I got a pleasant surprise yesterday. Usually when you have to have some womanly test, it's much worse than they say and the humiliation factor is high. My mammogram was fast, uncomfortable at its worst, and conducted in a scientific way so it kept the humiliation factor down to a minimum. Beforehand, the technician asked if I knew anything about what was going to take place and I replied with a straight face, "You're going to make a pannini sandwich out of my boobs." Bet she never heard that one!
I still don't feel old enough to be having a mammogram. Maybe because I was 20 years old when my mom had to have hers so it seemed like it was an "older" woman's kind of test. Ah the viewpoint of a 20 year old, gotta love it. I don't know, it just seems like I just got done nursing with these boobs and now they're getting the "older" woman's test. It doesn't seem right. And yes, I'm joking (well kind of) because I know women get breast cancer in their 20s and 30s and would have run not walk to get a mammogram if they had only known.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Something To Look Forward To
After dropping I. off at preschool today, I get to drive as fast as I can to something very exciting, something I've been looking forward to my whole darn life (yeah right). I get to go have my boobs squeezed flat and photographed. Isn't that something your mother always warned you against? If not, she sure should have. Yep, I'm 40 this year so that means I've graduated to the big girl league of humiliation. Already got Part 1 of that at the ob/gyn and now here comes Part 2. And I'm so looking forward to this...
Monday, September 27, 2010
My Bizarre Mind
We had a good time with my parents today and all of it was a big surprise to I. We met them for lunch and a movie and then wandered around Barnes and Noble, a kind of preparation for my dad started work at Borders next Monday. I'm trying not to be sad about this because I know he needs the work and money but this job will not allow him the flexibility his last job had. So this was the last time we would get to spend time with him outside of birthdays and holidays until he retires. I'm not being very successful with not getting upset about this but I try to be thankful of the fact that I, as the oldest child by a whole lot of years, and I., as the only grandchild, will have gotten the gift of enjoying my parents' company the longest. Not that it's a competition, it's more a function of being appreciative of their time and attention and she and I are nothing if not that.
Back to my bizarre mind...my dad kept talking about this game he's been looking for that they used to have but can't find. He said the name at least 3 or 4 times but it didn't strike a chord with me. But then as I. was eating her dinner and I was preemptively setting up coffee for tomorrow's breakfast, a picture flashed in my head of a game that was in our closet. A game I remember my mother giving to us probably 6 years ago to take with us on a vacation but I couldn't remember the name of it. So I went to the game closet and sure enough the name wasn't exactly what my dad was saying but it was pretty darn close and the fact that my mom had let us "borrow" it pretty well convinced me that this was the game my dad had been talking about. I called their cell phones to no avail so proceeded getting I. in bed and jumped in the shower.
I've always said that some of my best thinking is done in the shower or on the treadmill so true to form, I thought, "I'll just send him a picture of it in an email and find out if this is the game." Then I started chuckling to myself thinking "I have his game and he wants it" which made me think of a kidnapping angle, which led to this visual ransom note completed with a blindfold and gag:
Back to my bizarre mind...my dad kept talking about this game he's been looking for that they used to have but can't find. He said the name at least 3 or 4 times but it didn't strike a chord with me. But then as I. was eating her dinner and I was preemptively setting up coffee for tomorrow's breakfast, a picture flashed in my head of a game that was in our closet. A game I remember my mother giving to us probably 6 years ago to take with us on a vacation but I couldn't remember the name of it. So I went to the game closet and sure enough the name wasn't exactly what my dad was saying but it was pretty darn close and the fact that my mom had let us "borrow" it pretty well convinced me that this was the game my dad had been talking about. I called their cell phones to no avail so proceeded getting I. in bed and jumped in the shower.
I've always said that some of my best thinking is done in the shower or on the treadmill so true to form, I thought, "I'll just send him a picture of it in an email and find out if this is the game." Then I started chuckling to myself thinking "I have his game and he wants it" which made me think of a kidnapping angle, which led to this visual ransom note completed with a blindfold and gag:
Needless to say, my parents just called me after seeing this, howling with laughter which sent me into chuckling all over again. It's good to know that the sicko, bizarre part of my mind is still alive and well and ready to come out and play.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My Challenging Girl
My life is a lot like sand that drifts when a wind blows across it. When the wind stops blowing for a moment, I think, "Okay, I can do this. I get it." Then the wind begins to blow again and by the time it stops, the sand is in all different places and shapes. Then I think, "Wait, what happened? It's all different again." Here's some examples of what I'm talking about.
