noise and I was concerned. I told him about the front door and keys and gave him the number of the condo and then said, "Good luck. I'm getting out of here!" As I went back down the hill, there were 2 more patrol cars who stopped when they saw me and I told them where to go.
I didn't hear anything after I got back in bed but I was wondering what, if anything, happened. This morning, I called my good friend Terry, the captain of SDPD in this area, and he pulled up the log and said that it was a husband and wife incident that resulted in him getting arrested for felony domestic violence. Felony means she was beat up pretty badly. If she had only minor injuries, it would have been a misdemeanor.
After hearing that, I'm glad I did what I did because that extra time it could have taken the cops to figure out what condo, may have resulted in something really terrible. I just hope that if I was ever screaming for someone to call the cops, someone actually would. Maybe this will lead to some good karma in the future if I need it. I really don't believe in karma but it couldn't possibly hurt.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
It Pisses Me Off
Warning: this is a written temper tantrum. A very necessary one because if I don't get it out, it's going to eat at me and most likely lead to a night filled with nightmares. If you don't want to partake of a tantrum, don't read this.
A little history - V. wanted to take the girls to Puerto Rico for their graduation present. Of course, I was in charge of doing all the research and making all arrangements for this big trip to happen. I did. Not only that, I researched what forms of ID we would all need to successfully make this trip. I told V. over 2 months ago that the girls would need a government ID (they don't have driver's licenses) to travel since they were 18 and I made sure he passed on the info to the ex.
Fast forward to tonight. We are now 28 days away from the trip and V. has reminded the ex about the ID at least a couple of times. Well, she FINALLY went down today with them and found out that it takes at least 6 weeks to get the IDs. Not going to work. So they will have to get expedited passports. Irritation yes. What led me straight to irate is that WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR ONE OF THOSE F*CKING EXPEDITED PASSPORTS.
Now how the f*ck is that fair?! I do everything and provide the necessary info ahead of time and she procrastinates and I STILL have to pay for it. I can't tell you how angry that makes me. When I made a mistake on her f*cking check while V. was in Saudi, I had to pay extra money to correct it. I didn't ask her to pay the money to make my mistake right so why the F*CK do I have to pay hundreds of dollars because she is a f*ckin procrastinator.
I swear to God, when they say being a stepparent is hard, that doesn't even scratch the surface. And it really isn't hard when it comes to the kids themselves. It's hard dealing with the conniving, immature ex and how she has raised those kids. At this point, I swear to God, I would rather hand this $200 to a homeless person on the street that I will never see again. It would be more satisfying I think.
If there was more consistency then I'd be more okay with this constant "gimme, gimmee". For instance, if we are on the hook for half the Xmas and birthday presents, half the prom, graduation, and yearbook costs, and more than half of the monthly costs, why the hell aren't we just on the hook for HALF the graduation present cost? Why doesn't SHE pay for half of this cost?
See, that's what gets me. It's like what's hers is hers and what's ours is hers. I'm over here saving money, working hours at night on the computer for extra money when I'm tired and don't feel like it and for what? To pay for her f*ckups and demands?
Being a stepparent just sucks sometimes. Sandra Bullock, be glad you got out when you did.
A little history - V. wanted to take the girls to Puerto Rico for their graduation present. Of course, I was in charge of doing all the research and making all arrangements for this big trip to happen. I did. Not only that, I researched what forms of ID we would all need to successfully make this trip. I told V. over 2 months ago that the girls would need a government ID (they don't have driver's licenses) to travel since they were 18 and I made sure he passed on the info to the ex.
Fast forward to tonight. We are now 28 days away from the trip and V. has reminded the ex about the ID at least a couple of times. Well, she FINALLY went down today with them and found out that it takes at least 6 weeks to get the IDs. Not going to work. So they will have to get expedited passports. Irritation yes. What led me straight to irate is that WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR ONE OF THOSE F*CKING EXPEDITED PASSPORTS.
