Creepy

I was reading the morning paper today and as I always do, glanced through the obituaries and I saw a picture of me. Well okay, it wasn't really a picture of me but it looked just like me. That's a first. I showed the picture to I. and said, "Who does this look like?" and she said, "You Mommy."

Yeah, so obviously it does look a lot like me, a dead ringer in fact and she's dead. Thank God today wasn't my 40th birthday or something like that or I'd really be freaked out.

Eventful Night

Around 11:15 last night, I was lying in bed reading before I went to sleep when all of a sudden from the condos above my bedroom, I hear a woman screaming. And screaming and then she screams at the top of her lungs "Call the police!" Then I hear nothing. By this time, I had gone out on the bedroom deck and was listening horrified. Then I grabbed the phone and dialed 911.

Someone else had called as well but had given the wrong cross street, meaning the cops were going to have a hard time locating the condo because there are a lot of condos in a row up there on the hill. Who knows what would happen during that delay?

Looking back, I did a not-so-smart thing considering that it was just me and I. at home. I thought to myself, "I'd want someone to help me if the situation was reversed." So I threw on some sweats, grabbed my cell, locked up the house and ran up the hill to the row of condos like I was Nancy Drew or something. I knew I could figure out the general area of the condo by looking down to see my bedroom deck. I've already done this before during daylight hours trying to pin down where that barking dog was a few months ago.

I figured out which building it was based on the fact that I could see my back deck and then was walking down the hallway to see if I could narrow it down because there were about 8 condos on that level. As I walked past one of them, I saw the front door slightly ajar with a big set of keys still in the front door lock. It was so eerily silent. I made note of the condo number and tiptoed down the hall into the parking lot. As I started walking, a pair of headlights was approaching and I was glad to see that it was a police car. I flagged him down, explained that I had called 911 and came up here to help narrow down which were possible condos because now there was no noise and I was concerned. I told him about the front door and keys and gave him the number of the condo and then said, "Good luck. I'm getting out of here!" As I went back down the hill, there were 2 more patrol cars who stopped when they saw me and I told them where to go.

I didn't hear anything after I got back in bed but I was wondering what, if anything, happened. This morning, I called my good friend Terry, the captain of SDPD in this area, and he pulled up the log and said that it was a husband and wife incident that resulted in him getting arrested for felony domestic violence. Felony means she was beat up pretty badly. If she had only minor injuries, it would have been a misdemeanor.

After hearing that, I'm glad I did what I did because that extra time it could have taken the cops to figure out what condo, may have resulted in something really terrible. I just hope that if I was ever screaming for someone to call the cops, someone actually would. Maybe this will lead to some good karma in the future if I need it. I really don't believe in karma but it couldn't possibly hurt.

"What, Huh?"

Feeling a little better about everything today. Not sure why, I just am. Maybe because this Saturday is when I'm meeting with Mark's mom and sister and talking about Mark. I'm not sure what his mom is going to ask me and I'm not sure what I have to say. When I try to think about it, I go blank as I always do when trying to think about something stressful or upsetting.

Last night I had a Facebook chat with Jodi which was what I was hoping for because although I do want to check on her, I don't want all that nasty, negative vitriol cascading into my brain. But I didn't want the anniversary of Mark's death to come around without me communicating with her in some way. The conversation was very short and sweet but then at the end, I was saying to myself, "What, huh?" because this is how it concluded. Let me preface this with the fact that she didn't call me when Mark's headstone was installed in late April, she called Brian.

Jodi: "Did you know Mark's headstone was placed? I didn't tell many people because frankly there isn't a whole lot of people I want anything to do with that has anything to do with that part of my life! Anyways, talk to you later, Jodi."

Can I just say it again - "What, huh?" I just sat there shaking my head in disbelief because she KNOWS she didn't call to tell me so doesn't that put me in that last category? It's not that I particularly care, in fact it's almost a relief to me, but just the lack of tact and consideration for how that would make someone feel is amazing to me. That's exactly why she doesn't get along with so many people. It's actually pretty funny when I think about it.

I'm So F*ing Done

Two phone calls I could have done without tonight. First my mom calls because I haven't called her in a week and a half so I answer the phone 'cause I know she's wondering why. The conversation was okay except for two things. First, she comments on how in the last month, several women have tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. Her next comment was that it was odd because "you know, most women try to kill themselves the easy way by taking pills". Hmmm, either she's callous or has written an alternative rendition of my history 'cause that's just not something she should said to me. YOU get to that point emotionally and then swallow 300 pills and THEN tell me how easy it is, okay? I'll wait for you to get back to me on that.

Then I said something about how I've been trying to process my loss of Mark and that how I was trying to stop (I hesitated here trying to find the right word) and she decided to fill in the blank with "moping". Uh, no I haven't been moping. I've been grieving and that's what healthy normal people do when someone they love dies. You don't just go with the "you have to have a positive attitude and watch funny movies in order to feel better and move on". It's not healthy and I HAVE NOT BEEN FUCKING MOPING. Give me a break.

The second phone call was from V. who informed me that IF he makes it home on Wednesday night, he'll have to fly back Monday, 5 days later. I was thinking he'd be home for his usual 10 days, meaning that we would be able to actually use the early Christmas tickets to the Seinfeld comedy show at the Civic Theater. But nope, that would be something fun so that's not allowed. So I said, "Oh great. I thought we were going to be able to go out and have fun that one night and now I'll just be sitting there by myself I guess." His response: 2 loud drawn out breaths out. So I said,"You know what, we should just get off the phone now because I am so done." And that's what we did. I'm ready for a new day.