We're going on Month 16 of potty training. That sounds contradictory to be sure and believe me, it sure damn well feels contradictory and a whole lotta other stuff that could be expressed in question marks, exclamation points, and asterisks. A whole lotta asterisks now that I think about it. I. went 2 whole weeks earlier this year without having an accident and I mistakenly thought, "Oh, finally she's potty trained." Then it was 2-3 times a day until I got smart and started having her wash the underwear and since then it's been averaging 1-2 times a day, a few days dry here and there. Today it was 5 times - 3 times between 8 and noon and then twice in the afternoon (once while she was at school and once afterwards). I even asked her preschool teachers to keep reminding her today and they did but she kept saying she didn't need to go until it all came out on the playground. I ask her why and she says she doesn't know and clams up. Talk about following in her father's footsteps. Obviously she took a page out of his playbook. Great, now I've got two noncommunicators to deal with...
In my therapist appointment, I. was a big topic because I feel like she's really changed emotionally and mentally over the summer and because of that, I've got a new kid to navigate this school year. She just seems to feel more now and take everything in more deeply. As a result, she experiences a huge surge of emotion that she doesn't know what to deal with and because she is a non-communicator, she doesn't tell me and I don't realize it until she's melting down. Thanks to this book I've been reading ("Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka) , I'm at least beginning to understand what's going on and that she has changed. It's helped me try to teach her how to calmly deal with these big emotions she's now feeling and it has been helping quite often. But I'm still learning so I'm still stepping in it on a regular basis. The comforting thing for me is that I don't feel so bewildered as I did this summer and because I. and I are alot alike, understanding what she needs to keep steady is really understanding what I need to keep steady. After my appointment today, I had just enough time to read a chapter from this book and boy, did it hit home! This paragraph hit me square in the eyes because this is exactly where she has changed in the last 4 months and what we've been struggling with:
"Problems occur for sensitive children when they are overwhelmed by the amount of stimulation and emotional stress around them. It can happen easily because within sensitive children emotions and sensations are collected and concentrated. They are soaked up rather than diffused. When this occurs, a pressure can build that overpowers their control system."
This overwhelming feeling can happen at the end of a school day or week after being with new schoolmates, new teachers or after watching a rated G but emotional movie (like any old school Disney movie). Or any number of things that I haven't yet stumbled upon. It's up to me to help her identify how's she feeling, why she's feeling that way, that it's okay to feel that way, and help her choose a good way to alleviate the feelings and feel good again. This is a real challenge for me because I don't feel like I know how to do that for myself let alone be a teacher of these coping mechanisms to someone else. The irony is not lost upon me.
I won't give up though and I cannot say how much it would mean to me for I. to be able to understand herself, accept who she is and how she works, and how to successfully navigate those emotional reactions. If she can learn that at an early age, I would be so proud of myself. I know that sounds self-centered but the fact is, she's not very open at all to talking about how she's feeling or what made her feel that way in the first place. So if she ends up successful at this, it's going to be a result of me really making a concerted effort to observe and stay in tune with her, talk about it with her in a way to avoid her shutting down, and provide her with examples of things that will help calm her. Just thinking of all that is exhausting for my brain. My brain is constantly thinking about many different things simultaneously and to now add watching for danger signals of I. feels overwhelming to me.
But it will and would be so worth it. I just know it will.
We're going on Month 16 of potty training. That sounds contradictory to be sure and believe me, it sure damn well feels contradictory and a whole lotta other stuff that could be expressed in question marks, exclamation points, and asterisks. A whole lotta asterisks now that I think about it. I. went 2 whole weeks earlier this year without having an accident and I mistakenly thought, "Oh, finally she's potty trained." Then it was 2-3 times a day until I got smart and started having her wash the underwear and since then it's been averaging 1-2 times a day, a few days dry here and there. Today it was 5 times - 3 times between 8 and noon and then twice in the afternoon (once while she was at school and once afterwards). I even asked her preschool teachers to keep reminding her today and they did but she kept saying she didn't need to go until it all came out on the playground. I ask her why and she says she doesn't know and clams up. Talk about following in her father's footsteps. Obviously she took a page out of his playbook. Great, now I've got two noncommunicators to deal with...
In my therapist appointment, I. was a big topic because I feel like she's really changed emotionally and mentally over the summer and because of that, I've got a new kid to navigate this school year. She just seems to feel more now and take everything in more deeply. As a result, she experiences a huge surge of emotion that she doesn't know what to deal with and because she is a non-communicator, she doesn't tell me and I don't realize it until she's melting down. Thanks to this book I've been reading ("Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka) , I'm at least beginning to understand what's going on and that she has changed. It's helped me try to teach her how to calmly deal with these big emotions she's now feeling and it has been helping quite often. But I'm still learning so I'm still stepping in it on a regular basis. The comforting thing for me is that I don't feel so bewildered as I did this summer and because I. and I are alot alike, understanding what she needs to keep steady is really understanding what I need to keep steady. After my appointment today, I had just enough time to read a chapter from this book and boy, did it hit home! This paragraph hit me square in the eyes because this is exactly where she has changed in the last 4 months and what we've been struggling with:
"Problems occur for sensitive children when they are overwhelmed by the amount of stimulation and emotional stress around them. It can happen easily because within sensitive children emotions and sensations are collected and concentrated. They are soaked up rather than diffused. When this occurs, a pressure can build that overpowers their control system."