Now how the f*ck is that fair?! I do everything and provide the necessary info ahead of time and she procrastinates and I STILL have to pay for it. I can't tell you how angry that makes me. When I made a mistake on her f*cking check while V. was in Saudi, I had to pay extra money to correct it. I didn't ask her to pay the money to make my mistake right so why the F*CK do I have to pay hundreds of dollars because she is a f*ckin procrastinator.
I swear to God, when they say being a stepparent is hard, that doesn't even scratch the surface. And it really isn't hard when it comes to the kids themselves. It's hard dealing with the conniving, immature ex and how she has raised those kids. At this point, I swear to God, I would rather hand this $200 to a homeless person on the street that I will never see again. It would be more satisfying I think.
If there was more consistency then I'd be more okay with this constant "gimme, gimmee". For instance, if we are on the hook for half the Xmas and birthday presents, half the prom, graduation, and yearbook costs, and more than half of the monthly costs, why the hell aren't we just on the hook for HALF the graduation present cost? Why doesn't SHE pay for half of this cost?
See, that's what gets me. It's like what's hers is hers and what's ours is hers. I'm over here saving money, working hours at night on the computer for extra money when I'm tired and don't feel like it and for what? To pay for her f*ckups and demands?
Being a stepparent just sucks sometimes. Sandra Bullock, be glad you got out when you did.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Weekend
So much to say about the weekend but I don't want to get into all of the gory details. It's hard for me not to do that, the details are what makes the story in some cases. I'll try to control myself though.
The graduation. After 3+ hours of LA traffic, we picked up the girls at their house which unfortunately allowed me to see that flat screen tv in the completely remodeled guest bathroom that we pretty much funded. Could have done without that....anyways, got them to the school after waiting in another long line to get in the parking lot to wait in another long line to get into the ceremony itself. Basically, the whole day was about waiting.
It ended around 8 and we went to dinner at a restaurant with about 25 people. That turned into a humorous fiasco. Fiasco because we didn't get served dinner until after 10pm, the restaurant flooded and then appeared to be on fire when we finally left. It was reaching biblical proportions. Humorous because the ex's head was spinning around due to the lack of service and V. and I just sat there and laughed. Me because it was just plain funny to see; V. because he didn't have to deal with it. We just sat there and watched "the guy" have to try to calm her down.
By the time we got to the hotel, it was after midnight and it was time for my head to spin around because they gave away our room. Supposedly all they had left was a smoking room but I'm allergic to smoke. I just kept calmly but firmly saying like it was my mantra, "You took my money, I want my room. You took my money, I want my room." I think the lady thought I was a little nuts 'cause I kept saying it over and over again so she called the manager, found a nonsmoking room for that night and then the next morning, switched us to the king bed, ocean view, nonsmoking room that we had paid for. Thankfully that day was over since nothing came easy.
The next day was as different from the one before it could have been. We ate a leisurely breakfast and wandered around Redondo Beach for a couple of hours, seeing what had changed and what had stayed the same. It was a beautiful sunny day and we sat on the pier enjoying the ocean air. Going back here always brings back the memories of V. and I, first as friends and then when we fell for one another hard because this was where it happened.
That afternoon, V. took a short nap and I went to the jacuzzi with a book. Later we headed down to El Torito for dinner and the margaritas started flowing. We walked over to the infamous Naja's beer bar and spent the rest of the night until about 1am., dancing, watching the Yankee game, and of course, drinking beer. The band playing was the same one that played 10 years ago when we first started dating. We've gone back about once a year since we got married so they recognized us and kept asking for song choices. V. and I cut loose and had a good time. I was laughing so hard at V.'s antics that night that I almost had tears running down my face.
It was exactly what we needed both as a couple and as individuals. As a couple because it's been really hard living apart for so long. You forget how much fun you used to have with each other because you're no longer together to have it. As individuals, V. needed to cut loose to get away from all his work stress and I needed it to inject adult fun into my life and to give my psyche a break from the sadness that the first anniversary of Mark's death brings.
