Doula Interview Part 1

I had the meeting with the first doula yesterday and it went well. For someone like myself who isn't the most extroverted, socially confident, verbose person in the world, I was a little concerned that it would be awkward to sit down, have coffee, and chat with a total stranger. But it wasn't bad at all. I felt comfortable with her and she had a calm aura about her because she is a doula you know. So I relaxed and we talked. Today is the second person and we'll see how that one goes.

One thing I got out of yesterday's discussion was that I feel pretty confident that I could have a much better labor process than I had with I. Of course, considering the last time, that's a safe assumption. V. is still making fun of me but not in a cruel way, just in a way that he has an opportunity to do so and is making the most of it. He says, "Did you tell her that she was going to be 1 of 5 doulas you were having?" He makes it sound like one will be massaging my feet, one peeling grapes, one massaging me, etc. Yeah, he's a funny guy. I told him that he should be encouraging me to get one since it'll take the pressure and expectations off of him. But it's an opportunity to tease and he never misses one.

I'm looking forward to my insurance paid massage this afternoon but it also reminded me that I need to shave my legs. One cannot have a massage with stubbly legs. With V. gone and it being cold at night, I just have foregone the leg shaving. Once a week when V. is home and that's about it for the week unless for some reason I get a wild hair about it. Hee hee a wild hair about shaving...

Unexpected Kindness

On Tuesday, I. and I went over to my parents' house to spend the day with them. Originally, we were supposed to pick strawberries but since we had to wait until my deadbeat sister wasn't at their house every day, the strawberries are gone. Strawberry Fields ain't forever it seems.

It was a good visit, a low-key one but I left worried about both of my parents. My mom has had various health issues over the last few years. You wouldn't know to look at her and they just seem to keep coming and it's getting her down. Yesterday she had to have oral surgery with a process that will not be completed until next February; pretty major. They had to put her completely out and yesterday's surgery took a couple of hours. My dad is depressed about losing his job and especially hurt and betrayed by his so called friend dumping him on the street. He's losing weight and seems pretty fragile. It was hard to see.

Tuesday night after we got home and I got I. in bed, I thought of a good surprise that would at least put a smile on their faces. Wednesday after the gym, we loaded the car up with a homemade dinner for my dad, plus yellow roses and a balloon for my mom, and a card for both of them. We let ourselves into their house and set things up so that they'd see them as soon as they walked in. It worked and they were surprised and touched that we drove an hour RT to set it up especially since we were just up there the day before. It was worth it though.

For her next procedure, I'll plan a little better and when we visit the day before, I'll bring the dinner etc. with me then. Yeah, it won't be a surprise waiting for them when they get home but it was this time and it'll still be nice for them next time. There's nothing like unexpected kindness in the middle of hard times.

Bizarre Phone Call

Just to illustrate the unique strangeness of my family situation, there's the phone call of last night from my dad. He was calling to find out my opinion of what was the best dating website out there. Like I would know, being married and all. But they figured I'd be able to find out and let them know. They had spent a good portion of the day filling out Eharmony.com's questionnaire with my sister. As V. put it, "Who the heck does that with their daughter?" To which I responded, "A pair of desperate parents." She's been applying everywhere for jobs to no avail which is not shocking considering how she acts. So my parents have decided the only way to get her off their dime and out of their daily life is to foist her onto some unwitting guy. Those are my dad's words.

It actually turned into a hilarious conversation, leaving my dad and I howling with laughter due to the one liners flying out of us. He said there wasn't a website for "damaged goods" so that's why they were trying Eharmony. He said that he'd throw in a goat, cow or whatever farm animal it took to seal the deal and get someone to take her off their hands. Though she put she wanted a tall, athletic guy, she wants that same guy to not play any sports nor watch any sports. My dad's translation is that she wants a good looking guy that has no life outside of sitting on the couch telling her how wonderful she is and listening to her lengthy, rambling rants. Sadly, he's right. I told him he should get some of those feather banners and place them out on the main road leading to where she is living - "Girl Available for Dating!" Then as they got closer the signs would say "Turn HERE!" and then the next one would be "You Missed Her! U-TURN NOW!"

The sad part as I reminded him is that even if she finds someone, it doesn't mean it's a permanent solution. In fact, her new nickname is "boomerang" because she always comes back. What a completely un-funny situation for my parents - I'm glad I could get my dad to laugh about it instead of crying which is what he felt like doing.

A Morning of Mark

I'm still basking in the glow of receiving flowers from V. "just because". Skeptic, my alternate personality, has tried to ruin it by wondering what the "real" meaning behind them is but I've been pushing her away and just enjoying.

This morning I'm getting together (finally!) with Mark's mom and sister who requested a casual sit-down to pick my brain about Mark because it appears he was a lot different with his family than he was with me. I guess that's not that unusual though I think my family knows me pretty well. Not everything of course but I suspect they wouldn't need to talk to a friend of mine to find out what I was really like.

I'm not sure what to expect. I'm looking forward to it in a way because it will be comforting to be with people who really understand the pain of losing him. I don't have to minimize or cover up my pain. I don't have to be silent about the dreams I have about him. I can share that and not be concerned that I'm being depressing. So in that way, it will be good.

However, thinking about him and knowing that I'll be talking about him has my stomach in knots. Last night, I got out the cards and pictures I am taking with me to the restaurant and read them and the depth of what I've lost in him was staggering. We were such unique friends. If I ever see a friendship in a movie that even vaguely resembles ours, I'll be sure to buy the DVD.

The important thing of this morning is to give Mark's mom and sister some comfort in knowing what a fantastic guy he really was. Though Mark did not ask me to comfort his family, I've been put in the position to do that for him and I know that would make him very happy especially considering what has transpired with Jodi. Here's to you Mark, my lovely one-of-a-kind friend, may this morning celebrate you!