This overwhelming feeling can happen at the end of a school day or week after being with new schoolmates, new teachers or after watching a rated G but emotional movie (like any old school Disney movie). Or any number of things that I haven't yet stumbled upon. It's up to me to help her identify how's she feeling, why she's feeling that way, that it's okay to feel that way, and help her choose a good way to alleviate the feelings and feel good again. This is a real challenge for me because I don't feel like I know how to do that for myself let alone be a teacher of these coping mechanisms to someone else. The irony is not lost upon me.
I won't give up though and I cannot say how much it would mean to me for I. to be able to understand herself, accept who she is and how she works, and how to successfully navigate those emotional reactions. If she can learn that at an early age, I would be so proud of myself. I know that sounds self-centered but the fact is, she's not very open at all to talking about how she's feeling or what made her feel that way in the first place. So if she ends up successful at this, it's going to be a result of me really making a concerted effort to observe and stay in tune with her, talk about it with her in a way to avoid her shutting down, and provide her with examples of things that will help calm her. Just thinking of all that is exhausting for my brain. My brain is constantly thinking about many different things simultaneously and to now add watching for danger signals of I. feels overwhelming to me.
But it will and would be so worth it. I just know it will.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Vegas Recap
So here's kicking off the Vegas post. I may just let the pictures do most of the talking...
Our room at the Venetian in the newer Venezia Tower was great once you got to it. We got a special check-in which was great on a Friday night though hiking through the maze of corridors and elevators was challenging, especially depending upon how many adult beverages had been consumed.
I bought this dress for a No Doubt concert last summer that happened 2 weeks after Mark died. I actually bought it at the same time that I bought my funeral dress but was trying to get me in the mood for a concert. Under the circumstances, it was hard to own it then but I wanted to wear it as many times as possible before I couldn't. Critical as always, I'm not 100% happy but I can see benefits of the gym and honestly, I think I look pretty good for 40 au naturale. This was our night using our free Phantom tickets. It was pretty awesome and did I mention free? Can't beat that deal!
We discovered this place down in the St. Mark's Square shops that serves margaritas by the yard. Don't ask me if it's in the Venetian or the Palazzo 'cause I don't know. It's somewhere in between. If you can't find it, just look for people carrying these obscene things and they'll be glad to tell ya.
This is the view from a semi-private whirpool spa that we scored on our last day. The Venetian providing shade as we read, relaxed, and yes, drank.
This is a picture of the elusive "relaxed Valdezzi" in his vacation habitat. He's not seen often but when spotted, he's easily identified. Note the relaxed air and the slight smile which replaces the usual camera-snarl.
Yes, it was a good vacation. As always the only strife was caused by V.'s work. Before we could even fly out on Friday afternoon, he was notified of a 8 am. phone call on Saturday morning, which the morning of got changed to 7 am. At least his boss (who used to be my boss) had the sense to tell V. to apologize to me and charge breakfast to the company which I insisted we did. I guess he remembered that $1500.00 Christmas party I expensed for 20 employees and didn't want to risk my wrath. If only he knew the other stuff I did anonymously... Then there was the 5 pm. Sunday evening phone call that V. actually missed and a good thing he did since it caused a marital broohaha.
Yes, it was a good vacation. As always the only strife was caused by V.'s work. Before we could even fly out on Friday afternoon, he was notified of a 8 am. phone call on Saturday morning, which the morning of got changed to 7 am. At least his boss (who used to be my boss) had the sense to tell V. to apologize to me and charge breakfast to the company which I insisted we did. I guess he remembered that $1500.00 Christmas party I expensed for 20 employees and didn't want to risk my wrath. If only he knew the other stuff I did anonymously... Then there was the 5 pm. Sunday evening phone call that V. actually missed and a good thing he did since it caused a marital broohaha.
But it was good and it capped off 10 days of being together which is a rarity in our world. We enjoyed each other's company immensely, reconnected, and remembered why we are each other's favorite company and perfect companion.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
First Full Day on the Job
I know, I know I haven't posted about Las Vegas. I promise, it's coming. That's going to be a long one so I have to save it for an evening post. Plus, I have to download the pics. But it's coming...soon.