The graduation. After 3+ hours of LA traffic, we picked up the girls at their house which unfortunately allowed me to see that flat screen tv in the completely remodeled guest bathroom that we pretty much funded. Could have done without that....anyways, got them to the school after waiting in another long line to get in the parking lot to wait in another long line to get into the ceremony itself. Basically, the whole day was about waiting.
It ended around 8 and we went to dinner at a restaurant with about 25 people. That turned into a humorous fiasco. Fiasco because we didn't get served dinner until after 10pm, the restaurant flooded and then appeared to be on fire when we finally left. It was reaching biblical proportions. Humorous because the ex's head was spinning around due to the lack of service and V. and I just sat there and laughed. Me because it was just plain funny to see; V. because he didn't have to deal with it. We just sat there and watched "the guy" have to try to calm her down.
By the time we got to the hotel, it was after midnight and it was time for my head to spin around because they gave away our room. Supposedly all they had left was a smoking room but I'm allergic to smoke. I just kept calmly but firmly saying like it was my mantra, "You took my money, I want my room. You took my money, I want my room." I think the lady thought I was a little nuts 'cause I kept saying it over and over again so she called the manager, found a nonsmoking room for that night and then the next morning, switched us to the king bed, ocean view, nonsmoking room that we had paid for. Thankfully that day was over since nothing came easy.
The next day was as different from the one before it could have been. We ate a leisurely breakfast and wandered around Redondo Beach for a couple of hours, seeing what had changed and what had stayed the same. It was a beautiful sunny day and we sat on the pier enjoying the ocean air. Going back here always brings back the memories of V. and I, first as friends and then when we fell for one another hard because this was where it happened.
That afternoon, V. took a short nap and I went to the jacuzzi with a book. Later we headed down to El Torito for dinner and the margaritas started flowing. We walked over to the infamous Naja's beer bar and spent the rest of the night until about 1am., dancing, watching the Yankee game, and of course, drinking beer. The band playing was the same one that played 10 years ago when we first started dating. We've gone back about once a year since we got married so they recognized us and kept asking for song choices. V. and I cut loose and had a good time. I was laughing so hard at V.'s antics that night that I almost had tears running down my face.
It was exactly what we needed both as a couple and as individuals. As a couple because it's been really hard living apart for so long. You forget how much fun you used to have with each other because you're no longer together to have it. As individuals, V. needed to cut loose to get away from all his work stress and I needed it to inject adult fun into my life and to give my psyche a break from the sadness that the first anniversary of Mark's death brings.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
This Should Be a Doozer
Tonight is the girls' graduation ceremony. The details surrounding this event get weirder by the moment.
First of all, until yesterday, we didn't know where, what time, or how we were going to get the tickets for the graduation. Don't most people know these things ahead of time? I guess we were lucky to just be allowed to go.
Second, we knew there was a party back at the ex's house because the girls were telling us about it but we didn't know if we were invited. V. said it didn't matter, we weren't going.
So here we are the night before the event and we're finally informed of a few things: where the ceremony is taking place and that it's at 6pm. It's still up in the air as to where we are meeting to pick up the tickets but we've been told that there is a dinner at some restaurant afterwards and that we are to be there. WHAT?! Who waits til the night before to invite someone to a dinner that has obviously been in the works for weeks? I joked that someone must have gotten sick and we've been thrown in as stand-ins.
It was also communicated through the ex that one of the girls is concerned that V. is going to show up in a button down 3 piece suit and embarrass the family. Wow - that's a little weird. V. is going to look sharp in his Leisure Suit, no just kidding. But he is going to look handsome and I'm going to be with him so lucky me. Also, it was communicated that there is concern that V. will not be nice and talkative to the boyfriend. That may be a valid concern since V. isn't that talkative most of the time as we all know. I'm sure he will be very nice to him though and if not, I'll kick him.
What I do know for certain is that this is going to be a really STRANGE situation and one in which I wish I could find that flask that Mark gave me for Christmas so long ago. There is going to be so much FAKE FAKE FAKE going on I may get nauseous - fake tans, fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake compliments, fake attitudes, fake behaviors. At the very least, it should be quite entertaining to watch.
First of all, until yesterday, we didn't know where, what time, or how we were going to get the tickets for the graduation. Don't most people know these things ahead of time? I guess we were lucky to just be allowed to go.
Second, we knew there was a party back at the ex's house because the girls were telling us about it but we didn't know if we were invited. V. said it didn't matter, we weren't going.
So here we are the night before the event and we're finally informed of a few things: where the ceremony is taking place and that it's at 6pm. It's still up in the air as to where we are meeting to pick up the tickets but we've been told that there is a dinner at some restaurant afterwards and that we are to be there. WHAT?! Who waits til the night before to invite someone to a dinner that has obviously been in the works for weeks? I joked that someone must have gotten sick and we've been thrown in as stand-ins.
It was also communicated through the ex that one of the girls is concerned that V. is going to show up in a button down 3 piece suit and embarrass the family. Wow - that's a little weird. V. is going to look sharp in his Leisure Suit, no just kidding. But he is going to look handsome and I'm going to be with him so lucky me. Also, it was communicated that there is concern that V. will not be nice and talkative to the boyfriend. That may be a valid concern since V. isn't that talkative most of the time as we all know. I'm sure he will be very nice to him though and if not, I'll kick him.
What I do know for certain is that this is going to be a really STRANGE situation and one in which I wish I could find that flask that Mark gave me for Christmas so long ago. There is going to be so much FAKE FAKE FAKE going on I may get nauseous - fake tans, fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake compliments, fake attitudes, fake behaviors. At the very least, it should be quite entertaining to watch.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Buried Alive
My MRI for my shoulder was this afternoon. I had to ask a friend of mine to watch I. because the girl I use now and then for babysitting wasn't available. I dropped I. off and headed over to the appointment.
I should have put two and two together when the MRI questionnaire asked if I was claustrophobic but since I'd had one for my back done about 16 years ago without incident, I didn't think anything of it and certainly didn't want to state a weakness that may not even come into play.
I got changed into a gown and went into the room and that's where the trouble began. When I had the MRI on my back, my lower body was put into the tube but my head was not. In the past, claustrophobia has only been a fleeting problem. However, since Mark has died, it has intensified significantly. It's been getting better the last few months. Earlier this year, if I was in the car on a one lane freeway turn-off with cars in front and in back of me, I'd start getting panicky like there was no way to escape. And when V. and I went to a concert in LA last August and we were trying to make our way out and everyone started backing up, I had a really hard time staying calm and had to look up into the night sky to make it through the crush.
I laid down, not too concerned, confident that I could make it through. But when you get a shoulder MRI, they have to put you all the way inside the tube. When you're completely inside, there's no room for your arms to move to the side without hitting the side of the tube and worst of all, the ceiling of the tube is a matter of inches above your face.
He pushed me inside the tube and even though my eyes were covered, I could feel the top of the tube right above me. I tried to stay calm but I started to panic and said, "I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I can do this." so he pulled me back out and asked if I was feeling anxious in there. Silent tears began spilling out of my eyes and I said, "My best friend died not that long ago and my anxiety is still really high. It feels like a coffin in there."
I took a few moments to take some deep breaths as he told me that I could make another appointment, have someone drive me and take a Xanax or two beforehand -that's what lots of people did to make it through the MRI. His voice was background noise as I remembered how I had to arrange for someone to take care of I. and how tough I used to be back in my martial artist days.
That's when I decided to try again. I wiped my tears away and decided if I was going to raise I. to be a tough girl, I would have to go back to be one too. I let him roll me back into the tube to start the test with a "rip cord" in my hand - all I had to do is squeeze it to make it all stop. But I didn't. I concentrated on my breathing, willed my mind to memories of I. being born, the early days, funny memories with my father, what V. and I could do on Friday, what needed to be packed etc. And I stayed in there for over 20 minutes. The noise was deafening and by the end of the test, my head was pounding, my mouth dry, and my bowels liquefied.