Today is the first morning I was back on duty. Yesterday I picked up I. at my parents' house at 11am so I woke up all by myself, not in full duty mode unlike this morning. For the last 3-4 hours of sleep, I had a night terror and at least 3 other nightmares that interrupted my sleep greatly. Lovely. V.'s back in San Fran so I'm on my own again just like the song says. After being with V. 24/7 for 10 days thanks to that furlough, it's hard to go back to this state. Oh well.
At least this afternoon won't be as hectic as yesterday. I was like a hamster on a wheel and it wasn't very enjoyable. The only thing I have to get done while I. is in school is grocery shopping. Oh and fold and put away 2 enormous loads of colored laundry, start the whites, gather up I.'s laundry for the next load, and put away my suitcase. Hmmm, all of a sudden the afternoon is looking busy. Interesting how that happens around this joint. But it's either do it then or wait til I. is in bed when I'm tired. But it's supposed to be such nice weather today that I think I'll try to find a couple of minutes to relax outside on the patio. Even just a few minutes will be worth it.
Today is the first morning I was back on duty. Yesterday I picked up I. at my parents' house at 11am so I woke up all by myself, not in full duty mode unlike this morning. For the last 3-4 hours of sleep, I had a night terror and at least 3 other nightmares that interrupted my sleep greatly. Lovely. V.'s back in San Fran so I'm on my own again just like the song says. After being with V. 24/7 for 10 days thanks to that furlough, it's hard to go back to this state. Oh well.
At least this afternoon won't be as hectic as yesterday. I was like a hamster on a wheel and it wasn't very enjoyable. The only thing I have to get done while I. is in school is grocery shopping. Oh and fold and put away 2 enormous loads of colored laundry, start the whites, gather up I.'s laundry for the next load, and put away my suitcase. Hmmm, all of a sudden the afternoon is looking busy. Interesting how that happens around this joint. But it's either do it then or wait til I. is in bed when I'm tired. But it's supposed to be such nice weather today that I think I'll try to find a couple of minutes to relax outside on the patio. Even just a few minutes will be worth it.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Warning: You're About To Enter the 40 Zone
I am much, much, much too tired from our Vegas trip to go into great detail right now but I will and soon. I need to download the pictures from the camera so that I can include them on the post. So for now, a quick word from your sponsor...
"Do you want to ease back into your normal worklife after being on vacation? If so, do NOT accidently schedule your annual ob/gyn appointment on your first day back!"
Yeah, unwittingly that's what happened and boy did my vacation mode grind to a dead stop. First of all, there's nothing like having a "normal" conversation as the medieval instrument used to prop open your wahoo is being cranked open. Secondly, now because I'm 40, it appears I get added bonuses to my appointment now. If it wasn't bad enough to have my boobs pushed and prodded lying down, as an added attraction, I get to have the same done sitting up. BONUS! Plus, I get the extra ride coupon for my first mammogram. Honestly, I know it's me but I felt like I should have an advertisement for burial crypts attached to that lab referral form. I think it's just left over from when I was pregnant - I was 34 when I got pregnant and then when I turned 35 (still same pregnancy), all these questions about "special" genetic tests and risks from advanced maternal age. So in 24 hours I went from a great pregnancy to an at-risk pregnancy. Bullshit.
Then to top it all off, as a reward for making it to 40, I got to have a rectal exam to check for...well let's just leave it as "things that do not belong up there". Oh joy, oh rapture. I thought I dreaded this exam before, but oh baby, I can promise you I REALLY will be dreading this exam next year. I can't wait to see what 50 brings. Maybe I'll just ask my mom now so I can have a decade to prepare for the next humiliation.
"Do you want to ease back into your normal worklife after being on vacation? If so, do NOT accidently schedule your annual ob/gyn appointment on your first day back!"
Yeah, unwittingly that's what happened and boy did my vacation mode grind to a dead stop. First of all, there's nothing like having a "normal" conversation as the medieval instrument used to prop open your wahoo is being cranked open. Secondly, now because I'm 40, it appears I get added bonuses to my appointment now. If it wasn't bad enough to have my boobs pushed and prodded lying down, as an added attraction, I get to have the same done sitting up. BONUS! Plus, I get the extra ride coupon for my first mammogram. Honestly, I know it's me but I felt like I should have an advertisement for burial crypts attached to that lab referral form. I think it's just left over from when I was pregnant - I was 34 when I got pregnant and then when I turned 35 (still same pregnancy), all these questions about "special" genetic tests and risks from advanced maternal age. So in 24 hours I went from a great pregnancy to an at-risk pregnancy. Bullshit.
Then to top it all off, as a reward for making it to 40, I got to have a rectal exam to check for...well let's just leave it as "things that do not belong up there". Oh joy, oh rapture. I thought I dreaded this exam before, but oh baby, I can promise you I REALLY will be dreading this exam next year. I can't wait to see what 50 brings. Maybe I'll just ask my mom now so I can have a decade to prepare for the next humiliation.
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