But I made it through. It wiped me out but I made it through and I'm proud of myself.
I should have put two and two together when the MRI questionnaire asked if I was claustrophobic but since I'd had one for my back done about 16 years ago without incident, I didn't think anything of it and certainly didn't want to state a weakness that may not even come into play.
I got changed into a gown and went into the room and that's where the trouble began. When I had the MRI on my back, my lower body was put into the tube but my head was not. In the past, claustrophobia has only been a fleeting problem. However, since Mark has died, it has intensified significantly. It's been getting better the last few months. Earlier this year, if I was in the car on a one lane freeway turn-off with cars in front and in back of me, I'd start getting panicky like there was no way to escape. And when V. and I went to a concert in LA last August and we were trying to make our way out and everyone started backing up, I had a really hard time staying calm and had to look up into the night sky to make it through the crush.
I laid down, not too concerned, confident that I could make it through. But when you get a shoulder MRI, they have to put you all the way inside the tube. When you're completely inside, there's no room for your arms to move to the side without hitting the side of the tube and worst of all, the ceiling of the tube is a matter of inches above your face.
He pushed me inside the tube and even though my eyes were covered, I could feel the top of the tube right above me. I tried to stay calm but I started to panic and said, "I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I can do this." so he pulled me back out and asked if I was feeling anxious in there. Silent tears began spilling out of my eyes and I said, "My best friend died not that long ago and my anxiety is still really high. It feels like a coffin in there."
I took a few moments to take some deep breaths as he told me that I could make another appointment, have someone drive me and take a Xanax or two beforehand -that's what lots of people did to make it through the MRI. His voice was background noise as I remembered how I had to arrange for someone to take care of I. and how tough I used to be back in my martial artist days.
That's when I decided to try again. I wiped my tears away and decided if I was going to raise I. to be a tough girl, I would have to go back to be one too. I let him roll me back into the tube to start the test with a "rip cord" in my hand - all I had to do is squeeze it to make it all stop. But I didn't. I concentrated on my breathing, willed my mind to memories of I. being born, the early days, funny memories with my father, what V. and I could do on Friday, what needed to be packed etc. And I stayed in there for over 20 minutes. The noise was deafening and by the end of the test, my head was pounding, my mouth dry, and my bowels liquefied.
But I made it through. It wiped me out but I made it through and I'm proud of myself.
Bizarre Phone Call
Just to illustrate the unique strangeness of my family situation, there's the phone call of last night from my dad. He was calling to find out my opinion of what was the best dating website out there. Like I would know, being married and all. But they figured I'd be able to find out and let them know. They had spent a good portion of the day filling out Eharmony.com's questionnaire with my sister. As V. put it, "Who the heck does that with their daughter?" To which I responded, "A pair of desperate parents." She's been applying everywhere for jobs to no avail which is not shocking considering how she acts. So my parents have decided the only way to get her off their dime and out of their daily life is to foist her onto some unwitting guy. Those are my dad's words.
It actually turned into a hilarious conversation, leaving my dad and I howling with laughter due to the one liners flying out of us. He said there wasn't a website for "damaged goods" so that's why they were trying Eharmony. He said that he'd throw in a goat, cow or whatever farm animal it took to seal the deal and get someone to take her off their hands. Though she put she wanted a tall, athletic guy, she wants that same guy to not play any sports nor watch any sports. My dad's translation is that she wants a good looking guy that has no life outside of sitting on the couch telling her how wonderful she is and listening to her lengthy, rambling rants. Sadly, he's right. I told him he should get some of those feather banners and place them out on the main road leading to where she is living - "Girl Available for Dating!" Then as they got closer the signs would say "Turn HERE!" and then the next one would be "You Missed Her! U-TURN NOW!"
The sad part as I reminded him is that even if she finds someone, it doesn't mean it's a permanent solution. In fact, her new nickname is "boomerang" because she always comes back. What a completely un-funny situation for my parents - I'm glad I could get my dad to laugh about it instead of crying which is what he felt like doing.
It actually turned into a hilarious conversation, leaving my dad and I howling with laughter due to the one liners flying out of us. He said there wasn't a website for "damaged goods" so that's why they were trying Eharmony. He said that he'd throw in a goat, cow or whatever farm animal it took to seal the deal and get someone to take her off their hands. Though she put she wanted a tall, athletic guy, she wants that same guy to not play any sports nor watch any sports. My dad's translation is that she wants a good looking guy that has no life outside of sitting on the couch telling her how wonderful she is and listening to her lengthy, rambling rants. Sadly, he's right. I told him he should get some of those feather banners and place them out on the main road leading to where she is living - "Girl Available for Dating!" Then as they got closer the signs would say "Turn HERE!" and then the next one would be "You Missed Her! U-TURN NOW!"
The sad part as I reminded him is that even if she finds someone, it doesn't mean it's a permanent solution. In fact, her new nickname is "boomerang" because she always comes back. What a completely un-funny situation for my parents - I'm glad I could get my dad to laugh about it instead of crying which is what he felt like doing.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Family Weekend
Father's Day weekend turned out really nice. The girls didn't come down which caused an argument between V. and the ex but what was good was that he was able to be home both mornings and on Father's Day, we were able to pamper him and open gifts without rushing. Plus we didn't have the girls sitting there watching V. opening Father's Day gifts from I. and I while they sat there with no present, no card, no nothin'. So this year, I. and I went out of our way to make V. feel special - his favorite breakfast, hand picked cards, and well-thought out presents.
Even the afternoon at my parents' went pretty smoothly except for some irritations due to my sister. No surprise there but there were no blowups and I was able to diffuse my irritations with comments, some under my breath, others not and that worked for the day.
Saturday was a good day too though with some small window of anguish but we successfully, albeit painfully, made it through to the other sunny side. That's all I'm going to say about that. Mark's anniversary is quickly approaching, people are RSVP'ing for his party and some sadness is descending on my inner soul. I don't consciously identify it, it's just a heaviness that leaves me mentally and physically exhausted by the end of the day. Having a shoulder injury affect every aspect of my day and nights since Labor Day probably doesn't help with that exhaustion either.
I'm looking forward to having a day and a half off with V. by ourselves. The graduation is Thursday night and though we may be treated as the red headed step children due to the recent fight, I don't give a flying f*ck. I'm glad V. called the ex on this BS that's been occurring the last 2 years and if she doesn't like it, f*ck her. After it's over, she'll go be the queen bee at the grad party they're hosting (we're not invited) and we'll escape to Redondo Beach for a couple nights and a day of relaxation and fun. Can't wait!
Even the afternoon at my parents' went pretty smoothly except for some irritations due to my sister. No surprise there but there were no blowups and I was able to diffuse my irritations with comments, some under my breath, others not and that worked for the day.
Saturday was a good day too though with some small window of anguish but we successfully, albeit painfully, made it through to the other sunny side. That's all I'm going to say about that. Mark's anniversary is quickly approaching, people are RSVP'ing for his party and some sadness is descending on my inner soul. I don't consciously identify it, it's just a heaviness that leaves me mentally and physically exhausted by the end of the day. Having a shoulder injury affect every aspect of my day and nights since Labor Day probably doesn't help with that exhaustion either.
I'm looking forward to having a day and a half off with V. by ourselves. The graduation is Thursday night and though we may be treated as the red headed step children due to the recent fight, I don't give a flying f*ck. I'm glad V. called the ex on this BS that's been occurring the last 2 years and if she doesn't like it, f*ck her. After it's over, she'll go be the queen bee at the grad party they're hosting (we're not invited) and we'll escape to Redondo Beach for a couple nights and a day of relaxation and fun. Can't wait!
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